Guess I'm going to hell: Vatican creates 10 Commandments for drivers

[LynneSin]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070619/ap_on_re_eu/vatican_road_rage;_ylt=Ahiyna3NEEtq5_0UijGLFkUDW7oF

VATICAN CITY - The Vatican on Tuesday issued a set of "Ten Commandments" for drivers, telling motorists not to kill, not to drink and drive, and to help fellow travelers in case of accidents.

An unusual document from the Vatican's office for migrants and itinerant people also warned that cars can be "an occasion of sin" — particularly when they are used for dangerous passing or for prostitution.

It warned about the effects of road rage, saying driving can bring out "primitive" behavior in motorists, including "impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code."


The "Drivers' Ten Commandments," as listed by the document, are:

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

[rbnyc]

1. hmmmm....

I actually think this is cool. I think in general it's too easy to get a driver's license, too hard to lose it, too many people are driving, and most people don't realize what that it's truly a life and death endeavor.

I'm pretty surprised to be in agreement with anything that comes out of the church, but I think this is pretty positive.

[KG]

2. screw that. all i need is my dashboard jesus

George Cromarty and Ed Rush



Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
I could go a hundred miles an hour
Long as I got the almighty power
Glued up there with my pair of fuzzy dice

{Refrain - repeat between verses}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations
We will travel every nation
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far

I don't care if it rains or snowses
Long as I got my plastic Moses
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations
We will travel every nation
Me and plastic Moses will go far



I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I've got my plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's pink and pleasant
Take Him with you when you're travelling far

I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply
I've got the whole damn holy family
Riding on the dashboard of my car

You can buy a sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

I don't care what they say, I'm gonna
Keep on prayin' to that pink Madonna
Melted to the dashboard of my car
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the twelve apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

When pedestrians try to cross
I let them know who's boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town
Trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

{As refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right
And I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

God made Christ a holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan
From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van

{As refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

When I'm goin' fornicatin'
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago motor home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago motor home
Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago motor home
Leering from the dashboard of my van

I don't care if I'm broke or starvin'
As long as I've got a fish named Darwin
Glued to the trunk lid of my car
God, I'm feeling so evolved
Drivin' with my problems solved
Proclaiming what I think of what we are

Riding home one foggy night
With my honey cuddled tight
I missed a curve and off the road we veered
My windshield got smashed-up good
And my darling graced the hood
Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared

{As Refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus,
No longer chides me with His holy grin
Doctors in the X-ray room
Found Him in my darling's womb
Someday, He'll be born again!

I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
He's the dude with the rusty nails
Walks on water, don't need no sails
Riding on the dashboard of me car

I don't care if the night is scary
As long as I got the virgin Mary
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car
She don't slip and she don't slide
'Cause her ass is magnetized
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car

[hellbound-liberal]

6. Thanks for that song, KG!

I never knew it was so long. Too bad there isn't a video available.

[Connonym]

3. How many times can you mentally tell the pope to go fuck himself

before they create a special circle for you in hell? I'm thinking they've already got my spot ready.

[In_The_Wind]

4. oh ... for heavens sake

They're takin' all the fun outta bein' out there on the road!

[Deep13]

5. "Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, ..."

...at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness."

Or traumatize the victim all over again.
:eyes:

[Maine-ah]

7. roflmao

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.


:rofl:

[LynneSin]

8. Well I've broken that one at age 17

At least the occasion of sin part

:hide:

[skygazer]

9. "...dangerous passing and prostitution..."

Well, since they didn't mention the friendly grope in the back seat in which no money changes hands, I guess I'm safe.

[LynneSin]

10. I think #5 puts you in hell

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

I think we've all had an occasion of sin in our cars

[SocratesInSpirit]

11. I love how they reiterate "You shall not kill."

I thought this was already covered in the original ten commandments? But maybe there was there a pressing need to close this common loophole:

"Well, the ten commandments say 'you shall not kill', but if I do it with my car, it doesn't count!" (looks at driver commandments) "Damn!"

[LynneSin]

12. Well there are already footnotes with that command:

Thou Shall Not Kill(1)

(1) Does not include wars, gov't sponsered torture, hurricanes and hunting accidents by Dick Cheney

[flvegan]

13. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Lamborghini nor Ferrari

Thou shalt not flippeth thine bird at those journeying at a slower rate

[underpants]

14. 11. Don't get between people and their Egg McMuffin you fucking dumbass

[JVS]

15. Fend off damnation, join the Sacred Heart Auto League, it's free!

http://www.shl.org/site/PageServer?pagename=AutoLeague

I joined hoping to get a cool sacred heart keyring, but I just got some icon that was made in thailand and of poor build.