Beginning to understand why I was fired

[undeterred]

and now I can't believe how stupid and naive I am.

I went to the older female Human Resources person to complain that my incompetent young white male manager was sexist and hostile towards me. It was like I set off alarms: "Sexism" and "hostile work environment". I know this now because I have all the paperwork they submitted to the state to try to stop me from getting unemployment compensation. As soon as I said those two things, I started a chain of events where they began characterizing me as a bad employee whose skills were questionable, didn't get along with people, broke work rules, and so on. Of course all the bad stuff happened in the last week, none of it happened before I went to HR and complained about my manager. Everything is blown grossly out of proportion and is inaccurate- the dismissal letter they filed is not even the same one they sent to me!

They actually wrote to the state that they felt I deserved to be punished by not being given unemployment benefits.

I guess I was a real fool to think they would actually care if one of their managers was hostile or sexist. That's the kind of thing they look for in a manager and give promotions for.

I don't have an appeal date yet, but I do have a University of Wisconsin law school student assigned to help me with my case. While I was at the law clinic I met a woman who was in worse shape than me- she worked in a day care center and was accused of throwing a 2 year old into a wall. There is no police or medical report, because it never happened, and she is good friends with the parents, who are coming to her appeal. But she hasn't collected a dime, and she can't get another job...

[MichiganVote]

1. They think you are going to sue. They play hardball to warn you away.

Its been done this way over and over. See an attorney.

[undeterred]

2. They've treated me so badly that now I feel like suing

but I don't really think I have much of a case. I just don't think the way they do.

[MichiganVote]

6. The you better find someone who does. If you have past performance records

use those to dispute their claims. You have to look like you're ready to rumble or they'll eat your unemployment.

[undeterred]

7. I've requested my file from them.

I don't think their case on the unemployment compensation is very strong at all, its actually really stupid. I just don't know if I have a strong case for wrongful termination.

[MichiganVote]

9. Well let's just see how fast they cough up the file and what they take out or slip in

[Crabby Appleton]

3. You should contact the Federal EEOC

http://www.eeoc.gov/offices.html

or

1-800-669-4000

[Exiled in America]

4. Being screwed by your employer stories are so tragically common. Here's mine:

Before I tell mine, I first want to express my sympathy that this has happened to you. I agree with the first responder who said that they are afraid you are going to sue and try to play hardball to scare you away. Even going to the effort to try and deny you unemployment is to make them "look" like you really were some kind of problem employee if you ever sue.

My story doesn't involve sexual harassment, but it was pretty devastating to me. I worked at a major high tech company for six years, only I was a contract employee. You know, the guys who do all the same work for less pay and less benefits. Hey, it was a job. Anyway, in my last five months I got transfered into a different department. I was the expert on site on a particular type of testing (QA) that was a pretty new approach, especially to this company. I had spent five years developing the processes, tools, documentation, presentations, doing trainings, selling the idea to new departments, etc.

When I got to this new area the manager there pushed me to continue to make a bunch of new documentation about the testing, and combine it with all of my existing documentation and store it on their servers, etc. When he felt that he had sucked all the possible information he could out of me, he went to our contract manager and ended our contract - put me out of work. Of course, part of our contract stipulates that everything you work on while contracted to this company becomes the property of the company. So he basically just used me to do all the work, then got rid of me so that he and his own people could take it all.

This is what I came to understand later. The week I was laid off, the manager in question came to me and said he was really sorry that this had to happen, but he just didn't see any future or value in the kind of work I was doing for his area. So I said to him, okay I'll go ahead and clean up all my stuff and get it out of your hair then. And he said that would be fine. Clearly he didn't think about what I was saying, and at that time I took him at face value.

So I removed all the files and things I had created from their server, but not before I made CD backups of all the information. So keep in mind, nothing was ever destroyed - just moved.

About a week later I got a call from my contract employer saying that they would not be bringing me back for any new assignments because this tech company was saying that I maliciously removed files before leaving as a kind of retaliation. They never checked with anyone to make sure that was true. The manager, who wanted me gone anyway, just filed the security report making the claim, and without ever talking to me, they flagged me as denied access to the site so that I could never work any job there ever again.

I tried to find out who I could talk to in order to appeal this. I tired to explain that no files were removed, they were all backed up and still there. But no one would listen. I found out later that basically any employee of this tech company can tell security to ban anyone from the site at any time and they barely investigate the incident - they just do it. And once they do it, they refuse to negotiate or investigate further, and there is no appeal process.

So about a year later I accepted a new job at this site, walked in on my first day to find out that I was denied access to the site. So I lost that job, and I can't ever work any job there again. All for being accused of something I didn't do. All because this manager was lying and simply wanted me gone so he could take all of my work.

[undeterred]

8. Well that just bursts my bubble even more.

Most of my tech jobs the last 6 years have been contract. This one was contract to hire- so I was an employee and the benefits were a little better- this was the only place I had 401K. The thing about contract assignments ending was it usually wasn't nasty. Sometimes you got 2 weeks notice, sometimes you got none at all. But usually the agency who put you in there was happy to try to find you more work again- after all, you're their whore, right?

So this employee thing, where you have reviews, and positions, and managers, is kind of a different world and this was the first year in a long time I was in it. My first manager was good, but he was asked to leave. Second manager was an idiot who hated me. When I was a contractor I was able to avoid the politics, but as an employee, its much harder. People in Human Resources are fundamentally evil, and usually when you are a contractor, you never even have to see them. I was amazed that they could pick a complete idiot to manage IT, but they did, and they had no idea he was an idiot- they won't until the whole place falls apart and everyone leaves.

I basically hate corporate America. I want to work as a contractor for a small company and just focus on the work.

By the way, my gross misconduct was looking at someones calendar in Microsoft Outlook. Just looking to see that she had a 2:00 appt. I was doing it for my own personal benefit and I can never be trusted again. :sarcasm:

[noamnety]

23. I don't understand why you moved the files in the first place

if it wasn't malicious.

[Exiled in America]

24. What's hard to understand?

It can't be malicious if no files were ever deleted.

I moved the files off of the departments network share because I believed that's what I had been OKed to do by the section manager in charge of the area. The section manager had said that he saw no future use for our particular kind of testing process in his department, I said that in that case I would go ahead and clear off all my personal (by personal I mean stuff I had created) files from their network share, and my recollection is that he then said, "that would be great."

There are two witnesses to the entire conversation, and they would confirm what I said.

The fact that I made backups of the files, kept one copy in the lab where we worked and gave another copy to my contract manager means that had anyone bothered to ask a clarifying question instead of leaping to conclusions, they would have immediately discovered that all the files were there and in tact.

Doing something "malicious" would require me to destroy data, which never happened.

So I am perhaps guilty of a miscommunication, but my good thinking leading me to create backups just in case of any error should have been enough to rectify the situation and demonstrate my good faith.

[noamnety]

25. I would call that malicious

There's a clear distinction between personal and work related. Personal would be a note to a roommate asking if they could take the cat to the vet. Sounds to me like you deliberately moved the NONpersonal work files that you knew they owned in order to slow down/disrupt their operations, and left the backups to cover your ass if they tried to sue. Hiding files, moving files, etc. still counts as malicious.

For some reason this reminds me of the White House emails being sent through the private email system. It's not that hard to figure out what's personal and what's work related.

To be honest, I wouldn't have let you back on the worksite either after a stunt like that.

[Exiled in America]

32. You don't have enough information to know what you're talking about...

...and I'm trying to remember that I don't have to defend myself to you. But the shock of you making such snap judgments about a situation you barely know anything about has made me feel like I have to.

It is sad however, that on DU, rather than simply being supportive and not making blanket assumptions, some people go out of their way to assume the worst.

You don't have enough information to have any clue what you're talking about. I told the story not because anyone here would have enough information to make a judgment about the situation, but because I wanted to tell a similar story of workplace troubles to the OP. I would not have told the story - knowing that without details and much more information no one will have enough knowledge of the situation to judge it - if I had realized that without knowing anything about it someone here was going to make such sweeping conclusions about the situation.

I was careful to clarify in my post that when I say "personal" I did not mean non-work related. I meant I had been given my own space in which to store my own files that I created. I already told you that I did what I did because my boss told me he no longer had any need for my work. When I then told my boss the things I was planning to do to clean up my work area in his department before leaving, he told me that would be great. What you don't understand - since you have no knowledge of the work environment, is that its not uncommon to move files, nor is it uncommon to pull stuff off a departments network share when moving, when a program or process is ending, or under a lot of other circumstances.

So I already told you I took the steps I took as part of what I considered to be a normal wrap-up procedure after checking in with my boss first. What's funny is that should be the end of it - you can't know if I'm telling the truth or lying about that, but on these boards, in this thread, on these forums I would have figured that someone would choose to be supportive and choose to assume the best, not the worst.

But no. In your case, you made a choice to believe that I'm lying, and then chose to judge the situation accordingly. That seems strange and disappointing to me. I worked at my job for six years. I was promoted five times during that time and tripled my salary due to performance promotions. I have a stack of employee evaluations, each one rating me as "excellent" or "exceptional." I have a file full of commendations from former managers and clients praising my work. I could, with utmost confidence, refer you to anyone I used to work with in the five previous years and know without any hesitation that each of them would tell you that I was an honest man and a hard-worker.

I can't believe someone who knows nothing about me and knows nothing about the context of the situation has put me in a place where I feel like I have to defend my integrity to a total stranger. But I think you should consider the possibility that it might be that this one particular manager was either and idiot or a jackass, and that's really the root of this problem, given my history and record for the company.

[noamnety]

42. I wouldn't have commented at all except

the impression from reading your post was that you felt it was appropriate to move and/or delete from the server files that were created at company expense.

I have enough professional work experience to know that's considered inappropriate when you are leaving an office, and files created on the company dime are not considered personal files unless the contract states that you retain ownership of them. Best to emphasize that point, I think, when the story is being told. That way others reading this don't come to believe that's an appropriate way for them to leave a job as well if they want to work there again.

Whatever your motivation/reasoning was for those actions, and perhaps I was rash to judge those - it could have been ignorance rather than maliciousness, the company was not being unreasonable to consider those files theirs, not your personal files.

If you'd told this as if you recognized you misunderstood what constituted personal files, I wouldn't have commented. I posted because you told it as if you felt the company was solely at fault. It's important, even if you personally retain your own definition of "personal" files, that others reading don't walk away thinking your interpretation is correct.

[Exiled in America]

33. Update:

UPDATE -- by the way, while writing my previous response I got an email back from the head of security there. I had contacted him to state my case, even though I was told that the company's policy was that they never negotiated once someone had been denied access. I explained the situation to him and pleaded with him that the decision be re-examined.

He responded to me and said that indeed it is not the company's policy to appeal these types of decisions once they are made, however he agreed that the circumstances of my situation seemed extraordinary. He agreed that I might be getting a bad wrap. So even though he'd never done something like this before, the security head promised to re-open the issue and look into it personally with the possibility that my status might be changed at the conclusion of his investigation.

So someone who DOES know the context of the company and the context of the situation thinks that there's at least enough grey area around the issue to warrant taking extraordinary steps to look back into it on my behalf. Seems like that should be enough for you to choose to assume the best about me, you know, since you don't know me or anything about the situation other than what I tell you, and we're all supposedly supposed to be supportive of each other here anyway....

What a strange way to wake up this morning - to find someone making such sweeping judgments without having even a fraction of the information necessary to make such a call. :(

[undeterred]

35. exiled

I'm sorry you got judged in the middle of this post :hug: believe me, I've had it happen too, although its usually better in the Lounge than in GD.

I think a lot of the problems do come from people not having enough information. How many times do you hear the phrase "cut to the chase"!

I KNEW I was going to lose the job a couple of months ahead of time, one way or another, so before I left I actually spent time rearranging things so I could keep copies of my own work- I take pride in my work as I am sure you do in yours.

IT people get treated like shit. There are a few bad apples, but if we were all as bad as the things we get accused of, there would be no internet, no credit reports...

I hope things go your way and people listen to your whole story, context and all. :hug:

[bleedingheart]

27. sexual harrassment and hostile work environments are very common

and if anything it is viewed as some sort of gauntlet to see if you are willing to put up with their shit...

My company makes me take a ton of tests on ethics, bribery...workplace safety...you name it...but in reality they don't want to know if there is a problem because it may cost them...

and the funny part is that it costs them more if they do what they did to you....

the key to any case is "documentation, documentation...documentation"...

and you don't have it in stone...you literally risk your own neck professionally if you tell on them...

[undeterred]

28. the thing is

the old manager was just fine. The stuff with the new manager started happening right away - and there were all kinds of problems. I wanted my supervisor to apply for the job because he is 10 times smarter on a technical level, but he's not "political". So he was always bailing out the new manager. I think that made the new guy feel really insecure because he knew I could see all of it - and he acted hostile towards me as a result. All of us hated him for different reasons, but the reality is, the job was just way way too big for him, technically, socially, and in every other way.

Management never asked the people in our department what we thought, they just tried to force him on us. He made a horrible hiring decision right off the bat and let go of two really good contractors right before me. Management didn't say a word. So I guess if they don't care, why should anyone else?

