Do Your Co-workers Like You and is it Important to You?

[Susang]

I've recently changed jobs and for the most part, I'm pretty happy with the switch. However, a couple of the people I work closely with seem to dislike me. Not so intensely that I would feel justified in calling them on it, rather more of a noticable difference in how they treat me socially versus how they treat their other co-workers. Without getting specific, they just don't seem to like me very much. It really bothers me, though I wish it didn't.

How important is having your co-workers like you personally to you?

[silverlib]

1. I think it is really important...

You spend more waking hours with these people than you probably do with anyone else.

I have felt this way before, too. I hope time works to your advantage and they will warm up to you. Of course, not everyone is going to like you, but you will make some friends.

Hang on - I hope it happens soon!

[bearfan454]

2. F*ck them

As long as you do your job and follow all procedures you can give them the finger. You just have to make sure you know it first.

[aQuArius]

3. Living in Texas... you get used to some co-workers that

are born-again fundies or die-hard FReeper hicks. Anyway, I just listen to them rant and talk smack (mostly about Clinton and Hillary) and then glorify Bush and the war (wretch). I just tune them out and every once n a while I will get on my pro-choice, Bush is evil, I love Hillary soapbox and they tune me out. Point is, we still get along even though they don't agree with me, but we're all easy going and have fun about talking about other stuff. Do they like me? Maybe. I think they just respect me for who I am and holding strongly to my beliefs the way they do.

[bearfan454]

5. You got that right.

And don't forget about the 40,00 dollar a year dumb asses that think they are repukes. There are a lot of them.

[Susang]

4. You have a point there

That was how I figured out that they didn't really like me, lots of criticism disguised as helpful advice. I think I will at least be able to ignore them once I've mastered the gig. Unfortunately, I think it will always bug me on a personal level.

[aQuArius]

6. My husband's family are all repugs...

Plus, I was raised around PLENTY of them too. It may take a while to tune them out, I've had 25 years of practice. I have more respect for someone who has firm beliefs and never sways (even though I may disagree with them on every level). The people that bother me the MOST are those who can't make up their mind for what they believe and are easily swayed; they are flakes! Some people need to do their research and ask themselves what they believe and what the intelligent choice is. Although, I firmly believe that if a person is intelligent and is well informed, they will almost always choose the democratic view, not everyone will see things the way you (and I) see thing, but if they did, we would have no one to make fun of. ;)

[prolesunited]

7. Question is

do you like them? If you like them, perhaps you can find a way to get on their good side. Knowing you, I'm sure you would succeed if you set your mind to it. If not, who cares what they think.

Actually, a lot of my co-workers don't "like" me because I can be bit brusque and demanding, but they all respect me. That matters more to me. You have plenty of friends outside of work, especially here. :hi:

[Susang]

9. I really don't know if I like them or not

I don't really know them at all. They all go out to lunch together, or the bar after work and they've never invited me. That's quite a change from the atmosphere I came from, it was a cardinal sin in the restaurant/bar biz to not ask a new employee out with the group. I'm used to knowing and socializing with my co-workers. This distance is really unnerving to me.

I think part of the problem is that most of them are significantly younger than me (at least ten years). Strangely, it bothers them more than it does me. On the rare occaision that I make a comment that relates to my age, they get kind of freaked out that I don't look or act my age.

There's also a pretty large educational and cultural difference that divides me from most of my co-workers. Many of them didn't attend school past high school, rarely read anything, and don't keep up with news or politics. If I were to try to have a conversation, I wouldn't know where to start. The one person in the group who did graduate from college seems to dislike me the most. That confuses me even more.

[WillParkinson]

21. Ask them out...

If you really want to befriend these people ask them out to a new place one night.

[Kenneth ken]

8. interesting question

I've never paid much attention to that.

I'm more-than-a-bit of an introvert, so it makes me more nervous when co-workers try to make nice than if they ignore me.

My general approach to work is to be polite, and treat others with respect. I know sooner or later I will need something from pretty much everyone I work with, so I try to keep that in mind. I try to be as helpful as possible when people come to me for something, and I try to figure out my own answers before I go to them with questions. That way I can say, this is my question, this is what I've already looked at, tried, etc.

Over time, I gravitate to those who are more helpful when I need help than those who are "too busy" to be helpful. But that really means if I think any one of 3 people can help me with a given problem, I will first go to the one who is most likely to be willing to try to help.

I really don't socialize with people from work.

