What are your thoughts on gossip? 4 or 5 questions:

[bicentennial_baby]

On the topic of gossip that disparages others:

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it?

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true?

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose?

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself?

I'm just curious about DU's thoughts on this matter, thank you :)

I'll post my answers in a bit! :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. as someone who has been accused of things that i did not do.

i find most gossip to be a bit tedious. however sometimes when people are in conflict it is human nature to pick the people one believes more.

[GirlinContempt]

2. Hm.

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it?
That depends. If someone is constantly being a giant asshole to people, and someone says "So and so was a giant asshole to whatshisname yesterday", I might just believe it.

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true?
I always love that true and false claim. Very rarely is any gossip totally true or totally false. And as for bothering to find out if it's true or not, that can be really hard. If I hear something bad about you from someone who hates you, they're probably going to overstate it because they already hate you, and you'll probably understate it because you don't hate you. It's normal.

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose?
Sometimes. It depends how public it is. When someone is really publicly nasty and hateful, I'll talk about it with my friends. And I also don't feel bad about it, or even feel that 'gossip' is being 'spread'. Because when the person makes the choice to be a giant asshole (or whatever it is they're doing) in public, they have to realize it is no longer their private business. Something I'm told by someone else that was never public? I've been known to discuss it with close, personal friends, depending on what it is.

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself?
Feel? Well, I'm not happy about it. But, it happens. Generally, I won't bother to defend myself, because I don't really give a shit. I don't do very much that I feel needs defending, and if other people feel that it does they can take that up with themselves. If it was someone I was close to, I'd be more likely to tell them off than I would defend myself.


Part of the problem with gossip is that (nearly) everyone does it. It's NORMAL. And most people don't even notice until it somehow affects THEM. Then people will cause a big stink about how bitchface is talking smack, or whatever. They seem to forget that they said things or imparted information about others just as freely. I've had this happen. I was accused of spreading stories about someone and talking shit about them. All I could think was "I remember sitting in my apartment with you telling me all kinds of shit about others". But, it wasn't about THEM so it didn't count, right? There are always more malicious forms of this or that, but I can almost guarantee that the forms most people find most malicious involve themselves or close friends. Not logic.

[bicentennial_baby]

3. Really good and well thought out answer...

Thank you :hi:

I agree with pretty much everything you've said here, good stuff. Thanks for taking the time to respond :)

[GirlinContempt]

5. Thanks

and you're welcome

[Zuiderelle]

4. It's never worth it to defend yourself against gossip, especially to strangers.

Anyone who believes false gossip is not going to believe the truth either.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. i found that one out the hard way.

[SarahB]

6. Here you go.

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it?
Sometimes, I do, but whether I do or not, I take people for how they treat me and smart enough to know gossip doesn't always tell the whole story. Nor is someone else's personal business necessarily any of my business.

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true?
If it affects me directly, I'm direct. Otherwise, not my thing. When people ask me to keep things in confidence, I keep them.

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose?
Rarely and if I do, it's not in a judgmental way unless the person has been a total asshole to me personally. Again, I'm an open-minded person and don't second guess someone else's personal stuff.

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself?
BTDT and I've been a bit peeved. Especially when they're gossiping about me and someone I may be totally cool with (making a huge deal out of not a huge deal) or don't know the whole story. I'll defend myself if it matters to me, but mostly I don't care. I'm just glad my own life isn't so dull as dirt that I have nothing better to do than be "the judgment police" in regard to something that isn't my business.


How's that? :D

[bicentennial_baby]

7. That is excellent, thank you!

Judgment police indeed :D

:hi:

[johnnie]

8. Yes

[militaryspouse]

11. ..

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it? ....Depends on who it is. I can see right through a liar, I can read body language pretty well and can most times tell when someone is out-right lying or exxaggerating. If the person is credible or a good friend I usually take what they say at face value.

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true?... Need to know basis. If i don't NEED to know, then no.