[bleedingheart]

30. I am going through this right now...

I have worked for my company for 10 years...

I lived with supervisor A for two years...she was okay...but needed everyone to worship her...and since I was new...I did my work and learned what I needed to learn...

Supervisor A screwed up and was replaced by Supervisor B..which stands for Boob...and he was my supervisor for three years...and he was and is still an inept manager and he resents anyone who challenges him, his ideas etc... anything you try to do for the good of the company must be fine tuned so as not to offend this ass...

Due to finance issues...I got moved to Supervisor C..which stands for Cool...and he was the best supervisor I had ...but when I was moved to his department I got screwed because he didn't work at my office...and this was done so that I could not move anywhere within the company infrastructure..(i have been punished for doing my job well by being chained to my position..)

Once again due to finance issues...I got moved back to Supervisor B's group...and now I am looking for a new job after 10 years of this bullshit... I could complain but it won't do me any good...

[undeterred]

31. and thats the key

it won't do you any good...

I was a contractor in a workgroup of 25 for 2 years and one of the other contractors was a total slacker. Nice guy, did no work at all. Manager had no clue. It affected me more than anyone else, but I never went to the manager, because I didn't want to be seen as the complainer. I complained plenty to other people though, and everyone else could see it. Eventually we all figured out that the one person who actually had the manager's ear was the Project Manager. After the Project Manager heard about the Slacker from about 16 of us, the Manager heard about it too, and finally the Slacker was cut. But before that the Manager had no idea. That's how out of touch Managers can be, even though they think they have their finger on the "pulse" of things. :rofl:

[raccoon]

38. Wonder who this new manager knew?

"they just tried to force him on us. "

Sounds like he had some connections.

Most workplaces suck. Many people who are in supervisory positions shouldn't be there. Lots of people think the way to manage people is to treat them like shit and act like a bitch or a bastard. Workplaces that don't suck, and good bosses, are the exception, I believe.

Tim Fields, a Brit who has done a lot to bring workplace bullying to public attention, said that H.R.'s main function to keep the employer out of court.

It does sound like they're trying to intimidate you so they don't have to pay you unemployement.

Best of luck to you!

[undeterred]

43. The new manager was smart in one important way

Since he joined the company 12 years ago he'd been sucking up to certain people. As for the rest of us, he never really got on anyones bad side, he just ignored us, or so we thought. The truth is, he does most of his work behind your back. If you ask people who have known him for a while what they think of him the one word that comes up over and over is "conniver". You can't really trust him. He really doesn't trust and isn't close to anyone either. He is totally political. He never tells the truth, just half truths and lies all the time. He isn't a typical techie at all, so most techies can't stand him. But he is great at kissing ass, and that's how he got the job. He's been kissing the right asses for years.

[madrchsod]

5. glad to hear you have a law student helping with your case

yup business sure do not like that hostile work place/or sex discrimination label, of course some will do everything possible to prove the point that they are. i still think you won`t have to much trouble getting unemployment. oh yes those documents have to match.

[Breeze54]

10. "I guess I was a real fool to think they would actually care" -- YUP!!

Corporations DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[raccoon]

39. delete because of dupe nt

[raccoon]

40. Agree, and it's not just corporations. I think it's EMPLOYERS.

Those that do care are very much in the minority.

[philosophie_en_rose]

11. ask your attorney about retaliation

Even if you made a completely frivolous accusation (which I'm sure you didn't :)), retaliation is not okay and is usually a separate action.

Your idiot employer should have been very careful, after you expressed your concerns. They could have still fired you, but I'm surprised they're being such asshats. Letting you take unemployment insurance pay is less costly than being sued. From a purely economical standpoint, they probably should have just let you go. I suppose they were gambling that on whether you would stand up to them.

[undeterred]

12. they completely ignored my accusations

thats what is so amazing

I talked to someone in HR and my managers boss about how hostile my manager was towards me over a period of several months, always IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE, and they just shrugged it off like it was nothing. They never even said a word to him about it as far as I know.

Actually what I am thinking about now is more divine. Stirring up the non-union employees to form a union. They'll never know it was me. Half the employees are unionized skilled workers (assemble engines) and the other half are in a variety of office jobs. I just emailed another DUer and asked for advice. I have the whole company list and know everyone's job so - there is a way to do this without the managers or HR people hearing about it. And it will make them shit their pants badly.

What happened to me could not have happened to a union worker. The bottom line is employees need more power. If one employee tries to start a union they'll be fired. But if 20 or 30 or 40 do, well, now we're talking.

