Your strangest, but entertaining, workplace incident

[Godhumor]

Mine came while teaching in DC. Specifically, it involved a sbubstitute teacher.

I returned to the classroom after a day off due to illness, and my students were just sitting there laughing when I entered the room. When I finally asked what was up, they told me that my sub was, well, strange. Apparently he was very large, had a massive white beard, and claimed to be a master of anthropology. My kids, of course, called him Santa Claus; the other teachers who saw him reffered to the man as Grizzly Adams.

Anyway, I knew something was really up with the sub when I went to pick up my class phone. One of my students piped up with a , "Oh, you really don't want to put that up to your mouth. He was scratching himself with it." The sub used my phone as an itch relieving device in front of the students.

At this point, I'm a little alarmed by the Sub's behavior, and after class I head down to the office to figure out what the hell was going on. Here's where it gets really odd.

Long story short, it turns out the sub was not actually a sub at all. He happened to be a man sitting in our main office, apparently waiting to talk to the principal, when one of our vice principals approached him and asked if he was the scheduled sub for me. The guy then responded with a yes, picked up his possessions, and was led to my classroom where he taught for the next 7 hours.

He then came back the next day and asked if he was needed to sub again (He ended up being escorted off of school property.).

A different vice principal beat that completely with his story of a homeless woman who successfully lived in the teacher's lounge for 8 months before anyone figured out she was not, in fact, a substitute teacher waiting there between classes.

DC was a wonderfully f'd up place to teach in.

[commander bunnypants]

1. Well as we speak.

Some clients are in a drugt and alcohol group. In another room some clients are watching Cheech&CHong

CB

[AllegroRondo]

2. I could write a book about Army Band incidents.

things like:

playing the wrong anthem in Tunisia, and the near international incident that followed

getting into a street fight during the Fashing parade in Mainz

a drummer who forgot to strap down his equipment for a helicopter ride in Korea

and many many more....

[mainegreen]

17. What anthem was played in Tunisia?

The French?

[AllegroRondo]

19. Tunisia had changed its anthem recently

only a year or two before we were there. We played the old one. The US ambassador's face while we played it was hilarious. The Tunisians for the most part were very nice about it.

[Wcross]

3. The time one of the boilers blew up.

I work 50 feet from the powerhouse, one evening there was a big boom. I went out to see what was going on and saw that the wall next door to our area had been pushed over and the boiler room was on fire. The wall was 30 feet tall and about 100 feet long, built of cinder block.
The whole plant was filled with grey smoke and it was getting hard to see so we all evacuated. Except for a guy named T.J. who worked in an x-ray booth. We forgot to tell him the building was on fire. He sat in there for two hours until he went out for a break and saw all the firemen and smoke! He was a little upset that nobody told him to get out.
We had the plant back up and running two days later.

[Godhumor]

4. This reminds me of something that happened to me

Not workplace, but still very similar.

Back in high school my room was in the basement, and I had a tendency to spend most of my quiet time there. My sister, one day, went into the 2nd floor bathroom and managed to short out the ceiling fan, which started a fire in our attic (wires ran through there).

I found out about the fire 30 minutes later when the fire brigade showed up. My sister decided not to worry me with the fire, apparently.

[kwassa]

5. The insurance claims office

I have many stories ....

The macho jerk of manager, universally detested, offered to help one of our attractive young employees load a toner cartridge into the copier. He pulled something too hard, the cartridge came apart and spewed toner over all three pieces of his very nice suit. She tried very very hard not to laugh. We were all laughing later.

A Porsche 911 burst into flames in front of the claims office door. The owner had just picked it up after servicing it at the Porsche dealer about two blocks away. I never found out if we insured the car. Nobody was hurt.

Another car drove into a construction pit across the street from the claims office. A woman was getting a driving lesson from her son, took a sudden right turn, and drover right through a cyclone fence. The car flipped over onto it's roof in the soft dirt after dropping about 20 feet. Fortunately, nobody was injured.

[LibDemAlways]

6. I have another teaching story for you.

I taught for a year at a Catholic High School. As a rookie faculty member, I didn't get my own homeroom. Thus, I had no place to store my "stuff" - books, papers, etc. I was assigned space in the room of another teacher, a religious "Brother." I asked him where I could put my things and he pointed to the bottom drawer in his desk. He wasn't at all friendly. It wasn't much space, but I stashed some things in the drawer as best I could.

The next morning I arrived to find my stuff scattered all over the floor of the room. I was picking it up as students were filing in. The Brother entered and I told him I thought one of the kids had gotten into the drawer and scattered my belongings. He looked at me with a look that would have made Tony Perkins proud in Psycho and menacingly said, "I did that. You have no business taking up space in my drawer. This is my classroom. Get out."

Needless to say I carted my stuff around from that moment on. Brother Nutcase was tight with the principal and I would have gotten nowhere with my tale. Also, needless to say, I didn't return the following year.

[skygazer]

7. Christmas party at the book bindery

I worked in a local book bindery in the late 70's - the place was huge with lots of gnarly machinery that put the books together - stitchers and things that put the covers on and long assembly line type things that shunted books from one end of the warehouse to the other. It was noisy and chaotic and not entirely safe.

We shut down for a couple of days at Christmas and on the last night before that, everyone was ready to party. I worked swing shift and my friends and I brought two big paper bags full of booze to work with us. We went clanking past the guard with them and all around us were other people with other bags.

Got in the place and everyone was hammered. The supervisors were hammered. The managers had bought several cases of beer and left them in the break room for all the employees to enjoy. Meanwhile, all this machinery is running and all these drunken people are running it!

What a zoo! It was like a Mardi Gras party in a factory - completely and utterly insane and unsafe. Even at the time - and I was only 18 - it occurred to me that it was a little odd that management would join in.

Crazy times - sometimes I'm surprised I survived them.

[1gobluedem]

8. Once when doing a remote

We set the lot on fire by accident right when the fire inspector showed up (sparks from the mix van's catalytic converter). I had to divert the inspector's attention while the guys beat the fire out with a shovel.

We used to air a doo wop show and, during my first pledge drive, I had to deal with six calls from a very drunk guy, singing along, claiming to be the best doo wopper on his cell block. To get rid of him, I told him he had to make a pledge; he did and to my intense surprise paid it the following Monday before we even sent a bill.

One of our announcers refusing to air NPR newscasts that were added to his show, right after the invasion, telling his listeners to watch FOX news for the real story; he was dumbfounded when we fired him, took his story public as being fired for being pro-war and I almost had to square off with him on Hardball.

And the aforementioned wizard incident: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6635444

[Squatch]

9. 7.1 earthquake that coincided with a Battalion of 155mm howitzers

firing for effect (BN 6-rd).

At first I thought one gun had "shot out" and we were taking artillery, but then I saw the trees, trucks, and even Abrams tanks shaking and swaying. Very weird.

[anarch]

30. like, "what the hell kind of shells are those people using!??!"

[Tyler Durden]

10. Navy Hospital Corps School, HN "TD," "Wave Cave" worker.

Yes, they really did call the Enlisted Women's barracks at NRMC Balboa Hospital, San Diego, the "Wave Cave."

It was BEAUTIFUL. An old officer's TAD barracks, it looked like a luxury hotel, circa 1915. Woodwork, staircases, individual staterooms. If I was a female sailor, you could have called it the "Whorehouse" and I'd still have BEGGED to live there.

I stood most of my duties as a Seaman (no jokes, please) while in Hospital Corps School at the Wave Cave. I didn't know exactly why at first...maybe they just thought I was harmless.

Anyway, duty on the desk, phone watch, messages, some cleaning. All in this BEAUTIFUL AIR CONDITIONED building. Call "MAN ON DECK" and hit the second or third deck to pass the message. No problem, right?

They started messing with me the first watch.

First it was calls for non-existent personnel. Ha, ha. Not very original, so that stopped. Then they got SERIOUS.

There were about 50 women in this place between the ages of 18 and 28. All in VERY good physical condition, the plainest of the bunch well tanned and still fairly attractive. They started walking around the Cave in less and less clothing, down to the point where it was nothing more than towels.

Finally, a particularly attractive redhead got really brave and showed up at the message desk in bra and panties. GULP. I hadn't seen that much female flesh in over 8 months of service. She trotted back up the staircase, and then the cheers and applause raged on deck 2.

Now it was a contest. Damp T shirts, NO T shirts, JUST PANTIES, then the capper. "Red" came down in a towel that was way too small and didn't cover her backside at all: she just pressed what towel she had to her front as she came down the stairs. Theatrically, she made like it got caught on something and whipped off of her beautiful naked form. She shrugged, turned around to pick it up, and bent from the waste to retrieve it. She DID NOT put it back on, just threw it over a shoulder, got her mail and strolled slowly up the stairs, to riotous cheers. This was torture. Not ONE of these women would deign to date a lousy little "Striker." It just wasn't done.

I got even, though. I found out that they thought I was GAY. THAT is why I got the job in the first place. So I started bringing in copies of "Playboy" and reading them conspicuously at the desk. That was when "Red" came down: she said excuse me, but you LIKE GIRLS????? Yes, Petty Officer I piped up. LOVE girls. She hemmed and hawed and headed upstairs in a rapidly increasing blush.

Whisper whisper whisper upstairs for the next hour, then they asked me if I'd please come up. I did.

They were all in the lounge looking uneasy. "Red" said we were told you were gay. No Petty Officer, I'm not, and I have to thank you all for the wonderful show. "Red" said here's the deal: you don't talk about this. EVER. And we'll stop messing with you. Deal? I said well...if this can be my station until Corps School is over...DONE said "Red". She extended her hand and I shook it and headed back to the desk.

It was still great duty for the next 6 weeks, but I never saw so many young women blush so deeply in my entire life.

The rest is rather boring, except for when I grounded Air Force One with Reagan on board.

[Wcross]

11. Wow- you really blew that one!

I would have let them continue until the very last day, then "come out" as a straight guy. No offense intended but all us Marines always wondered about the sailors. Between the sailor suits, being called a seaman or "petty" officer you got to wonder.... not that there is anything wrong with it. Didn't the Village people have a member dressed as a sailor?

[commander bunnypants]

12. Nah. He was dressed as a gyrine.

:hi:

USN corpsman


CB

[Tyler Durden]

14. Nope. Dungarees, Ball Cap and boondockers.

Sexy. Yeah right.

[Tyler Durden]

13. Ha ha.

Hey, try standing in a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse when you're starving to death and broke. It's just about the same thing. I was broke and paying off out of the Navy debts, I was tutoring other Corpsmen for money on off time, and NO self-respecting female petty officer dates a 5'7" 135 pound E-3 just out of boot camp.

Frankly, I was GLAD they stayed dressed. More torture I didn't need!

Hey Bro! Shame on you for dissing another son of "Mother Marine and her Green Machine." See if I heat up the Penicillin V-K before the injection for your VD, you grunt.

OORAH!

[commander bunnypants]

16. Just wiggle the needle for the Bicillin shot

and tell em to sit still for about an hour.

The make your self scarce

CB

[Wcross]

18. Hey Doc, just busting your chops.....

You guys are #1 in my book.

[commander bunnypants]

20. We know

I have a lot of respect for my grunts..

Where were you stationed?

CB

[Wcross]

27. Camp Lejeune.

I was with the 2nd tank batallion H&S company in the s-3 (operations) from 1983-1986. Yes I was a pouge but somebody had to do it!

