Be honest with me. Gentle, but honest. Okay?

[Left Is Write]

I am thrilled for my husband that he finally got his degree after all of these years. He's always been a confident man, but I can see what a mental and ego boost it has been for him. The degree itself arrived by mail yesterday, and he's framed it and put it above his desk already.

He's meeting with his counselor on Thursday to discuss the Master's program, which he expects to start as early as this fall. Paying for the Master's program will mean a few sacrifices for us (including next year's planned trip to Disneyworld with my side of the family), but we're willing to tighten our belts in order to make this happen for him.

I have found myself recently with some unwelcome thoughts: to be frank, I'm a little jealous and feeling insecure about my own value and worth. I dropped out of college pretty early. I took some night classes at the University of Minnesota later, but could not afford to take a degree program. I wound up going to a vocational/technical school and receiving certification in Radio Broadcasting. That was fine; I was a single mother, I found a program I could afford, and I went into a field I was well-suited for. It was always in the back of my head, though, that I would get a "real" degree someday.

Someday keeps getting pushed further and further away. For years, I encouraged Mr. LIW to finish his degree, and he finally reached the point where he was ready to do just that. He has been so successful in both his schooling and his work that the experiences gave him the confidence necessary to take the next step and earn his Master's degree. I support this decision.

I just can't help feeling jealous and a little sad on my own behalf. I just keep getting older and older, and I feel like something is missing from my own life because I don't have a college degree. It must be more obvious than I thought, because my MIL said it must be "really bothering me" - she implied that Mr. LIW's degree was bothering me! That's not true at all. Mr. LIW's accomplishment only reminded me of my lack of such accomplishments, but I'm still very proud of what he has earned, and I know how hard he had to work to do so while working fulltime in a demanding career. He's earned everything he got.

Are my feelings normal? Am I selfish? Should I just get over myself and forget my own degree aspirations until Mr. LIW finishes his Master's program (only about 18 months for him)? Could this just be a double whammy because my birthday is tomorrow, and birthdays always remind me of everything I haven't done and may never do?

I'm not feeling so hot today.

[slj0101]

1. I think what you're feeling is normal, and refreshingly honest.

Is it "right"?- perhaps not, but it's definitely understandable.

And :hug:

[Sock Puppet]

2. You need to talk to your husband about this.

Before he dives into his master's program, you should be given the opportunity to pursue your degree.
You shouldn't feel guilty about feeling this way.

[Left Is Write]

4. I do believe his Master's program is more important and has to take priority now.

I didn't mean to imply otherwise.

It's an important move for his career (and thus our family) at this point.

[Hugin]

3. Not at all selfish...

It's important for you to set aside time and resources to grow as well.

Let him have his moment of basking and then remind him to help you grow too. :)

[Guava Jelly]

5. Well LIW

Some of it is age i think.
But you do have a lot going for you. A beautiful daughter a husband that cares for you.
And plus you are a very pretty lady who looks no where near her age.
Not to mention You've got a lot of noodles upstairs.
Try not to be so hard on your self you are a success and NOT!!!! a failure.
OK :D :hug:

[Zuiderelle]

6. Your thoughts are understandable. And it's probably enhanced by the birthday.

There are always times we'll look back at things we wish we had done, or things we wish we had stuck with. But in the end, it's what you're living right now that matters the most. There is always time later for you to pursue a degree, and it will be nice for you to be able to devote yourself entirely to that if he is able to turn his degree into a more lucrative career and be able to support you through getting yours. 18 months isn't that long in the scheme of things.

Cheer up, you have a good life and you have many good years ahead of you. :toast:

[Midlodemocrat]

7. What you are feeling is perfectly natural.

Perhaps the thing to do is to map out your own plan when he is completed with his Master's Degree, or maybe you could find a way to pursue some classes while he is getting his Master's.

Your worth to your family isn't dependent on a piece of paper. You are a wonderful mom and a loving wife.

If you think that pursuing a degree would make you happy, I would say to go for it. I have two graduate degrees that I'm currently not 'using', but I wouldn't trade the experience, nor the knowledge for anything.

[LeftyFingerPop]

8. First of all...

I am sorry that you are feeling low. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Secondly...a very Happy Birthday to you tomorrow.

My thoughts...take them for what they are worth.

Your VALUE as a human being has NOTHING to do with a college degree. A degree is certainly an accomplishment, but there are plenty of accomplishments and actions in life that will obtain self-satisfaction more than a college degree ever will. I have a college degree, used it for many years at good jobs, got sick, retired early. You know what my college degree means to me now? Not a damn thing.