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose?....I try not to. If someone trust me enough to tell me something PERSONAL, I WON'T go spreading it around. However if it is somehing as simple as relaying suzie is going to buy new carpet today, I don't see that as gossip.

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself?.... If I am approached I will defend myself, or if I hear rumors are floating and I so happen to be talking to someone it was spread to..I may interject with....just in case so and so said this about me..I want to set the record straight.

Gossip to me is when someone is being spiteful,malicious or jealous.

[Karenca]

9. Here.....

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it? NO

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true? NO

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose? NO

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? I DON'T CARE

Do you bother to defend yourself? NO

[billyskank]

10. Hmm well

I define "gossip" as tittle-tattle about people's private lives, and I'm not interested in it. As a rule I don't pay it much heed (not that I hear much) and I don't share it.

To clarify: I count as "gossip" stuff that people would not broadcast themselves. Other kinds of stuff, like "x and y are getting married" I count as "news" rather than "gossip", and I would pass that on.

[bicentennial_baby]

12. Understood, and agreed

Although, even something such as your example of 'news' could serve as gossip when directed in a particular way with a particular intention, no?

:pals:

[billyskank]

15. I guess the mood behind the telling is important

Sometimes people say things out of malevolence. I don't think I would do that, but people never seem to tell me stuff like that either. I tend to get left out of it all, which I am perfectly happy about. :)

[Midlodemocrat]

13. It seems to me that gossip by nature is malicious.

It's designed to hurt. If someone tells another about a great promotion a third person recieved, they aren't accused of gossip by any means.

I believe it if I have seen the same type of behavior in that person, in other words, too much partying, neglect of their kids, etc.

I tend not to gossip. I'm not malicious by nature.

I don't care if people gossip about me. I figure they're just jealous. :P

[bicentennial_baby]

14. Of course they are, Hitler....

:rofl:

Series, good answers, thank you. :)

[SOteric]

17. Well...

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it?

The only automatic response I have to gossip is to make a mental note never to tell that person anything in confidence. 'Cuz if they'll dish about someone else, they'll dish about you.

I have a very dear, and very wise friend who once told me (and I believe it true) that "No matter what they say, people can never really tell you about anyone else. The only person they can tell you about is themself. And no matter who they think they're talking about, that's exactly what they do."

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true?

Nope. I don't waste my time. I run it through a mental shredder. I assume it's no different than watching a movie. Might be fun; might be fascinting; might even be based on a true story, - but it's still just pretend.

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose?

Well, yes and no. I draw the lines of distinction between social gossip, and the kind of rumours that float 'round the office about job-related things. I am a firm believer in the Rumour-Mill, Inc., but I've no tolerance for crap about who's boinking whom or what's-his-face's miscellaneous personal shortcomings. But I file away and give varying levels of credence to talk about who is on the fast track to promotion, what department is being reorganised, which member of the team is most and least likely to accomplish a given mission. Some of that, - I do indeed pass along; with no regret.

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself?

Depends entirely on the tale being told and the person carrying it. If it seems really destructive, or likely to cause me some level of grief, then I'll go to a boss, a mentor or some trusted person in a position of relative authority, tell them I've caught wind of some gossip and wish to state for the record that it's categorically untrue. Then I drop it. Put it through the mental shredder. See above analogy regarding movies.

:hi:

I've really got more than enough actually important stuff on my plate. I don't particularly need to fill my head with dubious facts about someone else's personal life.

[bicentennial_baby]

18. Well thank you, that was an exceptional response!

You have given me much to think about, and I thank you for that. :pals:

[tigereye]

19. vote me as opposed to it

if people want to talk, they should talk to the people in question. And it's pretty uncool to criticize others when one doesn't know the whole story.

"let he who is without sin cast the first stone" ;)


:hi:

[bicentennial_baby]

20. i agree 100%!

thank you for that! :hi:

[Call Me Wesley]

21. Interesting Lounge questions.

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it? No. But next time the person is approaching me, I might excuse myself because there's more important stuff - like picking your nose or stare at something until you blink. I honestly consider gossip one - if not the - of the lowest forms of social behaviourisms, and I have no intent to dance along with it.

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true? What, gossip? What?

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose? No.

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself? What, about gossip? I know my life - other's don't. And I'm settled enough to even bother with this - I repeat myself - lowest form of social behaviourism.

[bicentennial_baby]

27. thanks for your input, really...

:pals:

[Gormy Cuss]

22. Gossip is a huge waste of time.

I'd be lying if I said that I don't spread it occasionally myself -- I think it's well ingrained in our culture. I will say that the older I get, the less interested I am in listening to it or spreading it. There are just too many better ways to waste the bandwidth in my head.

[femmocrat]

23. Is this in general, or in specific?

I work for a school district in which the gossip is continually flying around. I have learned that most of it is amusing speculation, unless you hear it from a 1) custodian; 2) lunch lady; or 3) student. They are the only ones who really have the straight skinny on what is going on. Teachers and administrators are clueless for the most part!

As for defending myself, hell no. I have the philosophy that if I ignore it, it will go away. The gossips will move on to something juicier to chew on tomorrow.

[SPKrazy]

24. moi

On the topic of gossip that disparages others:

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it? NO

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true? YES

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose? I HAVE and i should be shot

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself? I FEEL HURT, MAD, AND HELL YES I DEFEND MYSELF!

:hi:

[bicentennial_baby]

29. Awww, I wuvs you Edward

:hug:

:hi:

[SPKrazy]

32. i wuvs u 2 bibibaby!

:hug:

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. I like to ask, "Can you footnote that?"

[bicentennial_baby]

28. 'Zactly....

:thumbsup: They never can, can they?

[Dastard Stepchild]

26. gozzip...

1. I never automatically believe anything. In part because I half-listen when people are telling me gossip (so I know I am not hearing the details), and in part because I am a skeptic by nature.

2. No. It falls into this bottomless vault that stores useless information that I'll never act on or think about again.

3. Nope. Once when I was in high school, I did that and it bit me in the ass. An embarrassing, but very important, lesson to learn. Now I do not gossip with anyone, though I will share juicy tidbits with the husband because he has impenetrably tight lips.

4. It depends. If it is someone I really like, then my feelings likely get hurt. I may try and clear the air with that person. Things like that don't seem to ever get back to me, though, so if they are happening, I am blissfully unaware.

[Name removed]

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[bicentennial_baby]

31. I love you...

And as you know, I agree...But, an interesting thought experiment nonetheless...You know how I feel about all this matter.

:hug:

:loveya:

[Name removed]

41. Deleted message

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[jmm]

33. Defending yourself against gossip is always a big mistake

Once a story is spread there's no way to take it back. People are going to believe what they want to believe. The only thing defending yourself does is make people feel even more entitled to pry into your life. When I started my current job there were rumors going around that I had dated a former employee there. It took awhile of me saying it's none of their business but they slowly came around and realized my personal life isn't up for casual discussion. I've had too many situations where I have or have seen rumors addressed and then it backfires.

[bicentennial_baby]

34. Good advice, thank you

:pals: I truly appreciate the input.

:)

[Name removed]

35. Deleted sub-thread

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[Nikia]

36. Although my perfect self says gossip is bad

I actually do find it interesting even though it might not be true. I guess when I hear it, I consider that it might be true, might be an exaggeration, might be based on a misunderstanding, or might be based on the imagination of the teller.
There are times that I have tried to find out if it was true, but this ended up just spreading gossip more because I usually asked someone else, not the person involved. I only asked the person involved if I was particuliarly close to them. It usually makes a person uncomfortable if you say something like "I heard that you are having an affair with..." when you don't know them well.
I try to be more conscious about avoiding spreading gossip. When I associate with people who do gossip, I find myself having to be more conscious about it. This is especially true at work because it is unprofessional to spread gossip at work.
I have had a number of rumors spread about me. If asked, I will defend myself. If I hear a rumor about a rumor about me, I usually just let it go because talking about it more sometimes just makes the situation worse. The latest rumor about me is my salary/wage, which is rumored to be more than almost anyone there and at least $15,000 per year than I actually make. It freaked me out at first, but it might actually be working in my favor.

