My friend, the misogynistic bigot. Are all misogynists true woman-haters?

[ForrestGump]

I guess so, but I'm not sure of the definitions and it seems to me like there has to be some kind of continuum here as there are in most things.

I ask because my work partner, who has been a prime a**hole lately -- worse than ever, I mean, to the point where I'm about ready not just to quit going the extra mile for him but ditching him totally -- uses misogynistic language constantly and I've been wondering if he is a true woman-hater. He can be very smooth with the ladies (then again, so was Ted Bundy), certainly far more so than me, with the hand-kissing, murmuring niceties that are charming even though transparently insincere, and he does seem to care about some women. But he's also been married three times, suggests that perhaps he really does not know what love is (I'm inclined to agree), and sincerely sees his current well-heeled fiancée as essentially a retirement fund and as a slave through which he can realize his dream of not having to do anything at all but go to work and come home from work. He is in his late 50s but the generational thing is no excuse, I know. He uses the word 'whore' to describe women -- almost all women -- and about the nicest word he uses in reference to women is 'broads.' What the f***, dude...you think you're Frank Sinatra now? He also professes to hate all the 'whores' and sometimes says he wishes they would all die. But he's full of hyperbolic bluster like that, about a lot of things, and is the most negative and self-defeating jerk I've ever known. He's also about to lose probably the most constructive friend he's ever had, if he keeps this crap up. And I'm beginning to not give a f*** about how he fares without me to run interference, do damage control, intervene (physically) in streetfights and the like, and try to help him turn his life around for the better.

So is he truly a woman-hater, do you think? Sure, it's easy to read what I just wrote and go "duhhhh, Forrest," but things are rarely as simple as they seem.

He's also homophobic, and uses homophobic language (I have taken him to task for invariably shouting "faggot!" during the many near-fights I've had to get in the middle of, couching it in self-centered terms he'd understand by pointing out that he's not going to win anyone's sympathy with such hate language), but it quickly descends to farce because he not only accuses any woman who doesn't interest in him of being a lesbian but uses "lesbian" as a generic negative adjective, such as talking about something like "the lesbian starter motor" or whatever, or yelling at male jaywalkers that they're a bunch of "f***ing lesbians." And I know he knows I'm close buddies with a certain cute l'il lesbian, to whom he to some degree owes his current beneficial accommodations...he may have a visceral disgust at the thought of gay males, however, but I haven't seen him openly express it to the obviously gay men we've met in the course of our work and he is not the type to hesitate in doing that kind of thing.

He also uses racist language -- the N-word included -- and indulges in a lot of racial stereotyping. He mimics what he thinks is black speech by adding 's' to the end of everything -- as in "I's gots to gets my selfs tos the stores to gets mes somes catsfish," or whatever: hey, if you're going to be racially offensive, at least try to sound authentic, and not like some warped take on Mark Twain's writing, a'ight? And the really weird part about all this is that his closest friend here, as is true for probably most of his acquaintances in this town, is black. :shrug:

I mean, he's obviously racist -- he claims to be colorblind but anyone who thinks that black-white interracial relationships are sick is, by definition, racist. I mean, why would it be wrong? Is one race inferior, or something? To my chagrin, I think he expects me to share his prejudice, but I remind him that I don't every time I see a particularly stunning black woman on the Strip (a frequent occurrence)and draw his attention to her. If it wasn't racist of me, in a way, I'd make a point of finding me a black girlfriend just to freak him out. Naaaaahhhh...not really, but it'd sure put him in a spot if I did ever hook up with a black woman.

A few days ago, when I was very angry at him for infecting me with his toxic negativity, he saw Darlene Love on TV. I told him that Elvis wanted to play snugglebunnies with her (she was Danny Glover's wife in the Lethal Weapon franchise, for anyone who hasn't heard of the Blossoms -- she sang backup with Elvis and appeared on screen for his '68 TV special and in his last scripted movie, Change of Habit, the following year), and that Tom Jones and Bill Medley did, and when he expressed surprise that Elvis could be with a black woman I told him that he was intimate with at least a few, from one of his backup singers in the '70s to quite a few young women on Beale Street, starting before he was famous, but that it wasn't publicized not only because of racist America at the time but because of his racist relatives. He shook his head and said that Elvis was a "sick motherf***er" and that if I kept telling him things like that about Elvis he wouldn't like him any more. Sure, that was a little vindictive of me, knowing his true disgust over at least black-white racial mixing, but the bastard's been asking for it. :D

