I swear I think someone put a curse on me. Everytime I try to move forward something holds me back.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

I have been living on my own since the end of December of 2006. I sometimes I wish that I would have stayed at home but sometimes I wish I had more strength because things are harder and harder. I could no longer stay home because to make a long story short , I was not wanted there due to some BS .

I don't have a husband or a boyfriend that lives with me , I do everything on my own. I feel like I am in over my head right now and there is nothing that I can do about it but just pray. I make more than enough money but none of it goes to me. It goes to the state , federal government, health insurance , and then my rent and car insurance -> that's where my biggest problem is. I just started driving last year and my insurance is going to be sky high. I finally found some cheaper car insurance with Progressive but due my last insurance cancelling the State of NC revoked my license tags and I did'nt find out until 5 minutes ago and I really feel like crying because I need to go to work ... I am not depressed anymore I just feel so damn stressed out - I am tired of life kicking me in the ass because my heart is sore. I don't have anyone else to talk to because whenever my family needs something I am always there for them but when I need them its like "Whatever ... " - my friends are my family and they are going through the same thing with their families.

Just wondering if anyone else has been through this before because I really miss living in la-la land ...

[Redstone]

1. Welcome to the Real World, kiddo.

Nothing is simple or easy anymore. There are many reasons for this, and I don't have the time or energy to go into into them all, but that's life in the 21st Century.

I really, REALLY wish I could say something more comforting to you, but I can't.

Redstone

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

3. All I was doing was venting as others do from time to time on this board.

And I know this to shall pass. But whatever.

[Redstone]

4. No, no, no, I was NOT trying to dismiss your complaints, just answer them.

I would not ever be hostile to you. Just offering the advice you asked for, OK?

Redstone

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

7. I am sorry I am so sorry ... my mind is so fucked ... forgive me too.

I just want to go somewhere and scream DAMN IT !!!!!!! - but I think this is only going to make me stronger. I could have easily stayed at home like a lot of people I know but I felt like it was time for me to move out and forge on my own. When I get paid , everyone has their hand out and I just want to run. I don't have any kids so I don't get much back from the goverment as far as exemptions go, nor do I have a husband or boyfriend to help me. People commend me on doing it on my own but its so damn hard. And I want to work a second job - I am so willing to work but its a game of chance . We work so hard 40 hours or more a week and don't see anything for it.

[Redstone]

9. It does make you want to scream, doesn't it? I don't blame you for ranting; as tough

as things seemed to be when I entered the workforce in the late 1960s, it's a LOT worse now.

I understand how you feel.

Redstone

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

12. Honestly last week you don't know how close I was to doing something I never thought I would do ...

I don't have anything against strippers but I am starting to see why people do it. When I tell people how much I make from my job they gasp because its a lot but its nothing now when I don't have anything to buy myself with. I work 3rd shift and I am currently looking for a part time job , I might be tired but I won't be broke. And now I am starting to see why some people did LSD in the 60's to zone the fuck out .

But this makes me work on my music even more ... I buy CDs from the dollar store to put my tracks on. I know that one day all of this will pay off but it seems like my life story is nothing but struggle and I feel like I am face to face with God in an argument now , even though I should'nt feel that way. And even though I know there is a lesson in all of this I just don't like the pain of stress because with my problems of depression I fear that it will make me go back on the deep end ... and I have been doing so good with medication , that's one thing I am proud of . I can't even afford damn medication so I had no choice. I can't blame this on Bush I just blame on the damn rain. End of vent.

[Writer]

2. I have been exactly where you are before...

I've been through the crying and the feeling alone. The anxiety about having to keep up with the daily activities of life. It's always easy for others to simply say "that's life; get used to it," but they fail to see how difficult it is being a young woman, making 2/3 what her male counterparts are making, trying to get herself set-up. It is not easy - it is NEVER easy. But you're never alone. There are many out there like you.

On top of that I know you've had family struggles in the past. That doesn't help.

Just take a deep breath. Get yourself to work. Worry about what you can handle when you have time to worry about it. Treat yourself right when you can. Always pat yourself on the back for working through it all.

And never feel alone. We're always here.

:hug:

Writer.

[Inchworm]

5. Life is a series of crazy obstacles

One right after another.

Well, it has been for me. I didn't really care until recently. Lately I have been trying to "turn over a new leaf" and "fly right," but damn at all the hoops it seems like I am having to jump through to get to my goal.

It really is discouraging sometimes. I was told it will get better for me once everything is in motion. I have to take that on "faith." Only because most of the time it feels like I'm in the tunnel and see no glimmer of light at the end.

It's not my day to day that gets me. I am fairly happy. It's all the waiting that kills me.

Hope your stressors give you a break and you find solace somehow.

:hug:

EDIT: forgot to mention I had to pay that NC fee because insurance lapsed while my van was broke down. Forgot about it until now.

