My father called me a 'zero' to my face....and in front of others.

[Mind_your_head]

I'm successfully raising 3 kids by myself (NO familial help AT ALL)....I own my own home....

I know I'm not a 'zero', but *damn* it still hurts....and the *dad* is dead now.

Pain...pain, oh the pain.........

[Omphaloskepsis]

1. Wow, thats fucked up.

Not much I can say about that situation. If anything it was one of the bring you down to feel better about himself moments. Sorry that you had to go through that.

[Mind_your_head]

3. Thank you

sometimes one just needs a hug, or a word of encouragement, or at least not DISCOURAGEMENT. :hug:

[Radio_Lady]

33. Hi Mind... if it's any consolation, my Dad once told me I looked like a hooker...

But he's dead now, and I try to remember the good times.

Not the time he demanded "Clintonesque" sexual favors in order to help me (by giving me a $3,000 check). I was divorced, just over 30 years old, with my two little kids, and working day and night to support the three of us.

I try to put that away in my mind.

I try to remember the good times.

Here are Mom, Dad and me in the 1940s --



Here's my favorite summer picture!

[hfojvt]

2. when my dad does that to me

I usually say 'pasta la vista, baby' and throw cooked macaroni at him

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6631442&mesg_id=6632740

Not sure if that story helped, but I think it's hilarious. I'm sorry that your dad is not as much fun. :hug:

[Screwfly]

4. My asshole father

said worse things to me, but I'm getting revenge on his ass even though he's dead. Ha-ha, I'm the only one carrying the family name and I'm never, every going to father any children.

[u4ic]

5. I'd say the 'zero' in this case was your dad

Zero understanding, zero compassion, zero appreciation...zero love and ZERO class.


I'm so sorry. You are not a 'zero'. You deserve to be appreciated, and admired for all you've done, and will continue to do. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Guava Jelly]

6. You are not a zero

It is an opinion of one angry man.
You sound pretty successful to me with 3 kids and a home to prove it.
I would shake it off because you know in your hearts of hearts it isn't true

[Mind_your_head]

9. So, why does it hurt so much?

I want it to stop.

B/C I had the chance to be a part of the illuminati/cool crowd and I didn't take it? Maybe I am a fool. Guess it depends upon who/what you really love.

[Guava Jelly]

11. Because you can't argue with a dead person

You should try letting go of your pain.
Read my profile there is a scene from 6 feet under that may help shed some illumination.

[Mind_your_head]

7. Words cut more sharply than a knife

...I know it's true.

[Omphaloskepsis]

10. I'm not sure if you care about the other people that heard your exchange.

The odds are good they were thinking, "What a dick!"

Well, your dad thinks you are a fuck up. I think you are doing great. We cancel each other out. So now you can live your life and make you and your kids happy.

[SeattleGirl]

8. Damn, I'm sorry to hear that, MYH.

I had a rather contentious relationship with my dad (though thankfully much of it was resolved before he died). He embarrassed and humiliated me more than once, so I know the pain of which you speak.

However, I do NOT think you are a zero! I was a single parent of ONE child, and that was challenging enough. But THREE? Honey, you are a saint in my eyes.

You keep on keepin' on. I know it hurts to experience the disapproval of a parent, but know that you are doing something extraordinary!

:hug:

[SKKY]

12. My old man did that once...

...so I told him, "Yea, we give me the 3K you owe me then!" I have a nack for ending an argument with one short sentence. We're cool now though. He used to do that when he felt brave, you know, having his buddies Jack Daniels and Jim Beam back him up. Thank god he's been dry for 7 years now.

[dysfunctional press]

13. my father never had a supportive or kind word for me.

and i am one fucked up person because of it.

[BlueIris]

14. Have you considered therapy?

Sometimes that's the only thing that can help a person resolve the painful feelings left over from parental abuse.

[Callalily]

15. What a horrible thing

to say! You are NOT a zero. He is insecure and weak. Distance yourself from your father. If you can't physically, then mentally. That's what I did, and I'm so much better now.

Good luck, and sending you

[raccoon]

16. Sorry that happened to you.

Reminds me of my father, who died when I was a kid but I have no pleasant memories of him.

Is your father by any chance an active alcoholic or a dry (not drinking but not in any kind of recovery program) alcoholic?

Whether he is or not, you might look into Al Anon. It helps me a lot.

[riverdale]

19. Just say it's done

My father managed to be a complete abusive asshole without the assistance of alcohol.
My advice would be to cut that cancer from your life completely, starting right now.

[Deep13]

17. Go to his grave and yell at him.

It's symbolic, but it will help you get it off your chest.

I had similar experiences with my mother and the drunken asshole she eventually married. My psychiatrist had me write her a letter explaining how I felt. I don't mind mentioning that, but I would not want anyone to know that I am seeing an optometrist. I don't want people to think my far-sightedness is a sign of personal weakness.

[Kajsa]

18. That is cruel and FUBAR.

I'm familiar with this-
it happening within my own family
many years ago. My brother was on the
receiving end of it, but I felt all the pain.

You are somebody- somebody strong and capable
of handling all the sh*t that comes with raising children
on your own, with no help whatsoever.

So you know it's not true.
But it still hurts- it came from your father.

Keep reminding yourself of all that you have done.
Physically write a list- I'm not kidding- it really helps!

Hang in there,

:hug:

[marzipanni]

20. I agree with Omphaloskepsis, usually when people have self-doubt

they are critical of others. It's easier to pretend others are less than to make yourself better.
Did he consider himself to be a illuminatus/cool person, or was that his unfulfilled goal in life that he wanted you to pursue?

[WinkyDink]

21. {{MYH}}

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

22. I am really sorry

my father said similar things to his 7 kids at one point in his life.

[SammyWinstonJack]

23. Perhaps he was projecting? At any rate, you know who you are and you know

you are not a "zero". That should make feel better.

[idgiehkt]

24. what that tells you

is that he feels horribly about himself and has never resolved it. I have the same situation sometimes with my own dad although it's not near as bad as it used to be. It's his stuff, not yours....you just need some folks to give you kudos for raising those kids by yourself; I guess you won't get that praise from him. :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug:

[grace0418]

25. It hurts so much when the two people who are supposed to be your biggest fans

are instead mean and hurtful. My parents ran so hot and cold, and I never really had my dad's approval while he was alive. It sucks and it's totally unfair that some people get good parents and some people get bad parents. All you can do is try to understand that it was HIS baggage and HIS self-doubt and HIS self-hatred that he spewed on you.

I know it still hurts, but try.

:hug:

[Skittles]

26. you know you are not a zero

let it go now

[Maestro]

27. The person with "issues" is obviously

your father. I'm sorry this happened, but he is the problem; not you.

[Darth_Kitten]

28. You ROCK!!!

Some people are so negative........

[Redstone]

29. You should have slapped the son of a bitch. Nobody deserves that kind of abuse.

Redstone

[amitten]

35. Wow. Guess I ought to have bloodied MY Dad's face!

He called me a lot worse things than "zero". All through my childhood.

[lost-in-nj]

30. As long as

YOU KNOW you are not...

because we know you aren't.....
its true what they say about words hurting more than being hit...
this sucks.......

:hug: :hug:



lost

[Generic Brad]

31. You're not alone

My mother is convinced I will spend eternity in hell because I married someone of a different race, a different nationality, a different religion. Damn, I'm just different from the rest of the family in what I value and what I believe in. In my eyes it does not make me evil or soulless.

Yes. Comments like that hurt more than most people realize, especially when they come from a parent.

Do whatever you have to do to reprogram yourself. You sound very successful and honorable to me. You are not and never will be a zero. He is flat out wrong.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

32. I'm sorry...

:hug::hug::hug:
What your father did was horrible and hurtful. What a shame that he can't come back and undo that moment. The only advice I can offer you, is to let it hurt as long as it needs to (forever, if necessary); and be gentle with yourself when the pain comes to the surface.

When I look back on the painful experiences I had with my parents, it comforts me to realize that those difficult times helped me develop compassion and a sense of awareness of how my own children feel. Not that I'm a perfect parent, but I've often been able to catch myself before I say or do something hurtful; or I've been able to reflect on hurtful and unhelpful moments, apologize to my kids, and work with them to make things right.

Anytime you need to spill about it, you can always find hugs here.
:hug::hug::hug:

[jobycom]

34. Meh. You've proved him wrong.

My dad told me he was ashamed of me when he found out I was an atheist. Waddyagunadu? My father was wrong on rock music, rap music, and my atheism, to say the least. Aside from that, he's been a good dad. I've got enough good memories of him to not worry about the crap ones.

And if yours wasn't good on anything else, just don't think about him. Life's too short to worry about someone just because society tells you you are obligated to.

[grasswire]

36. I'm so sorry.

I know the hurt that comes from emotional battering. A 40-year-old man that I know is still tormenting himself over the things his father said to him over the years. I'm so, so sorry. Emotional battering is as ugly as physical abuse. Consider the source, and heal.

[hickman]

37. I wish my father had at least said the words.

Instead he played the good guy while slamming me to my brothers and sisters. "She's a loser but at least she's not on welfare. Thank God the rest of you are doing better." This was when I was working 60 hours a week and taking care of 2 kids. Took me a couple of years to figure it out. I dropped them all for a long time.