We just received a chain letter from Jesus, help me write a reply

[catmandu57]

I'll have to open the prepaid envelope back up, I'm afraid I went off half cocked and told them to eat excrement and expire. After thinking about it though I think a hand written letter from a dead broke cripple something that would make God himself bust out bawling is what I need to send back instead.

Something along these lines:
Dear St. Matthews:
Thank you so very much for your concern, I was hanging onto my very last thread when your letter of hope and inspiration arrived. You see, I'm not well, the doctors don't seem to know exactly what to do for me. It started when I returned from the Persian Gulf, and it's not so much myself, I mean I can deal with the aches, pains, ugly growths on my private parts, but my wife.... Well, she just hasn't been the same since Jesus called our babies home.
I mean I can understand our most glorious president cutting my benefits, he has bigger things to worry about right now, and I know2 that he is blessed by the almighty spirit.....

Something along those lines anyone want to have some fun?

[terrya]

1. Great reply! If you're replying to Jesus, here's my imput:

Dear Jesus,

Would you please tell Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and their knuckle dragging, mouth breathing, creationist loving, homophobic, Harry Potter hating, capital punishment loving, ultra right wing followers that they don't speak for you?

Thanks,
Terry

[SlavesandBulldozers]

2. how about

Dear Jesus,

We, on Earth - your humble creation - often hear that you work in mysterious ways. Well, what I'm trying to say Lord is that this George W. Bush guy is the biggest jack-off we have ever seen. Send help.

In faith,

The World.