I was annoyed before, now I'm really pissed off.

[TOhioLiberal]

This is the day that I've been dreading. This would have been Lesley's 56th birthday. The fact that my day has been as good as it has is due to my son's girlfriend. All those lounge vibes I asked for must have put the idea in her head to get me out of the house most of the day. We had breakfast this morning, went to the cemetery to put flowers at Lesley's gravesite. Then we went 'looking' (I'd call it shopping, but we really didn't buy anything) All in all, so far it's been an okay day.

I'm sure by now you're asking, 'So what's with the title of your thread?'

It's just this: my husband, my rock, my love (:eyes: ) has gone away for the WEEKEND. He told me he couldn't handle being here in this house today. WHAT ABOUT ME you ASSHOLE?

He can pound sand. He can just fucking pound sand. I don't care anymore.

[TOhioLiberal]

1. ...

...:cry::shrug:

[NewWaveChick1981]

2. Wow...

:hug: Thank goodness for your son's girlfriend. :pals: I'm glad she was there to help you through the day.

I'm really sorry about your husband. :hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

7. She's a sweetheart...

...I call her my daughter. Maybe one day she will be. Thanks for the hugs. :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

3. Oh noes

Sweetie, I'm so so so sorry. I know how you have been dreading this day. :hug:

Gah, I'm sorry to say it, but your husband is being an ass. You don't deserve to be treated this way, hon. You don't.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

9. I know I don't...

...he doesn't care. I never thought he'd do this. Thank Dog for my son and 'daughter' (his girlfriend)
:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

4. I'm a little confused as I don't know the back story

but lots of :hug: you sound like you need it!

[TOhioLiberal]

11. In a nutshell:

...Lesley was My husband's ex-wife; she was my best friend IRL. He's all broken up about her passing, and doesn't seem to see that I'm having difficulties too. Add in an already crappy relationship between him and I, and Voila! this thread.

Thanks for the hugs especially since you weren't sure why they were needed. :hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

15. more hugs

he should be spending this time with you so you can grieve, and remember, together...

glad you had people around today....and I'll be around all night if you need to talk... I'm only a pm away...

:hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

18. Thanks again...

...:hug: you're good people. :hug:

[Gormy Cuss]

5. I'm sorry, TOhioLiberal.

Sometimes there's no good explanation for such behavior.

Kudos to the son's girlfriend for being there. She sounds like a good person.
It's good that the day has been okay. From your past descriptions of her here, I think that your friend Lesley wouldn't want her birthday to bring you down even though you miss her so much right now.
:hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

12. You're right.

She wouldn't like seeing me this way. Thanks for the hug. :hug:

[Guava Jelly]

6. Sorry homie

:hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

13. Thanks homie...

...:hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

8. ...

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

14. Thanks SA...

...:hug::pals:

[In_The_Wind]

10. Men aren't as strong as we are. I'm sure he's grieving in his own way.

No, he shouldn't have left you alone but try to remember ~ he is hurting too.

[TOhioLiberal]

16. Thanks for the hug...

...Yep he's grieving. He doesn't seem to care (or notice for that matter) that I am as well...Oh well, his loss not mine.

[In_The_Wind]

19. I'm really truly sorry that he left you alone with this.

Thank heavens for your son's girlfriend. She must have really needed you today.

[TOhioLiberal]

21. thanks Joan...

...I hope I didn't come off as being too snarky in my reply to you. :hug:

[In_The_Wind]

25. It's okay. You're hurting.

You didn't need me to defend someone who is hurting you more but I'm sure you'll forgive him. That's what we do with the ones we love. Perhaps the two of you can talk about your feelings in the future.
Even time can't heal all of our pain. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Danger Mouse]

17. That was shitty of him, and totally insensitive.

He should've been there for you. You guys could've been there for each other, did that cross his mind, or is he just a pinhead?
:hug: hang in there, okay? You're loved.

[TOhioLiberal]

20. Thanks Elrond...

...due to the deteriorating nature of our relationship, it probably never crossed his mind that we could support each other.

Guess the lounge is my support once again. :hug:

[Danger Mouse]

22. That's why we're here.

We make a wonderful support network for one another when we're down.
:hug: :hug:

[huskerlaw]

23. ...

:hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

27. Thanks huskerlaw...

...:hug:

[hfojvt]

24. It cannot always be about you

:hide: What about him? You have your children. What does he have?

It sounds like he was already on your nerves and you were already on his case, and then likely vice versa. So staying around THIS weekend might have been even more painful. Are you building each other up, or are you tearing him down when you feel that he has failed to build you up? Are there some positives that you can be happy about instead of concentrating on the negatives that make you furious.

You had an okay day. What kind of day has he had? Then, at some point, he gets to come back to an SO who is prepared to tear him a new one. Let me remind myself of why I should not be unhappy that I do not have an SO.

You know what might work? If when he comes back he gets shown such a good time, that he wonders why he ever went away.

"The beatings will continue until morale improves!" :spank: :spank: :spank:

[Elidor]

26. And to this I would only add

That some of us need to be alone to grieve.

[TOhioLiberal]

32. Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

What about him? You have your children. What does he have?

He also has our children.

It sounds like he was already on your nerves and you were already on his case, and then likely vice versa. So staying around THIS weekend might have been even more painful. Are you building each other up, or are you tearing him down when you feel that he has failed to build you up? Are there some positives that you can be happy about instead of concentrating on the negatives that make you furious.

You had an okay day. What kind of day has he had? Then, at some point, he gets to come back to an SO who is prepared to tear him a new one.

No, I'm not on his case; and I'm not preparing to 'rip him a new one'. I've tried being conciliatory, I've tried reaching out to him and he's ignored it all, preferring to wallow in his grief. Which, BTW, is all out of proportion to his supposed relationship to the recently deceased.

Let me remind myself of why I should not be unhappy that I do not have an SO.

So glad to have helped remind you. :eyes:

You know what might work? If when he comes back he gets shown such a good time, that he wonders why he ever went away.

except for the fact that he hasn't partaken of that good time in over 3 years, it's a first rate idea.

[wildhorses]

28. hang with us --- we can toast to lesley's birthday

:toast:

:hug:

:hi:

[TOhioLiberal]

33. I think that is a fine idea...

:toast: :hug: :pals:

[SPKrazy]

29. Sand is hard after a while

let him pound the sand

you need to be gentle to yourself this weekend.

and think about your options with a clear mind.

:hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

34. Thanks for the reminder...

...I'm trying to be gentle.

[fizzgig]

30. oh gods sweetie

i am so sorry :hug:

we're here for you, don't forget that

[TOhioLiberal]

35. Thanks kagehime...

...:hug: so how are feeling today?

[fizzgig]

37. i'm better

well, in some ways

work is making my head explode right now x(

:hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

40. work sucks!

don't let it get you down, it'll just make you sick again. :hug:

[Joe Fields]

31. I'm glad you had someone there with you.

And we're with you..:pals:

[TOhioLiberal]

36. I would have gone slightly mad...

...if it were not for my son and his girlfriend. I'm glad that you and the rest of the loungers are here for me. :hug:

[u4ic]

38. That is beyond insensitive

:hug: :grouphug: :pals:

I can understand him needing some time to himself, but it seems like he just dropped you, without any consideration.

I'm on your side, but sometimes grief does funny things to people. However, it sounds like this isn't the first time that you haven't been taken into consideration.

Your son's good a good'un there. I'm very glad there was someone there for you.


Wanna share? :hug::hi:

[TOhioLiberal]

39. Thanks u4ic...

...no it's not the first time I've been left out of consideration. Whether it's the last time or not remains to be seen.

:hug::pals:

That is one fine looking cake! :9

[u4ic]

41. No calories!

Eat as much as you want!:P


It sounds like he needs to be taken out of consideration. :hug:

[GenDem]

42. That's just totally not cool

and so insensitive. I'm so sorry. :hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

44. Thanks GenDem...

...I'll survive. Mostly because of my support system on DU. :hug::pals:

[RevolutionaryActs]

43. ..

:(


:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

45. I hear ya...

:hug::pals::hug::pals: thanks!

[Left Is Write]

46. Ohhhh...

thank goodness for your son's girlfriend.

I'm sure this day is hard for you. :hug:

[TOhioLiberal]

47. Thanks LIW...

...it was a hard day. But it could have been much worse. :hug: