Ok, I need some advice on a woman

[Wetzelbill]

Last year in a writing class, I met this little cute girl who knocked me for a loop with her writing skills. She is totally dead on my type, if I made a woman up from scratch it just might be her. So anyway, I always flirted with her, told her she was pretty, etc, etc. It was an enjoyable flirty little friendship and we got along great. We both respect each others work and so on. So.....

When class ended I gave her my e-mail and phone #. Nothing. Never showed the slightest interest. In fact, when I gave her the paper with my contact info on it she acted put off by it, for God knows why, considering I regularly hit on her much more blatantly than that and she if anything encouraged it.

So I emailed her a few times during the summer with no response and pretty much gave up. Until I read an article she wrote in the paper, that blew me away - this girl can seriously write I kid you not - so I sent her my comments on it and she got back to me. Ever since then, we have been corresponding back and forth a little bit.

I haven't gotten her to give me her phone number and she cancelled a few times when we were supposed to meet up. She did have a boyfriend for awhile, but I'm not sure if she does now.

I nearly moved out of state, but now have decided to stay. I'd forget about her if I could, but I cannot get this woman out of my head. I want to take one last shot at her. To see her one more time. I find I'd give anything to meet up with her. I e-mailed her today, regarding her leaving her newspaper job, but I didn't push the "meeting up" issue.

What I'm wondering is this. Should I go for her? Just take another chance at it? The other part to this is, I always charmed the hell out of her in person when I could actually talk to her person to person. Her phone number is listed in the school directory. Would it be weird if I looked it up and called her? I'd hate to come off badly because she never gave it to me. But, I'd, at least, like to talk to her. I think she is worth going for. Always have thought that. Am I being foolish? I just don't think I can win with her, yet something stupidly romantic inside me wants to give it a shot, even if it means going down in flames.

Should I look her up and call or would that be too much?

::Preparing to throw in the towel::

[kmla]

1. Go for it.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

This just might be THE ONE. But you'll never know unless you ask...

[gWbush is Mabus]

2. throw in the towel

no offense, but
she doesn't like you dude...sorry



Nothing.
Never showed the slightest interest.
In fact, when I gave her the paper with my contact info on it she acted put off by it,
no response
corresponding back and forth a little bit.
I haven't gotten her to give me her phone number
she cancelled a few times when we were supposed to meet up.
She did have a boyfriend for awhile
she never gave it to me.

[EdWesKer]

3. No regrets

nothing ventured, nothing gained
better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

go for it; be honest; give it a REAL try
if it doesn't work out, it's her loss

[KCDem]

4. better to know bad news than never to know.

From what you wrote, it sounds like she hasn't been interested in the past; however, that could be due to boyfriend, which you write may or may not still be around. So, give her a call. You don't want to live your whole life wondering "what IF".

[demnan]

5. Yes, give it a try

As long as you are not too aggressive she should be flattered that you looked her up. You probably should have asked her out when you were in class together, she probably didn't think you were seriously interested (or maybe just wanted to shack up).

If she says no then move on, at least you'll know for sure.

Guys can be much too shy :).

[BigMcLargehuge]

6. copy and paste your post into an e-mail and send it to her

if she's interested at all, that will definitely get her to bite. If not, she'll tell you she wants to remain colleagues and not romantic. Worst case scenario, she'll tell you to shove off.

[ScreamingMeemie]

7. I don't want to see you hurt yourself Wetzel...I think she quite

possibly may slam you down again, and those are tough things to take. I think she might be extremely put off if you were to call her seeing as you already gave her your number.

I really wish this girl would give you a chance because you have always sounded like such a terrific person. There is someone out there you know, and this may or may not be the one...I just don't want to see you put your heart out there to be smashed.

Hugs,Laura

[areschild]

8. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

If you walked away now, you'd always wonder if it could have been. If I was you, I'd call and invite her out for coffee, or lunch, or whatever, in a public place. I don't think it would hurt to try a couple of times. However, if she's involved with someone else, she may brush you off. Be prepared. I'm no Abby, so someone else may have better advice. Good luck.

[reprehensor]

9. Move on.

Been there. Done that. She has no interest in you. Find another one. Use an internet dating service. I found my excellent wife that way...

[Lostmessage]

10. Go for broke or you will end up like me

I am heartbroken and I am alone.

[prolesunited]

11. As a woman

if I didn't give you my phone number and you called me out of the blue, it would seriously freak me out. Do NOT call.

You have given her plenty of opportunity to pursue things if she wanted to and if she's as smart as you say she is, she knows where you stand and simply doesn't see you that way.

I flirt with lots of guys. I would not want to pursue anything beyond that with most of them.

Sorry. :-(

[rbnyc]

12. I think you're about one episode away...

...from having to forget about it. It does seem like she's not interested. But if you're not sure, and you're really having a hard time letting go just be really honest and unambiguous with her. Say, "I admire you as a writer, and I'm really attracted to you. I'd like to get to know you better. Would you like to spend some time together?" Be as clear as you can about what she's saying yes or no to.

[salinen]

17. You're cooked

but wear it as a badge of courage. The guy with the most rejections wins the prize for brass cajones.

[benburch]

13. Flowers

Call a good florist and send a nice mixed bouquet (nothing too large!!!)

The card should read; "When I look at a beautiful flower, I think of you." Sign with your name and phone number. (In case she's lost it.)

If that doesn't work, then, yes, time to move on.

-Ben

[rbnyc]

16. That card would turn me off.

I don't think I would respond to a card like that, especially from someone that I'd already blown off a number of times. It's just too much of a line, and kind of smells of trying to hard. Sorry.

[Wetzelbill]

18. this would be exactly something I would do

I'm sure I should stick to something less grandiose. Not that I actually would listen to sane advice anyway.

[Wetzelbill]

14. If I don't hear from her after this e-mail I sent today

than I'm all done.

I'll just have to hope we don't have a class together again. I'll be toast, in that case.

[Endangered Specie]

15. You might feel stupid for trying and failing but...

I guarantee you will feel at least 3 times stupider not trying (I oughta know).

And by gosh, if you do succeed... well then.

Make sure you sound confident in yourself to her.

[radwriter0555]

19. Here's a rock. Keep bashing yourself in the forehead with it, because you

will achieve the same result if you continue to attempt to get closer to or date her.

She's not interested.

Well, you WILL get a lump on your head.. which is more than you will ever get from her.

She's NOT interested.

Rule of thumb that I, as a chick, have always adhered to:

If (s)he doesn't call, (s)he's not interested.

End of story.

Move on.

((((((hugs))))))

Remember, you ALWAYS attach yourself or find attractive those women who are NOT available or interested in you.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

20. The only way to get to some writers

is through writing. It sounds like the only
time she perked up her ears is when you did
write to her about her writing. Most writers
are as self-centered as a pig in muck. Never
get involved with a writer. It's like having
a dream about taking a test in a language that
keeps changing.

[BigMcLargehuge]

21. I'M not self centered!!!!!

:hi:

[Wetzelbill]

22. I'm an ego maniac

that's one way she first got to me, she correlated stuff to my writing.

I never recovered from when all the girls in class were talking about "bad boys" that they had things for, then after class she told me she was thinking of me the whole time. My bad boy stories almost paid off. Dammit.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

25. Count yer blessings, bub.

The only thing worse than a writer
is a gal writer.

[Westegg]

23. GO FOR IT!

I agree with others here that she doesn't SEEM interested. Quite possibly, she ain't. But after all you've been through so far, emotionally and otherwise, it's not going to hurt to give it another shot. But keep it simple, brief, and direct. Call her up. She knows who you are. Exude confidence on the phone and say, "Hey, Sally? I'd like to take you to dinner. Are you interested?" If she is, she'll say yes. If not, she'll say whatever she says. This is a pretty cut-and-dried scenario. One big regret in my life? I didn't have the balls to ask out a woman I admired from afar in college. And to this day, I still wonder, "What if I had?"

What's the worst that could happen if you're direct? You get turned down? Hey, it happens in life. And you move on. (And move on you must.) If you DO get the date, we'll go from there. I know what you're going through. I've been there. And you seem like a good guy. Good luck, my man.

[JasonDeter]

24. Flowers, Flowers, Flowers, Flowers

Romance her, if she's important to you let her know in letter or card and especially flowers! DON'T LET ROMANCE DIE IN AMERICA!!

[Dogmudgeon]

26. Start looking for other girls. IMMEDIATELY!

Women detest weak men, and any man who falls head-over-heels for a woman is automatically deemed to be weak.

It's one of those Perverse Laws of the Universe.

Face it now -- if you are a man, you will be rejected at least 100 times by the time you finally find someone who wants to keep you around. If you don't take it seriously, it's not a big deal. If you do, it will kill your brain.

You don't have to be a bastard, just not a sucker. If your dream girl doesn't want you, let her date her way into Sex-and-the-City cynicism.

Ask her out or don't ask her out, but don't let her own your soul until/unless you own hers.

--bkl