Your dog died. When did you get another one?

[jane_pippin]

(if you did, that is)

My parents had to put our family dog to sleep a few weekends ago. He was very old and it was his time.

Here's the thing though: My dad needs a dog. He's home alone all the time, he's been so lonely without our dog, and he says everything reminds him of our dog. He'll never get himself another one, but if we were to get him one of course he'd love it.

We were thinking maybe for father's day we'd get one from the humane society. (My mom and I went today just to do a preliminary look and talk to the people there).

I know it's different for everyone, but I'd like to know if it were you, and you were presented with a new dog--not a replacement at all, nothing that looks like your old dog, just a new, awesome dog--how do you think you'd take it? I know he loves dogs and I know he'd be a great with it, love it, etc.

But I'm just worried it might be too soon, (father's day will be about a month since we had to put the dog to sleep), and that it would make him more sad. On the other hand, my dad being alone all day with nothing to do and no companionship is no good either.

Can you tell me what it was like for you, if you've been through something similar?

Thank you.

[PeaceNikki]

1. It was about 2 1/2 years for us.

I would have done it far sooner, but life in general was changing a LOT at the time.

I say do it. I can't IMAGINE a new dog making him sad. Sure, maybe at times, but generally I'd bet it'll be pure joy.

[jane_pippin]

25. I think you're on to something.

I think he might be sad initially just because he'd feel a little like we were trying to replace the other dog. But the man loves animals so much, and it isn't a replacement at all--just a new buddy--so I think in the end it would be ok.

A few other people have suggested letting him puppy sit a dog I "adopted." That might actually work. If we do it, the plan is for my boyfriend and I to go pick up the dog before we go to our father's day get-together. So what I could to, is say that my boyfriend got me the dog, and let him get to know the dog during the picnic, and maybe say something like "you know, I really like this dog, but I work too much--it's not fair for me to have him really. Why don't you take care of him for me for a while until things chill out for me a bit" and then just let him have the dog. This plan needs work, but I think it's a start.

[PeaceNikki]

31. You'll figure it out.

In any case, you ought get him a dog ... stat.

pssst - name her Lulu :D :hi:

[jane_pippin]

33. That's a great name!

:hi: :D

[Gidney N Cloyd]

35. "Lulu"? Like Ed Norton's dog?

[applegrove]

2. Depends how old your dad is. Get a breed that won't outlive him or his ability to

care for it. Also, ask your dad when the time is right. I lost one year old kitten and couldn't think of getting another kitten for a few years..so I got a grown cat instead..a year later.

Your dad is grieving. He may get into a new routine sooner rather than later. All in all I would definitely have a discussion with your dad about getting a new pet and when he feels it is best to get one.

[billyskank]

3. Get him another dog.

It seems right.

[mvd]

4. My experience with The Humane Society was perfect

I got the best dog, Reba, there. She's sweet and still pretty healthy after turning 11 this month (we don't know how old she is, but it's approximately June. We make her birthday June 8.) I got Reba just a few months after my Scittish Terrier Benji died.

[mvd]

6. Remember, though, I was only 20 when I got Reba

I grieved for Benji, but I wouldn't be without a dog for long. As you get older, it might be different, but if you think he'd like one, go with your instinct.

[Dervill Crow]

5. I think it would be fine.

We actually got a puppy before our old dog died purely because my daughter's dog had a litter (unintentional--her dog got pregnant the first time she came into season). It turned out that the older dog mentored the younger one and it was a seamless transition, although we miss our beloved "big dog," which was her nickname after we got the "little dog." They are both sweet dogs, but totally different from one another.

There can never be a replacement for a pet you have lost, but life without a pet, to me, is unimaginable. As long as the new dog is totally unlike the one he has lost it seems like a good idea even though it is kind of soon.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

7. I had to put my dog down about 2 and 1/2 weeks ago.

Following a long bout with cancer so not only am I missing my pal my routine with all the extra care he needed is leaving a gap.
I think I can relate here, so a couple factors:
1) I do plan to get another dog. I like the breed (lab) enough that I'd like to stay with that even if it reminds me of the old one.
2) I'm still grieving and moping around and it's OK if I do that for a bit. In fact it's probably best (for me and the next dog) if I work that out before I take on another pet. I feel a little better every day.
3) I'd be uncomfortable with someone picking out a dog for me.

Here's my recommendation: Indulge your dad for a bit but start telling him that he needs a new dog, that somewhere there's a dog who needs him, and he can participate in the process or you'll find one for him. A few family outings to the shelter or rescue group 'shows' and you'll probably hook him.