[wildhorses]

37. let me see ---

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it? no

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true? yes

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose? no

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? i try to laugh it off...if it is in my personal life, in my professional life i have to take it more seriously.

Do you bother to defend yourself? professionally, yes / personally, not so much

:hi:

[AlCzervik]

38. good questions.

1. to be honest it depends on who's doing the telling.

2. If possible yes, since i live so far away from my friends and family stuff isn't always easy to verify, also hate to say this cause it sounds shitty but it also depends on who the gossip is about, if it's someone from high school that i won't ever see again then i out that in "not making a difference in my life quality" category.

3. No i don't for many reasons but mostly it's the living away 3,000 miles away, who am i gonna gossip about?

4. Fucking pissed and beyond hurt, i was accused of something by 2 "friends", this was about 20 years ago, i told them i didn't do what i was accused of, i had no way to prove i didn't do it except my word and that wasn't good enough but the worst thing was that they were talking about me for weeks before they said it to my face.

ok so long story short, they stop talking to me, i give up and say fuck it, i didn't do it and i don't want to be friends with anyone that would think i would do something like. 3 years go by and i see one of them and he justs bust his ass rushing up to me to explain how they were wrong and just how sorry he was and oh Marci really wants to talk to you. Oh Really? So i tell him thanks and no need to talk to Marci and really no need to continue talking to him either. "I said i was i sorry" "Yes you did, i accept and now you can go tell everyone that you talked shit to about me that you were so wrong and you and Marci were the worst friends in the world." and that was last time i talked to him.

So i don't gossip and i also have a rule that i live by "Do not tell me anything i will have to lie about" and that really, really cuts down on what people tell you. My sister calls and gossips or tries to about her mil and i always tell, "You met her before you married him, suck it up"

[supernova]

39. Gossip

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it?

No. I base my opinions based on my experiences of the topic of conversation.

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true?

Depends on if the object of the gossip is someone I care about. If I don't know that person, I generally ignore it. I don't enjoy tearing down others anyway.


Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose?

No, I don't. If it's someone I know, I will find a way to tell them if it's something they should be aware of so that person can decide what to do for him/herself. Otherwise, I'm a big black hole for gossip. It might go in, but it doesn't come back out. I generally don't enjoy it and will actively avoid anybody whose chief communication consists of gossip.

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself?

In the workplace yes. This shit catches like wildfire and your reputation goes with it. And usually its the untrue stuff that sticks. Otherwise I don't care and don't bother. My family and close friends don't know anyone who would spread salacious stuff about me. I prefer it that way.


If I sound curt, it's because in the realm of human relationships, gossip belongs in the sewer, AFAIC.

[Name removed]

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[Truthiness Inspector]

42. Gossip sucks

It's done behind people's backs and negative, and serves only to make the gossiper feel somehow superior.

I don't do it, and I lose respect instantly for those who do, because it's always damaging.

90% of gossip is negative news, and the 10% that is positive gets twisted into negative shit by the time it's done.

[ScreamingMeemie]

43. Let's try this again...

Ahhh, it's really not worth it in the end. :hi:

[militaryspouse]

44. i

like the way my neighbor handles gossip. if someone comes up to her with the.'let me tell you about what she did', she will interrupt and say something like, that's between you two, i don't need to hear about it. talk about stopping someone in their tracks

i think the worse kind of gossip is when you barely know the gossiper and they are bad talking about everyone they can think of.

[NewWaveChick1981]

45. I detest gossip.

:grr: I've heard gossip about people (including myself) that has been false and extremely hurtful. I will not participate in gossip, nor will I ever start it.

