I always feel strange inside.

[Droopy]

It's like I'm in a perpetual state of weirdness. By outward appearances I'm not too awfully strange. I look like a big farm boy. Buzz cut hair, t-shirt and bib overalls. Maybe I'm subconsciously trying to camouflage my inner weirdness.

Every once in a while the weird feeling will stop and I will have a moment of peace in my mind. That's the only reason I know that I feel abnormal most of the time. I guess some would say that I'm troubled and that I need to find a good psychologist. I've been that route and I do see a psychiatrist out of necessity for meds, but not for talk therapy. When I asked my psychologist what she thought of me after a few sessions she said that I am a reserved person. That may be true, but it totally belies the inner struggle that I'm dealing with and I was unable to communicate that to her at the time.

Now it's time to move forward. I don't think that there's anything I can do about my state of mind besides stop being so self absorbed. It's time to move on and move outward. It's time to leave the junkyard of my mind.

[raccoon]

1. I'll pm you. nt

[Haole Girl]

2. You definitely need to find a therapist with whom you can talk to

There are good ones out there...shop around. People need to find someone who "fits" for them. If I hadn't sought help after my mother's death, I probably wouldn't be alive today. I don't think I would have committed suicide in the normal sense, but I was headed on a very destructive path...reckless, some might say. Good luck....and, you know what Droopy? It's not usually the ones who think they need help who have the most serious problems...reallly! It's often the ones who think everyone else is the problem! :hug:

[Connonym]

3. I would agree that a good therapist would probably help

and perhaps a change in your meds. Sometimes finding the right combination can take a lot of trial and error. Don't give up, you deserve to find inner peace. :hug:

[Droopy]

4. The meds are good

They have had a miraculous effect on my life. My psychiatrist has done a little tinkering, but I really don't want to screw around with that too much because the difference between when I was ill and now are like night and day. And anyway, I've felt strange since I can remember and well before I got sick. Maybe you guys are right and I need to see a talk therapist again, but I'm going to try things my way first and see what happens. I've heard that simple action, be it going for a jog or campaigning for a candidate, can make things better.

[Connonym]

5. exercise is almost never a bad idea

I know what you mean about meds. I've been on just about all the antidepressants out there and after so many tries finding one that works, even if it's not perfect, feels amazing. Most of all, just hang in there please.

[skygazer]

6. Well, I will say that one thing I've learned over time

Is that I am who I am. Profound, huh?

But seriously, for so long, I was taking meds and going to doctors and therapists and what I was looking for was someone to make me "normal."

I finally realized I'll never be "normal" in the sense that I meant it - I am the way I am and rather than seek that elusive place, what I needed to do was find better ways of coping with who I am.

That did involve meds and therapists but with a different goal - to learn how to be me and navigate society as me.

Not easy and it's taken me many years to find a path that seems to work. But I no longer feel quite so wierd - or perhaps I embrace and accept the wierd - and I'm able to maneuver through life without it causing so many major upheavals.

I'm not "cured" - I'm bipolar and I have bad days and good days. But I have fewer of them and they're not so dramatic now. :hug: