More thoughts about London, plus, if I were King....

[TheMightyFavog]

1. Spamalot was a blast. Go see it if you can.

2. When it comes to legroom, the seats in the balcony of the Palace Theatre are worse than flying Economy Class.

3. The view from where I was sitting in the balcony was not at all bad, although I had to crane my neck a bit to see around other people.

4. The titles and covers of British Porno films are more witty and amusing than thier American counterparts.

5. I feel sorry for the P.C.s who had to keep watch over the God-botherer parade, which held me up at Picadilly Circus for 20 bloody minutes.

6. Unlike the God-Botherers, the Hare Krishnas were not at all annoying, instead of blaring crappy Christian "rock", and shouting "Jesus loves you" to anyone in particular, all they did was quietly chant and clang finger cymbals once in a while.

7. Dear God, I saw a complete chav outfit in a shop window on Oxford Street. May Almighty God have mercy on us all.

8. If I ever became King with supreme executive power, here would be my fifteen piont Plan for Britian.

I. Move 30 St. Mary Axe directly behind City Hall, Thus giving London a more rude and amusing skyline.

II. Bring back flogging, round about my place, Thursday night at 8.

III. Make the sale, transportation, and possesion of American Budweiser illegal, and punishible by being pilloried in Camden Town for an entire day. Passersby would be encoraged to jeer and humiliate the punishee as they please.

IV. All Hummers and American Built SUVs, Pickup Trucks, and SUV limos would be siezed, crushed, and scrapped, the owners will not be compensated. There will be a six month grace period where people can trade their vehicles in for a more sensible vehicle. Jeremy Clarkson will be on hand to push the button to crush the offending cars on a future episode of Top Gear.

V. Make the Dirty Hungarian Phrase Book available for sale for the price of a kiss on the bum.

VI. The Labour party and the Lib Dems will be hencefoth known as the Sensible Party, the Tories will henceforth be known as the Silly Party. Anyone affiliated withe New Labour will be placed into a new Party known as the Slightly Silly Party, and any MPs who are against gay marriage and abortion or otherwise identify themselves with the Christain right will be placed into a new party known as the Very Silly Party.

VII. Simon Cowell would be replaced by Rowan Atkinson in the character of Edmund Blackadder.

VIII. Future treaty negotioanons with the US will include a clause requiring a future episode of House to feature Rowan Atkinson, Tony Robinson, and Miranda Richardson as guest stars.

IX. Full withdrawl of UK troops from Iraq, and all American Forces will not be allowed to use UK bases or airspace to conduct operations in Iraq. (and Iran, for that matter) The UK foces in Iraq will be redepoyed to Afghanistan, with one standing order: find that bastard Bin Laden. However, if we find him first, he gets punished under UK Law.

X. The US Embassy will pay the Congestion Charges and all penalties they owe or face expulsion.

XI. Same goes for any other countries that won't pay up.

XII. All chavscum With more than one ASBO will be conscripted into the armed forces and sent to Afghanistan. If the person in question is under the age of eighteen, once he turns 18, off he goes.

XIII. We will get on with building proper aircraft carriers, (with catapults and arrested landings) and Not use the American F-35 Lightning, thank you very much. We'll get on with navalised Typhoons and French navalised RAFALES.

XIV. American tourists will be activley encouraged to send mucky and slightly rude postcards to friends and family and Conservative congresspeople and Senatore back home in order to screw with the heads of the Christian right.

XV. All pubs will be encouraged to sell perry, as many people are missing out on something really good.

[EstimatedProphet]

1. I don't think I understood any of this.

[TheMightyFavog]

2. I'll explain the first point for you.

This is 30 St. Mary Axe, Corporate headquarters for Swiss Re. Also known as "The Gherkin"



This is London's City Hall. (aka "the Egg' and "the Testicle"



Now, Imagine the first building right behind the second.

[EstimatedProphet]

3. Yes, that would be rude and amusing.

[T_i_B]

4. Conscript the Chavs?

All chavscum With more than one ASBO will be conscripted into the armed forces and sent to Afghanistan. If the person in question is under the age of eighteen, once he turns 18, off he goes.

Well judging by the squaddies round where I live they already are!

Anyway, I'll be down in London at some point this week!