[jane_pippin]

8. I'm sorry for your loss.

And thank you for your insight--that goes for everyone who responded.

I think you're right--I think slowly mentioning that he would be good for a lonely dog might be a good way to go. Especially if we can get him to be around some. That's kind of how it happened with the last dog. He was adamant that he didn't want a dog, but the dog chose him and they became best buds.

[MountainLaurel]

9. About 6 months, for us

The old fellow passed away at the beginning of November, rather unexpectedly. (We had found out the week before that he had a tumor on his heart; his checkup a few months earlier had shown no problems.) We were all devastated, including the almost-2-yo pup who idolized her older brother. She is a very social girl and regressed a bit behaviorally without a companion. But life moved on, and we got through the winter. By March or so, we started talking about finding a pup, at some point in the near future. (We had wanted to do it now because I'm only working part time, making training and potty training much easier.) In April, we got Tristan.

[BarenakedLady]

10. A few weekends ago?

After my sweet Katie dog died, I waited only a couple of weeks before I adopted again. I immediately regretted it. It took me several months to accept the new needy puppy (Katie was a 9 year old adult when she died). It was hard to adapt to a new demanding creature.

Though in hindsight it was the best thing I ever did. Emma is now my best friend, very much like Katie in temperament but more loving toward children and chaos.

I had to put my kitty Rocky (13) to sleep this morning. I'm not ready to entertain the idea of getting another. His brother will be lonely, but I don't think he would appreciate a new addition to the family right away. I don't think I would either.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[VenusRising]

11. I had a weird experience with this.

My senior year, my Humanities teacher's dog died. He would tell us stories about the dog. He told us how much he and his wife missed their dog. Well, it was a humanities class, so we got together as a class and got the money together to get a new dog with accessories and everything. We were all so happy when we gave him the dog and so was he. A week later, he asked me to come and get the dog. He and his wife decided they didn't want the responsibility. I never told my classmates because they would have been heartbroken that he returned our gift.

That was at the end of the year before summer vacation started. My teacher lost his wife that summer and he committed suicide. He was a warm and caring human being. I sometimes wonder if he had kept the dog if he would have still taken his own life. He may not have felt so lonely.

I'm not insinuating that your father will commit suicide, but that's my story about getting someone a dog after they've had one die. I wish things had turned out different for my dear teacher. I'll always remember him.

[jane_pippin]

17. What a sad story.

I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry for your loss, and thank you for telling your story. :hug:

[Radio_Lady]

47. That is a very tragic story. Perhaps his wife was too ill to help care for the dog.

It may have all fallen on the teacher's shoulders, and at a very tough time in his life.

You can only conjecture about suicide -- I do the same thing. My male Drama/English/Homeroom teacher committed suicide in my senior year of high school. He was a gay man and he was despondent over some small financial irregularity in our Senior Class. He put his head in the oven and turned on the gas on May 15, 1956. I was only blocks away from his apartment on a psychologist's appointment of my own, and fantasized that if I had gone over and knocked on his door, perhaps I could have saved him.

So sad. Thanks for your comments.

[VenusRising]

51. Another tragedy.

Thanks for sharing your story, too.

We can't take the burdens on ourselves. No one will ever know why they felt the way they did about life.

I hope they both have found peace.

:hug:

[taterguy]

12. Four months

I had a dog that I raised from a puppy who lived 12 years. A couple years before he passed I met my wife who had a younger dog. Our two dogs got along great. My dog passed in mid-February and my wife's dog was lonely. We found a new dog Memorial Day. YMMV of course

[hatredisnotavalue]

13. True story

My grandfather's dog died. My mom, who was working at the time, went out and bought a dog and asked my grandfather to babysit the dog during the day. Yeah, it took about a week before my grandfather asked my mother if the dog could spend the night. That dog never spent another night at our house.
My grandfather lived another ten years because of that dog.

[jane_pippin]

18. That's sweet...

See, my dad has MS, has had it forever, and has been doing well. Walking the dog really helped him get exercise and stay active. Maybe doing something like that--letting the dog and him bond at his own pace, and then letting dad "become his owner" over time is a good way to go.

[hatredisnotavalue]

20. I totally recommend it....

It is amazing how rapidly people deteriorate when they lose their pet. What's the worst that could happen? I would get a smaller dog and make up some story about how you are saving it or watching it for a friend. Wink, wink. Good luck!

Tammy

edited for wink, wink :)
edited again because I am a rotten speller

[Gidney N Cloyd]

21. OK, well, the MS thing steps up the process a bit.

Given that, you should be upfront and say 'Dad, I want to help you get another dog. It'll be healthy for both of you.'