Take your satisfaction from things that REALLY make a difference. Your family, your friends. Do something so totally giving and phenomenal that people will always remember you for it. GIVE JOY to others, and you in turn will receive joy from that.

Nobody is going to say after you die..."She was such a good person. She got a college degree."

[Gormy Cuss]

9. It's normal.

As others have pointed out, you may want to talk to him about it sooner rather than later. You two could plan for your eventual return to college after he finishes the masters or perhaps find a way for you to start school sooner.

Try to stop thinking about what you haven't accomplished on your birthday and look around at what you have done. Based on what I've read here I'd say you've got a lot to be proud of. Happy Birthday!

[flvegan]

10. When your kids are 18, you'll have earned an 18 year degree in motherhood

Toughest one to get. I'd put that up against any doctor, lawyer, judge...

You should be pretty damn proud of yourself.

[EstimatedProphet]

11. Don't be ashamed of feeling this way

Just be critical of your feelings (i.e. pay attention to them) and don't let them run away from you. Also remember it's never too late to go back to school, if that's what you want to do.

[TheProphetess]

12. You are totally normal

All of those feelings you are having are not signs of selfishness or jealousy. It is normal to compare yourself to those around you and see how you stack up. Do my friends have marriages as good as mine? Are my kids hitting the milestones like the others? Etc.

That said, if you really think that getting your degree will make you happier, help you get a better job or pay, then go for it. If, however, you have no real need for the degree but think you do b/c it seems that everyone has one now, that's different. I'd say you don't need it if it won't make your life better. There is a real need for some people to have college degrees (career-wise) but having a degree for the sake of saying you have a college degree is not a need. I know lots of people who have degrees and don't use them. They regret the amounts of money they ended up spending on college.

I'm not opposed to education, mind you. In fact, education can be beneficial even if it won't help you up the career ladder. Opening yourself up to learning new things can be a great life experience. If that's what you want, then do it. Not for anyone but you. However, if you are feeling like you are less of a person b/c you aren't a college grad, then hug yourself and love yourself for all that you ARE. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Left Is Write]

16. It isn't about a better paying job (or even any job at all)...

Do I have an external "need" for a degree? No. Absolutely not.

It isn't about using a degree or a career or anything like that. I dropped out of college not once, but twice, and while I am proud that I put myself through the radio certification program, I did that for pragmatic reasons.

There is something inside of me that is incomplete somehow because I didn't finish what I started. Because I didn't do something I know that I am capable of doing.

It's also not at all about what other people think of me. This is entirely about what I think of me.

[TheProphetess]

18. I totally get it

I've got two degrees in psychology and am considered "A.B.D." (All But Dissertation). That means that I took all of the classes to get my Ph.D., I proposed my doctoral research and got that approved, I collected all of the data and have it somewhat analyzed, I have the actual document almost fully written, but I stopped there (lots of reasons, no need to go into them now). I don't know if I'll ever finish the Ph.D. and it does bother me quite a bit. Sometimes it bothers me (just a little) that my husband has a Ph.D. and I don't. It is all my own - my behavior, my choices, my "failure." I have trouble calling it a failure b/c I can't say that doing the work on my dissertation has hurt me in any way. I've gone farther than lots of people have and I have experiences that lots of people won't ever have because of my "failure" with the Ph.D.

That's why you have to look at what you think of you. Love yourself, first and foremost. A degree won't necessarily make you feel better about yourself (although, you certainly know yourself better than I do, so maybe I'm totally wrong). Life happens and sometimes we don't do what we plan to do. Take happiness from what you have done with your life.

Again, if you feel the need to get the degree, then do it. I just want you to know that you are great with or without it. :hug:

[badgerpup]

41. Is there something that has nothing to do with degrees...

...schooling, or anything like that that appeals to your heart?
Writing? Learning to play a musical instrument?

Something of your very own, that you can do and be just for yourself...

[graywarrior]

13. I feel the same way, LIW. The same exact way.

And it affects me every day.

[reyd reid reed]

14. I don't think you're feeling anything that a normal woman wouldn't...

you're not being selfish or anything else. I'd be more concerned if you didn't feel like this. Your time will come. It will. Talk to your husband...he's used to you being strong and supportive -- and silent about what you want for you. Tell him. Talk to him like you've talked to us.

Your time WILL come.

[plcdude]

15. I think

your feelings are normal and I think you should begin to plan with him on how you can achieve your degree as well.

[supernova]

17. Any woman with intelligence

is going to have these thoughts. And you certainly are a very intelligent person, LiW. We don't stop wanting to set and achieve personal goals because we are married or have kids. Though women have been and continue to be (in certain circles anyway) expected to forgo any personal gratification for the sake of their families.

I'm not in that camp. I think you have to do both, if that's what you want. I come from a background where my mother had two children at the time, finished her degree and changed careers ... all in 1960! I wasn't around yet.. I came after. But both my brother and sister were of an age to help out around the house (they cooked dinner most nights) Mom and Dad bought them each a new bicycle when she graduated.


If I were you, I'd talk to your hubby and see if there's a way that you could also start taking classes for your degree.

It's a touchy subject, but there's really no way to expect a grown adult, male or female, to put off delaying their goals indefinitely.

edit: You deserve it. :hug:

[Left Is Write]

27. Thank you. I do want to clarify that no one has ever expected me to put off or delay my own goals...

I just never really had any until I got older.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

19. I think those feelings are perfectly normal.

You're jealous, yes, and sad, yes, and probably a little bit selfish. That's all okay. We all feel jealous, sometimes, when we see other people doing things we wish we could do. Like you said, that doesn't mean we don't value those people's accomplishments; the experience just becomes a little bittersweet.

One of my new friends is an astonishingly accomplished pianist, and I bite my tongue until it bleeds when I hear him play because otherwise I would just collapse from seething jealousy. He was at my house on Saturday and played for me, just me, for half an hour or more on my spinet; I knelt at the edge of the piano and watched those large, beautiful hands dance until I felt entranced for him and ill with wonder and jealousy, while he watched me with powerful curiosity, desiring my praise in a shy, boyish, unconfident way. I think I play well until I see him, and then it's all back to square one and everything inside me is shaken and broken. I hate above all else to feel incompetent or stupid, but that's what he does to me.

I'm sure you have lots of worth, and I'm sure if you still want your degree then you ought to get it. Don't devalue yourself. :)

[rug]

20. Finish it here. It's legit.

https://www.excelsior.edu/

[Debbi801]

21. Is there any way you can sign up for a class or two...

:hug: Financially, I mean, could you afford to take 1-2 classes a semester while your husband is pursuing his masters degree?

While it would only be a few classes, you'd be that many more classes ahead of where you are now, and that much closer to obtaining your own degree. You could probably find something for while your kids are in school.

Debbi

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. i applaud you for being so honest,

i think the resentment you may feel at not achieving enough is 'normal'.

can you start taking classes again?

[RetroLounge]

23. Totally normal feelings.

I have 2 degrees and my STBE has none. I was finishing my masters when we met, and after, I encouraged her to go back and finish her degree. I know she wanted it, but she was so negative and has such little self-esteem that she went from wanting one to forget it, too expensive, too much time, etc. and then it just became another resentment of hers toward me, I guess.

I would talk to Mr LIW and see if maybe you can compromise, maybe take one class each semester so you are moving forward also.

either way, you are not feeling anything you shouldn't, and here's a hug for good measure. :hug:

RL

p.s. Congrats to Mr LIW on the degree...

[Evoman]

24. And just remember: YOUR NEVER TOO OLD TO GET A DEGREE.

I work in a biology laboratory doing my masters, and one of my lab mates is a 56 year old women who is working on her PHD (she came in to do a masters, but short-cutted it). She was about 5 years from early retirement (was a teacher) and decided, "Screw this. I hate teaching. I love science and I'm going back to school". The amazing thing is she's been here for about 2 years, and she has made enormous contributions to her field already.

It is never too late for you. Even if you have to wait for your husband to finish, a masters usually only takes 2 years. After that, you are going to go to college and get your degree. And I know your going to do well, because you are one smart lady.

Maybe in 4 or 5 years, you will be looking for a masters program.

[Burma Jones]

25. Your Husband's accomplishments are also yours

I don't mean that in a Patriarchical way, but rather in a married persons' way. My wife is a well known Yoga Teacher and has certifications that took her years to earn. I am proud of her both for her perseverance as well as her abilities. I also know that I was an essential part of her accomplishment because we are partners in everything we do. She was an essential part of my earning my Doctorate. She is essential to my career and I am essential to hers.

You are not selfish. If I were to describe you based on your posts, I would say you are generous, wise and kind, and those are powerful characteristics to possess. I hope that you can go and get the validation of what you already have up in your head one day, but, if it means anything to you, there are a lot of degreed folks here at DU that respect you a lot.

