Thoughts on childrearing and freedom.

[Lyric]

I can't believe how fast they grow up. I;ve always heard that old cliche, but it's really sinking into me today just how true it is.

It feels last like week, he was a four-year-old just starting preschool and was so scared of being away from us that we had to stand outside of the classroom window where he could see us, until he was distracted enough to forget about being scared. Now he's almost done with first grade, less than a month away from turning seven, and he's walking to the bus stop at the front of our mobile home park all by himself.

This morning I found myself staring out the window after him, straining to watch him as long as I could before he turned the curve and was out of sight. I feel unsure sometimes, because it all seems to be happening so fast. I can't help but wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

I tend to err on the side of reasonable, age-appropriate freedom for him, but that doesn't mean I don't have misgivings. I'm the only Mom who lets her kid walk to the bus stop--all the other Moms drive their kids down. But I want him to value exercise, and fresh air, and time alone with all the trees around him and the grass still wet from the spring rain, to contemplate his world. I remember loving those times when I was his age, and I'm still grateful that my parents allowed me that freedom. To this day, nothing is as beautiful to me as the blue-grey of the clouds, hanging like a blanket so low in the half-light sky, the verdant green of wet spring leaves, and the smell of wet earth and flowers. Even the birds are reverent of it, and cease to chatter until the sun cutting through finally breaks the spell. Those morning walks in the silence that comes after the rain, but before the world really wakes up, are part of what shaped me into who I am today.

Our neighborhood is safe. The walk takes him five minutes, and there are lots of parents and other kids around at the bus stop. But I feel like maybe the other Moms see him coming, and "Tsk tsk" to themselves about Brendan's awful, neglectful Mother who doesn't even drive her kid to the bus stop. I want to tell them that I'm trying to nurture confidence in him, so that someday when he has to make a tough decision, he won't doubt himself. I want them to know that I *do* worry about him...but I let him go anyway. Walking to the bus stop isn't such a big deal by itself, but it's a beginning.

Someday soon he'll be 9 years old, riding his bike on our street without me right there beside him. I'll blink and he'll be fearlessly twelve, ready to try the high-dive at the community pool. Fast-forward a bit more, and he'll be stubborn sixteen at a party, choosing to call Mom for a ride instead of trying to drive home after he's been drinking. And with another turn of the clock, he'll be waving goodbye as he leaves for college, and I'll be letting him go.

And then the day will come when he's old enough to take part in the democracy his ancestors tended for him, and decide whether we should be more free, or less. The world might be a scary place by then, and the notion of decreasing freedom in order to increase security might be appealing. But maybe, just maybe, he'll remember that when he was almost seven years old, his Mom trusted him to walk to the bus stop by himself, and he'll remember the smell of the rainwashed grass and the blue-grey dampness of the sky. Maybe he'll realize that freedom, with all of its risks, is worth it in the end.

"Those that would give up essential liberty in pursuit of a little temporary security deserve neither liberty nor security" --Benjamin Franklin

[mainegreen]

1. good post.

:thumbsup:

[Katina]

2. I understand your point

and you have to do what you think is best but IMVHO, at almost 6, most children would still like to have mom or dad walk them to the bus. When he is 9, he'd sooner stay home than be seen in public walking with mom or dad. I know it's all relative to where you live, but I personally think he's too young to be alone. It's not a question of trust or freedom for him, it's a question of recognizing the dangers out in the world..even the dangers from one's neighbors.
At six, I walked my son to the bus stop. It was a time to talk about the little things, to talk about what he would be doing at school, to talk about nature as we walked through the neighborhood to the bus stop. It was a very special time to hear his thoughts and ideas, his childlike understanding of how the world worked. I wouldn't have missed that time for anything in the world.

[Lyric]

3. He's almost 7, not almost 6

just so you know. ;)

Due to health problems, I cannot walk him down myself--so the choice is either him walking alone, or me driving him. He prefers walking, and I've chosen to allow him that freedom--for reasons I explained above. As I mentioned before, it's a very, very short walk and I can see him most of the way. There's always a risk when letting them out of your sight, but I believe the risk to his safety is miniscule, while the benefits to his sense of independence and self-accomplishment (among other things) is great.

I do appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

[skygazer]

4. Very nice post

My littlest called me yesterday for a late Mother's Day (he couldn't find my number on Sunday). He's 19, 6 foot 2 with a deep voice. Reading your post, I could see him walking down our road toward the bus stop at just your son's age, swinging his backpack and kicking rocks. At least, I could see him until my eyes started watering inexplicably. :)

Time just races by and sometimes I get a little misty, missing my little kids. But all my kids are such great adults and the adventure just continues.

You sound like a great mom. :hug:

[LibertyLover]

5. I hear you

Mine is 4, almost 5. She will be going to kindergarten in the fall and riding the bus. The town I grew up in was too small to have buses, so either you walked or were driven to school. The bus stop is just at the end of our street and only 4 houses away, but in the beginning, either my husband or I will walk her to and from it. When she gets a bit older, we'll do what you are doing - letting her walk on her own, but keeping an eye on her. I still remember her sweet baby smell and it seems like just yesterday that we brought her home. Where does the time go?

[Two_stabs]

6. Don't worry about other moms.

They should have better things to worry about.

[LaraMN]

7. No matter HOW you choose to raise your child(ren,)

SOMEONE will always take issue with your decisions. That's why you can't worry about what others think.
My oldest son is nine, and I still stare out the window and watch him walk to school, until I can't see him anymore.
(If I didn't I wouldn't have seen him take off his jacket en route this morning, and I wouldn't realize the need to chastise him when he gets home, today!)

[China_cat]

8. You won't know the truth of how fast that really goes

until you wish him happy birthday on his 45th. As I will be doing in August.

[I Have A Dream]

9. What a wonderful post!

:)