I can complain about anything - try me

[Merrick]

Being the cynical, bitter person I am and have been since birth, my ability to find fault with almost anything is almost as strong as my parallel parking skills (which are pretty amazing). So go ahead and try me.

[rug]

1. I dare you.

[Merrick]

2. Easy

Im familiar with this variety of subhuman as I have cousins her age. They steal your shoes, your wallet, your cigarettes, jump all over you and generally make the lives of people with no leverage of authority a living hell. Last time I saw my cousins I spent half an hour riding a bicycle in circles around my uncles blackberry garden to prevent them from pulling my pants down until their mom came home from shopping. Then they spent an hour writing derogatory poems about how much I stink.

[rug]

4. You will go far in the republican party

or as rabrrrrrr's roommate.

[Merrick]

12. I don't know which is more insulting

[EstimatedProphet]

3. Let's hear it about chocolate!

[Merrick]

6. Chocolate makes girls gain weight

It contains tryptophan, which is used to make serotonin, a neurotransmitter that in high volumes mimics the sensation of being in love, which makes girls eat a lot of it, making them gain weight and thus become less appealing.

[hiaasenrocks]

5. No-strings attached salary for the rest of your life with NO work.

[Merrick]

8. NO problem

Simple. Removal of life's most fundamental challenge, i.e. the struggle to provide for yourself, would diminish my sense of daily fulfillment. Also, the jealousy it would breed in your friends who still have to bow and scrape would act as a source of alienation.

[AlCzervik]

7. you've won $50 million, it's tax free and none of your long lost relatives

show up to try and gets some $$$ from you, in fact no one is asking you for any money at all.

[Merrick]

9. Please

I'll become one of those soft, spoiled pussies who become so used to luxury and opulence that soon enough I would NEED it just to be comfortable. TV wouldn't be any good unless it's on a big screen plasma, I couldn't go anywhere unless I was being chauffered in something with a plush interior and plenty of leg room, etc. That, and my old friends wouldn't be able to relate to me anymore. Sure, they'd come over to enjoy my material possessions, but what we had in common that had made us friends on a more spiritual level would quickly erode away. Happiness is relative. Ever seen a poor kid get a ball for a present? They're happier than all the god damn millionaires in the world put together.

[Shine]

10. Complain to me about how complaining brings down your energy

and makes you feel cynical and bitter. :D

[Merrick]

11. I got shitty genetics

Thanks to an unfortunate shuffling of the chromosomes my parents contributed to my procreation, I was born this way. Both of them are generally well adjusted, optimistic people, but not me. WTF? It's just my god damned luck.

[stuntcat]

13. what about these?

:shrug:

[Merrick]

15. Could someone challenge me please?

I mean, come on. They're cute, sure, but nothing aside from maybe the stench of a studio apartment in the summertime two weeks after the guy who lived their hung himself smells worse than what comes out of their bodies.

[Gormy Cuss]

14. Cucumber. n/t

[Merrick]

16. It's phallic

Anything a woman can use as a substitute for what men have to offer is an obvious evil.

[JohnnyLib2]

17. Bread pudding with bourbon sauce.

And Barbra?