Any advise on child's career path?

[KayLaw]

My son is almost 14 and really doesn't know what path to pursue. He is in a gifted program in school, and has been accepted into the IB program when he starts high school next year.

He's good at math, foreign language, and really all subjects except PE. He's somewhat shy and has vetoed being a doctor because he says he doesn't want to dissect animals.

I hope he gets a job that pays well since someday he'll need to help with his severely disabled brother. Any thoughts or ideas?

[afraid_of_the_dark]

1. Stick close to his school's guidance counselor...

They help out with all sorts of career planning. Talk with him/her and let them know that you're willing to work closely with them to help your child find a good career path. If your son finds something that piques his interest, talk to the GC and see if you can arrange some job shadowing. Also, depending on what your child's gifted program offers, there might be some opportunities to learn about/shadow various careers.

Also, you might see if he could take a couple classes at a local college/university while he's still in high school.

[TrogL]

22. School councellors are often full of it

The one at my school was useless. She completely missed pointing out that if I had socialization issues, that maybe classroom teaching wasn't the way to go and I should consider my second choice - TV repair.

If he's University material and you can afford it, let him enrol in a general first-year science program and pick his major later. If he's more community college material (sorry, using Canadian terms) go to the open house and see what he's interested in.

[ET Awful]

2. President? :)

Seriously though, he sounds like someone that would make a good attorney, perhaps something with immigration law or international business law (a very complex field and very challenging).

Of course if he is involved in something like that (the international business law, etc.), it would lay a good foundation for politics if he chose to pursue such a career later in life.

[radwriter0555]

3. Leave him alone. Let him suss it out himself, WITH your encouragement NOT

your insistence.

Pressure SUCKS when you're a teen. There is SOOOOO much pressure to BEEEEE something. Why not just let the kid find his bliss? Let him find the path that makes him the happiest... Just support whatever direction he goes in, and try to encourage those genuine pleasures he finds.

There is nothing worse than working for 8 hours a day at something you get no joy from.

[Kamika]

4. what the heck .. doctor or laywer

don't want to dissect animals?? tell him it's either dissect animals or flipping burgers.

Doctor, laywer, or some kind of nobel price winning scientist

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. Let him do whatever he wants

Let him try and experiment and don't force him into anything, and give him permission to change his mind as much as he wants.

I spent my life thinking I wanted to be an engineer, went to college, worked as an engineer, and realized it really was not what I wanted. So I worked at a grocery store bagging groceries for three years. And I was happy as hell those three years, and still am happy as hell doing what I feel called to do.

My family hated it though - but you know what? Tough shitties for them.

At the age of 14, NO ONE - and i mean NO ONE - should be thinking of career paths. Some do know - that's cool. Most don't - that's cool, too.

I realize he has a severely disabled brother, but that's not truly relevant in terms of finding a "decent paying job", unless something drastic happens, like you and spouse die and he has no choice but to take all responsibility. Let him find his happiness or else the care he offers his brother will be angry, unhappy, lacking love, and miserable for everyone.

If he's doing what he loves, he'll find a way to make money from it, and be happier all around, and be a much better helper for his brother. Even if he decides to study midieval literature.

[northzax]

7. you had me until the midieval literature!

I mean come on, there's only so much you can do with that :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. Hey - you never know -

maybe he could team up with Thomas Kinkade for a whole series of $5,000 prints of faux-Medieval Christian "niceness" based on stories...

okay, I'm grabbing...

but let the kid find his bliss.

(but if he wants to study medieval literature, best he have some skills in something else to help pay the rent for a while - that's what I did. Even not working as an engineer, of course I have incredbile computer skills (and somehow picked up a great command of English) so made a wonderful secretary for a number of years while working on what I really like)

[northzax]

11. oh good, set him up with Kinkade

teach him to sell his soul at an early age. nice :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

15. Maybe the boy-lad could bring some artistry

to that jingoistic Christian triumphalist hack. :puke:

:evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

[northzax]

17. you can't shake the Devil's hand

and then say you were only kidding...

[Rabrrrrrr]

20. No, but while you're shaking hands,

you can stab him in the back. :evilgrin:

[bif]

23. Hey, I majored in medieval history

And ended up an advertising copywriter. Go figure!