[jobycom]

26. Fix this now, not later.

First, your feelings and thoughts are understandable, justified, and probably even praiseworthy. You want to do more with your life. You want the feeling of confidence you've seen the spouse achieve. And I suspect that somewhere inside you are worried that he is growing past you, experiencing things you haven't and can't understand. That's just a guess, but we've all been there.

So, there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. Now, you must act on these feelings, or they will become resentments, right or wrong. Not just resentment of your missed opportunities, but resentments of him, and worst, resentment of your decisions, of your life. Maybe even, in a way, of your kids for holding you back.

You need to address that. You don't necessarily have to go to school and get a degree, and you certainly don't have to tell Spouse that he has to quit school so you can do something (sounds like you don't consider that an option anyway). But you need to address what you are feeling, and get a handle on it, for everyone's sake.

I would suggest a couple of things, just as thoughts. First, talk it over with Spouse. Don't accuse (though he will probably get defensive anyway--that's human nature when someone feels they are doing their best). Just tell him how you feel. And of course, listen to him, because he will fear you are trying to derail him, and will want assurances that you aren't. That way you won't start harboring a grudge against him, feeling like he doesn't understand you. Who knows, he might have something constructive to say. If nothing else, you won't be going through it alone, and better, you'll be going through it with him, so you won't resent him. And he won't have to wonder how you feel (Trust me, I've been in his position, and I have felt tremendous guilt over it).

Second, draw up a goal sheet for yourself. Figure out what you really want most to do and to achieve. make it a multi-stage thingie, where you say "Next year I'd like to be 'X,' and within five years I'd like to have achieved 'X.'" Do NOT worry if the goals are attainable, just list what you'd really like to do. Write a novel. Become a lawyer. Retire to the Caribbean. Next, write down what it would take to accomplish each of these. You'll see that some are exclusive, some are beyond your reach. Some are easy if you focus, and some you can attain if you really work on it. Make that your wish list. Then figure out which things you could actually achieve, and which you really want to achieve within the context of your life. What I mean by that is, maybe you'd like to become an architect, but you'd also like a family with a certain level of savings within a few years, and you know you could not achieve both. Dream, but be realistic. That will help focus you.

Third, when you've got a list of wishes, set a real goal for something you really want, that is just beyond your reach, but that you could accomplish within the parameters that you've decided you can't change. That can be different over time. For instance, you could write a novel at home, but you could not earn a degree, realistically, while your Spouse is in grad school. Once he's out, though, the parameters have changed, and maybe you could go to school.

Fourth. Go for it. Do the thing you know you can do if you try. Prove it.

In other words, you need to do two things. You need to give yourself a sense of the future, before you become depressed and resentful. Second, you need to go after what you want, rather than just being content watching him get what he wants. The second part is key to what you are feeling. It is beyond question that you will feel happy for his success (that's not a gender thing--my spouse worked her way from the bottom to a bank VP without any degree, and I was happy to see it, even though we split up). But you have to feel successful yourself. Your children will give you that feeling, but it's more vague, not as direct, and make years to blossom. (It also may lead to resentment from them, or at least pressure on them, if they feel you want them to be your success.) You need to worry about you. Not selfishly or exclusively (and that doesn't seem to be your problem at all). But you do need to worry about you, or you will undermine your life and the lives of those you are trying to sacrifice yourself for now.

Just my advice. I was a grad student while my spouse worked. She tried school, but dropped out twice. We always agreed she would go back when I was done, but in the end, she didn't want to. She's done very well choosing her own path (makes a lot more than me). Ironically, I've never done anything with my degree, and the tables have turned. She's confident and upwardly mobile, and I'm down on myself (at 42). Who knows how that will be in two years? For what that's worth.

Sorry to go on so long. :) That's what I do, I ramble. Bottom line, take charge of yourself. You feel stalled and directionless. Give yourself a direction. You may change it once you head that way, but at least you will feel you are going somewhere.

Oh yeah, and happy birthday. Don't let birthdays get you down. Henry Miller was 44 when he wrote his first novel. F Scott Fitzgerald was dead by 44.

[Phentex]

28. Without question, yes, I think you need to go back to school...

I have sensed this from you for years. Subtle, but there. I often wondered why you didn't go back to school because I know how much you love knowledge, learning new things, & trying new things. It wouldn't be so much about the degree. I just think you would love the atmosphere.

