Would you evaluate a friend more by their political orientation or by how they treat you?

[begin_within]

It's kind of a dilemma for me, I have a friend who I have known for 16 years who has been supportive and faithful through thick and thin. He recently helped and advised me after a burglary at my house (where I encountered the 3 burglars at 6:30 a.m in nothing but my underwear and had a taser pointed shown to me for a second). He has given me plenty of advice and never fails to keep in touch with me just to see how I am doing. The odd thing is that he is a very deep right-winger and has been all his life. He told me once that he was tearing down McGovern signs in his neighborhood at the age of 12. He owns 120 guns and hates gun laws and "fucking California liberals." I think he realizes I'm liberal but he just can't help himself sometimes. When he starts talking politics I just shut up completely until he realizes it's going nowhere and starts talking about something else. He also uses the n-word and the f-word once in a while. It's odd, because normally I would never allow a person with his beliefs to become such a close friend to me, but over the years it has become a valuable friendship, in spite of his beliefs and attitudes which are so different from mine. He has been loyal, caring, interesting and funny and non-judgemental towards me, even if he is harshly judgemental to segments of society which he has hatred for, some of which I am part of. Have you been in such a situation?

[ThomCat]

1. Politics.

I would hope that people always treat their friends well, so that doesn't really tell you so much about them.

How they think about politics tells you how they treat other people, how they judge people, how much they like or trust people in general. Their political ideals tells you more about who they really are inside.

[begin_within]

3. On the flip side, I have had some liberal friends who were complete nightmares...

...who used me for everything they could get, and/or treated me with contempt, all the while posing as "enlightened" and "caring" and having "progressive" world views.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. on the other hand there are some people who i am politically aligned with

who are still assholes

[datasuspect]

2. i judge any person on their innate decency and humanity

and their willingness to help another.

politics is just one more layer of bullshit.

[Whoa_Nelly]

5. Well said, datasuspect!

:applause:

[Arugula Latte]

8. In that case, this person who calls people "ni@#$%s" would not be a decent person.

What kind of a friend is that?

[datasuspect]

9. rick deckard's boss

i suppose

or dr. dre maybe

i'd be friends with dr. dre even though he referred to Easy E as "nigga" in one of his songs.

[realisticphish]

4. well

having homogenous friends is not always a good thing (Though it seems to be a common desire on DU). But politics can change; who knows, maybe you've had some sort of effect on him, or will in the future.

[skygazer]

6. I am constantly in that situation

My father, both brothers and one daughter are right-wingers.

I can't just shut up when the subject comes up. I will say that for the most part, we all respect each other's right to express their opinion and we don't (usually) get in family fights over politics but we don't completely avoid the subject either. I can't let them express some of the views they do without offering a rebuttal and I expect them to feel the same way.

I don't really expect to fully change anyone's mind but I do think that when you have a close relationship with someone, there is the chance of getting them to at least see why you feel the way you do. Which is a start. Politics, whether we like it or not, is about compromise and give and take. Right now it's so polarized, it's hard to see how that can be a possibility but it starts with one person taking just one step toward the other.

People are not all one thing or all the other. By being a good friend to you, this guy shows that he has the ability to care about someone who thinks differently. That, to me, is a start. But I wouldn't avoid the subject - I wouldn't turn it into an argument but I would explain why I feel the way I do.

Just my .02.

[crispini]

7. How they treat you

Because that shows more about how they relate to people as individuals. The politics thing sounds like it is some kind of weird issue or disconnect for him. I think this kind of friendship presents you with opportunities to gently sanity check him sometimes ... you know, just kind of drop things in there every now and then ... although he probably already realizes you're a liberal, I think it's useful for people like that to remember that, yes, we are people too.

[IntravenousDemilo]

10. How they treat you, definitely.

Evidently your politics doesn't matter that much to him in his choice of you as a friend, so it's only fair that you to respond in kind. That's what good people do, and if he sees you as a good person, he might come to moderate his opinion of liberals in general.

[Gormy Cuss]

11. Just curious -- why did you crosspost this in GD ? n/t

[begin_within]

16. Usually, what happens is I post something in DU Lounge and get little or no reply,

then I post the same thing in GD and get tons of replies. So this time I went ahead and posted in both at the same time just out of convenience. But it turns out that both are getting replies.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. both.. they have to treat me well and have compassion for other people

[Omphaloskepsis]

14. The world is not black and white.

You can be a nice person and be a Republican. You can be a Republican and support gun control. You can be a Democrat and be against gun control. To think that aligning yourself with a political party determines your entire belief system is foolish. I know Republicans that want socialized medicine. I'm a Democrat that doesn't care about gun control.

Would I hang around with someone that tosses the n-word around. I doubt it. But I get sick of hearing about people being "Bad Democrats" because they think differently about certain issues.

[Zomby Woof]

15. Friendship comes first

I admit I know very few conservatives, and only count one as a friend - an evangelical Christian at that. We rarely discuss politics, and it's never heated anyway, because he was fed up with Bush long ago (he voted for Kerry in 2004). As it stands, what makes him a good friend is his basic decency and loyalty, along with shared interests and tastes, from music to movies and sports, plus he can be hilarious. I have never once in the 8 years I have known him say one hateful thing about anyone. He has some views that I could never agree with, but its an honest philosophical divide, not because they are distasteful or hateful.

Politics is not an automatic deal-breaker for me with friends - I know plenty of asshole liberal Democrats who would just as soon stab their friends in the back, and have spiteful dispositions, or if not bad people, just don't have any intellectual vigor to support their views, or they lack a sense of humor. It always comes down to the individual, not ideology.

[Shakespeare]

17. If they treat you with respect and decency, political differences aren't such a big deal.

And I should know--I'm involved with a left-leaning libertarian, and he treats me with more respect, decency and consideration than anyone I've ever dated before. We respect each other's differences of opinion on politics, and there are zero problems on that front.

[jobycom]

18. Judge his friendship for what it is. Judge his politics for what it is.

He sounds like a good friend. Treat him as such. Your politics, especially if you are a liberal, should not make you hate someone, especially someone who has been there for you. Judge him on what you know about him, and if he's been that loyal a friend, there is something good in his character, alongside the bad stuff. Everyone's got bad stuff. None of my friends are perfect. Only I am. :)