I am thinking of a fruit.

[mikelewis]

If you can guess the fruit in the next half hour, I will acknowledge the correct answer with a response of, "Yes, that was it... I honestly can't believe anyone could have guessed that... you rock!!!!" and I will also include one of these Smilies things :yourock: as proof that you do indeed rock.

I am looking for a specific fruit so don't say something simple and dare I say even as vulgar as "Orange" {it's creepy how I knew that's what you were thinking of first, isn't it?} because that would be lame and I am way too cool to be lame. In fact, I am so cool that if Coolio hadn't already taken that name... I would have changed my name to Coolio... but I digress. I will be sending out the image of this fruit via mind waves through the ethereal plane so be sure to do what ever you need to do to download that... or whatever the terminology is for receiving this picture in your mind... I apologize, I don't speak crazy. Anyway, the time is 12:10 E.S.T., you have 30 minutes... good luck.

[Kali]

1. tomato?

[mikelewis]

9. This is going to sound creepy but I did consider the tomato for two reasons...

... the First was because knowing a tomato's a fruit seems cool and secondly because I started getting that thing in my head... "You say Tomato... I say Tomahhhto" I kept doing it for about five or six rounds and then realized I couldn't bear doing that for a half hour. I would just slip right off into madness... I'm sure. So I went with something I knew I could remember and seeing how it's 12:40 already... that something was white seedless grapes.

[TOhioLiberal]

2. Kiwi? n/t

[RevolutionaryActs]

4. I was going to guess that too!!

:o

[mikelewis]

12. No you weren't... I totally read your mind and you so were not thinking that...

I can't remember what you were thinking cause I was watching that Bill Maher thing with Sean Penn and Gary Shandling and Tennesee Earnest Ford but I can assure everyone who reads this that Revolutionary_Acts04 {if that's even your real name :on edit:} was not thinking that too.

[TOhioLiberal]

15. GMTA!

;)

[mikelewis]

16. Are you speaking in tongues? Do you need a southern babtist minister?

I know one... though I must warn you... the aftershave is overwhelming and he's a bit of a lecher.

[yewberry]

3. Durian?

:puke:

[mikelewis]

6. You don't like Durian? I hear it tastes like spleen...

...so I've been a little leery of trying it.

[SoCalDem]

5. kumquat?

:)

[mikelewis]

11. I do like a good kumquat... not so much to eat since I've never eaten one but as...

...a general rule. Evil kumquat suck.

[otherlander]

7. Persimmon?

[mikelewis]

8. No, but I enjoyed that word immensely.

[mikelewis]

10. White Seedless Grapes

You guys are officially not mind readers.

Honestly... that was the best you could do? Well... maybe it was my fault... I'm such a dick. Anyway thanks for playing... :rockyou: we will!

[mikelewis]

19. "Yes, that was it... I honestly can't believe anyone could have guessed that... you rock!!!!"

:yourock:

[mikelewis]

20. Get the FFFFFFFF out... are you serious? I was sitting here thinking White Seedless Grapes and bam!

I typed it and now... I rock. Honestly, I can say I've never truly Rocked before... sure, I've said, "I rock" but I never meant it... also when I think about "I Rock", I start thinking about Iraq and I get diarrhea... painful and explosive diarrhea. Oddly enough... that's the reason why I thought of White Seedless Grapes because they too give me explosive diarrhea when I eat too many green ones. I just can't stop and they don't even taste that good but they're cold and juicy and I know I'm gonna regret it....

[LeftyMom]

13. tangelo?

[mikelewis]

14. I know you had no way of knowing this but the word tangelo is offensive on my planet.

You just said... "Is your sister a whore?" Now, since one of my sisters has been a whore I probably am a bit more touchy about that than most people... you understand.

[Maraya1969]

17. Star Fruit.

[mikelewis]

18. Did you know that star fruit actually grows into the shape of a star....

...which I presume is how it got its name. It being a star shaped fruit and all, sort of made it a no-brainer... besides, the name Rhubarb was already taken by a red tangy celery sort of plant.

[mykpart]

21. I know! White seedless grapes!

Even though they're really green. Oh, yeah, I rock!:yourock: :headbang: :woohoo: :applause:

[mikelewis]

23. That is so frickin creepy... like I was all thinking White Seedless Grapes and you...

so nailed it man... I would like to be arrested with you for a crime we didn't commit and then go around the world fighting crime. With your clairvoyant powers and my 1982 Chevy van we can form the crack para-military team knowns as the.... Bay Team? Okay... I haven't fleshed out the name that well and I can't stand cigars...

