Post your sage advice here...

[NewWaveChick1981]

:hi:

My bit of wisdom: The new type of no-sugar-added candies are good, but PAY ATTENTION to the warning on the label. :yoiks: They aren't kidding about "gastrointestinal distress". :scared:

Next!

[Deep13]

1. Don't eat yellow snow.

[underpants]

2. Change out of the Under Armour before getting into a hot car

LEarned that one the hard way yesterday. They say a sportsbra creates a "uniboob" situation--well this was like a "unibun" situation.

[underpants]

3. Oranges and peanuts are mortal foes

Do not mix them

[MonkeyFunk]

4. Never punch an osprey

[Blue-Jay]

53. Is it OK to punch a rooster?

*cock-punch*

[taterguy]

5. Wear Tevas before attempting to sled naked

Doing it barefoot is a common rookie mistake

[underpants]

6. Sage goes with anything

Okay I am done now....wait not yet

When you meet a stranger look at his shoes
-later-
When you meet a stranger look at her hands
----Berry, Buck, Mills, Stipe "Good advices"
(I have found this to be very true)

[Arugula Latte]

36. But take it easy on the sage -- that stuff can overpower food. nt

[datasuspect]

7. don't buy the undercoat and arrange your own financing before you buy a car

[BOSSHOG]

8. If you don't already have a ROTH IRA, get one now

[datasuspect]

9. keep an open mind

but not so open that your brain falls out.

[kwassa]

10. Don't chew your nails, especially if you are a carpenter.

Soupy Sales taught me that.

[Aristus]

11. If you want to learn how to fly,

try throwing yourself at the ground...and miss.

B-)

[kay1864]

40. It might take exactly 42 tries

in some universes.

[CottonBear]

12. Don't ever wear a an adhesive panty liner when taking an English riding lesson.

Trust me on this one.
:-( :blush: :yoiks:

[plcdude]

29. details

we need details why not?

[CottonBear]

31. Let's just say that the adhesive side can roll around and get stuck...

ouch! However, one doesn't know this until undressing later on.

Think of an unintentional Brazilian bikini wax. :(

[mikeytherat]

13. "Always let the Wardrobe Mistress choose your clothes."

mikey_the_rat

[BrotherBuzz]

14. Never fry bacon in the nude

[pagerbear]

15. You don't tug on Superman's cape,

You don't spit into the wind,
You don't pull the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger,
And you don't mess around with Jim.

[AllegroRondo]

16. dont eat blue jolly ranchers before an important meeting

[Shakespeare]

17. Never get involved in a land war in Asia. n/t

[Aristus]

26. And...

Never match wits with a Sicilian when death is on the line!

[Shakespeare]

30. !!

:thumbsup:

[kay1864]

42. Or Vulcan

Oh geez that's so esoteric.

Or geeky.

Geekily esoteric, that's it.

[JoePhilly]

43. Inconceivable!!!

[JoePhilly]

44. Persistance is knowing when to give up.

[davsand]

61. I do not think that word means what you think it means...

[Guava Jelly]

18. Never Assume

It makes an ASS out of U and Me

[Yavin4]

19. Always Ask For State Wide Re-Count

Count the damn votes.

[datasuspect]

20. just because a beaver knows what he's doing don't mean a tree can't fall on him

[Taverner]

21. Never add too much sage to any meal

It can be overpowering
:P

[datasuspect]

22. if you sit in a barbershop long enough, you're gonna get a haircut

[Adsos Letter]

23. Take a walk down this road...

*


lots of sage there...about to be freshly washed.







:D

[no name no slogan]

24. Don't trust whitey

[datasuspect]

27. you're brave to say that

it's what i think all the time.

[MistressOverdone]

34. I knew a guy named Whitey once

he was from a strange clan of folks in South Jersey and he was very, very white. Very. Very. I don't think he was very trustworthy, either.

[RedStateShame]

25. Don't go writing hot checks down in Mississippi...

[catmandu57]

28. Be wary of men who wear raincoats

on sunny days.

[Wapsie B]

32. Never piss on an electric fence.

[MistressOverdone]

33. In an emergency ladies room situation

it is NOT a good idea to use medicated Puff tissues instead of toilet paper.

[billyskank]

35. Never throw your suitcase over a wall before you're sure you can scale it.

Never pee into the wind.











Um, what else?












Oh, yeah. Never take a dump at a railway station in the late evening.

[hellbound-liberal]

37. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Being first isn't always best!

[otherlander]

38. Practice safe eating,

Use condiments.

[kay1864]

39. Key word to look for on those no-sugar candies

"Maltitol". Especially if it's listed first or second.

Bad. News.

[cloudbase]

41. Watch where you put your signature

and (men) watch where you put your pecker. Both can get you into trouble.

[JoePhilly]

45. Check for toliet paper BEFORE you sit down. nt

[Wetzelbill]

46. Do not post on DU while drying your shirt in the oven

I did, and forgot about my shirt, and it, well, was smoldering. :)

[Blue Diadem]

47. When weeding out the overgrown sage plant, don't grab a snake by mistake.

Did that at my son's a few weeks ago. :scared:

[Jed Dilligan]

48. Don't masturbate after chopping serrano peppers.

Even several hours and hand-washings later... don't.

[NC_Nurse]

49. All medicine has side effects. Even over the counter stuff.

[qnr]

50. Never upend a bag of salt & vinegar potato chips to get the crumbs n/t

[hellbound-liberal]

51. Don't put your "pen" in the company's "inkwell" or Don't put your meat where your bread is.

[Inchworm]

52. Never pee uphill barefooted

:silly:

[EstimatedProphet]

54. Use sage sparingly, and grind it well.

[marzipanni]

55. Tell me about it

A cellophane bag of the old(?) kind, made with mannitol and sorbitol, accompanied my friend and me on a hiking trip in the '60s. Whoa, or should I say WOE... do two teenage girls do the same thing a bear does in the woods?
We read the small print too late: "Mannitol may have a laxative effect"...:( but :rofl: in retrospect)

[Joe Fields]

56. If you don't have air conditioning in your car, and you are driving

through the mojave desert in the summertime, be sure to strip down to your underwear.

[RiffRandell]

57. Burn sage to rid the house of negative energy.

FYI---it stinks.

[femmocrat]

58. You have to bring it indoors before the first frost. It isn't hardy.

(At least in northern zones.)

[wildhorses]

59. sage is good in dressing for thanksgiving dinner

:P

[SPKrazy]

60. Always! No Never!

play in the rain with your underwear on backwards and nothing else on.

:silly:

[Road Scholar]

62. Never, and I mean never......

fry bacon with your shirt off. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Deja Q]

63. Socks are best used on feet.

O8)

[Wcross]

64. Save some money for a rainy day.

Stay out of debt. If you can't pay cash you can't afford it.

[LeftyFingerPop]

65. When your toilet starts to overflow.....

instead of just gazing into the bowl with that "deer in the headlights look", simply reach down and turn off the toilet water supply.