[northzax]

29. well History, of course

but lit? serious joke of a major, total football player thing. :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. Well - to be serious for a moment - one's major is mostly irrelevant

Unless one wants to be a scientist/engineer, something that has to be licensed (doctor, etc.) or wish to teach in a university, one's major is, for the most part, irrelevant, and one might as well pursue whatever one enjoys.

I worked for one of the world's premiere consulting firms and was involved in recruiting, and for the most part they hired people who showed leadership potential, intellectual acumen, and an ability to work in teams. So we had consultants - and we only did management consulting at the executive level of companies - not only with degrees in business, but in art history, English, physics, engineering, even had some bona fide licensed medical doctors, people who majored in foreign languages, philosophy, poli sci, law, foreign relations, mathematics - everything and anything.

Grades - kind of important. Field of study - kind of important.

Demonstrated leadership, intellectual acumen, and ability to work on a team - probably 90% of the hiring decision.

It was like that in the investment bank I worked for, and in most of corporate America at the higher levels. Odd, I know, but it's true. I was quite surprised.

So when someone says, "Philosophy? There's no money in that." I can say, "Oh, I don't know, we hired philosophy majors starting at over $100K a year".

[northzax]

6. he's 14? RELAX

sounds like you've got a great kid on your hands there, which is a tribute to you and anyone lese involved in the raising of him. Trust me, the happiest people I know are those who didn't have a clue at 14 what the hell they wanted to do with their lives. I didn't know until 26, on my third career path and it just clicked. But the people who knew what they wanted to be in middle school don't enjoy much, and there is a hell of a lot of life outside the 'right career path' Maybe he'll become a doctor, or a lawyer and make buckets of ducats. maybe he'll become a social worker and help the les sfortunate. maybe he'll end up making surfboards in LaJolla and be blissfully happy. Talented children are like fine wine, if you don't let them breathe (within limits, of course) they'll never reach their full potential.

Tell him to get an education for the sake of getting an education and broadening his horizons. the future will come.

[DuctapeFatwa]

8. If he does what he loves, he will be rich no matter how much $ he makes

so encourage him to do what he loves.

[Heddi]

9. he's 14 and you're already worrying about his career?

I'm 28 and I *JUST* figured out last year what I wanted to do when I 'grew up'

I think it's abysmal that at 16 and 17, people are supposed to KNOW what they want to do for the rest of their lives--and I'm not saying this about you, but about the push to get into college directly after high-school, choose a major and stick with that for the rest of your life and you better pray that you chose something you wanted to do, or that you have the flexibility later in life to go to school to do what you REALLY wanted to do.

A 16, 17, shit---22 year old hasn't got the exposure to the real world to make solid career choices. My husband, who has a BA in Journalism and Art is now going back to school as well---for NURSING----while drawing stuff for newspapers seeemd 'cool' when he was 20, it's not a good paying job and not what he's wanting at 30.

I say that after high-school, kids shouldn't go directly off to college. The first year they should spend doing 1-month 'internships' in whatever field they choose. Say they pick 10 jobs they're interested in. Go to those jobs for a month at a time. See what the job REALLY entails. See what the work is REALLY like. See what the industry is REALLY like. See what their prospects with a BA/BS or AA/AS REALLY are.

High School guidance counselors, no offense to those that are, but they really don't know what any particular job is like, and can only judge a student by those 'what job should you take' tests that they give sophmores and jr's.

Strangely, my appitutde tests for jobs in High School said I'd be best doing data entry, accounting, sales---ALL jobs I've tried and HATED...LOATHED.

Find what HE'S interested in doing. See if you can set up a week-long or so mentorship with someone in those fields. Let him decide if going to school for 4 years is worth the job.

Another option I'd present to him is the option of community college THEN university. It would give him the ability to get a degree in 1/2 the time (AA/AS), and he wouldn't have the pressure of going through 4 years of school before realizing that his major isn't what he want's to do...but in University, it's a bit too late to change once you get deep into the core classes.

Once he gets his AA/AS, he can transfer those credits to a 4-year, go for 2 more years and have dual degrees in whatever he wants.

[KG]

12. i'm 45 and still haven't decided on a career path.

let him evolve w/ genetic modification! :)

[Limbought]

13. "Follow The Yellow Brick Road"

[KayLaw]

14. No pressure from me

My husband's parents pushed him into medicine though he wanted desperately to be a research scientist. He wasted two years in medical school before quit and became a waiter. He met the principal of a private school and she gave him a job teaching science, which he loved.
In our school system, the gifted kids are encouraged to make certain decisions at an early age. There are various programs they can enter after passing a test and a few other hurdles. One is geared toward medicine, one technical, and then IB. I agree 14 is too young to make such decisions or feel pressured.
My husband and I were talking about it this weekend and are both pondering the effects of outsourcing on everyone's future.

[northzax]

16. the single best response to outsourcing

on a personal level is edumacation. and good edumacation. diverse. not skill related, but broad based, liberal arts education. the more you learn, the more you can learn and the more you can adapt.

[Ilsa]

18. 14 seems awfully young to lock in on a career path.

Let him study what he wants. He has time to declare (over and over) later. A liberal and broad education will do him some good. He may decide to one thing for 15 years, teach for another 20, then do research. Besides, he may get over the dissecting queasiness by the time he's 18.

Your situation with a severely disabled sibling of his sounds like mine (I have one little smarty-pants, one not-so-little autistic child). But I'm trying to keep perspective about my nondisabled child not having to take care of my disabled one. That kind of pressure can be very unfair to him. I know, you're worried about there not be an social funds available; so am I. But you have to keep your perspective.

[Flaxbee]

21. I agree...

I am not in the situation of having a disabled child or sibling, but I have a disabled parent who blew every bit of money she had, didn't get any long-term care insurance and now my sisters and I have to fork out tens of thousands each year for her care. She gets a pittance from the state (she spent herself into indigency) so we have to supplement & she's too ill to be anywhere but in care. I know state funds are scarce. But is there any type of insurance, or group home situation that could help your disabled son after you and your husband can no longer provide care?

It's a huge burden (not a "PC" word, but there it is) to put on anyone, especially a 14 year old. It will change the way he lives, affect decisions he makes about having a family of his own, etc. I had to change my career plans b/c of my mother and frankly, I've hated every single goddamn second of being a lawyer, and haven't been able to put any money away for myself or my family because of my mother. Do everything you can to take that responsibility off your gifted son (maybe purchase a nice healthy life insurance on yourself and/or your husband?).

[TNDemo]

19. Let him do some job shadowing.

The schools usually set this up. Then he can observe and decide what is for him. Engineering sounds like it might fit him.

[Nikia]

24. Possibly engineering

That is a good job for those good at science and math but don't want to go the medical/bioscience route. It doesn't also require as strong of people skills as much as some other jobs. One can usually get a pretty good paying job in it with just a BS.
At 14 though, I don't think that he's ready for that decision. I don't know a lot about the IB program. Just make sure he has all the usual college prep courses, physics, chemistry, and high level math if he is considering engineering. That doesn'tforce him into engineering, but will allow that option.

[BiggJawn]

25. 2 paths you can go by....

You could force him to pursue a path that he's not interested in, but it makes a LOT of heavy coin. (just remind him how much his brother is going to "depend" on him)

He'll need it, since his work will make him SO miserable that he will need to medicate his pain with any number of very expensive and possibly self-destructive distractions. BTW, his work related problems will make him so miserable you'll be lucky if he REMEMBERS he has a brother.

The second path is to let nature take it's course and let him find his OWN bliss.

Just because we all got stuck in soul-stealing careers because somebody lied to us and told us "the Money is GOOD" is no reason to force our children to do the same.

Jeez, he's 14 for crying out loud. When I was 14, I had NO idea what I was going to spend the rest of my life doing.

[ElsewheresDaughter]

26. my 14 year old is mostly interested in becoming a rock star or snowboard

champ at this point on his journey and has a budding garage band (drives me crazy!)...he is on the Superintendents honor roll at school and is a John Hopkins Scholar (talented youth program)....and the band, snowboarding, and skateboarding are his passions for now ....that's all he really wants to think about for now :7... and that's okie dokie with me....he is happy and gets good grades ...what more could one want :shrug:

just have faith and let him alone for now...he will find his place...we all did...