Kind of got off on a tangent there, but the racial thing -- and the paradox of a racist having black friends who are good friends -- is not only an odd dimension to him but undoubtedly ties in to his misogyny and other intolerances and hatreds. I suspect that people who lived in the South during the days of legal segregation, but who knew black people who they held in great respect and for whom they felt great fondness even while believing them inferior or perhaps just "separate but equal" -- would be operating along essentially the same dichotomy. Perhaps his attitude toward women is similar, with his inability to love an artefact of his upbringing in his family and in the A Shau Valley of Vietnam.

I have been poisoned by his negativity, recently, and I'm not eager to surround myself with his toxicity any more, but I do still feel the need to understand him, especially what appears to be true misogyny. He doesn't mention his mother much -- this tidbit for any of you psychiatrists or armchair psychiatrists who may be able to shed some light on this topic for me -- but when he does I get the impression that she did not express love well, at least to him, and used to perhaps verbally abuse him to some extent. She certainly not only did not encourage him in the things he was interested in but actively discouraged him in some things, things he to this day wants to do but doubts his ability at. It may be that old-fashioned strict parenting, for all I know, but it sounds like he craved affection from her and did not get it. He basically never mentions his father. He carries a dried flower from his mother's funeral wreath in his vehicle and has her childhood picture up. He grew up- around a lot of Mafia types -- real ones -- and would be right at home with the violent, extremely profane, misogynistic, homophobic racists of The Sopranos (he even uses the word Tatsun -- I don't know for sure how to spell it, but it's the Italian N-word). His Vietnam service, that I mentioned here recently, is perhaps an added wrinkle (PTSD, depression, the other effects of his being there), as is his alcoholism.

I really care about the guy. I did, anyway. Right now, though, I'm pretty much willing to hate the f***ing pig. I've done a lot for him (very often going way out of my way, far and above the call of duty or even loyalty), and will likely continue to, but I need to protect myself. And if and when I have a woman firmly in my life again, he's getting a broken nose and new dental work the first time he calls her 'whore.' :grr:

P.S.: he hates Bush but is a fairly basic American man of his generation who watches Fox 'News,' likes Bill O'Reilly and the like (and Imus), would probably tend Republican if he thought much about politics or voted, won't buy an 'import' car even though he knows they're generally better designed and knows it's also almost meaningless to talk about American vs other cars, and is conditioned to believe that 'liberal' is a bad thing to be -- it's a wonder we ever got on, really.

[MissB]

1. What is your question here?

And, have you dropped him yet? You don't need this shit in your life.

[ForrestGump]

5. Main question is

whether it's looking like he's all talk -- he's full of it, most of the time -- or if he really could be a man who actually hates women. The language wears me down, but I've always assumed it was likely just his interminable bluster...I'm thinking that perhaps he's actually sincere, now. I'm not sure I've known one of those before, if he's the real thing. Or perhaps he's schizoid with it, as he is with race.

I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter because all of this, and other stuff, is getting to be too much. I could walk away from him if I had to, in terms of work, and likely in the long run be better off (I have had a lot of loyalty to him, and he did give me a good break when I needed it, but loyalty has limits beyond which it can be very detrimental), but because all we do is work and have no other discernible life we decided a while back to share a condo and now we're roommates ripe for a reality series. It seemed like a good idea at the time, though I knew more or less what he was like -- I was helping him a lot, trying to get him more positive and encourage him to take positive steps (he did, some, in terms of addressing his health and even start to seek help for his mental health, and my example in many aspects of my life was a good role model for him to be around), but I'm realizing now that he may be a lost cause, utterly. He also began drinking more and getting even more rage-consumed lately, even though things have been going better and better for us on the job and we really were prospering rather nicely, fiscally...in fact, I have a feeling that the fact things were going so well is WHY he took himself downhill, because I think he'd rather be right about feeling the universe is out to get him than he would be happy. I can live in my bedroom the rest of the year -- I've done it before -- and I'm hoping this current crisis will blow over quickly, but I will still be eaten away at by his manner and his words.

