So, a horse, a duck, and the Pope walk into a bar

[no name no slogan]

The bartender says, "what is this, some kind of joke?"

[asthmaticeog]

1. Hi.

:hi:

[Orrex]

2. ...

Robert Gates is feeding the President his cereal and giving the daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh wow!" the President exclaims, giggling.

His staff sits stunned at this inappropriate display, nervously watching as the President composes himself.

Finally, the President says through a chuckle, "That reminds me of a joke."

[bicentennial_baby]

3. hey you!

:bounce: :hi:

A certain someone was *just* asking about you last week! ;)

:*

[KitchenWitch]

4. Hey you!

:hi:

[Fenris]

5. And the Pope says, "No, this is a robbery."

:hi:

[fudge stripe cookays]

6. What's UP??!

And how the heck are you??

:hi:

[swimboy]

7. Hey, nnns!

Good to see you! :hi:

[Richardo]

8. !!!

Welcome back, nnns! :bounce: Missed ya!

[billyskank]

9. Hey, long time no see

:hi:

[Call Me Wesley]

10. Good to see you!

How goes? :hi:

[asthmaticeog]

11. Nobody sees you for months and you hit-n-run like this. Nice. Nice friend you are.

:eyes:

;)

[bridgit]

12. hi...

:hi:

[no name no slogan]

13. Hey y'all, sorry for the the hit-n-run...

but unfortunately the j-o-b called... sorry I haven't been around but life's been a bit on the insane side (literally and figuratively) for the past several months.

Here's the shorter version of the story: another depressive episode late last spring got me hospitalized again, for about a month. After I got out, it still took several months before I got to somewhere resembling "normal". I lost a few close friends and unfortunately burned a lot of bridges in the process. :(

A few months back, my diagnosis was changed from depression to bipolar disorder (manic-depression), and my meds were completely overhauled, too. I was also diagnosed with sleep apnea, which is now being treated effectively, which has also had a huge impact on managing my mood.

I've been slowly getting my life back together, and things are going pretty well. I've made some fairly radical lifestyle changes to stay healthy (early to bed, almost no meat, no alkeehol, joined the Y and work out 5x-6x/week). I've also started writing music again and my band is getting ready to start gigging and recording. Plus I've dropped almost 25 lbs since November and am below 200lbs for the first time in over a decade. :D

Thanks to all of you who welcomed me back-- I'm very happy to see all of you again!!!


And now, for another bad joke:

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

[Shell Beau]

16. Awww!!

:hug:

Good to see you again!! Hope everything is looking up! ;)

[Dora]

14. A horse walks into a bar

and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

[CaliforniaPeggy]

15. My dear no name no slogan...

It is so good to have you back here with all of us...

I have missed you quite a lot...

And I am thrilled that you're so much better now!

Hope we'll be seeing more of you now!

:hug:

[Blue-Jay]

17. A priest, an alcoholic, and a pedophile walk into a bar.

And then another guy walks in.

[philosophie_en_rose]

18. Welcome back!

:hi:

:)

[conscious evolution]

19. Two drunks walked into a bar

The third one ducked.

[zanne]

20. That joke is Stephen Wright-ish. nt

[KamaAina]

21. ...and the duck says, "Sorry, Your Holiness. Three Brazilian Catholics died today."

Then the horse says, "DUCK!!!!!"

[Poiuyt]

22. A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer...

From out of nowhere, he hears a voice say, "You look great, man! Have you lost weight?" He looks around, and confirms that the only other person in the bar is the bartender, who is all the way at the other end of the bar. He shrugs it off, and takes another drink of his beer.

"That's a really nice suit. It looks good on you," the voice says again.

The guy looks around, and before he can say anything, the voice says, "You have very nice eyes."

The guy freaks out, and shouts, "Hey, bartender! Come here!"

As the bartender arrives, the voice speaks again. "That's a nice haircut!"

"Who keeps talking to me?!" The guy asks the bartender.

"Oh, that?" The bartender says, "It's the peanuts. They're complimentary."