Stupid doctor comment of the week:

[Redstone]

"Well, if you hadn't set that finger yourself when you broke it, you probably wouldn't have this bone spur, because the break wasn't properly aligned while it healed."

No shit, Sherlock.

Uh, Doctor, sir? I wasn't just down the street from Emergency Clinics 'R' Us when it happened, or I would not have chosen the option of setting it myself, and splinting it with a pencil and a bunch of black electrical tape, now would I have?

Besides, it's damn hard to get much of anything done when your left pinky is laying flat across your palm, with its tip in the little web between your thumb and forefinger.

So, I'm just all kinds of SORRY for my lack of medical expertise, Doc!

Redstone

[Suich]

1. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

:hi:

[Redstone]

3. Yeah, it gives me the heebie-jeebies all over again just to write about it. But sometimes

you don't get a choice. And no, I was NOT some stoic western-movie hero type when I yanked that finger straight either; I let loose a string of GD, MF, CS, SOB, and so on, that you would NOT have believed even if you'd heard it.

Redstone

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. Y'gotta love doctors

Or not.

They have this thing like, "I know your body better than you do."

Uh, no. I've known it longer, and it's with me all the time.

[mainegreen]

4. Factoid of the day: I try to say No Shit, Sherlock at least once a week.

I find it to be immensely pleasurable. It just rolls of the tongue!
Sorry about the finger. Hope they aren't planning to remove the spur. That'd hurt like hell.

[Redstone]

7. "No shirt, Shitlock" works pretty well, too. They haven't said yet whether they'll want to

try to get rid of the spur, then re-break and re-set the finger, or just go with replacing the joint.

You probably know how I feel about scalpels, but it's interfering with my ability to use that finger. And doesn't feel too great, either.

Redstone

[graywarrior]

5. That's why I never go to doctors.

Hate em. I worked at MGH in Boston, so I hate em even more.

[mainegreen]

6. You can always become a crazy cat lady. They're immortal. No need to see a doctor.

You like cats, right?

:evilgrin:

[graywarrior]

11. Well...let's see. I AM crazy. And I have a cat, who is also crazy.

I will live forEVER!

[Redstone]

8. You know I don't make a habit of it, either. I'd grind down the spur myself, but I don't think

my Dremel tool would be up to the task. And Mrs R wouldn't let me anyway.

Redstone

[graywarrior]

10. I do know that certain patients scare the fuck out of doctors

I have the feeling you might be one of them.

[Redstone]

15. Hey, I scare the fuck out of everyone at one point or another, so I guess you're right.

Everyone except me, that is. I know that I know what I'm doing, don't worry, I got it under control, hey, if you'd just do me a quick favor and put out that small fire over there I can take it from there, no problem.

Really. Trust me to know what I'm doing here even if I've never done it before, OK?

Redstone

[graywarrior]

18. You're one of those dudes who could probably perform surgery on yourself

out in the wilderness. You remind me of a friend of mine who used to work for one of the AMC huts. We called him the Madman of Mitzpah. 6'6" and he saved a girls life on Mt. Washington by stuffing her brains back in her head after she fell. Seh ended up with minimal brain damage because he acted so quickly and efficiently. I think you may be related.

[Redstone]

20. Possibly. Is he an Indian?

Redstone

[graywarrior]

22. A dreadlocked Jew who wore skirts hiking.

No one fucked with him.

[Redstone]

24. NOBODY with any brains fucks with a hardcore Jew. I'm not being facetious here. Was he a

Hassidim, or dreadlocked all over?

(Just in case I run across him one day, so I can recognize him and shake his hand. And hope he doesn't break my whand when I do that.)

Redstone

[graywarrior]

25. Beats me. I just know every woman (and some men) on the mountain wanted him.

Funny thing is, he was planning on going to medical school but ended up staying on the mountain for a while and then took off on the road. Last I heard he was doing the Appalachian Trail and then planning a bike trip across the US.

[Nevernose]

21. Hey - don't talk shit about the Dremel, man.

If there's one power tool in your arsenal capable of grinding down a bone spur, it's the Dremel.

You want to remove the finish from an antique lamp? The Dremel.
You want to drill a hole in a cognac bottle to make it into a bong? The Dremel.
You want to cut through the screws holding your toilet tank and bowl w/o a torch? The Dremel.
You want to perfect the edge of a custom picture frame? The Dremel.
You want to perform dental surgery? The Dremel.

Okay, I haven't actually tried drilling my own fillings yet. YET. But if I did, I'd use a Dremel.

[Redstone]

23. OK, maybe I just need the Deluxe model. I'll look into it. Scalpels, I already have.

Now, just a few alligator clips to hold everything open while I grind...I see a Project developing here.

Redstone

[Nevernose]

26. Fuck it, we can do it!

I've got some rubber tubing out in the garage I used to use for siphoning gas and that I didn't want to throw out because you can't ever predict when you're going to have to steal a neighbor's gas, right? That'll make an excellent tourniquet. Or we can just use my belt. Whatever.

We can use high-grade Sauza tequila (or Chinaco if you're a Bartcop fan, or Patron or something) to both sterilize the wound and provide antiseptic.

We slice open using an X-acto knife, suction the blood w/ a Shop-Vac, grind the bone down with a Dremel, and sew you back up using lightweight fishing line.

What could possibly go wrong?

There was a lot of brand-dropping in this post. Is there a certain Brett Easton Ellis theme going on? Probably not. How are you on cordless battery recharges?

[Redstone]

27. That was so FUCKING funny! Jesus, I laughed until my cheekbones hurt.

Thank you.

PS: If we're doing brands, it's gotta be Tygon tubing.

Redstone

[Kat45]

29. When did you work at MGH?

I worked there for a few years too. :hi:

[Shell Beau]

9. But you did what First Aid teaches! I think you did right! Sorry for the break!

[Redstone]

17. But First Aid doesn't tell you how much it helps to curse loudly (see reply #3) while

you're performing the first Aid. Screaming vile words is a vital component to such a procedure.

PS: You know I REALLY don't like guns, don't you? But my advice to you is this: The next time your asshole neighbor hits one of your dogs, shoot the son of a bitch. Don't kill him; I wouldn't advocate that. Just one through the foot will teach him a lesson.

Redstone

[Shell Beau]

19. Yep! That's why I love ya!!

;) Thanks!

[Ptah]

12. If the wayback machine was working you could take him back and show him.

:shrug:

[Redstone]

28. Nah, then I'd have to watch it again myself. And once was enough, thank you.

Redstone

[jmm]

13. The cool part about working for a lab is

I know which doctors and health care providers to avoid :evilgrin: . I've always had bad luck with doctors (like the time one tried to convince me I had Hepatitis when I chicken pox :eyes: ) but having to deal with some of them and their staff is scary.

[Redstone]

16. No, he has a good reputation as a hand surgeon; he's just a bit shy in the

old Bedside Manner department.

Redstone

[SPKrazy]

14. he just wants to re break your pinky

so he can set it himself the sadistic bastid!

:shrug: