Who wants turkey?

[dolo amber]

At Thanksgiving hedges went and bought what was supposed to be the lovely turkey breast for our dinner. However, it got lost between the store and home. He searched the car, found nothin'...so he had to go buy another one.

Fast forward a couple months...there seems to be a bit of an odor coming from somewhere in the car. He's convinced it's just some by-product of having filthy children; I was sure it wasn't (for once) as there'd been very little done in the way of eating in the car for ages. Plus, in an effort to not puke upon entering the car I'd checked in the back seat pretty thoroughly.

Can you guess where this story's going? :D

Yeah. Went to clean out the car this weekend. Nothing in the kid-filth arena is spotted. For a while now I'd been convinced it was in fact coming from the trunk, but the trunk is also full of giant heavy boxes of crap that I can't really lift and poke around. Needless to say after it was determined it was not in fact kid related, he got in and scrounged around the trunk.

Hi turkey breast that's been in the back of the car since mid-Nov! :hi:

Christ I'm glad we don't live in like Louisiana or something. :puke:

[flvegan]

1. Nominated.

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[dolo amber]

4. It do sorta drive one to your way of thinkin', that's fo' sho'

[BarenakedLady]

2. Ewwww

That smell must have been horrid. I had a mouse die in my air filter once...took awhile to figure it out. :puke:

[dolo amber]

5. It was NO. GOOD.

I kinda feel now that I'm lucky I didn't catch bird-ebola or something.

[Fenris]

3. Heat makes all the difference in putrefaction.

I know from experience. I didn't eat chicken for a year after that because the sight of it made me physically ill. :hi::hug:

[dolo amber]

7. I'm just glad I live in the vast frozen tundra that is WI

:D

[SOteric]

6. So you're giving away Hedges?

:7 - You could put an advert on CraigsList...

[dolo amber]

10. I could get rid of a herpes-ridden outhouse easier

:eyes:

[DS1]

15. Like an army of 300 Spartan Ants, Hedges' Herpes could carry the outhouse

away for you

:eyes:

[Richardo]

16. The difference being...?

:shrug:

[AlCzervik]

8. omg, can you just throw away the inside of the car?

My friend Laurie had a similar problem with a pound of hamburger, needless to say her car was like that episode of Seinfeld when the Valet stunk up Jerry's car and no matter how many places he took it to the stench would just not come out.

edited to add--That is the fucking funniest sig line i have ever read especially after i just googled it and read the article.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[dolo amber]

12. Actually and amazingly, it's pretty well gone already

I'm pretty sure that due to its residing in the trunk, on non-porous surfaces. But I don't care if it's due to freakin' Voldemort, I'll take it. :D

[dolo amber]

29. Reply to your edit

I know, right? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Thanks for bothering...the only other response I've had is 2 PMs telling me it was "irresponsible". :eyes:

[AlCzervik]

30. really? well i almost peed myself reading that article after i snarfed the coffee

all over my desk upon reading your sig line.
:7 :toast: :hi:

[texas1928]

9. Just trim off the bad edges and heat it up in the microwave.

It is still good. You can make sandwiches.

[dolo amber]

13. Just rub some dirt on it..it'll be a'ight

:D

[MonkeyFunk]

11. So what did it look like?

was it liquified yet? Or just all black and shriveled?

[dolo amber]

14. It was a turkey breast, not hedges' heart

:eyes:

[sundog]

17. that's some funny shit

[dolo amber]

19. :o

:loveya:

Ehem. Sorry.

You're a rotten turkey. :P

[LaraMN]

18. Are you sure it's a turkey?

You're not missing a pet are you? I suspect Hedges could be resourceful with a turkey bag...
:scared:

[dolo amber]

20. Well, I'm still harrassed by several furry (and not so furry) things

for food in the morning...I'm fairly certain it wasn't a pet. Then again, it all kinda runs together at some point.. :crazy:

[Elidor]

21. My crazy boss once carried a watermelon in the back of his truck for two weeks

In the hot summer sun. He bought it with the idea of gifting it to the print crew that runs our paper every week. But he forgot about it back there in his camper-top, wedged in between a five-gallon jug of diesel fuel and an ice chest. Two weeks later, amid the alcoholic fumes, he remembered it. He had a dozen people gather around as he presented it to them, mumbling drunkenly about how much he liked them and wanted to do something nice for all their hard work. And then they cut it open. Inside was an enormous white egg of pustilence, taut and full to bursting, sitting atop many white tentacles of filth. It immediately burst, and belched forth a slimy vomitus on the faces of those gathered nearest. And then the little thing from Alien screamed and ran off shrieking bloody murder.

I still mention it to them sometimes, and the look that comes over their faces, my god.

[dolo amber]

25. ...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

As fabulously funny as this is, there are no Indonesian midgets involed. How is this possible? :o :shrug:

Still. Thanks for the hilarious, if nauseating, tale.

[greatauntoftriplets]

22. I always want a good turkey dinner, with lots of stuffing and gravy.

Just not YOUR turkey.

Gawds that car must have stunk, if the Milwaukee weather is anything like Chicago weather as been lately.

:puke:

[dolo amber]

26. It was horrible, but low-key horrible

After a few minutes in the car you barely smelt it at all.

[Shine]

23. OMG, that's nasty! Great story, though.

:hi:

[dolo amber]

27. You would have had the good sense to burn sage or something

Come to think of it, that would've been wholly appropriate and certainly a vast, and complimentary, improvement. :D


Btw, how'd your choir solo go? I used to do that stuff...I still can't think of anything that quite feels like a big choir in full voice. :loveya:

[Shine]

31. Mmmmm...sage is always a good cleanser, 'tis true

:D

My choir solo went GREAT, thanks for asking!! It was a huge success, much adulation, I felt very loved and supported. I really love performing. I wasn't a bit nervous, either.

:loveya:

[KamaAina]

24. Are you casting asparagus on the quality of Louisiana turkey?

Christ I'm glad we don't live in like Louisiana or something.

I'll have you know, La. is the home of the turducken, a holiday treat (?) consisting of a whole turkey, stuffed with a whole duck, which in turn is stuffed with a whole chicken.

Now that is something you don't want to leave in the trunk of your car for six months!!!

[dolo amber]

28. Actually, I was speaking of the weather

Sweet Jesus kill me now if I'd endured that in some climate other than the Great White North of Wisconsin. :scared:

[Magrittes Pipe]

32. Turducken is my MySpace friend.

So are steak, ham, Old Crow, and burrito.