[scottcsmith]

10. I was not the most popular fellow

I think many of my co-workers disliked me a lot. They probably couldn't put their finger on it, I think it was more related to the fact that I'm somewhat anti-social, so I didn't spend a lot of time BSing with the engineers. Oh well. And no, I really didn't care if they liked me or not.

[TrogL]

11. Except for the two that hate my guts, most put up with me

[Cat Atomic]

12. I think they like me. But honestly, I wouldn't

give a shit if they didn't. I think that's why they like me, come to think of it.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. My coworkers are mostly my employees

They like me if they do their job and don't care for me much if they don't....how I am with them is get your work done and you can get away with anything..longer lunches...go home early...go to the friggen beach or golf...I don't care....just get it done and if you need support or have a question PLEASE ASK...

[A-Schwarzenegger]

27. You taking applications?!?

[Don_G]

14. I'm A Construction Type

I could care less about how one or two people care for me as a human being as long as I maintain a good rapport in the crew and deliver results.

The odd men out listen to and preach Rush anyway....

[neebob]

15. I haven't always been universally loved

but I'm well liked now, I think, because I've worked at it. I find that if I make an effort to be friendly and interested in others, they seem to like me. Some people may have issues that aren't about you but are more political in nature, and you may be misreading them. Others may be shy or just reserved. Vibes feed on each other, bad or good. Try sending some good ones.

[ScholarSeeker]

16. I'm sort of neutral about this. You can't please everyone

But I don't contribute a lot either way to the office buzz either way. I sort of know what's going on but I'm not the first one to know either.

Let's put it this way. I would prefer to get along with everyone but I won't bust my butt if someone takes a disliking to me and doesn't want to take it up with me. I will gladly discuss it and try to resolve it. But I won't take on other peoples\'s issues for them.

[Nikia]

17. I prefer that they like me

In my case, it depends on what you call coworkers since I work more independently than most of the other people that work at the plant. I've been told by the human resource manager that I am well liked by everyone and no one gives me a hard time anymore. I met my best friend at work although he changed jobs a couple months ago, but I still see him.
At least one woman who works in the plant distinctly doesn't like me. She has a bad attitude though and I don't really like her either. I've had a few harassers, but it seems that they don't know how to interact with women in general and the worst ones have been fired. Everyone who I regularly interact with seems to like me.
I prefer to be liked. When I came to the plant, most of the women seemed to be jealous to of me and the men didn't take me seriously, except my boss who hired me. I suppose that I've come a long way in that.
I've had jobs where at least a couple people who I worked closely with didn't like me at all. At one summer job, the "alpha girl" hated and made fun of me and the rest joined her or were indifferent. I am not sure why, but I worked hard and they didn't. After she went back to school early, a couple of the others actually started to talk to me and seemed to be decent people. It is sad how group mentality works sometimes though. Yes, I'd rather have coworkers like me even though I'm an introvert. It can make a big difference in whether you dread showing up at work or not.

[Susang]

22. I must be a lot like you

My present situation is similar to the one you described last, except the "alpha girl" in this case was away for a month when I started. I was getting along with everyone just fine, then she came back and it all went downhill. My boss thinks I'm great and so do most of the people in the other departments, but this girl is for some reason, really threatened by me. I'm not even close to the point of dreading going to work, but it is uncomfortable sometimes. And it does bum me out, because I can't think of anything I've done to make her dislike me.

[Darth_Kitten]

28. Sometimes there is NO reason.

Trust me on this one. The office brownnoser (who hates me) has alienated too many people in my office, nobody seems to like her. It's her own fault.

I consider her hatred of me to be a badge of honour. I was nothing but helpful to her when she first started in the department, but she got cozy with my office bully, and then started to hate me. Funny, the lazy, mean-spirited,dumb, and unattractive ones seem to really dislike me. (not to toot my own horn, but it's true.) ;) Continue hating me gals, I'll just go on in my life just fine. :)

[Rhiannon12866]

18. It's important to me. I couldn't have survived without the support

of my co-workers. I got fired after unsuccessful surgery. The guy I worked most closely with was out for three days after this, with IBS, due to stress over what happened to me. I still am in touch with many friends from work. Thankfully, I am healthy now, but those friendships continue to mean a lot. There are some I still hear from, everyday.:-)

What is going on with your co-workers? It seems odd that they would dislike you right off. It is possible that you walked in on something and you might want to find out about it. Only guessing.:shrug:

[trof]

19. So...what's not to like?

;-)
But to answer your question...
My co-workers were the other two guys in the cockpit. I liked most of them and they liked me. Since we were together for a week or so at at time, in both social and work situations (in fairly tight quarters), most of us tried to at least get along.

