So what should I throw at our commencement speaker on Sunday?

[NewWaveChick1981]

:grr: I am required to be there, which is not a problem, except for the fact that the commencement speaker is somewhat of a Repuke icon. I've heard the speaker speak before, and it's torture. It'll be all about conservative values and other such bullshit. :mad: Any suggestions on what to take with me to throw at him?

I was gonna take my copy of An Inconvenient Truth and bean him with it, but I don't want to soil my DVD. :P

Edited to add: I won't even get to see my own mother on Mother's Day because I've got to listen to that asshole. :cry:

[Squatch]

1. Shuriken

[NewWaveChick1981]

2. ...

:rofl: :hi: EXCELLENT suggestion! I'll sharpen them extra well.

[Squatch]

11. Now tell me the truth...

did you have to Google "Shuriken"?

If not, then I bow to your uber-geekiness. :yourock:

[NewWaveChick1981]

15. No.

:P My ex-boyfriend used to deal in swords and other martial arts weaponry at shows, and I learned what shuriken were then. (That was somwhere circa 1983.)

hi: :bounce:

[seemunkee]

3. Tranquilizer dart

Hopefully before they get a chance to speak

[NewWaveChick1981]

5. Great suggestion!

:hi: :bounce: That'd save us all a lot of grief! :woohoo:

[taterguy]

4. My proudest commencement moment

Distributing thousands of Anti-Helms logos designed to be worn on caps at the 1990 UNC graduation. (He wasn't speaking but he was up for election that year)

All aerial photos of the graduation contain a subliminable anti-Helms message.

Good times.

I don't know what you should do but try to think of something creative that won't be too confrontational.

[NewWaveChick1981]

7. I'm so proud of you trashing Jesse in a very creative way!

:bounce: :toast: :woohoo: Yeah, I'm open to creative suggestions.

[UrbScotty]

24. May we see?

:D

[Omphaloskepsis]

6. iPod or other music playing device..

Not to throw.. But to listen to.

[NewWaveChick1981]

8. That'd definitely drown out the drivel...

:hi:

[Beer Snob-50]

9. HOw about flustering him

By throwing unmentionables at him.

[NewWaveChick1981]

13. Just as long as I didn't have to retrieve them afterward....

...They'd have conservative cooties after that... :P

[Beer Snob-50]

19. He would scoop them up secretly

and bring them home! What happens then,,,,,,,,I don't want to know.

[Writer]

10. Fill a condom with yogurt and beam it at him.

:P

[NewWaveChick1981]

16. I'm sure that would be a hit.

:rofl: :hi:

[NightWatcher]

12. a beach ball

smuggle a few uninflated beach balls in under your gown. While you are seated inflate them under your gown and out of sight. You can hold a few of them between your legs until the speaker starts. Then quickly toss them into the air (a la baseball game) and the grads will start batting them around. No one will remember or pay attention to the speaker but everyone will want a piece of the beachball action.

either that or an air horn. The gowns make a great cover for contraband.

congrats

[NewWaveChick1981]

17. Thanks, NightWatcher!

:hi: :D (I actually work at this college, though. :) )

[NightWatcher]

21. oh ok, mine was one of those "burning bridges" kinda things

[TommyO]

26. Ah, so that's why you have to be there - my sympathies!

You can always hire somebody to smuggle a cream pie in and give them the Coulter treatment that they deserve.

[guitar man]

14. I'd take one fo these with me

:evilgrin:

http://cgi.ebay.com/POOTER-TOOTER-hand-held-fart-machine-hilarious_W0QQitemZ110125846796QQihZ001QQcategoryZ102375QQcmdZViewItem



This is the perfect item for you - being the prankster that you are...

The POOTER TOOTER® is a hand-held fart machine. It uses no batteries. You simply hold your POOTER TOOTER in your hand, with the hole against the meaty part of your thumb, and give it a squeeze. It's small enough to be concealed in your hand, so nobody will suspect you're actually "squeezing" one off. In fact, it Sounds So Real You Can Almost Smell It!™

[NewWaveChick1981]

18. ...

:rofl: Now that might just work! :P Thanks!

[guitar man]

20. he'd never have a clue

as to why the audience was laughing...he'd think they were laughing at him :rofl:

[Rambis]

22. Flaming bag of dog.....

to bad the robes are flame retardant:)

[NewWaveChick1981]

30. ...

:rofl: :hi: Excellent!

[elvisbear]

23. You should wear a "Bullshit Protector" like this man did.

[TommyO]

27. Best suggestion yet! You could hand them out

to sympathetic faculty and students

[NewWaveChick1981]

31. ...

:rofl: :hi:

[LaraMN]

25. Some greased-up forceps?

He can use them to extract whatever has become lodged in his rectum.

[NewWaveChick1981]

29. ....

:rofl: :hi: That's the best answer yet! :rofl:

[Deep13]

37. "...whatever has become lodged in his rectum."

Like his head, for instance?

[ForrestGump]

28. I think you should throw

yourself at me.... :D

:loveya:


Good luck, young Ms 1981...I hope that you not only endure but are able to find some constructive way in which to express your warranted disgust.

:hug:

[NewWaveChick1981]

33. Hmmm...now that's a thought....

:loveya: :hi:

I'll figure something out....

[WCGreen]

32. Just keep coughing and saying Bull Shit while you do...

If that doesn't help, shoot silly string...

[NewWaveChick1981]

34. LOL!

:rofl: :hi:

[Connonym]

35. lots of F bombs would probably be my choice

but I have a potty mouth. No way you could conveniently catch strep throat Saturday?

[Deep13]

36. Amputated limbs of soldiers or Iraqi children. nt