I could walk away, in other words, but there're practical hindrances.

[BlueIris]

2. You already know what he is.

And yes, misogynists hate women.

Run, before you think up any new ways to rationalize his hatred.

[ForrestGump]

8. I guess reading here how words like 'chick' (to name one example) are misogynist

kind of diminished the term in my eyes, because the word became somewhat interchangeable with 'sexist' in my mind, in that respect. Not that sexism of even the minimal kind is at all okay, but I think there's likely a fair gulf between people who'd call women "chicks" (especially when it's occasional or within certain contexts) and someone who calls women, generically 'whores.' I don't even especially like the latter when it's applied to working girls who do, strictly speaking, warrant the label.

I don't know how far I can run right now, physically, but I can keep to myself more, try to help him less, and stop being his unpaid bodyguard and just let what is going to happen to him happen to him. If he screws things up for me at work, as he's done before thanks to his attitude and temper (and drinking), I'll talk to the people, remind them that I am not him, and go it alone. He has no right to screw it up for me, too.

[Shakespeare]

3. I'm pretty sure....

....that I need to come kick his sorry ass. :grr:

What a nasty, toxic excuse for a human being.

[ForrestGump]

9. I'd sorta like to see that

:D

But I hate that it's necessary.

He's pretty damaged -- Vietnam, especially, did a number on him, I'm sure -- but at some point even that is no excuse, and he passed that point long ago. He has a lot of good qualities, too -- a great many, starting with extreme (often overdone, to the max) generosity and a lot of altruistic behavior -- but his dark side's really dark and seems to be eating him up lately.

:hug:

[GOPisEvil]

4. I think either one of two things (dons amateur psychiatrist hat):

1. Either he's a straight up misanthrope who genuinely hates (almost) everyone...

OR

2. He's never learned how to show love or affection, is genuinely incapable of it, and uses misanthropy to keep people away from him.

How's that? :D

[ForrestGump]

10. That's very good Dr isEvil!!!

:D

Actually, though, I think you need a third choice: all of the above.

I think the "better angels of his nature" try to prevent #1 -- after all, for the most part all of this behavior is self-destructive, and I only got infected by it because I'm so close to him and also gave a damn about him, probably more of a damn than he did -- but that it's there, under the surface, as much as he wants it not to be. More #2 but, maybe, he could very well actually be #1.

[JVS]

6. print out your post and ask for his answer

[ForrestGump]

11. I already know what it will be

Especially 'cos he's been out drinking a few hours already. It'll be the same as it always is when I've confronted him about his behavior before: basically "I don't give a f***ing sh**." This morning, essentially out of the blue, he attacked me (verbally) for the very first time, and was way out of line...something's going on (he's been a real nightmare the past week and it's begun affecting my mood as never before), and I'm not sure if it's him going all alcohol-psychosis on me or if someone's whispering in his ear.

I can't talk to him about this, or his drinking...I already know his reactions. And he's a drunk with a handgun in his room. Bad things happen all the time in this world, and I think I'm best just totally and pointedly ignoring his hate-filled rants, as I invariably do these days, and taking care of business until this year is done.

[Orsino]

7. That's a whole lotta negatives there.

As you care about the guy, or did, there must be a lot of positives. I think that there'd have to be. I think it would be tough to be a friend to someone you're always wanting/needing to apologize for.

Misogynists are woman-haters by definition. That sort of sickness probably tends to go hand-in-hand with general misanthropy and racism, which your friend also seems to have plenty of. Wanting to understand him is commendable, but it ain't gonna be fun. You'll have to get him to open up about what has probably hurt him most deeply (and revealing vulnerabilities doesn't sound like a favorite hobby of his)...or you may find that he simply never learned how to love.

Best wishes.

[ForrestGump]

12. Yes, lots of positives, too

I dwelt on the negatives in that post, because they were germane and there're no shortage of them. But in many ways he is a truly good man. Otherwise -- you're right -- I never would have wasted any time or energy in trying to get him to shape up.