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it? No.

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true? Not usually. I stay the hell out of gossip situations.

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose? No, no, NO!

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself? I ignore it. It used to hurt me, but if people have nothing better to do with their time than to talk trash about other people, they're to be pitied rather than listened to.

[LoZoccolo]

46. Here are my answers.

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it?

Not usually, unless I kind-of saw whatever is being gossiped about coming.

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true?

I think everybody does, because when they hear it they want to know more about it, which establishes or diminishes it more.

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose?

Yes. To a certain degree gossip is good because it lets people know when someone's going around fucking people over in some way. Sometimes it can aid in forming a collective amateur diagnosis of someone's personality disorder when they refuse to go for psychological treatment. Like you can tell when someone's being passive-aggressive.

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself?

If it's about something I did, I would try to set it right if it was about something I did that really did hurt someone. If it's about some personality trait or habit, I'd take a look at myself before I dismiss it. If I bother to defend myself depends on how easily that's done.

[skygazer]

47. I am surrounded by gossip in my job

To answer your questions -

I never automatically believe what I hear. I know better. A couple of weeks ago, my SO was in the store where I work. One of the employees asked about me in the Produce department. Mr. Sky told him my knee was still bothering me and I would not be back to work for at least a few more weeks. By the time, Mr. Sky reached the meat department on the opposite side of the store, he had employees asking if I'd gone in for surgery and whether I'd be able to walk again. That's how fast it travels and how inaccurately. No, I never automatically believe anything.

Nor do I make a big effort to find out if it's true. I usually assume that it's not or that it's so exagerrated as to be insignificant. I base my opinions about others with my own interactions with them and by what I see myself.

I don't gossip myself. In fact, I'm known as a person people can tell anything to because it never goes further than me. I have no interest in spreading stories about other people.

When I inevitably find out that gossip is circulating about me, I pretty much ignore it. It never really surprises me and it doesn't usually bother me. Sometimes it's irritating but I dont' bother trying to defend myself - that just gets exagerrated and blown out of proportion, too and usually starts a whole new round of gossip. I'm pretty secure with myself - I don't care what busybodies think of me.

[Hugin]

48. Answers...

"When you hear it, do you automatically believe it?"
Never.

"Do you ever bother to find out if it's true?"
Rarely.

"Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose?"
Nope.

"How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself?"
Doesn't happen or I'm oblivious to it.

[petronius]

49. I tend to believe whatever makes me happy,

have a good laugh, and move on. Gossip, to me, is stuff that has no meaning to my life other than entertainment value; if something is actually important for me to know, I make a point of knowing the real truth.

As for defending myself, I've never had to - no one gossips about me... :cry:

[Hugin]

51. That's not what I heard...

:)

Kidding!

I do like what you said about finding out the truth in important matters.

[bridgit]

50. ...

When you hear it, do you automatically believe it? no...

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true? no, too often garbage in/garbage out...

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose? i endeavor to remove the names, and speak further, if at all, as though it was an abstract kink within human nature itself...

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? it's hurtful, but happens all the time; sometimes especially here...

Do you bother to defend yourself? it depends upon the offense, though there may be little point in throwing pearls before swine...

[Kali]

52. I want to know what the scoop is on all the deleted sub threads!

:rofl:

I'll try to be honest here.

automatically believe it? No, not automatically - depends on source, subject and topic.

Do you ever bother to find out if it's true? - sure, if possible

Do you spread gossip about others, even if you're a third party with nothing to gain or lose? of course, I'm human and live in a rural area - it is a way of life:rofl:

How do you feel when you find out others are gossiping about you? Do you bother to defend yourself? Depends on topic - often it is so off the wall I feel puzzled and amused, occasionally it makes me mad or hurts. Defend? eh depends, but obviously people believe what they want - if it seems important I will make some effort to put the facts out there for objective judgment, but usually I am just clueless about what others are saying about me.