bat mitzvahs etiquette question

[Kali]

daughter of husband's niece (they were raised together - more like sister and brother) we have met her exactly once, they are wealthy and live across the country (she is a bit spoiled)

We are NOT wealthy, nor Jewish. I don't have a clue how to respond - well yes I will send regrets, but do I send a gift? Money? What is the generally accepted procedure for this ceremony/celebration?

[philosophie_en_rose]

1. Not Jewish either, but I'd send a small, meaningful gift.

Something symbolic of your hopes for her or memories of her mom. A book or CD or journal. Something small, but nice.

If you knew her better, I'd recommend a long letter to her about your advice for growing up. That could be funny or comforting.

:shrug:

You might want to talk to her mom to see what she likes. Tickets to a concert or something might make a nice and (depending on venue) affordable gift. I wouldn't send money, but that's just me.

[Kali]

4. yeah maybe a blank journal...

those are alway nice

[seemunkee]

2. small gift

If you send money make it a multiple of 18. It represents the hebrew word 'chai' which means life. 36 is double chai.

[Kali]

5. money is probably not a great idea but I like the chai and 18 thing

[sakabatou]

3. Small gift

Doesn't have to fancy or expensive. One of the best ones I got was a "mini-torah" fro my bar-mitzvah.

[Kali]

6. is there a good on-line place for things like that? Doubt if I could find that

in my small rural Arizona town.

[SeattleGirl]

7. I found a couple, Kali

http://www.nvo.com/menshenables/barbatmitzvahgifts/

ts.com/occasions/bar-bat-mitzvah/8ohraicp?sid=vsm:Bar+%2F+Bat+Mitzvah+Gifts:P&rid=http%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%3Fei%3Dutf-8%26fr%3Dslv8-msgr%26p%3Dbat%2520mitzvah%2520gifts

I also found this:
http://judaism.about.com/od/barandbatmitzvah/f/bmitzvah_gifts.htm

[Kali]

8. ooo thanks

I'm headed to bed now will check those out in the morning :hi: