Relationship "Deal Breakers"...

[dEMOK]

Many of us are very tolerant, but tolerant only to a point. What action or character trait is the trigger that will instantly render your potential partner unacceptable?

(I'll give my answer later in the thread.)

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Being a Republican, a freeper or a fundie.

Those would be deal-breakers. Also, not liking animals, or having a drug or alcohol problem.

OK, that's more than one trigger.

[dEMOK]

11. Ironically...

...my sometimes ex-girlfriend (you can see how complicated my situation is)was a Repub when I met her. Now she's an Independent like me. She actually held her nose & voted Democratic in '04 in order get the slime out of D.C.

Unfortunately for her -- I hate all animals, shoot smack, and drink five gallons of Jack Daniels a day.

Oops! Now I've blown the chance to have a thing with any DU member.

I know! I can get plenty of action on the freeper board! Nice talkin' to ya. ;)

[Haole Girl]

2. Abuse..

Specifically, physical abuse.

[darkstar]

3. People without patience or consideration for elderly folks

strange, but it always has been...don't know why exactly....

[LeftyMom]

4. omni breath

:puke:

[dEMOK]

87. Why the vomit?

I've been more disappointed in relationships than anyone I know...

[AlCzervik]

5. being overly needy.

[mike_c]

6. I have a bad history of poor judgement in relationships...

...so I'm not really very confident that I'd break most deals that really should be broken. But practicing alcoholism tops the list of things that I HOPE would make my alarms go off long and hard, after my last experience, followed by a couple of other forms of mental illness. There is only so much support you can offer people before it begins to drain you too much. Another deal breaker, I suppose would be someone's need to be rescued, either from themselves or from life in general.

Wow, this is REALLY not where I wanted to go tonight....

[dEMOK]

7. Thank you for responding though...

I've experienced the same kind of thing. I get a sense that I'm about to make a bad choice as soon as I feel attracted to someone. ;)

[asthmaticeog]

8. Sanity, apparently.

[mike_c]

9. yeah, that's a familiar feeling....

Ouch.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

10. Comparing me to other partners

or physical abuse of any kind.

[Robeson]

12. Fundamentalist Christian is a no starter.

[Inchworm]

13. No real "deal-breakers" but

I like honest and open. After that everything is easy.

:hi:

[Lex]

14. Being mean to other people for the hell of it

means eventually they will be mean to their SO for the hell of it.

[gr8dane_daddy]

38. Being mean to waitstaff trying their best

[grace0418]

74. My brother-in-law is like that. I dislike him for a number of reasons but that one

would be an easy one to spot by the first or second date. And there would be no more dates after that. I have NO patience for it. I can't believe my sister married him.

[NC_Nurse]

92. All of my kids are waiters right now.

Bless you. :)

[raccoon]

56. That is so true, and I've found it's also true of friends and blood relatives.

And as #38 said, people who are mean to waitstaff who are doing their best.

To me a litmus test of a person's character is how s/he treats people such as waitstaff and clerks, i.e., people who are not in a position to fight back.

[SPKrazy]

15. If They Stink

this after a few conversations lately that revolved around this question of what is attractive

smell is a deal breaker

don't hang with STINKY PEOPLE

:hi:

[REP]

16. Having/Wanting Children

Fortunately, I met someone who feels the same way I do on the subject 15 years ago, but before that - sheesh! No means NO!

[lizerdbits]

55. That's one for me

I'm not going to change my mind! Kids and physical or verbal abuse are my deal breakers.

[Omphaloskepsis]

17. Being left handed..

I'm a lefty and I hate holding hands with my right hand. So I have to date someone who is right-handed. That way we match up.

[hippiechick]

52. Hey now!

:P Us Lefties is good people!!

[BlueIris]

18. Excluding political and sexual incompatibilities...an interest in status.

Especially if they care about that more than feelings. Namely mine. If you're still chasing status, you haven't figured out anything meaningful about life, and we really have nothing in common.

[dEMOK]

19. The One Thing That Will...

...always break the deal (my tipping point, given that everyone has their strengths & weakness).

For me, it's racism. If I a potential partner with racial issues won't open her mind & accept the human race as the only race -- I'm gone.

Racism is (to me) the ugliest character trait a person can indulge in. I'm not talking about only Black & White.

This understood, I would have issues with anyone who thought like me -- but smelled bad (there's a personal exception to this statement, but trust me ...you really don't want to know).

See. Now I broke with the absolute nature of my question!

I hope everyones happy...

[Blue-Jay]

20. Pants-crapping on the first date.

That ruins the mood. (unless you like that sort of thing...)

[NaturalHigh]

21. That's a turn-off for me too.

If someone is into that, however, I won't be judgmental.

[dEMOK]

22. But would you hold their hand?

:rofl:

[NaturalHigh]

23. Not if I were sober.

[dEMOK]

31. Can I buy you a drink???

[JVS]

53. I agree. If that's what's in the pants, the desire to get into them disappears

[patricia92243]

82. Is it o.k. on the second date? :)

:)

[idgiehkt]

24. I absolutely won't date people who insist on

keeping steady employment, not using drugs, and not running around on me. Bastids.

[Mr. Blonde]

25. Please allow me to introduce myself

ha ha

[idgiehkt]

26. are you a man of wealth and taste?

woo woo

woo woo

woo woo..

[Joe Fields]

44. we all must have our standards....

:toast:

[Ariana Celeste]

27. ummm. getting me slapped with 4 felonies and 2 misdemeanors.

that or being about as emotional as a block of ice.

[dEMOK]

28. self delete

[dEMOK]

29. Get over yourself...

Criminals & emotional miscreants are people too! ;)

[Ariana Celeste]

30. LOL

[BlueIris]

88. Four? Holy crap!

I thought it was, at most, two. (Possession, possession w/intent.)

[Ariana Celeste]

96. Nah, check it out-

Felony B- Manufacturing Schedule 1 substance
Felony B- Dealing Schedule 1 substance (total BS charge, there were like 7 little mushrooms)
Felony D- Possessing Schedule 1 substance
Felony D- Maintaining a Common Nuisance
Misdemeanors- possessing marijuana, and possessing marijuana paraphernelia

[BlueIris]

97. Jesus Christ. And it's that last one that sounds like utter b.s. to me.

"Common Nuisance"?? WTF?

[Ariana Celeste]

99. it's one of those extras they like to hit people with

maintaining a common nuisance, and visiting a common nuisance. there really is no point to either of them. either you possess drugs or you don't, why add extra BS charges?

[jpgray]

32. Being unattractive to me. Avoid that, and we'll do fine

:D

[dEMOK]

33. Howzit working out with the women...

...you're attrated to?

[jpgray]

34. So far, great! It helps that I'm not attracted to drama or breakups

:P

[dEMOK]

35. I wish I was attracted to women who could be good for me ;)...

...Got any advice for the world???

[jpgray]

36. Be honest with yourself, and give without expectation of reward or feeling you've done a favor

I think the single most important thing I've learned in relationships with people is that feeling you are owed something for giving of yourself makes the gift hollow, and will make you very disappointed.

[Guava Jelly]

37. If she is a bigot

I can't be with a racist

[enigmatic]

39. passive-agressive manipulation

ugh.

[Ellen Forradalom]

72. AMEN

I am emerging from years of that. Oh I am SO over that.

The person who takes a poke at you has at least enough claim on their feelings to commit an act for which (s)he can be nailed. Not so the passive-aggressive, who engineer all situations to avoid blame. How lame.

[Sanctified]

40. People who agree with me 100%, for some reason...

I get along better with my opposite than the person who is just like me.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

41. Being a motherfucking neocon.

A paleocon might be bearable, but no way in hell would I go for a neurotic neocon. Double no if the neocon is a rabid fundie.

[querelle]

42. Liars

I really have no tolerance for liars or people who cheat. Been there done that. See my sig line........

Q

[HughBeaumont]

43. Not having a pulse.

No corpses. I draw the damned line there.

[MissMillie]

45. no freepers or fundies allowed

I also hate one-sided relationships. The relationship can't all be about what I can do for you.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

46. being unattractive to me and/or republicans/ racist/ sexist/ homophobe

i decided a long time ago i would never date a republican/bigot.

[1gobluedem]

47. Politics and education are my two deal breakers

If we can't agree on the fundamentals for those two, I can't be in the relationship. Options for debate, sure, but the core beliefs need to be compatible.

I couldn't ever have a relationship with a Republican. Just couldn't.

[Zuiderelle]

84. I'm with you there. Never a republican.

Couldn't possibly.

[JVS]

48. I will not tolerate heresy!

[BarenakedLady]

49. Violence

Hit me, my kids, or my pets and that's it. Buh-bye

That goes for verbal abuse as well.

[hippiechick]

50. Philanderer, Liar, Lazy/Unemployed, Dumb ...

.... Oh, I could go on and on. Which is why I'm still single at 40. :(

[no name no slogan]

51. If she's a lesbian, I'm not interested

since I'm a straight male, I have no interest in women who have no interest in men (at least in a romantic way)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

57. sigh!

:P

[no name no slogan]

62. but bi is okay

how YOU doin'?
;-)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

63. lol!

good and you?

[no name no slogan]

66. feelin' fine

all work and no play makes Jack something something... :D

PS: your gf is teh hawt!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

67. I know. she is hotter than fire!!!

i am a lucky lucky girl :loveya:

[Zuiderelle]

65. In a similar vein, if she's straight, I'm not interested.

I have no interest in women who have no interest in women (at least in a romantic way).

[no name no slogan]

70. booyah

no use chasing what you'll never be able to get

[raccoon]

54. Active alcholism/drug abuse.

--physical abuse

--constant snarking, criticism, putting me down.

--Engaging in illegal activities, including, but not limited to, drug dealing, armed robbery, embezzlement.

--Freeper/neocon/authoritarian philosophy.

--Very recently out of a relationship.

OK, I know it's more than one, but I just felt like making a list.

Actually, the first 5 I mentioned are no-brainers. If I had to list just one, it would be the last one. BTDT. Won't get fooled again.

[Deep13]

59. Yeah, those would do it. nt

[Deep13]

58. Nothing that my Sweetie is capable of doing.

I had three questions for her that I considered foundational for a relationship when we started dating in 1992.

1. Did she smoke? (No-correct answer). If she said yes, the follow-up would be "How soon can you quit?"

2. Did she want children? (No-correct answer)

3. Was she a Democrat or willing to become one? (Noncitizen, but agreed with Ds generally.)

Being a smoker, wanting a big family or being a Repub. were deal breakers for me. It would mean we were incompatable.

Another important question but not necessarily a deal breaker was "Are you religious?" She wasn't and isn't so that worked out well.

[RetroLounge]

60. Screwing Female Auto Mechanics

eom

RL

[La Lioness Priyanka]

64. sorry/

:hug:

[BlueIris]

89. ((((((((((((Retro))))))))))))

[zanne]

61. Arrogance

There's no way to work around it.

[Celeborn Skywalker]

68. Racist,

hard-core fundie of any stripe. That's pretty much the only things that disqualify someone in my eyes.

[Amaya]

69. stupidity

racist, lazy, superficial, being too agreeable, & a bad kisser

[Ellen Forradalom]

71. Snark.

I have a right to live without sneaky little demeaning comments.

[dEMOK]

86. Excellent...

[SteppingRazor]

73. Cheating.

You have another guy on the side, we're done.

As for a lot of the other things mentioned here — racism, conservatism, etc. — those are kind of moot points because I probably wouldn't be going out with that person in the first place.

[kwassa]

75. Dishonesty

Pretty basic.

[LynneSin]

76. Republicanism

nuff said

[bikebloke]

77. Taking Groucho's lead

He wouldn't join a club that would accept someone like him as a member. I'd rather not get involved with someone who'd want to be involved with me.

