Who do you like better? Duke of Wellington or Lord Nelson?

[Louis Cipher]

I'm goin' with Nelson.

[wildhorses]

1. and why is that pray tell

hmmmm....

[Louis Cipher]

2. I've always loved the ocean

[wildhorses]

3. but, wellington

has those cool shoes:P

[Louis Cipher]

4. Doesn't he have a side of meat named after him too?

[wildhorses]

5. oh yeah ---that

ole slab of beef

i think you are right...to the sea with nelson it is

[geardaddy]

21. It's actually meat wrapped in pastry.

Yum!

[Reverend_Smitty]

6. Wellington has some bitchin' boots named after him

and some sort of beef dish


What does Nelson got going for him?

[Louis Cipher]

7. He lost an arm. And the rock band Nelson is named after him.

[NightWatcher]

8. The Earl of Sandwich

he's the best for obvious reasons

[tjwmason]

13. Invented so he could eat and gamble at the same time.

Splendid fellow, splendid fellow.

[underpants]

14. DOUCHEBAG!!!!

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/79/79tdouchebag.phtml

Butler: Lord and Lady Doucebag!

Lord Salisbury: Well, well, well.. I was just asking Lord Sandwich, "Where the devil are those Douchebags?"

Lady Doucebag: Well, it has been impossible to get him out of his workshop! He has been working day and night.

Lord Salisbury: You, Douchebag? Well, I wasn't aware you dabbled in that sort of thing. What in heaven's name are you working on?

Lord Doucebag: Well, I would be happy to tell you.. but perhaps after you have finished eating.

Lord Salisbury: Well, here is Chambers right now. Would you like something to eat?

Lord Doucebag: We're not too hungry right now - just a plate of raw vegetables.

Lord Salisbury: Would you like some dresing with that?

Lady Doucebag: Just some vinegar and water, thank you.

Earl of Sandwich: Douchebag, how are you? I haven't seen you in the House of Lords in ages! Don't tell me for the first time in memory we are going to have a House of Parliament without a Douchebag?

Lord Doucebag: My dear Sandwich, Parliament has always had its share of Douchebags, and it always will.

Lord Salisbury: Spoken like a true Douchebag. I have often heard the King speak of your family.. < to Earl of Sandwich > ..and of yours, as well: "Give me a Sandwich and a Douchebag, and there is nothing I cannot do."

Earl of Sandwich: Hear, hear!

Lord Salisbury: So, tell me, Douchebag.. when are you going to show us that invention of yours?

Earl of Sandwich: Yes, Douchebag, just what kind of an invention are you sitting on?

Lord Doucebag: Well, it's a long story. Why don't we go out to the garden, and I'll explain it to you.

Earl of Sandwich: Tell me - did Lady Douchebag help you in the project?

Lord Doucebag: Help? Why.. she was the inspiration!

[skygazer]

9. Uncle Horatio

We're tight. He takes me sailing.

[taterguy]

10. John Paul Jones could've kicked both their asses

[Louis Cipher]

11. John Paul Jones once killed a hundred men, just for snoring.

[tjwmason]

12. Hearts of Oak - I'm going to have to go with Nelson.

The romanticism of the Navy is far more me.

[Louis Cipher]

16. I was heart broken when I heard about the Cutty Sark.

There just aren't that many of those old beautiful ships around anymore.

[Deep13]

18. What happened to it?

Last time I saw it the clipper was dry-docked in Greenwhich in 1993.

[Louis Cipher]

19. It was gutted by fire.

[Deep13]

20. Goddammit!

:-(

[barb162]

15. Lord Nelson

Much more interesting than Wellington as was Lady Hamilton

[Deep13]

17. Vice Admiral Horatio Viscount Nelson

I have his portrait in my office. He was a fascinating person. He commanded by instinct and consideration and was admired and loved by his men. He was loyal to his friends, kind to his men, passionate in love and absolutely ruthless in war.

Born barely into the middle class he was at sea since he was 12 years old. He was short and thin, even for the 18th century. He first served as a "boy" in the merchant navy during a lull in the fighting where he developed a fear of the Royal Navy. As a teenager he accompanied an arctic exploration voyage where he tried to kill a polar bear with an undersized musket an narrowly escaped being eaten. He was given his first independent command and made captain at age twenty. (That is the same as a colonel in the army). About that time he contracted malaria raiding a Spanish fort in Nicaragua. In point of fact, all of his defeats and most of his injuries were either on land or while landing. It was en route back to England as a casualty he imagined his future following a divine "orb" of guidance and patronage. (In fact his parton was his uncle, Adm. Sutckling.) It was during his stay in the West Indies that Nelson married Francis.

After serving under Adm. Lord Hood in the 1780s, Nelson was made a commador and transfered to Adm. Jarvis. At the Battle of Cape St. Vincent in 1791, Nelson was at the rear of the column and saw major Spanish ships wearing out of line to escape. He disobeyed the flag signals and cut them off capturing the enemy flag ship. When an officer later complained of this, Adm. Jarvis, now Lord St. Vincent, promised to forgive any such disobedience from that officer too. It was at this time that Nelson wrote to friends that he intended to command the English fleet one day. Nelson was made Sir Horatio and a rear admiral. Over the next couple years he was involved in various skirmishes. Both the loss of the sight in his eye and the loss of his right arm occurred during ground assaults. He was sent home to recuperate.

Nelson's aggressive behavior in social situations earned him enemies at court. In at age 20 he responded to a patronizing elder officer's suggestion to but-out of matters of protocol by informing the officer that he was the same age as the P.M. of England (Pitt the Younger). Consequently, he was slow to get another assignment. When he finally did, it was to track down Napoleon in the Mediterrean and capture him. They new Nap. set off from Toulon with an army, but did not know where they were going. After searching, they eventually found the French at anchor at dusk in the mouth of the Nile. The officers got the news, finished their wine in a gulp and stood to action. The Nile was one of the most lop-sided victories in Naval history. Nelson was wounded in the head early in the fight and missed most of it. He was made a baronnette.

Following this, Nelson took up residence with the Hamiltons in Italy and began two years of partying and adultery with the elderly Hamilton's young wife, Emma. When finally recalled to England it was to guard the channel and then to mount an assault under the inept Adm. Parker against the heavily defended harbor of Copenhagen. Despite screw-ups by Parker, Nelson won the battle, but with heavy losses. He was made a Viscount, a middle-rank lord.

After Sir William H's death, Nelson effectively divorced Francis and resided with Emma. His only daughter, Horatia, was born then. Once again, Nelson was sent to sea, this time to stop a Napoleonic invasion. He was facing an enemy fleet more numerous than his and with bigger ships. The largest, the Santisima Trinidad, a 4-decker with 140 guns, was the giggest warship afloat. At dawn on Oct. 21, 1805 Nelson's frigates found the French-Spanish fleet. By the end of the day, that Napoleonic fleet was decimated with many destroyed or taken and few escaping. Despite damage to the British fleet, the victory was complete and total. England was safe from invasion and would never again be threaten with invasion from France. The news home, however was tidings of sorrow. Nelson was dead, mortally wounded by a sniper early in the fight.

After a grand state funeral, Nelson was interred at St. Paul's in London and eventually would share the space with Wellington, Laurence of Arabia and Winston Churchill. His bother was rewarded for the feat of surviving Nelson by being made a Duke. Francis got a pension. Emma got nothing and was in poverty in a couple of years.