I love the dude, but I realize now that I'm not likely to help someone as far gone as he is, who not only won't help themselves but who knows exactly what they're doing and precisely how self-defeating it is, and wants it that way. :-(

He's said he doesn't think he really knows what love is, or ever did. I think you nailed the root cause with that. The rest -- the effects of Vietnam included, and the acculturated things like racism and xenophobia -- are probably incomplete embellishments on that, hence their paradoxical qualities. I'm angry at him now, for the way he is and for how I've become for part of the last few days, but when that subsides I'll still be saddened he is like that. But that is, I have to acknowledge, very much his problem, and a problem he probably wants and needs to have.

Thank you. :hug:

[Nikia]

13. I don't know if this is the case with your friend

But I have met a few misogynistic guys who divide women into people and sex objects. For whatever reason, a woman who they do or might have sex with is seen negatively where as they are capable of treating women who they see as people with respect. Having been attracted to a couple of them when I was younger was certainly confusing. I think that one guy really meant it when he said "I respect you way too much to ever have sex with you." He treated me like a sister while he trated the girls that he actually dated horribly.

[ForrestGump]

17. Is that the 'whore-Madonna' complex that I've heard talk of?

There may be some of that going on, actually. It's hard to tell, there's so much else going on.

But I am happy that you are no longer attracted to any men like that... :hug:

Sometimes I can't help but be ashamed of my gender, in general. I know there're lots of good men, and lots of not-so-good women, but men sure can be monsters. :-(

People can be monsters, I guess. Men just tend to more frequently be more in-your-face and primal with it, maybe.

I love women. :D

I may not like individual women, for good cause, but I just don't understand misogyny.

[ForrestGump]

14. Breaking news: our stove apparently performs oral sex and has had sexual relations with a mother,

presumably its own.

He got back about 50 minutes ago and disappeared into his room but, 15 minutes ago, I heard him trying to prep the high-tech oven to cook a pizza and he's been going at it ever since, trying to program the thing to cook it, holding a loud conversation of the thing, cursing up a storm and using words that suggest the above-mentioned sexual activities. It's been exactly fifteen minutes now, no exaggeration. I'm just sitting in here snickering my bootie off, hearing his side of the dispute. I can't help it. We really should have a reality show in the works here. :D

Perhaps I shouldn't be deriving such glee from his culinary frustrations but, hey, you've got to get it where he can and those clever Germans even came up with a word -- schadenfreude (German for 'karma,' I guess) -- for this classic confrontation between man and machine.


Uh-oh. I hear things flying and what might be oven doors being kicked. The yelling has reached a crescendo.





A live update: he knocked on my door, defeated by the rogue appliance, and it took me all of five seconds to program the thing to cook his pizza. It was so hard to keep a straight face. I rule...damn straight. :D

He seems much better now, humbled both by the oven and by events that came his way out there today that he just ran down to me. :-)

But, yeah, he's still an ass, to put it kindly (and, indeed, to only halfway state it).

[Danger Mouse]

15. That's a lot to take in...wow...

He seems to be quite the poisonous human being...obviously you care for him, but he's just going to drag you down with him if things continue as they are.
As for him, he needs some serious help, before he completely self-destructs.

[ForrestGump]

20. Thanks

Yeah, he knows he needs help -- he's got it through the VA (and he is lucky because he happens to have great VA doctors here who really have gone the extra mile) -- but last year he once told me, point blank and in so many words, that he would not do what he knows he needs to do to address what he now conceded were serious mental issues (clinical depression and PTSD) because he knows it's good for him. He's fully aware, at least much of the time, exactly how he is sabotaging himself. I have never before heard, or even imagined, such a frank admission of self-defeating behavior.

And he will drag me down with him if I let him. I'm kind of walking a fine line right now. When it comes down to it, I'm not going down with his ship. In the meantime, I need to knuckle down, bring in money, and improve my options while I'm not entirely alone in this fairly merciless town.

[Danger Mouse]

21. You can't force him to want to help himself.

If he won't do what he needs to do to save his own soul, then you've already lost the battle.
It sounds like you already have done so much, but you gotta look out for yourself, too...

[ForrestGump]

25. Exactly

You pretty much covered my perspective.

