Answer for obnoxious neighbor

[CharmCity]

Moved to a new neighborhood last summer. Next door neighbors were disguised as cool people. They turned out NOT to be -- after we'd lived here three months, husband and wife waited until my husband was out, invited themselves in, and went on to tell me what bad parents we are, how he parties too much, and voiced concerns that my husband was molesting our six-year old.
Yes, sounds crazy and it was. They really were completely and utterly off the mark.

Over the past six months, I think they've come to realize that while we're not their cup of tea, we aren't the monsters they envisioned. Our daughters play together from time to time. But obviously, we're not friends. I don't want to talk to them, and I think they're, well, crazy. So if they're curious about something, their kids will ask me.

Tonight, she asked me what I do for a living.

I gave her an honest answer, but now am wondering... what should I have said? What would have been an amusing answer for her to bring back to her parents? That wouldn't send them back to my house again, of course.

Amusing answers welcome...;)

[nini]

1. tell her you're a hooker

and let the parents explain that to her :evilgrin:

[CharmCity]

2. hah! good one

[Fleshdancer]

3. tell them both you and your husband work for the child protection agency

and when your husband leaves, it's to go on pedophile ring raids. That should make them feel stupid enough. :D

[Midlodemocrat]

4. I would tell her that I was in the witness protection program for executing

my previous neighbors.

[mzteris]

7. that's a good one!

:rofl:

[Darth_Kitten]

16. NOW I read this post......

LOL

[mzteris]

5. what whackadoodles!

I'm not sure I'd let my kid go over to their house.

And I'd probably not let their kid INTO my house. Playing outside would be okay.

The reason being - if they can accuse your husband of child molestation - what might they accuse you of if their kid is over there "unsupervised" with you? I wouldn't put anything past these nuts.

[CharmCity]

11. On the nose, my friend.

Our rule of course is that their kids aren't allowed in our house and vice versa.

Of course, when all this started they told me their kids were not allowed in our house ever again FOREVER because "it's dangerous" and it was their job to protect their children.

Sigh. They could well have slipped on some cheerios or something.

[Wcross]

6. dupe

[GOPisEvil]

8. Remember the movie "Mr and Mrs Smith"? Based on us...

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. Would have been a good time to tell her your hubby is a Fluffer

and you are a Federal Marshall assigned to investigating religious fraud and cults.

Then ask her what church she goes to.

[pagerbear]

10. I knew someone who worked in print production, stripping the plates

So when her son told his little playmates she was a stripper.....

[begin_within]

12. Tell the parents you make kiddie porn for a living.

Tell them your husband blows all the money you make on partying. Tell them your husband is not molesting your daughter, he's molesting their daughter, and he has the photos to prove it. Tell them all three of you have a rare form of tuberculosis which is easily spread by air currents. Tell them your hobby is constructing makeshift bombs for people, made to order. Tell them a new strain of anthrax was named after your husband. Tell them you own 54 knives and 37 machine guns. And if none of that scares them, put a Bush/Cheney '04 sticker on you car.

[Inchworm]

13. Stop askin me questions chicky.

Go do kid stuffs.

:hi:

[CharmCity]

14. All I can say is...

I'm laughing and laughing.
Thanks for the advice, all! Looking forward to the next opportunity to get 'em all bent out of shape.
And by the way... I believe much of this started with my "impeach" bumper sticker. I accidentally moved into a moran neighborhood.

[Flaxbee]

17. I'd be careful what I said, though --

the neighbors sound seriously 'off' and are just the type to think it is their duty to turn you in for some imagined something-or-other and make your lives hell.

It sucks that the country has come to this, but you really can't be too careful anymore. It might be tempting to yank their chains, but you really, really do not want them calling child protective services or bullsh*t like that.

[Darth_Kitten]

15. House Arrest........

or Witness Protection..... :) but shhhhhh.....it's our secret. ;)

[AlCzervik]

18. ask her why she's projecting her problems on to you.

thats what it sounds like imo, projection.

[orleans]

19. "if i tell you i'd have to kill you"

or "i work for the local funeral home. which reminds me--i'm looking forward to seeing your parents again."


or...what do you do for a living? maybe whatever you do is already hilarious.