[mykpart]

25. How 'bout the Ole` team?

I'd pity the fool who hired us!

[mikelewis]

27. I was sort of hoping to keep it close to the "A-Team" sounding team...

...since using the A-Team would both violate copyright laws and be sort of cliche to the point of just being sad. The Ole Team? MMMMMMM... I'm not getting that whole crack paramilitary team feel out of it... Bay Team sort of brings back Bay of Pigs thoughts and also Bay Watch starring international television and singing star David Hasslehoff... these two factors led me to my tenative choice of...

Look... why am I talking to you... you know what I'm thinking already, Mr. V.A. Barrabas... we will continue this conversation in my mind.

P.S. I was thinking this could be my catch phrase... "I like it a whole lot without actually loving it when a plan comes together."

[mykpart]

28. Oh. I was just trying to rhyme.

(O-lay). But since we have this psychic connection, what about the Fey Team?

[mikelewis]

30. Oh right.... no, you're the psychic... see... I don't have a frickin clue what your thinking...

O-lay Team... provocative... it's almost a salsa dip if you asked me. The fey team is terrible... lets face it... you knew that the second you hit the post button. But O-lay Team works on several levels... one it's cool though I'm not sure why and two... because it reminds me of Frito-Lay and that I have Chili Cheese Frito Corn Chips up stairs... anything that leads to a bag o chips is a good idea. O-lay team it is... and there was much rejoicing.

[u4ic]

22. Dragon fruit

:)

[mikelewis]

24. Smaug's favorite.

[SPKrazy]

26. orange

[mikelewis]

29. How did you know I was lying when I said White Seedless Grapes?

I'm actually ashamed at my failed deception... I'm not ashamed that I tried to deceive you good folks... I'm just ashamed that you caught me. If history hadn't already invented the word "chagrined", I would have right now... to describe how I feel that is... it's not like I just make up words for no good reason. That would be insane... could you imagine talking to someone about a ball game or suicide bombing and he interrupts you and says, "Oh... wait... wouldn't 'Snarkled' be an awesome word"? Honestly, I wouldn't really want to hang around that dude all that much.

[carly denise pt deux]

31. Mango?

Good stuff

[mikelewis]

33. Mangoes are morally wrong...

If nothing else... my hope is that global warming will finally be the nail in the coffin for this whole mango thing.

I understand that you may think you like the mango but you have been intentionally deceived by forces working for the Devil. For example... if there were no mangoes on the planet... it would have been impossible for George Bush to steal the election in 2000. It was by bribing Justice O'Conner with a mango (threatening her with it more likely) that she was roped into supporting the tyrant.

If there were no mangoes...

...our air force would have responded on 9/11, most likely foiling the attack all together.

...Saddam Hussein would have had weapons of mass destruction and we would be righteous in killing 650,000 mostly innocent people.

...Jeff Gannon would really be Jeff Gannon and not a gay male prostitute.

...the bees wouldn't all be dying mysteriously because they would have a reason to live.

...there'd be no illegal immigrants or at the very least... the absence of mangoes would decriminalize eating them. (Not the mangoes... it's not a crime to eat mangoes... but it should be... I was talking about the illegals)

...the list goes on and on but you get my point.... So you can run back and tell your Mango master that I'm coming for it... and hell's coming with me!!!!

[dropkickpa]

32. Papaya

yummmmy papaya

[mikelewis]

34. For my uncle who wept every time he sliced a papaya in half...

For my uncle who wept every time he sliced a papaya in half...


Was it the idea of separation,
the way the onyx seeds hung
on like a useless chandelier’s
teardrop, glass reflections
of your exiled life in Miami?

Was it how dull the knives
had become, or the soft
music from a neighbour’s yard,
a year in which the downpours
drowned your tomato crop?

Was it the pale yellow of flesh
that reminded you of a woman’s
breasts you had once touched,
cupped in your hand like a glass
pitcher, warm to the touch, supple?

Was it the hard rind that prevents
so much damage over the years,
like these scars from falling off
rooftops where you worked
tarring and tiling?

Was it the reminder of uselessness,
how once you cut something in half,
you can’t put it back together again,
how once you remove a boy from home,
no other island will do? What was it?

– Virgil Suarez


It's because of poems like these that I despise poetry. For some reason this asshole gets us all revved up over why his uncle cries when he cuts a papaya... I don't know about you but I'd be calling a doctor for the dude... not writing a fucking poem about a supple breast... and then he never tells us the reason... like we're supposed to know why this lunatic starts bawling when he slices a piece of fruit.