"we are all okay"

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. Does he have any hobbies?

Is he into volunteer work?

These are great places for him to discover himself, meet some great friends with similar interests, and ultimately discover a direction for his talents. It's not going to happen in a week, or a month, or a year, however. In fact, it may well change several times over the next 10-20 years.

It's important that your son not feel burdened with a sense of financial responsibility for his brother right now. Let him find the path that is most meaningful to him; then you can plan for your other son's future care.

[ewagner]

28. We were just plain lucky

In 5th grade, the Gifted and talented program had a section on careers and professions where the kids got to explore lots of things. Once they found something the likd they got to chart their path to get there.

My son at first decided on Marine Biology but within a year switched over to Meteorology. He's a senion in college now and will have his meteorolgy degree in August. He'll be going to grad school in the fall.

Once the kids find their passion, show them how to get there and they will follow their dreams every time.....

[HEyHEY]

31. hmmmm

"He is in a gifted program in school, and has been accepted into the IB program when he starts high school next year.
He's good at math, foreign language, and really all subjects except PE"

Your son's a geek! Just kiddin.

Does he write? I've said it before and I'll say it again. In a perfect world we'd all be journalists.

Other than that, let him figure it out.

good luck to him.

[carpetbagger]

32. You don't need to dissect animals to be a doctor.

While I'm not recommending medical school, certainly not to a 14 year old (you need to go into it with absolutely no illusions or "it won't be so bad" mentality), I can say that you don't need to dissect animals. Most of the coursework in college is molecular, and even when I was an undergrad in the 80's there were students who wouldn't dissect anything, and got by just fine as bio majors. There are granolas in every bio department's student body, and the faculty respect them, if for no other reason that half of them once were in that group once, and they become fodder for enrollment in the graduate programs.

Personally, I never got much out of dissecting animals that I couldn't get out of pictures.

Once you get to medical school, you have to dissect a human, but that animal consented to it, and the learning stakes are higher.

[Nikia]

33. I don't know about that

For our required zoology class for the bio major, we had to dissect animals, live animeals. Our lab partner could do the dissecting for us, of course. Unfortunately, my lab partner was more squeemish than I was.
One of the dissections involved opening the chest cavity of a frog, putting chemicals on it, and recording heart beats in response to the chemicals. After opening the chest cavity, I had to go sit in the hall for about fifteen minutes because I felt myself about to pass out.

[Odessey]

34. Let him find his own interests

Just give him the freedom and encouragement to try different things. That one thing that really grabs his interest may still be ahead. Job shadowing - mentioned earlier - is good. My niece loved animals and started volunteering at a local veterinarians (a friend) when she was 14. She's now a veterinary technician. I found myself interested in history and anthropology when I was given two books about the subjects - in fourth grade. I now have degrees in both.

Let his curiosity and talents take the lead. I'll bet he'll do you proud no matter what career path he chooses.

[KayLaw]

35. Thanks

I appreciate all the feedback. And, Ilsa, we are in a similar boat as my disabled child has autism. What is really important is that my older child develop character to watch over his brother. I'll admit I'm a very engaged mom and worry about my sons' happiness constantly. I'm REALLY worried about a military draft but that's another story.

[Rhiannon12866]

36. These days, I would look into foreign service, if I was about to start

a career. However, with a severely disabled brother, he might need to make other choices. With a psychology or physical or occupational therapy degree, he could avoid disecting the animals. I can identify with that and sympathize. I could never do that. The kid has a good heart and sense of values. Congratulations.:-)

[populistmom]

37. My daughter is a couple years younger

She's good at the same stuff, but also good at PE. She's just one of those good at everything kids. Currently, she says she wants to go to law school and go into politics. It'll probably change though. A couple years ago, she liked watching surgeries and wanted to be a surgeon. She wanted to be a marine biologist for awhile. Basically, I just listen and encourage her. The best thing you can do is probably make sure that in high school he has a well-rounded, college prep course load in order to make whatever decisions he wants in college. Right now though, I'd hate to see someone so young have to decide.