You are in the lucky position of being able to choose *anything* you're interested in, not just having to get a degree for future options. (Picture a class like "Professor Joyce" teaches. Wouldn't that be fun?!) Or culinary school. Or getting that MFA for the writing skills you know you have. An aside, my brother started law school at age 40. You're not dead yet.

I think you would be a fantastic role model for the younger students too. And last, but not least, I think you would be very proud of yourself when you were done. I see this for you. :)

And this in no way knocks anything you've done or not done up to this point 'cause you know how I feel about that.

What's Mr. LiW's rush? Can he take a break for a while so you can go to school?

:hug:

[Left Is Write]

30. His rush....

He's got a particular career path in mind, not only at the company he's currently with, but also teaching. The Master's will be enormously helpful on one leg of that path, and it's absolutely essential for the other.

:hug:

[Tyler Durden]

29. Normal, but don't sweat it.

I've got 8 years of college with an AS to show for it thanks to circumstances beyond my control. Deb has got an MSN in Psych.

People are People. There's nothing "missing" from your life, as the gestalt is a journey not a destination. We worry too much about goals; leave that to the sports nuts.

[skygazer]

31. My boyfriend is going through something similar

I dropped out of high school. I tried going back to college when I was in my mid-20's but I was in a precarious marriage with small children and had to drop out of that. It does feel like a failure and it does weigh on your mind. You know you have the capability - life has just gotten in the way of doing it.

So now, at 46, I'm going to a community college to get a Paralegal degree. It satisfies two things for me - it will enable me to get a better, more secure job that fits my skills and it allows me to complete something I've wanted to complete since I was 17 and had to leave high school to go to work.

Now my boyfriend is a little moody because he has sort of a similar situation - he's a carpenter and taking the classes for his journeyman card made him realize how much he enjoys learning. It's not really practical or necessary for him to go to school but I encourage him to take some classes just to keep the brain active and feel like he's accomplishing something.

He's totally supportive of me and it's not that he resents my accomplishment - on the contrary, he's so proud of me and he brags to all his friends which is so sweet. He makes dinner on my late nights after he's worked all day and he sets up the table so I can do my homework and tries to be quiet when I'm studying. It's very sweet.

I think you should try to pursue that degree. If you could possibly take just a couple of classes at a time until Mr. LIW is done with his Master's, try to do that. If you have to wait, start making plans. Do it for you, to fulfill your needs.

And Happy Birthday and congrats to Mr. LIW - and to you, too. I know how much it means to have a supportive partner when you're trying to get through school. :hug:

[Redstone]

32. You are who you are. You do what you can do. Hey, I never went to college, and have

been pretty damn successful nonetheless.

PS: Marriage is not a competition.

I'd throw some more wisdom on you, but I'm not feeling well. Hope this helped.

Redstone

[Left Is Write]

33. This isn't about competition.

I'm not into competing with my husband.

These feelings are about me.

[Redstone]

34. Again, just be who you are. I'd offer more new-age-type advice, but I have to go off and be

spectacularly ill right now. I'd rather keep it to myself, but my family does notice.

Redstone

[Dora]

35. Is there room for both of you to enroll?

I can understand the importance of your husband keeping on track for graduate work. Congratulations to him and to you - he could not have accomplished this without your support, so you are as much a part of his success as he is.

I also understand your need to meet some educational goals for yourself. Can you speak with an admissions counselor at your nearest university to inquire about what it would take? The university I did my undergrad at had a program specifically for women who were returning to higher ed after being "out" for a number of years. They offered counseling, advisement, and financial support. Perhaps your university or community collge would have a similar program? Some universities are also offering undergraduate coursework online - mine does.

Is there room for you to take one class? It's not as if you're declaring a major. Your husband's 18 months of graduate school is ample time for you to take one class per semester and map out a strategy for what you'll do after he's finished with grad school: presumably there will be more time/funds to support your education at that point.

Be kind to yourself. :hug: You've done a great job!

[Wapsie B]

36. Take some classes yourself.

I dropped out too after my first try at college, going to school on the pizza and beer plan. It took me 20 years to get the gumption to finally finish. I'd most definitely encourage your husband but make sure you can work towards your degree too. And depending on how you want to complete your degree there are lower-cost options out there with outstanding schools.

[SPKrazy]

37. Ah, Tell You What LIW

I think you are feeling pretty normal, you have given up and sacrificed and he is getting the certificates of accomplishment.