I'm still kind of clinically curious about his mentality, though...all this hate, and where it came from, and whether he really hates women. Must be my scientist at work. :D

The responses here have helped me -- cathartic, and what I posted did turn into a sort of a rant, too -- but they've also thrown some light on to what might be going on in there, inside him. If he actually follows through with the marriage he ran out on completing a year ago (just as well, I think, though it was the night before the wedding) it'll save from much of the negativity, if we don't already break up the Everly Brothers before then.

[Danger Mouse]

28. I would say lack of love and encouragement in his life

plus being surrounded by violent mafia types have created this uber woman-hating macho tough guy who is afraid to truly let anything or anyone get close to him beyond a certain point. Vietnam, I am sure, did a huge ammount to influence that as well.
I wouldn't say he is truly full of hate towards everyone...just extremely bitter, to the point where he takes it out on everyone and anything.
Best of luck finding your own path.

[ForrestGump]

33. Thanks!

yes, I think so -- in line with GOPisEvil's Second Postulate. With major anger issues.

Sad, really.

But not entirely excusable just because, in some ways, he had a lousy youth and endured Vietnam. He knows how to help himself, if he chooses.

[LeftyMom]

16. What would you tell a woman if she were seeing this guy?

It's really no different. You can't change people who don't want to change.

[ForrestGump]

22. True story: can't help someone who won't be helped, or help himself

She has some issues, too, I think. I think they're ill-suited but, whatever...I've done my share of talking to him about her and now it's up to him. I do feel a little sorry for her, much as I suspect she is not the greatest person on the planet, getting to live with him, but catering hand and foot to him is probably what she wants, anyway.

She's a neocon-enabler, too. In the walls of one of the rooms in her southern mansion she has a framed portrait of one Nathan Bedford Forrest. It may well be her late husband's, and it's alongside portraits of great Southern generals of the Civil War, but, still.... :scared:

[Skittles]

18. for chrissakes just KICK HIS RACIST, MISOGYNISTIC ASS already

UGH

[ForrestGump]

23. Haven't kicked him yet

But I've pushed him, hard, a few times, to break up fights.

It's a start. :hi:

:hug:

[undeterred]

19. My computer and I are going to take a shower together.

Next time, I'll stop reading after I read your subject line.

[ForrestGump]

24. Just please be kind to your oven

:P

[lizziegrace]

26. Forrest

I agree with GOPisEvil's take. He either *is* all you say or he does this to keep the world at bay. Safer that way. No positive emotions. But, even negative attention is still attention.

You've done more for him than most anyone else would have. I know your heart won't let you kick him to the curb easily.

:hug:

I hope you can find an answer somehow.

[ForrestGump]

29. Thank you, Ms

Lizzie. :hug: :hug:

There's a quieter kind of a truce on now, so we'll see how it goes. He's still got those root issues, and I still am disgusted by his behavior (though usually not as deeply affected as earlier last week...a mix of it being particularly bad and it being so cumulative an effect these past 16 or so months), but I'll try to maintain an even keel even if he's foundering.

:loveya:

[supernova]

27. Forrest, gentle suggestion

Sometimes we keep inviting the same person into our lives over and over again. They could be male or female, but they usually exhibit the same personality traits that we invariably try to "fix" because, doggoneit, what we did just didn't work the first time.

It's sweet of you to want to be friends with the guy, but that ain't gonna fix him, little EOO. (Equal Opportunity Offender) It could be that living in Sin City, with everybody's hedonistic impulses on display, gives him cart blanche to think the worst of humanty, us women included.

And uh, you didn't have to be roomates to accomplish whatever help you wanted to give. I'd say it's time to move on. You should not have to be relegated to one bedroom in your own home. That's just not right.

Sometimes people have to bottom out before they start to clean up their act, otherwise they are libel to turn around and bite the hand that feeds. If I sound harsh, I don't mean to be, it's just that sometimes you're (general "you") the excuse they use. Been there, done that.

Sidebar edit; I've got this whole roomate special evening fantasy and one being a mysosgnistic asshole kinda destroys the mood! :P

[ForrestGump]

31. I'm sorry...did I forget to tell you about

my other roommate?




:D


:loveya:


I've been lucky not to have anyone this mind-numbingly negative in my life before. My father's got a pessimistic streak, but he's like Pollyanna by comparison. And I've moved rapidly in the opposite direction from bigots and Freeper types who have crossed my path.

