A tale of two daughters

[skygazer]

My father emailed me this morning to tell me how proud he is of my oldest daughter. She is a Republican, as is he, and apparently they email regularly and he's proud of how interested she is in politics, etc. This isn't the first time he's written something like this.

So let me tell you about my daughter. I love her very much. But... She married this loser from Kansas 7 years ago. To this day, he's never held a job longer than a week and he hasn't worked at all for at least two years. Every now and then he takes a correspondence course of some sort - or at least he starts to but then something interferes and he quits. She supports the family.

They've been evicted twice in that time, lived with his uncle in a tiny trailer for over a year this past time (with their two kids), built up a huge amount of credit card debt, spend money freely and randomly on gaming systems, flat-screen tv's, etc. They are irresponsible and childish about money. They look forward to getting their tax return every year - not to pay off bills but to take a trip or buy something fun.


My younger daughter just got married last year. She has always been responsible - when she was 21, she managed 4 bookstores in Manhattan. She and her husband have never taken a vacation - not even a honeymoon trip. They both work, they save money, they've already paid off the debt they accrued from the wedding (which they paid for) and they're saving for a house.

She works full time and goes to school full time, even though she has a shoulder injury right now that she could easily collect disability for. She's smart, mature, responsible, caring...

Oh, and she's a Democrat.

My father never mentions being proud of her... :grr:

[MissMillie]

1. have you ever asked you dad about this?

Of course, you'd have to do so without verbally criticizing your oldest daughter (because I assure you, it will get back to her).

[skygazer]

2. My dad's been like this all his life

It's a total irony to me because as I was growing up, he harped on me and all my siblings about things like pulling our weight, and working hard, and not wasting money and all those great Republican values as I think he thought of them and now, my younger daughter is living a life that exemplifies all the things he tried to drill into our heads and its the spendthrift, irresponsible one he heaps praise on.

He does contact my younger daughter too, and they have a good relationship but he certainly never sends me glowing emails about her.

It's just him and he'll never change.

[kay1864]

3. What else about your daughter does your dad take pride in?

I'm guessing (sorry if I'm resorting to stereotypes here) that his pride of her "interest in politics" is b/c she parrots whatever she heard Limbaugh/Hannity/etc. say that day. And he approves of that.

But what else does she do that he's proud of?

Your younger daughter sounds like a gem. Good on ya!

[skygazer]

4. Bingo

It's all about the politics. The only other things he mentions are things he recalls from her childhood - "oh, she's so pretty and smart." Well, she is pretty and smart but she's certainly not using her brains much right now. No, it's all about the politics.

I did mention to him in my reply that I worry about her and dislike her husband - not because of his politics but because he's a bum.

He advised prayer. :eyes: Not sure where that came from - my father is on his fifth wife, a serial adulterer, and he never, ever in my memory took any notice of religion beyond showing his face in church sporadically (and mainly to keep up his rep in the business communtity). Now he's suggesting prayer.

[AlCzervik]

7. how does the unfavored ganddaughter feel about it?

Does she know?

[skygazer]

8. She knows and doesn't really care

I think it irritates me more than it ever will her. She has a pretty good relationship with him - he does stay in touch with her and he never says anything negative about her. It's just that his praise is pretty much reserved for the one who agrees with him politically.

She's smart and confident enough to view the whole thing with an air of detached amusement, for the most part. No, she doesn't worry too much about him - she does worry about her sister's future with the loser husband. To her, that's the real issue.

[AlCzervik]

10. well good for her. As the unfavored child in my own family i feel the same way

even though things have flipped and my sister has fallen out of favor, when i talk to my Dad which is that often i just kind of laugh at him, my husband calls him "The bandwagon jumper" which amuses me to no emd.

[Kali]

5. So many of them (republicans) are delusional

sounds like your father is one of the crowd.

[skygazer]

6. Yes, and now it appears he's found religion

Oh, boy. :eyes:

[Kali]

9. my sympathies

[Gormy Cuss]

11. Oy.

Any chance he's proud of her because she was the first granddaughter or something?

My mother had the habit of praising any morsel of goodness in her grandchildren who were living in lives that were perpetual train wrecks. She would praise the others too, but not so much. I called her on it once and she thought about it and told me that the former group needed praise more than the latter. No amount of discussion would move her from this. As their aunt I made sure that the ones who were responsible heard just how great they were.

[skygazer]

12. Nope. It's the politics.

He never really paid a lot of attention to any of his grandkids until he married the most recent wife who I like a lot. She convinced him that family is important and he's gotten a lot better about keeping up family ties.

No, the family members he sings praises about are my two brothers, who are both Bush supporters and my daughter. My oldest brother is a career bartender - not nice bars but little hole-in-the-wall bars. Nothing against bartending but he's never had any ambition, has no health insurance or security of any kind, etc.

My other brother is a trucker, more responsible and much less political than older brother but his support of Bush makes him a bit of a golden boy.

My liberal sister who has several degrees including a Master's in International Law, who is a successful lawyer and works for the US State Department every now and then gets a mention but not nearly so often as the Rebublican members of the family.

It's kinda funny and kinda obnoxious.

[Gormy Cuss]

13. Double Oy.

That's just irrational. Maybe the wife can work on him a bit more.

[July]

14. Does your father realize he is doing this?

I wouldn't see anything wrong with your saying, "Gee, Dad, did you ever notice that, of my two daughters and three siblings, the only ones you praise are the ones who agree with you about politics? I'd like to hear such nice words about my very accomplished other daughter and sister once in a while."

[skygazer]

15. I doubt if he does realize it

And while part of me would like to say something, another part realizes how fraught with difficulties that would be. Because for me - and I suspect for him, too - things would bubble up from our own turbulent past.

My father never approved of me. I dropped out of high school to work what he saw as a dead-end job. I married guys he thought of as losers. I didn't fulfill any of his fantasies. Now he chooses to praise the granddaughter who has done the least to deserve it when the one who actually followed the path he wanted me to take is ignored and I think it would be hard to address the one thing without the other entering in.

If my daughter felt hurt or slighted by this, I might say something. Then again, I probably wouldn't because I think SHE'D say something. But at any rate, it's me it bothers so I can just tuck it down into the large space where all his bullshit is tucked. If I ever open the door to THAT room, it will not be a pretty picture. :)