[jane_pippin]

30. That's a good idea.

And I'm liking what others have said about me adopting it and gradually letting him have it or let him take it at his own pace. Maybe that would be ok. Like, I get it, and if he's not ready for it I can take care of it until he is, or until he gets to know it well enough to want it. He might go for that.

I know he knows it'll be good for him. He just needs to be in a place where he feels ok about having a new dog around.

[elehhhhna]

28. Yup. Get a year-old or so & let the dog adopt your Dad.

They're both really lucky, btw.

[Inchworm]

14. When my Chow died

I absolutly swore off of getting a new dog. That was one of the hardest feelings Ive ever had to go through. He too was "old" and it was his time, but it tore me up bad.

8-10 months later we brought an Akita pup into the house. Thats been over a year ago and I still slip and call him by my Chow's name on occasion. The new dog is cool though. He has his days too.

I guess it all depends on your dad. I would consider simply asking him what he thinks about it. Dogs, little or big, can be a task. Depends on his feeling towards it.

:hi:

[femmocrat]

15. Three years.

After losing three dogs at a rate of one per year, I didn't think I would ever get another dog. But then a friend approached me about some corgi puppies (she knew our first corgi) and the rest is history!

I don't think I would recommend your selecting the dog for your dad, though. If he is going to care for it, he should be the one to choose it. That way, they can bond from the beginnning. A better alternative would be your adopting the dog and letting him puppy-sit and help to care for it.

[jane_pippin]

19. The only reason we have to pick the dog out for him

is that there is no way he'd ever admit that he wants one. Ever. With the last one he was all "no, not another thing in the house that eats and shits" :D but he fell in love with the dog within 3 minutes. For anyone other than my dad, I'd agree wholeheartedly that they should pick their own. But he never would.

I like your "puppy-sitting" idea. I don't live with them though, so I'm not sure how we'd pull it off. Maybe we can think of some clever ruse:

"Oh, dad, my boyfriend got me a dog to make me feel better about losing W., but I just am not around enough to give him enough attention. You're good with dogs--can I leave him with you during the day?"

That might work. It's a lie for the greater good, so I don't think I'd feel too bad about it.

[China_cat]

16. Last year we lost our 2 oldest dogs

both to age and health problems. It took a while (September to Christmas) for us to realize that not only were we lonely but that the dog left behind wasn't doing so well. So we started looking and adopted a pair of litter brothers who had never been separated and needed to be kept together.

I'm glad we did. I don't think I could have stood it this week without them because Dot, the dog that was left, became extremely ill and we lost her on Thursday.

For some people, the day never comes. For others, that dog-shaped hole in your heart needs filling. It certainly sounds like your dad needs a friend and wouldn't be averse to your gesture. But maybe he hasn't taken this step for himself because he feels that it would be like betraying the friend he lost. You can help him there by letting him know that the best way to honor the old dog's life is to give another one a home and keep it from being put to sleep.

[Blue-Jay]

22. My dog died?!?!?! WHY DIDN"T ANYONE TELL ME?

[Gidney N Cloyd]

24. Ooh...

[jane_pippin]

26. I mean...he went to live on a nice farm somewhere.

No, really.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

29. I think he's old enough to be told the truth.

[Blue-Jay]

32. I'm heartbroken.

Wait..... She's looking at me.


GAAAAAHHHHH! IT"S A ZOMBIE_DOG!!!

SHE'S GONNA EAT MY BRAINnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn;lkdfnasdnciunbfgiuergbvibfvsvkd v

[Gidney N Cloyd]

34. Well, yes, the brain eating thing is true.

Circle of life.

[Blue-Jay]

42. uuuuuuuungggghh

[jpgray]

23. A few years later

Mostly I think to separate our new dog from the idea of "replacing" the old one.

[Red State Rebel]

27. Three Weeks - Couldn't stand the house without a Dog

[hatredisnotavalue]

36. BTW. You are a great, great kid for thinking about your father's feelings

and being so concerned about him. Three cheers to you. :)

[bicentennial_baby]

37. It was about 2-4 weeks for my Mom...

When Lance and Herbie died, she was devastated...So, after Lance's passing, we got Stripe for her a month or 2 later. Best thing ever! And about 6 months later we got Buddy from the pound, and later after that we rescued Fancy, and they've been a happy dog family ever since :)

[Maddy McCall]

38. I loved my scottie Maddy McCall very much. I found her dead...

immediately after I joined DU. NSMA was a great friend to me that night, as were other DUers.

