Tell me two jokes: your favorite one-liner, and your favorite kid joke.

[bertha katzenengel]

My favorite one-liner:

Two pengins in a shower. One says, "pass the soap." The other says, "what am I, a radio?"

:rofl:


My favorite kid joke:

What do invisible cats drink?
Evaporated milk.

[ulysses]

1. one liner

"A man walks into a bar. Ouch."

Kid joke
Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting c...
Moo.

I think I heard both of those on DU.

[Left Is Write]

2. I was going to tell the interrupting cow joke...

[ulysses]

4. I love that one.

Great with kids. :D

[Left Is Write]

3. A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Kid joke...

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake with a kangaroo?
A: A jump rope!



And, as an extra added bonus, today only, at no extra charge (just pay separate shipping and handling), a joke from a Dean Martin act:

Grasshopper goes into a bar and says, "Give me a scotch and soda." Bartender looks at him and says, "Hey! We've got a drink named after you." Grasshopper says, "You got a drink named Irving?"

[Adsos Letter]

5. Groooaaan...

Irving? :rofl:

[Adsos Letter]

6. One liner AND kid joke combination (drumroll, please...)

Duck walks into a pharmacy, asks "You got any chapstick?" Druggist says "Yeah, you gonna' pay cash for that?" "Naw", the Duck replies, "just put it on my bill".

:hide:

[davsand]

7. OK, here's a knock knock and one clean joke:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo Who?
Oh man--don't cry about it this is just a joke!


A string gets thrown out of a bar after the bartender tells him they don't serve strings. String ties himself in a bow, fluffs his ends and goes back in. Bartender starts screaming, "Hey, I told you we don't serve strings here. Didn't you hear what I said?"

String replays:

"I'm a frayed knot."

[Dervill Crow]

8. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel in his pants.

Bartender: You've got a ship's wheel in your pants!?

Pirate: Aye. It's drivin' me nuts.

[FloridaJudy]

9. What did the Buddhist say

to the hot-dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything".


Kid Joke:

What's Godzilla's favorite vegetable?

Squash.

[Richard Steele]

10. The Grim Reaper walks into a bar, and orders...

...a beer and a mop.


Kid jokes:
Q: How do you catch a unique animal?
A: Unique up on it!

Q: How do you catch a tame animal?
A: The tame way.

[Mendocino]

11. A Priest, a Rabbi and a Pastor walk into a bar....

...Bartender says "Is this a Joke?"

What did the snail say when he rode on the turtles back? "SLOW DOWN"

[SmileyMarie]

12. A frog sat on a log, in the smog, and croaked.

What do you get when you cross a bellydancer and a cow?
A milkshake.

[northzax]

13. oookaay...

how do you catch a unique rabbit?


unique up on it.

or...

what's the difference between a lion and a panther?


a lion's a great big cat, and panther what you wear.

[SOteric]

14. Did you hear the one about the cannibal

who passed his brother on the road the other day?

Kid Jokes:

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anybody can roast beef.

Olie: Did you hear, all the Florida Sunshine Workers got laid off!
Sven: No! What happened?
Olie: They just couldn't concentrate!

Olie: Did you hear, the workers at the U.S. Mint are on strike!
Sven: No! What happend?
Olie: They wanted to make less money!

Q. How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A. You have him climb on a leaf and wait for Autumn.

Q. But how did the elephant get into the tree?
A. Tsk, -Silly! He sat on an acorn and waited for Spring.

[hellbound-liberal]

15. I just flew in from the West Coast and, boy, are my arms tired!

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Hatch
Hatch who?
Ha! Ha! made you sneeze!

[gollygee]

16. Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who?

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who?

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who?

Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

[AmyDeLune]

17. Kid Joke...

Q: Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?

A: So he wouldn't fall into the cocoa. :P

[Maraya1969]

18. I got this in an email the other day and was thinking of posting it. It's not a one liner.

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea

One called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted"

Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold,he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend,come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've
changed.".........

"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian".

[Maraya1969]

19. OH here;s a backwards knock knock joke....

You start.

:P