Many people perceive this dude as being a mean, nasty person but I got to know him, initially, as a decent man who was kind and considerate. The truth is that he is both, and the darkness has not only become more apparent to me with time and exposure but has, actually, become more strongly expressed with every passing month, especially just recently (as I said above, oddly enough, during a time when our fortunes have greatly improved, at least in terms of money).

I have been thinking more about what GOPisEvil said and I think that this person is more in line with the second of his categories, and not organically evil or entirely misanthropic, but the end result can sometimes look the same. I know for sure that some of the hateful language he uses is for effect -- he's posing, but seems oblivious to even the not-especially-progressive of his friends not being particularly impressed or amused by it. I am a longhaired hippie pinko commie gay-and-Darlene-Love-loving subversive liberal who drives a foreign-made car, who's never been close to anyone quite like him, so I guess the shock's even greater for me.

And you also have a good point about Vegas. If you (again, the generic 'you') were prone to misanthropy, this place would all too easily confirm its validity. And the women, too -- it's hard to generalize, but many women who live here are very beautiful, coming from all over to work in industries where external beauty is the key attribute they're looking for, and (as is true of a great many men, and certainly corporate entities, in this town) many are extremely mercenary. I know lots of very nice women here, but this is one of the key meccas for the quick buck, and personal profit at any cost, and it shows in many of the people. Misanthropy, in general, or misogyny: this place could easily reinforce either, more so than any place I have yet visited or know of.


Now...about this roommate fantasy..... :D


:hug:

[bullwinkle428]

30. I guess I have such small circle of friends because I can't deal

with that kind of poison in my life - I have a minimal tolerance for people that wield attitudes like that. I wish I had advice to give you other than telling him to take a hike, but I admire you for still wanting to be there for him, even after what he's put you through over the years.

[ForrestGump]

32. People suck

I always thought I was kind of a misanthrope -- I look around at the world and see what humans have done to it and each other, and my environmental interest since I was a kid sure made me no fan of our species -- but now I'm thinking that I was just being a realist in not being a huge fan of humankind and preferring the way certain other species go about things.

I'm pretty much ready to give up on this person, to protect myself, but I have no arbitrary number of 'breaks' I'd give him or not give him before I go ballistic on him or just arrange new living and work situations. Tomorrow or never, or whatever. I'm just not willing to further endure it as bad as it's been lately.

I hope you stay free of such toxicity. There's a lot of it out there. You just need to look at neocon or neocon-dominated Internet message boards (and radio and TV shows, etc) to get a hint of how much desperate ugliness is out there. It sometimes scares me, very much. It also provokes a corresponding hate in me, sometimes, and a strong desire to go Rambo on their asses -- hardly a particularly enlightened trait, I guess. :D




"Don't make me angry...you won't like me when I'm angry...."

:P

[FuzzySlippers]

34. Jeebus, Forrest,

I see issues beyond the racist and misogynistic attitudes. You say you have to keep breaking up his fights, and you're afraid to confront him about his bullshit because he's a drunk and maybe paranoid and has a handgun in his room?!?!? He sounds like a menace to your health and safety. Loyalty is very commendable and all that, but I think you have to put your own physical well-being first.

[ForrestGump]

36. I can take him

:D

Not macho BS...he's strong and big, and has way more experience in real 'street' fighting (worked security and also has hung out on bars his whole life and has a hot temper, which is not a good combination), but I'm faster and trained for half my life in martial arts and he's admitted to me and many others that he is in awe of my strength as a result of me flinging him about when he's been out of control and also when I demonstrated the immovability of the "move along" hand press that I've had to use on a few bozos and the shockwave-inducing-palmstrike-that-looks-like-a-friendly-backslap that I've also used to get antagonists moving away from us. That kind of thing has worked every time and defused many a scuffle, and it's not going to get us in trouble because it looks passive. It's not that I'm a Shaolin killing machine, but he knows I am fast and know how to use connectivity to maximize and magnify my actual muscular and skeletal strength. I should: I sweated and bled enough years to learn that stuff. The pushes that I've had to use on a few people who've been in our faces and very belligerent (and on him!), along with a very quiet suggestion that they move, are very effective and are suitably not overtly violent, but they give a hint of power...I know, because I've 'crossed hands' (training and friendly bouts!) with a lot of seasoned martial artists and the ones who really know what they're doing almost vibrate, no matter their size or build, and you can just tell that they're not someone you'd want to be hit or seized by. That reserve of dynamic power that's just there, beneath a steady and relaxed surface, is very tangible. I learned that the hard way. I have less than some, more than others...more than him and most (all, so far) of the people we get hassled by. :D