Do I remember correctly that you're 30-something?
They would be in their 20s?
Sometimes there's a greater divide between those ages than later on.
I'm not polishing your apple, but they may feel a little intimidated by your intellect, knowledge, and "life experience". Or they may think you're an old fogey.

Unless it really hurts your feelings, or bugs you, I wouldn't give it much thought. You can't always be best friends with those you work with.
BTW, their loss.
:-)

[WillParkinson]

20. I work 3rd shift...

But the people that I work with 'tolerate' me. One of the people I do like at work says that it bothers him what people at work think. I ask him if he goes home and night and sleeps with these people and he says, no, of course not. Then why do you care what they think? As long as they do their jobs and get them done properly the heck with them.

[Odessey]

24. I work with a nice bunch

I am, for the most part, well-liked. I am a woman working mostly with an office full of women and we get along fine except for the one gossipy instigator in the group. It's nice to be a part of a group where you are respected for your ability and appreciated. I spend a good deal of my time with these people, and it would make it very unpleasant if they didn't like me.

[SOteric]

23. Most of them seem to, yes.

But there's always one or two in every crowd.

No one can be universally liked. :shrug: I guess it only bothers me if it's a boss or someone in a position of sufficient authority to make my work life a hell.

[HEyHEY]

25. Funny you should ask, I'm just thinking about this right now.

I get along fine with both, there is no apperant tension. But my boss never seems to ask me to do anything. He always invites the other guy for beers and things, but never me.... :shrug:

[Darth_Kitten]

26. Don't worry about them.....

if you are a nice, giving person who's harmed no one, and people don't like you, it's because they are jealous or just mean-spirited people. I've been hurt by these kind of people and they really don't deserve any more energy directed their way. :)
Don't waste your time on these people, just be gracious and professional.

[mitchum]

29. Yes they do, and it's very important to me.

Two surprises:
My co-workers like me
I bring the macho element. I work with mostly women (10 females and two other males) and by default, I'm the most "testosterone-driven" (I guess it's all relative) I've always enjoyed working for/with women. Never have felt threatened.

[ComerPerro]

30. Ok, I am going to be as honest as I can

Do people like me?
Mostly, I like to think so.
Is it important that people like me?
Yes.
Why?

Well, essentially its easier to function when your name appears on few peoples enemies list. That way, you aren't getting screwed over by countless anonymous assholes just trying to settle the score.
If you must piss people off, only piss off a few people who don't know each other or have limited contact. That way, it is unlikely that they will ever meet up, discover that their common thread is a passionate, burning hatred of you, and then conspire in dark passages about how to most efficiently make your life a living hell.

So what is the moral of the story?

Hate as many people as you want, but play nice. When most everyone likes you, its easy to know who your enemies are.

[ComerPerro]

32. Oh, One more VERY important thing:

If you have mutual hatred for someone, make sure that everyone else hates them more than you.

Come to think of it, it is preffered that they like you.

I cannot stress how important this is. Its a threefold strategy worthy of the greatest chess masters.

First and foremost, your burning hatred for each other will enhance your fellow man's opinion of you if you are the favored of the two. You may look bad, but you look much better in comparison.

Second, let your nemisis stew alone in hatred of you, while you go out and try to be friends with as many people as you can. This isolates your enemy, and just might even drive them insane. Remember: no one likes a lonely psychopath.

And, third, be sure to make your animoscity towards your rival obvious to him or her. This way, with the first two steps in place, your arch-enemy will feel compelled to say "I don't like ___(your name here)____, I can't stand him/her", to which everyone else on the planet will be forced to reply, "You don't like ______? Really? Why not? What's wrong with you?"

There is nothing better to settle the score than twisted mind games.

[Skittles]

31. I work with wingnuts

and torment them mercilessly. But when the need something, like someone to cover for them when they take their kid to the doctor, I'm the first one they call. Why? Because I'm a true compassionate, of course, and they f***ing know it.

[bigwillq]

33. Most like me

I get along with some better than with others. I don't really care about the people who I don't really get along with. The ones who I do get along with I hope to continue to be cool with them both in and out of the workplace. We go out to eat or to the bar once in awhile.