We got Lucinda, our schnauzer, three weeks later. Bringing Lucinda into our family in no way diminished our sorrow for losing Maddy McCall. She's a different dog, and we love her in a different way. I don't know what we'd do without her.

Our family dog Wooba died on the Sunday before Memorial Day, about two weeks ago. My brother who suffers from a debilitating psychiatric disorder and is disabled, and who was Wooba's number-one friend and chief caretaker, is already looking for a chihuahua. He needed that companionship that Wooba gave him. He needs to care for something--I can see depression sneaking in on him, because the object of his care and compassion is now gone. He misses her, but he'll be much happier when he has a constant companion to care for again. Hopefully we can find him a chihuahua soon. REALLY soon. (Watching petfinder and the local pound daily...will buy one if we can't find one soon, though.)

If I were you, I'd include your Dad in any decision you make. I know that you want to surprise him with a new dog--what a great surprise it is--but, really, I think that it should be his choice--take him with you to choose the dog from the shelter. That way, you can be sure that the personality of the dog he chooses is what he wants.

Bottom line: it is different for everyone, but it's not too soon, ever, to give a needy dog a home.

Good luck to you and your family. It's very generous of you to think of your father in this way.

[fortyfeetunder]

39. Never did...

I had to take the dog to the vet for the final visit. It was depressing to lose a friend. We had a profound relationship with that little creature.

I'm ashamed to say many years later, I cannot bring myself to get another dog. We've had fish, birds, but no mammals...

[Coventina]

40. My personal experiences are not very helpful.

The people I know have generally not replaced their dogs.

My first dog is still alive, although I am sure that I will never be dogless for long, now that I have known doggie love!!

A friend of mine's mother was pining away after her elderly dogs died. So my friend and his sister adopted a young dog from a shelter and gave it to her for Christmas. Well, the asshole of a husband said, "No way! I waited 15 years for those damn dogs to die! We ain't getting another!!" So back to the shelter it went. Poor thing. :-(

[Elidor]

41. Every time I see this thread title...

It sounds like a question from the Voight-Kampff test in Blade Runner.

[flvegan]

43. Do NOT make a gift out of an adoption like that.

Let it be up to him. When he's ready, he'll be ready. Many folks rush to get another dog to "fill the void" but the dog doesn't.

Here's what I'd do...I'd talk to the Humane Society folks, pay for the adoption up front and get an adoption certificate. THEN, I'd accompany dad to the shelter every time he wanted to go. Knowing it was his choice, knowing it was what he finally decided upon is the most perfect thing. There's no paperwork, no interview...just a nice man and his new best friend.

There is no finer thing you can do in this instance.

Trust me.

[PeaceNikki]

48. My guess is that she and her mother know her dad pretty well...

and that they wouldn't make such a decision in haste.

Given the stubborn nature she described above, he may never admit it. In addition, given his medical condition, it's probably in his best interest to move on it sooner than later.

I trust jane's decision wholly.

[bicentennial_baby]

50. Everyone's different though

Some people need that void filled asap, some can't go there right away. I trust her to know her Father better than we can. :shrug:

[Bjornsdotter]

44. 8 months

...we contacted the breeder after Dakota died, to let her know that he was gone. we told her we would like another one, preferably the same bloodline.

She called us in a few months and told us when we could expect our new puppy to be born, we went and picked him out when he was about 1 week old. Took Bailey home 7 weeks later.

Like your father, I am lost without a dog. Dakota and now Bailey is with me all day long, whether I'm working in the yard or running errands.

I needed some time to grieve, but at 5 months I was definitely ready for a new furbaby.

Hope this helps and a big :hug: for your Dad.

Cheers

[Radio_Lady]

45. Last dog was hit by a car in January 1988. We never did get another dog.

Just the wrong time of life for us. We were both working full-time and my husband was involved in business travel. It just never felt right to have another puppy and I wouldn't consider a grown dog.

We have had had a combined total of more than ten dogs in our lifetimes -- it has remained so for a long time now.

We really loved Spice, Buffy, Dolly, Toby and Bambi -- Ralphie, another Toby and others my husband had that I don't remember. Plus the five kids.

Now we travel about half of the year and it would be a shame to have a dog in those circumstances.

[KG]

46. never.

wasn't a pet person. too footloose. then Rocky found me. i've come to love the little guy, do anything for him. there's something special about him and about our bond (well, for me anyway), could never hope to recreate it.

and, really, i'm still not a pet person. when he goes, that's it.

[Redstone]

49. Not too soon. Do it. Your father will thank you.

Redstone