[Breeze54]

13. If there's a next time...Keep A Diary of every infraction!

It can and will be used as evidence!

Document the behavior.

[undeterred]

14. But you know what

I just don't want a job or a relationship where I have to live like that... if its that bad, I'm the type who just leaves. A couple weeks of drama once every year or two is about all I can handle.

[Breeze54]

17. But think of it as an 'investment'!!

KA--CHING!!! $$$$$$$$$$ ;)

Besides, you'd be saving some other woman from the leach!!

[undeterred]

18. men like this stick together and protect each other

This guy was majorly totally unqualified to be an IT manager. But he'd had his lips glued to all the butts above him for 10-12 years so the job was his. My nickname for him: The Human Suppository. My supervisor and I used to call him "Supp" as a nickname. I truly believe he will make a horrendous mistake in judgment this year and heads will roll. But they have to find our the hard way. Just because someone kisses your ass all day long doesn't mean they're a good manager.

[philosophie_en_rose]

15. Hmm..

If you made an accusation and then they started scrutinizing you more than other employees and treating you poorly, then it seems that they did retaliate against you. :shrug:

[undeterred]

16. Oh, absolutely

But it was the same week they were doing reviews anyway. So it all worked out very nicely for them. My immediate supervisor is very grumpy- on a good day he could find something bad to say about Mother Teresa. So they could take a small performance issue and blow it up. They could take the fact that I complained about my manager and make me look like a problem employee. And they twisted something else I did to make it look like breaking a rule when it wasn't. But there was absolutely no one on my side.

My supervisor left 6 hours early on the last day to work from home, and wouldn't even return my phone calls. Nobody backed me up at all. Then they blamed me for leaving early without permission. How do you ask permission of someone who won't return your phone calls because he knows you are being fired and he doesn't want to talk to you?

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

26. Once you get your benefits situation straightened out...

You really need to talk to an attorney about a harrassment lawsuit. What they've done sounds like a textbook case of retaliation. As a friend Human Resources once told me: Big Lawsuits don't arise from harrassment, they arise from the company's response to the harrassment. You could be looking at a big payday.

[undeterred]

29. I hope I can find someone who will take this

The thing is- I went to HR asking for HELP. I had no thoughts of quitting the job, suing the company or anything like that. I had a new manager who was behaving inappropriately and I hoped that somebody would have a little talk with him. That's all. I had a spotless employment record before that. I don't think my request was unreasonable at all.

To say they overreacted is the understatement of the year. They made me into a monster and made the decision to fire me on a Monday at 2pm (I reported the problem on a Friday at 4pm). Everything I did and said that whole week and ever since has been turned against me. Now I really feel like suing them. And I'd like to help the non-union people down there organize a union- just because I know how much these corporate types HATE that they have to deal with unions at all.

[SPKrazy]

19. Because You Have TICK Pictures That Scare People !!!

that's why!

:rofl:



:hug:

[undeterred]

20. I should send it to the nasty old man.

It looks beautiful compared to him, though.

[SPKrazy]

22. Yes You Are Right!

the nasty old man isn't deserving of such warmth!

[Coyote_Bandit]

21. Keep your own "work diary" at your next job

Make notes of dates and times and people involved. Don't leave it at the office. Don't let your co-workers or boss know you keep it. Include copies of memos and various relevant policy statements and work assignments. It will serve as your own record of what transpired. Should it ever be necessary it very likely would be admissable as evidence.

I've had lots of bad experiences with employers. I don't trust the b*st*rds.

[tk2kewl]

34. My father's take on Human Resource departments:

"There is nothing humane or resourceful about them."

[undeterred]

36. I've always thought of them as people with no skills at all

who get to sit around and judge people who do have skills.

[MadHound]

37. Never, ever trust anybody in management with anything concerning criticism, especially HR depts.

HR departments aren't there to help employess, they are in place to protect the company from employees. If you've got any sort of lawsuit worthy complaints, and even complaints that aren't lawsuit worthy, don't voice them at work. This will get you fired in a heartbeat.

Hope all goes well with you, and that you get your UI

[undeterred]

41. then what are you supposed to do?

I mean really?

These situations make people physically sick. There is one woman I know who is so devastatingly loyal and never complains... she's had 3 brain aneurysms and it costs the company a fortune. You can't tell me that the stress of sucking up crap year after year doesn't affect peoples health.

Me, I change jobs.

[raccoon]

44. I wish I knew what you're supposed to do.

"then what are you supposed to do?
I mean really?"

