Okay I need some help....

[WCGreen]

I am writing my last short story for my Fiction Class and I am stuck...

Here's the scenario so far...

Once well to do man let the booze get hold of him and he has fallen out of the society radar...

He wakes up, after a particularly long blackout, next to a wonderfully delicious woman who claims she knows him but our hero has no idea how he got to the hotel let alone the name of the woman...

She knows but won't tell him who she is...

The idea behind the story is an obsession...

I started with the alcoholic but am now lured into the woman being obsessed with dirty sex so she trolls around looking for guys she can fuck with out consequence...

Which way would you go...

[VelmaD]

1. stick with the alcoholic...

the woman obsessed with dirty sex is tired and done to death and cliche and, let's face it, hard to write without some people seeing it as misogynistic.

[WCGreen]

3. She is now toying with him....

She is taunting him to drink but now he isn't so sure...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. I'm with Velma on this one...

If you change your focus now, it's too big a change...

It would look like exactly what it is.....

A change because you couldn't make up your mind...

The focus would then be on her instead of on him...

My take on it!

YMMV....

:hi:

Sounds like a hell of a story!

[Redstone]

4. I'd have to see the full text to be able to offer an opinion...sorry, but any good editor will

refuse to edit an outline.

Redstone

[Robeson]

5. Focus on him....

...Make him more refined. Think modern day Nick Charles.

[TrogL]

6. Kill the woman

Everybody blames the alkie.

[supernova]

7. You have to put her in the shower

and him rifling through her purse,... belongings, etc, to get some idea of how they might have met before.

[WCGreen]

11. I tried that but she pulls him in for more sex and he, of course,

can't refuse....

[supernova]

13. Then you've got

porn and not a story.... :P

[WCGreen]

16. Not explicit sex.....

[JVS]

8. Make it about the woman, but the obsession can be getting off on not letting the guy know who she is

and how the ongoing process of enjoying his confusion over the course of the morning slowly erodes the mystery she holds and thus her enjoyment of the experience. He naturally finds the experience annoying Finally when it seems like he knows enough about her to have a bit of an image of who she is, she's no longer intersted in her game. Thus the better they know each other the worse they like each other.

[WCGreen]

10. Good one....

It seems to be naturally flowing that way....

[NMDemDist2]

9. she's the daughter of the girl he dumped at the coming out ball

her mother then got into a disastrous marriage and ended up killing herself

the daughter is out for twisted revenge since she blames the guy cuz her mother never shut up about 'the one that got away and broke my heart'

how's that?

[wildhorses]

12. happiness is a warm gun

bang bang
shoot shoot

double homicide as they go down in a blaze of glory

:headbang:

[rug]

14. She's his daughter from a one night stand years ago.

[enigmatic]

15. Here's my take

The woman is a one night stand from the hero's darkest alcolic daze, and our hero is the first one that got her drunk. And now that she's finally sober again, she wants revenge on the person that led her to the bottom of the bottle..

[WCGreen]

19. Cool.....

[In_The_Wind]

17. Stick with fleshing out the guy's story.

He doesn't know who she is or even how to find her ... but ... he is overwrought by the burning desire to reconnect with her. His knows no boundaries, he can't focus on anything but his need to be with her again. He should have many dangerous encounters on his quest.

You have the beginnings of a best seller! Go get 'em Chris!

[2008]

18. lead the reader on a leash with these 4 steps...

1) let the reader think it's a story about the fading alcoholic, as you've already done with the beginning of the story

2) take the reader out of the hotel by following the delicious mystery woman as she trolls for easy sex

3) have one of her male targets be a close friend, relative or associate of the alcoholic, and use that to surprise the reader by returning the story to his (the alcoholic's) point of view

4) leave the woman out of the rest of the story, from the point where she meets the first man's friend, making her just an interesting distraction in this story about the fading alcoholic