I don't think it's going to come to that, though it's conceivable he'll fight back at me one of these days when I get between a drunken him and a would-be opponent. If he does, he will find his face on the ground and his wrist twisted at interesting angles high behind him, or something equally as sobering. I don't have a sense of humor about being attacked, even by a friend who's temporarily insane. I'm ready for it as a possibility, but only because I still take my cub scout "be prepared" maxim seriously.

The gun could well do me in, though, yeah. I highly doubt it'd ever come to that, but it obviously happens. If it does, the details of the case would probably make the tabloids, and y'all would soon enough know about it. :D

If he can't turn an oven on, though, I'm not sure he'd be able to load his .357 quickly enough to get me when he's drunk. :-)

:hug:

[Heidi]

35. My mother's basic question to me when I've been in similar situations

with friends, boyfriends and an ex-husband: "Is your life better with, or without, this person?"

I realize that sounds extremely selfish but, on occasion, selfish is healthy choice.

:hug: to you, Forrest.

[ForrestGump]

37. That is

a very good way of parsing it. :D

In my case, I can say it's better, professionally, but is bordering on not being so. And on a personal level his demons are beginning to jab their pitchforks into me and it's all rapidly losing its novelty value. I'm ready to get off this ride if I need to, though I'd prefer a little more time of working in tandem if I can take it without having more times anything like these past four or five days.

And yes, sometimes you've got to look out for Number One.

:hug:

:loveya:

[HEyHEY]

38. Why would you talk to this assbag?

[ForrestGump]

39. He's my partner

Work partner, that is. We split the proceeds of our endeavors equally and it's worked out nicely in the past year. I don't think I could have made it by myself -- not as surely, anyway -- but now I probably could (if I applied myself fully, I'd probably be better off in purely financial terms, too, by following up on opportunities potentially open to me as a solo concern) and residual loyalty is there but sorely tested by him, especially when he's as nightmarish as he's been the last little while.

Also a friend, but familiarity's bred a lot of contempt in me for the way he acts and what he says.

He hasn't 'abused' me directly, but being around his intense and almost-constant negativity is not doing my soul any good.

[SarahB]

40. One important thing you need to realize

THIS GUY WILL NOT CHANGE!!!

Remind yourself of this and instead of trying to analyze exactly why he is the way he is, ask yourself:

Can I continue to work so closely with someone like this? If so, how long?

Once you've answered those questions, you can figure out some concrete plans as to what you want to do about this. I do know you are one to sometimes put up with a lot of crap, but then once you finally get fed up, you are hurt and angry (justifiably). Don't get yourself hurt- emotionally or financially because of this clown. Nothing obliges you to keep toxic people in your life.

[bridgit]

41. Your friend does not hate Bush imo, he only says he does; people that continue @ Foxnews...

are at the bear minimum still examples of what Bush's body politic has been comprised of all along (no direct per se offense to Jerry Springer but...) as being The Jerry Springer/Springer-Cam/Where's yer Daddy's DNA Whack Jobs In Their Underwear/Smack-down Nut-Balls of politics...he only says he doesn't like Bush because Bush's 27% approval is no longer sustainable in public poor baby, poor babies as well for they that enable & support them from afar,

For me however, the usage of the tag Q: "Are all misogynists true woman-haters?" is itself tinged with what is usury, in that after having sifted through what you're bringing here, your friend is clearly bent on a host of issues across the board, and that question seems designed to inflame...so indeed here we are, have we taken "the bait"?

Or in these over-arching matters, quite beyond what is 'simply misogynistic', are you seeking forms of absolution for behaviors that have enabled this person you refer to, to be 'all that he can be'?

Within what is referred to as: A Sin Of Omission...who's omission is it, who's sin thereby?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. he seems rather icky.

thats my clever analysis of the day :P