The 2nd headline is funnier, but... "Coach, 40, Weds 16-Year-Old Student"

Bucky

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Mon Jun-25-07 10:06 PM
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The 2nd headline is funnier, but... "Coach, 40, Weds 16-Year-Old Student"

Edited on Mon Jun-25-07 10:08 PM by Bucky

Coach, 40, Weds 16-Year-Old Student
Anguished Parents Sign Consent Forms, Saying They Had No Choice

:rofl: I'm gonna love this article. Stupids all around here. :) Oh, and nice tux there, Heffner!

The Hagers are trying to figure out how life went off track for their teenage daughter, Windy.

They envisioned that life for the good student and promising athlete would be filled with dreams of the prom and college, but that all changed this week when Windy, 16, married her high school track coach.

"She was a dream kid," said her mother, Betty Hager. "We'd never have to worry about Windy trying to get by with something."

At South Brunswick High School in North Carolina, Windy's greatest passion was track and field.

"She just always was outside, always running, and her name's Windy — I guess she was predestined to do love to do that," Betty said.

Yes, Betty, yes. She was predestined to be a track and field athlete because you fucking named her "Windy." It's just a shame you didn't see this coming and name her "Don't sleep with old perverts" instead.

Special Attention From Coach

During Windy's freshman year, her 38-year-old track coach, Brenton Wuchae, began taking a more active interest in her, offering to give the 14-year-old rides home from practice.

"He just seemed like a genuine guy, like he was there for the kids," said Windy's father, Dennis Hager.

As a matter of fact, yes, he was "there for the kids." Like Hannibal Lecter was there for the ribs.

And of course, 14 years old... ew!

The Hagers confronted Wuchae.

"He assured me there was nothing like that going on, (and that) they were just friends. His intentions were purely appropriate," Dennis said.

Not satisfied with that answer, the Hagers turned to the school district, which spoke to the coach.

The principal of the high school wrote to the Hagers, "I have seen nothing but a cooperative attitude from the teacher, and to the best of my knowledge, he has not had any contact with Windy since then."

"School officials can't be responsible for what happens the other hours of the day, and I would think the relationship developed much more outside of school," said Brian Shaw, an attorney for the school district.

You know, I used to joke around with my own pupils and say, "You know, as a teacher my goal is to touch each and every one of my students." I don't think I'm going to make that joke any more.

The Hagers contacted police; they even tried to get a restraining order.

"We've tried everybody. We've been to the law. We've been to the school board," Betty said. "Our family has come and tried to talk to her. We've had people on the phone with her for hours — family, friends. We've been to our pastor asking for guidance. We've been to his pastor."

Maybe instead they should have tried something like, "No, I'm not going to sign that consent form."

Meanwhile, the Hagers say Windy withdrew, refusing to speak to them until she asked them to sign a consent form so that she and her coach — a man more than twice her age — could get married.

Although anguished, her weary parents gave in.

"Signing those consent forms was the hardest thing I did in my whole life, but we had to move on, it was going to kill us all," Dennis said.

Monday, Windy and Wuchae married, and he resigned from the school.

God, I love a happy ending. That's the happy ending in which Heffner can't get a job teaching and being a coach has no other job skills and then has to come home every night to an insolent stubborn brat of a wife for the next few years... until she grows the hell up and realizes she married a deeply insecure man with the maturity and judgment of a drunken Chihuahua. Seriously, is there anyone in this story who you don't loathe?

And a follow up question: anyone want to take a guess how "Wuchae-poo" votes?