--What you do: change jobs.

--Stay on and keep your mouth shut, vent to your family members, friends, bartender, therapist, whoever...and hang onto your sanity by using yoga, vigorous exercise, meditation, etc.

--Learn to live with it and don't let it bother you. (Yeah, a tall order and I can't say I ever did it.)

Don't beat yourself up with being naive. I know I used to be extremely naive about workplace politics and workplace crap. I figure that you're an honest person and a person of integrity, and they're usually the ones who are most naive about things like this. I was, too.

Hope you find something you're happier with.

"You can't tell me that the stress of sucking up crap year after year doesn't affect peoples health."

Don't I know it!

[undeterred]

46. I think we need to do better than this.

We need more rights in the workplace. Isn't it strange how we have all these laws about external, tangible things (you can't discriminate against someone because of age, race, sexual orientation, handicap) but you can still be an abusive asshole as a manager and they can still retaliate against you for complaining by firing you. As the employment attorney I spoke with said: they can't fire you because you're a woman, but they can fire you because they don't like the color of your hair. They don't need a reason.

Bottom line: In American society, non-unionized employees have no rights. And when you talk to most people about unions, they don't even realize that they need one. If I had a union person to go to instead of HR, I'd probably still be on the job.

[raccoon]

47. I'm with you on that. In an "at will" employment state, also a so-called

"right to work" state, "employee rights" is an oxymoron.

but you can still be an abusive asshole as a manager and they can still retaliate against you for complaining by firing you.

What really chaps me is that not only can this happen in the private sector, but also the PUBLIC sector (State, county gov't, etc.) where people are paid by the TAXPAYERS. Yet they are paid for being an asshole. And, "they can fire you because they don't like the color of your hair. They don't need a reason."

Bottom line: In American society, non-unionized employees have no rights. And when you talk to most people about unions, they don't even realize that they need one.

Worse yet, a lot of people who would benefit from a union are so brainwashed that they're very anti-union. :shrug:

[undeterred]

49. One of my co-workers at my last job is anti-union because

he thinks the union guys make too much money. There are/were men at our manufacturing plant and at the General Motors plant in the city up the road who make $40 or $50 bucks an hour and have a really nice lifestyle- and some of them didn't finish high school or barely finished high school.

So for that reason, people like my co-worker, who finished high school and two years of technical college (and also has a salary in that range), resents them.

And I, who have considerably more education, (and make a lot less money), don't resent them at all. They chose their career path, they work hard for their money and take on some real physical and health risks for the work they do, so good for them. I don't take on any physical risk for the work I do and I won't die an early death because of it.

And gee whiz, two years of technical college- he's damn lucky to have a salary in that range.

People don't realize that the reason the rest of us have good benefits is because the unions demanded them. Its like the less education people have, the more sensitive they are to class issues. Funny though, my co-worker is married to a schoolteacher, and he had no complaints about her being in a union, which provided the whole family's health care benefits for free. Every year the union said they were going to have to start paying for benefits the teachers threatened to strike.

[MadHound]

45. Well, if is something potentialy litigious

Get your ducks in a row, confide in nobody excepting lawyer, close family or friends, and absolutely nobody from the workplace.

If it isn't lawyer worthy, just the everyday BS of the job, vent to family, friends and trusted co-workers.

If it still is too much for you, sad to say about your only other option is to find another job.

But be very, very guarded about what you divulge to management and HR. Yes, I know it sucks, yes I know it saps people's health. Sad to way, but welcome to the state of American employment.

[undeterred]

50. I just came from a session the state puts on for unemployed people

Overall, it was helpful. I did learn a few things.

But a few things were a little scary. No one in the room was younger than 45 and most were 55 or older.

Many had risen to the top of their pay scale and were concerned if they would have to take a pay cut somewhere else. Answer: probably.

There are special sessions for "mature workers" where they give advice on how to dress, and what cosmetics to use and not use for the interview... basically all things which shouldn't really matter to the job performance but which will probably affect whether someone gets hired or not.

No, you don't have to tell your new employer that you were fired from your last job, or that you have cancer, or that your're suing your last employer, or that you're in therapy because of the stress your last job caused. But if a potential employer finds out, they probably won't hire you.

One funny thing. There was a laid off mortician. The teachers said in all the years they'd been teaching the class, they'd never heard of a mortician being laid off. :shrug:

[Zuiderelle]

48. One suggestion. Try not to make assumptions and then make accusations based on those assumptions

in unanswerable messages. ;)