Free Penis Extension! Not a sex thread!

[jmowreader]

Yes, folks, it's another Customer of the Day thread!

Today's candidate for retail immortality came to the store this morning, on probably the busiest day we've had this year, to buy a skid of shingles. (A full skid of shingles weighs about 4400 lbs.) Unlike most non-contractor customers who do this, he actually showed up with a truck large enough to carry a skid of shingles in one trip...which is where our sad and tragic tale begins, o friends.

The vehicle in question is quite possibly the most blatant penis extension ever created by the Hand of Man. It is a black Dodge Ram 2500 Mega Cab with the Cummins diesel, high-lift suspension, 34-inch sand-crawler tires, running boards, lotsa chrome, a mongo stereo...$55,000 easy. It's covered in freeperish bumper stickers, but that's okay, it also doesn't have a speck of dust on it.

EvilDUers, YOU can have this vehicle free of charge. That's because the dumbass left it running and unattended when he went into the store, where he stood in front of the service desk (from where you cannot see the place this truck was) for at least 45 minutes waiting to pay for his shingles and have us bring them to him. The moran musta burned a gallon of fuel just sitting there...and diesels HATE to idle for long periods; it carbons-up the valves. Just come to Fayettenam and cruise the lumberyards for a few hours. He's sure to need some siding or something eventually, and then you have a long dick without tying a brick to the end of it or anything.

I know what you are thinking: Isn't it dangerous to try to steal a $55,000 truck? Well, no. The Fayetteville cops don't chase car thieves, and the insurance company won't do anything to help a person who left the car running and unattended, so you're PERFECTLY safe. You just have to buy fuel to get it home.

[Suich]

1. Thanks for the laugh, jmowreader!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[taterguy]

2. Do vehicles exactly enlarge your penis or just compensate for lack of size?

Should I upgrade from my bicycle?

[KitchenWitch]

3. And damn, I need a truck to haul a piano!

:)

[Nicole]

4. Maybe the truck was locked?

I keep a spare set of keys on me so I can lock my doors & leave the engine running sometimes. I do that when it's really hot so the A/C keeps going.

[jmowreader]

6. We'd be telling stupid-freeper jokes right now if it was

Well, jokes above and beyond those caused by leaving a 2007 truck idling unattended in front of a store with five thousand people in it for 45 minutes. The windows were down.

[Nicole]

9. The part about the windows being down wasn't in the OP n/t

[datasuspect]

5. sounds like the truck came in handy

i guess that's why there is a market for heavy duty pickup trucks.

that load would more than likely crush a prius.

[jmowreader]

7. That load weighs more than a Prius

Have you seen the Penis Extension That Really Isn't? The Ford F-450 pickup?

Ford makes two one-ton trucks--the F-350, which you know about, and the F-450, which you don't. The difference between the two is towing capacity--the F-450 is 10,000 pounds higher. Until last year, the F-450 was available only as a cab chassis and was only sold to upfitters, who would make ambulances, rollbacks or other kinds of commercial vehicles out of it.

Now here's where it gets fun: Two of the things F-450s are great at towing are large campers and large horse trailers. People who have those also want a pickup, so they'd have upfitters put pickup beds on them...and they'd run into the biggest problem the F-450 has in this application--specifically, the truck is 8 inches longer and has a narrower frame, so the F-350 bed they were using doesn't fit.

Now Ford makes F-450 pickups. Same carrying capacity as the F-350, lots better towing capacity and the fifth-wheel package comes standard.

The reason this ISN'T a penis extension--a truck you buy not because you NEED a truck but because you want everyone to say "look at me!"--is Ford has set the MSRP high enough no one would buy it just to have it. I have many customers who replace their trucks every couple of years, and only two have bought F-450s...one owns a backhoe, the other has a Bobcat mini-excavator and a Skytrak rough-terrain forklift.

[datasuspect]

8. there's quite a few f-450s on the roads around here

actually, a single cab 1500 looks kinda wimpy to me.

my favorite would be a 96 - 2000 generation chevrolet 3500.