[Tyler Durden]

36. Saw an ABRAMS stick its main gun THROUGH the mess hall window at Camp Johnson.

Never did find out what tanks were doing there...mostly AMTRACs. LT drove up to the mess hall and stuck that main though the hatch. He was PISSED at the lousy chow...he's been in the dessert for 4 days, Said STEAKS FOR EVERYONE to the Gunny in charge. We sure CHEERED his ass.

[Wcross]

42. I am an old geezer- we had m-60 tanks.

I don't think the Corps got the abrams tank until after the 1st gulf war.

[Tyler Durden]

22. No covercharge, Bro.

SAY, did you know that stuff comes in 1 million unit syringes as well as one 4 million unit syringe????

Yuk, yuk, yuk.

[commander bunnypants]

23. Instead of a golfball in your butt

4 million units would be a basketball

Are you still in?

CB

[Tyler Durden]

25. I wish.

I'd be coming up on 30. I was up for CPO and sub duty when the soon-to-be ex wife made me get out. I'd likely be MCPO with a pension you wouldn't BELIEVE.

The 4 mill tubex had no more mass than ONE 1 mill...just not as concentrated. FOUR ICE COLD 1 Mill shots will just about leave you a cripple for the next couple of days, though. Did that once to a NASTY LCDR FO once. He probably couldn't sit in that fighter for about a week.

[commander bunnypants]

28. aw man that would hurt

Bout the best I did was order cocaine for broken noses. Seemed like a lot of broken noses when the grunts graduated every 3 months.

Sorry about the pension.

Remeber Lajolla and Blacks Beach. I fell off the cliff busted up pretty good and got out on a medical. Slated to go to OR school too. DAMN

CB

[Tyler Durden]

41. I wear glasses. Blacks Beach was weird.

If you're walking around with your glasses on, it's OBVIOUS what you're doing. I took them off (was also tired of running into that damned cold water every 30 seconds...YES I was naked like everybody else) left them with my friends who proceeded to let me wander blind for about 30 minutes trying to figure out how I'd get back to Pendleton. Bastards. They thought that was REAL fucking funny.

[Tyler Durden]

26. Should have asked: you a doc?

Doc "J" here. HM1 Tyler Durden (so to speak).

[commander bunnypants]

31. Nah

Social Worker

Mental Health

Sounds like you went to IDT corpsman school.

[Tyler Durden]

32. Almost.

Boot Camp, Corps School, FMSS, ICU/CCU, ABC/NBC. Was on my way to New London (took three years and a waiver) then the bit... I mean the soon to be ex says don't go.

Wanted to be in subs from the day I joined. Shit.

[commander bunnypants]

35. subs wow

I had a buddy who took me on a 1st or 2nd generation nuke sub. I could not do it. Plus I like aeroplanes.


What do you do now.

CB

[Tyler Durden]

38. Administrate the Quality Deparment at a Caterpillar supplier.

Real exciting shit. Good job though. Got 5 good people working for me.

Beats the last one, which sucked ass big time.

[commander bunnypants]

39. good deal

We used to iniate Screw it I cant spell that word.

We used to draw on the hands of newbies with silver nitrate staicks. Kinda like henna

CB

[kay1864]

15. So...

How long before you talked about it? :)

Grounded AF1? Do tell!

[Tyler Durden]

24. Told it a dozen times.

they tried to hold my medivac chopper on the tarmac at Andrews with a guy inside trying hard to die. They told me to hold for emergency traffic; AF1 with Reagan on board was headed to the "Western White House." I told them to hold all traffic until we were well out of the exclusion zone.

Next week that blew my escorting Reagan around the new Prez. ICU. ADM Horgan gave me a 96 and told me to disappear "MOST rikki tik". Reagan PROMOTED the little E-2 bastard who escorted him two pay grades: guess he thought he deserved an escort of higher rank.

[kay1864]

29. Good one!

Did you find out the back story? i.e., did someone on Raygun's staff get ticked off, or was it one of your superiors?

How long was AF1 delayed?

[Tyler Durden]

33. AF1 sat for almost an hour.

Turns out they had to top off again. Reagan had been late getting there, and they'd kept the engines running.

The Skipper had heard about it from Andrews. No big whoop, just didn't want any gas from Reagan's staff. Reagan was never much on the ball as you may recall.

[kay1864]

37. Yeah, that was my thought

That Ronnie just spent the extra time telling old Hollywood stories. Or playing solitaire in the AF1 briefing room.

[NewWaveChick1981]

50. You played your cards too soon!

:hi: :D :loveya: Great story! :rofl:

[seemunkee]

21. 2 hour Frank

When I worked at one cabinet shop I kept a list of the cabinetmakers that came and went. In the 18 months I worked there I think we went through 60 cabinetmakers. One guy became known as 2 hour Frank.
The day he started we gave him a workbench near the molding shaper. He brought no tools with him, not even a tape measure. He was given a set of plans and was told to work out a cut list. He spread them out and started studying them. One of the other guys was setting up some knives in the shaper and when he was ready he yells out "Fire in the Hole" and we all duck behind our benches. This was an old style shaper that had knives held in by pressure from the screw collars and when it was turned for the first time we all duck. Frank looks around and asks whats up. I point to the hole behind him in the cinder block and tell him that is where a knife once was thrown by the shaper.
He ducks down, the shaper is started without incident and we all get back to work. A few minutes later he asks if I'm joking about the hole. Nope, its for real. He says he's going out to his car to get a pencil and that was the last we saw or even heard of him.

[Wcross]

34. Another funny one.

The summer between 11th & 12th grade I worked at a furniture store. One Saturday I was called to the desk and told I was to help on a delivery, I should have known something was up because the salesmen were all kind of smiling.
The truck shows up from the warehouse and I hop in. We arrive at the place and knock on the door, a woman answers wearing what looked like just a short silk "robe" that only made it down to just below her waist. We were delivering a mattress set so she says "follow me" and headed up the stairs. As I looked up the stairs it appeared that she wasn't wearing any shorts! ( I didn't know about thongs or g-strings in my youthful innocence.) We get upstairs which was kind of difficult carrying a mattress and being somewhat "excited". We get the bed set up where she wanted it and then she asks "Do you want to see my tits"? We of course agreed it would be a wonderful sight. So she flashes us and just then her boyfriend arrives. We leave quickly.
Turns out she was a stripper and had flashed the salesman in the store earlier and they figured I needed to see them too!

[NMDemDist2]

40. i was talking to a Florida travel agent about her client's inquiries about the Grand Canyon

they had a day (maybe two) and they wanted to go to the bottom of the Canyon and back out on their way to Vegas.

As I was explaining that it was over a mile straight down and a difficult hike and almost impossible to do in one day except for excellent athletes she said "A mile deep??? Wow, that must have been some meteor"


:rofl:

:wow:

:banghead:

[opiate69]

43. I was fellated by a temp worker while sitting on my forklift once..

kinda hard to tell the story without sounding like a Penthouse Forum letter though.

[kay1864]

46. I'm really hoping...

that you weren't maneuvering a full pallet off the top tier at the time :o

[opiate69]

49. LOL.. nope.. had just stacked a bale of textiles.

[Q3JR4]

44. I worked at a gas station...

this was after graduating from college with a B.S. in physics and a minor in Applied Mathematics (I know, I know....Damned * America and "great America jobs"). I was working one day and this guy brought in this little black baggy. "Someone left this outside. It feels like there are tools in it, and I don't want it to get stolen." I pick it up, thank the man, and put it under the register where I promptly forget about it.

A couple of days later I'm watching the manager talk to a former employee. She looks around to make sure no one is in the store, and then she pulls out this little black bag. Her voice gets really low as she looks at the other gal in front of her, "You need to take a look at this. I have my opinions on what it is. I know that there are batteries in the bottom, but I'm not going to say what I think the other is." So the former employee opens the bag and her voice becomes more incredulous and I hear her ask, "Is that what I think it is?"

"I don't know, but it was vibrating earlier."

Needless to say my interest was peaked.

So an hour or two later I had about 5 minutes when no one was in the store. I walk over to the little bag and I open it....

Inside I see a large collection of batteries, size A, D, and C as well as some cylindrical fleshy looking objects of various roundnesses and lengths.

So I'm looking at these dildos some of which have twists for vibration (don't ask me how I know :hide:) and I'm thinking to myself, I don't think anyone is going to be claiming these....

[Godhumor]

45. My brother's best story

Sorry, just latching on here because I don't watch to reply to my own OP.

That said, it reminds me a lot of when I was ciaching a swim team in Buffalo. When we had meets away from home, we generally got placed in whatever locker room happened to be available. At one school, we were put in the female locker room. A few minutes after my swimmers went to suit up, a middle schooler came out to ask why there was a cigarette machine in the women's room. Curious, I went to take a look at what this little guy was talking about.

Turned out it was a tampon dispenser.

Anyway, my brother worked a summer job in Yellowstone park a few years ago, and one of the people he worked with was a little mentally deranged. I guess one night he popped a few mushrooms, screamed bloody murder. grabbed a flashlight, and disappeared into the park for over 48 hours.

When he showed up again he was covered in mud, had rips in his clothes, blood on his face, and the flashlight was broken. According to the disciplinary report that was eventually filed, the guy had apparently wandered into a "hippie camp ground" and pretty much terrorized them for 2 days. He claimed to recall nothing of the incident and was shoked when he was fired.

[Maddy McCall]

47. "Prof. X is da coolio bomb."

A college student wrote that on my teaching evaluation. My feelings were hurt at first, but then a young, hip office staffer told me that that was the highest compliment a student could pay me.

I was given that evaluation after the process was complete...it's framed on my office wall now.

:D

ETA: Also other stuff, when you discuss a part of history of which students have no knowledge, and they are able to tie what happened in, say, the sixties to what is going on in their lives today. It means the world to me to have students make that connection.)

[NewWaveChick1981]

48. Mine involved spontaneous human combustion...

...:rofl: :yoiks: I was working at a small liberal arts college for women about six years ago. A man who was very well dressed and carrying a briefcase came by our office and asked to see the director. I was on the phone, so the assistant director began talking to him in the waiting room. They had a somewhat normal conversation about the weather and if she could help him with something, then when I got off the phone, she told me I had a visitor. I shook his hand and asked what I could do for him. He said he had some questions I might be able to answer for him, so we went into my office. I never closed my office door there unless someone requested it, so the door stayed open. The assistant director's office was directly across the hall from mine, and she could see into my office. This man sat down and told me he'd prepared a list of questions, and I said OK. Here I was, fully expecting him to ask me questions about financial aid. However, the conversation took a totally bizarre turn.

He opened his briefcase, and he pulled out a big notebook that had all kinds of photos and articles on spontaneous human combustion. :yoiks: His business cards gave his name, phone number, and said "Spontaneous Human Combustion" in big red letters across the bottom. The assistant director heard what he was talking about, and I saw her look over toward me. Her mouth was hanging open, not believing what this guy was saying. I was incredulous but intrigued, but it was a slow day and I wanted to see where this was leading. He proceeded very seriously to ask me if we had ever had any paranormal experiences on campus, either in our building or elsewhere. (The campus is almost 250 years old.) I told him I'd heard things in that building, and he took copious notes. I asked him how he got interested in spontaneous human combustion, and he launched into a 20-minute monologue about the subject. He was obviously very well-versed about it. He was pleasant enough and obviously believed in his "research", and he thanked me for my time and answers. When he left, I turned to the assistant director and said, "What the HELL was that????" :rofl: I found out later that day that he was all over campus doing his research. No one ever saw him or heard from him again after that.

That was probably the strangest, most bizarre experience I've ever had at a workplace, and it was definitely the most entertaining. :rofl: Our office attracts a lot of very weird people, and he was probably the #1 weirdest person I have met in my 21 years in student financial aid. :P