[Rising Phoenix]

78. MUST be funny

[Omphaloskepsis]

98. Larry the Cable Guy funny or David Cross funny?

I am Carrot Top funny... Does that work?

[gollygee]

79. Bigotry

couldn't date someone like that.

I'm married now anyway so it isn't an issue that will come up. But I can't have friends who spout off bigoted things either.

[NewJeffCT]

80. Married is one deal-breaker

Assuming I was not married, I wouldn't be interested in a woman who was married...

Actually happened to me several years back. Met a woman, hit it off and ended up making out with her in the parking lot of a local pub/restaurant. She was a great kisser, but then I noticed a rather large guy across the parking lot watching us. I whispered it to her and she said, matter-of-factly, "oh, that's my husband."

It put a damper on things for me.

[Coyote_Bandit]

81. I am not

a high maintenance gal. But experience has taught me that sometimes it is a good thing to be picky. There is nothing worse than a miserable relationship that has no chance of working out well.

I need my space. Don't lie to me. Don't try to change me. Don't cheat on me. Don't use me. Don't even try to control or manipulate me. I will observe your worst conduct and assume that eventually I will be on the receiving end of it. That means you need to treat everybody with respect. We need to share the same general values with respect to faith, politics, family and finances. You need to be productive. No addictions (food, tobacco, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, gaming, internet, porn, dysfunctional relationships, etc.). No criminal conduct. Must love animals. Must be tolerant of my imperfections - and supportive of my desires to better myself. Creativity, independence, ability to work with your hands, playfulness, a good sense of humor, and a willingness to live in a less populated area are desirable. These attributes are all more important to me than education, career, earnings, net worth, and physical appearance.

If I had to name just one deal breaker it would anything less than total commitment to an open, honest, healthy relationship. It is foundational.

[Lyric]

83. The expectation of permanent, inviolable, physical fidelity.

I've never believed in absolute monogamy; I think it's a leftover moral remnant of an imposed patriarchy. No, I do not believe in sneaking around and lying to your spouse/partner. But for someone to be compatible with me, they would have to share my positive and open views on multiple partners--whether just for sex, or for love. I am capable of being in love with, and deeply attracted to, more than one person at a time, and I would be best paired with a person (or people) who are also capable of that.

Thankfully ThinkBlue1966 is. :loveya:

[El Fuego]

85. Acting like a controller.

[BlueIris]

90. Yeah.

[alarimer]

91. Smoking

Gross. I can't kiss someone who smells like and ashtray.

Also, and maybe more important, anti-intellectualism, and fundamentalist Christianity. Or actually anyone that tries to convert me or make me go to church of any kind. No thanks.

[SarahB]

93. Ugly, stupid, selfish, and stinky. nt

[Withywindle]

94. Pettiness.

Bigotry.

No sense of humor.

Cruelty to animals.

Lack of curiosity or interest in the world around them.

If I go to their place and I see there are NO books and NO music and NO interesting art/objects, etc., I think "no future."

Edit: Oh and one VERY important one I somehow forgot--anger management issues. I don't mean lack of anger over politics and important stuff like that. I mean road rage and constant bitching about the boss and disproportionate cussing out and a long list of grudges and blowing imagined slights way the fuck out of proportion. I was involved with someone like this and too blind to see what an ugly RED FLAG it is.

[astral]

95. Eating McDonald's food every day

I saw someone with serious gastro-ills such as excessive flatulence, said to have IBS, leaky gut syndrome, and having had surgery on the intestines already --- McDonald's was still a daily faire, as if food had nothing to do with health.

I don't mind people indulging in food that's useless to the body just because it tastes good, in moderation, I do that myself, but I see it as a major dis-connect between the body and the spirit, a short-circuiting of sorts, when people don't have any concious thought of what they eat or the effect it's going to have on them.

Maybe it's just a variation of food addiction and I'm just too intolerant! But never again will I get involved with someone with that attitude towards their body -- it's like they care less if they live or die than I do, why bother giving them my energy?

[Wetzelbill]

100. I just wanted to be the 100th reply nt