[NC_Nurse]

6. NC pulled that shit on me before.

You just have to get proof of insurance from your new company and they will fix it.
It sucks to have to spend the time dealing with bullshit like this, but it will be alright.

I remember feeling overwhelmed by the BULLSHIT when I was first on my own. You'll get the hang of it.

Meanwhile, hang in there! It sounds like you're doing well so far. :hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

10. The NC State Government Agencies are all full of BS are'nt they ?

No wonder I did'nt feel good when I was living in Raleigh ... no offense to anyone living in Raleigh. But damn ...

[NC_Nurse]

18. Yep. They are.

It's the Beautiful Backward South.....:-)

Sounds like you're doing pretty good to me. ;-)

[idgiehkt]

19. NC is worse, though than the south in general

SC is a breeze about stuff like this, it seems some of the deep south states are too. I don't know why NC is so anal about these things.

[NC_Nurse]

20. Maybe it's cause a lot of people get NC

licenses so they can get cheap insurance - even though they live in NYC or NJ!

I saw something about it on the news the other night. Apparently our rates were lower, but now they're rising due to this scam. :shrug:

[idgiehkt]

22. wow, I hadn't heard about that

I wonder how they do that...I've been wanted to have my car registered in SC for the longest time but I don't know how to do it without having a residence. I wonder if those folks have summer homes here.

[KamaAina]

23. In CT people got NC licenses so they didn't have to pay car tax

Mom's apartment building had several NC plates in the parking lot. Local property tax up there is ridiculous.

The other scam was for those who had a ski lodge in VT to register the car up there. Same deal.

[crim son]

8. It sounds to me like you are describing life,

or at least part of it. I promise you, promise you that you will grow stronger and be able to better deal with the pitfalls and stress accompanying them. I also promise you that better times will come and you will appreciate them in a way you never did before.

Hang in there. You can do it. :hug:

[wildhorses]

11. i know of what you are going through

i am out here all by myself, too. it is rough. hang in there.

:hug:

[July]

13. CP, I know that little shit (like the tags) can get you down.

But you should be proud of yourself for being able to make a living and take care of yourself. You have relied on yourself, and that makes it hard sometimes, but you've been able to do it.

The stress is difficult, but lots of us have been where you are, so if it helps to talk about it, come back and do that.

I think you will see things get much better, even though this moment seems so very hard. It's hard to ride it out, be there for others, and look forward, but just keep on keeping on, as we used to say.

Buy a gallon of ice cream (or whatever else will give you a momentary reprieve) and be proud of yourself. You will get past this.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

15. I was going to stay home tonight from work and just sleep ...

but that would make me feel even more worse and I need to be around people. I will bake me a cake tomrrow :) I come here to talk to hear from others who have been there before ... and I will past the information to the next person.

[July]

17. DU is good for these moments.

Take some strength from your invisible friends here.

I know from my own experience that you will someday look back at this time with a different perspective. You are doing all you can, don't beat yourself up. Pamper yourself for five minutes, you've earned it.

[renie408]

14. It is really kind of funny...

but I am not on my own and sometimes I think, "Life would be so simple and easy if it weren't for the kids and the husband." I sometimes think I could live so easily and happily alone. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But the responsibility of raising kids and holding a marriage together on limited means is so WEARING.

I guess the grass is always greener, huh?

Hang in there. I find making lists helps me feel more in control, even if I never get around to actually doing the stuff on the list. It just helps to sit down and put everything in a doable order. It lets me know that things CAN get done. Figure out what you need to do to resolve your insurance problem and just take it one step at a time.

Good luck.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

16. I actually wish for a husband and a child.

It gets lonely cooking Sunday dinner for one person. I find myself listening to conversations where people are talking about their children and their home lives a lot lately. But we all have what we need and what I don't have I don't need it now ... life is a mystery I swear it is.

[idgiehkt]

21. sorry you are having a tough time, CP

I have been there, being a single female is hard. And it's always stuff you would have fixed had you understood what was gonna happen, but you didn't find out about it til it was too late. I hope you get the tag situation worked out and it doesn't cost you a mint. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

24. I'll be fine :)

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

25. CP

I know how you feel....
I can give you :hug: :hug:

I say to my self EVERYDAY.....
10Xs I AM A STRONG AND WORTHY PERSON.....
because I AM and so are you......


Positive thoughts and Karma going your way.........


lost

[Elidor]

26. It's okay to vent, and who could blame you?

A lot of people have been there and we can certainly relate.

One practical step I can see that will help: buy a used car outright, something not so pretty or flashy, something you can own free and clear - and cut back the insurance to the minimum. There is nothing quite as sucky as being a slave to the insurance companies, which most of us are.

You can make it on your own. And I recall your reasons for moving out (I think). You made the right choice. Keep hope alive and keep chugging on. I'm rooting for you.

Buck up, little camper! :evilgrin:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

27. I am feeling a bit better today :)

thank you everyone :) Sometimes when you try to hold everything in, tears seep out .