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CO Liberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 11:23 AM
Original message
Things People Actually Said In Court
Edited on Tue Jan-20-04 11:24 AM by CO Liberal
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

-----------------------------

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

-----------------------------

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

-----------------------------

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

-----------------------------

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

------------------------------

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

------------------------------

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

------------------------------

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

------------------------------

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

------------------------------

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

------------------------------

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

------------------------------

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

------------------------------

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

------------------------------

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

------------------------------

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

------------------------------

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8 0 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

------------------------------

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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bif Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 11:26 AM
Response to Original message
1. Thanks. I needed a laugh this morning.
n/t
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Wickerman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 11:32 AM
Response to Original message
2. I love those!
Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. !!!!

thanks, CO!
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Limbought Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 11:37 AM
Response to Original message
3. Very Funny.
I have seen these previously, but definitely worth another look. Thanks.
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Sequoia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 11:47 AM
Response to Original message
4. Stop it!
My masscara is running!
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arwalden Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 12:19 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. If I Wore Mascara... Mine Would Be Running Too
funny!

-- Allen
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supernova Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 12:25 PM
Response to Original message
6. We do Voodoo
ROFL!!

Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it. :D
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never cry wolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 02:14 PM
Response to Original message
7. Funny stuff
Thanks!!
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 02:17 PM
Response to Original message
8. Hahahaahaha. Thanks that was funny.
:hi:
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CatWoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 02:23 PM
Response to Original message
9. ROFL!!!!!
This one HAD to be a freeper:

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.
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kmla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 02:25 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. I dunno, but I heard that it was Ken Starr who said that ..
...while under cross examination. I guess he had an oral fixation...
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Shananigans Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 02:25 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. damn you!
I am sitting at work sniffling and complaining about not feeling good when I suddenly burst out laughing. My coworkers probably think i am nuts!
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youngred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 02:28 PM
Response to Original message
12. definitely need that this morning
thanks!
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PerpetualWar Donating Member (12 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-20-04 07:13 PM
Response to Original message
13. HAHAHAHAHA! Those were very funny!!
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar, LOL!
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