I think that it is normal to feel a little jealous of the attention i mean, where is your certificate, your diploma, your appreciation because it is a fact that you have to have been working extra hard and going through the stresses he is to get his degree.

Now he is going for his master's degree

I think you are not going to be too old to do anything you are already doing something fabulous



kinda cheesy looking, but hey, it is the best i could do on short notice


:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

40. Bro, you are so sweet!

Being a parent is a challenging job (though awfully rewarding!).

Parents deserve more acknowledgement for what they do than they usually get.

A toast to LIW and all the parents out there! :toast:

[jpgray]

38. You are never too old to get a degree... you know best when the time is right. But also

Consider sitting in on some classes in your area, if you're interested and a professor is willing (many are, especially for non-laboratory courses such as literature or philosophy).

[SeattleGirl]

39. Oh, my friend. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are feeling.

I do "get" that you are proud of your husband, and I think it's great that he had you to help him accomplish his goal. I also know you will be supportive of his pursuit of a higher degree.

Let me share a few things from the "other side".

First, my dad did not even finish 8th grade. That was very common in rural Arkansas when he was growing up. Heck, it was common when I went to school there, in 1st grade. All the boys would start school about a month after the school year began; they would all leave at least a month before the school year ended. Why? Because they had to work the farms. School was secondary. And often, finishing high school was not even on the To-Do list.

As a consequence, my dad always felt that he was stupid. When I, his oldest child, graduated from high school, he was not only proud, he was in awe. One time we were driving somewhere together, and got talking about education. He told me he wished he weren't stupid. I said, "Dad, you are NOT stupid. You may be less educated (formally) than other people, but that doesn't equal stupid." The look on my dad's face was something I'll never forget.

Second story: My daughter is 27, and started college just this January. She was visiting the other day, and said that she wished she had started college right after high school, "but mom, I don't think I would have done well. Still, I should have gone then." I told her no, not true. She wasn't ready. I tried college right after high school, but quit after 2 semesters, because I just wasn't ready. When I was 27, I was, and so I went back to college. I do have a Bachelor's degree now, and have taken some Master's level courses (I had to, because of changing requirements in my field). I loved, loved, loved, being in school, but I will tell you this: until I had some experience in The College of Real Life, I could not have done as well as I did.

Third story: I have several friends who don't have college degrees. They sometimes kick themselves about it, but they are some of the smartest, savviest, most well-informed people I know, and because they pay attention to what's going on in the world, I think they could go toe-to-toe with many Ph D's.

I am not knocking higher education; as I said, I loved college (once I was truly ready for it). But I do not believe a person's worth has anything to do with whether or not they have a college degree. Yes, in many jobs, it's a necessary thing, but that doesn't mean that those who don't have one don't have a lot to offer the world (and I definitely believe -- from reading your posts -- that you have a LOT to contribute).

Now, having said all that, I agree with a lot of other posters on this thread: talk to your husband about how you feel. I don't get the sense at all that you resent him for getting his degree or for wanting to continue with his education. It's wonderful when someone we care about accomplishes something they really want, and why shouldn't we celebrate with them and for them? However, I think it's important that he know how you feel. Even if you didn't feel resentful now, you might later on down the line, simply because by keeping it in, it can build toward resentment.

And, you might want to check out on-line classes you can take. I mentioned that I had taken several master's level classes (4 in all). The first two were structured such that we met once a month, and then the rest of the work was done on line. The second two classes were done completely on line. The school I took the classes through (Western Washington University) is fully accredited, and the classes do count toward a full Master's degree, should I ever want to pursue that.

One of the things I liked about the on line courses (though it took a bit of getting used to) was that I could do my classwork and tests on my own schedule. I was working full-time, so that was just the best set-up. I think it would work well for you too. You could maybe start out taking a class a semester/quarter on line, while your husband gets his Masters, if you find that you really DO want to get a degree. It would probably be doable financially, and it would certainly work since you still have children at home.

Whatever you end up doing, I want to say this to you: You are a smart, well-informed woman who brings a lot to the table, not because of a college degree, but because you are not intellectually lazy. And believe me, there are college students who ARE intellectually lazy.

:hug:

[crim son]

42. Normal feelings, angel.

I have the undergraduate degree and still run into people who never finished college yet are a hundred steps ahead of me. The official degree gives legitimacy to what we already know is true. You are certainly worth of a B.S. or an M.A. Not that it means anything.

[SarahB]

43. My thoughts,

Use the next 18 months to decide what you want to get your undergraduate degree in (and where and the logistics of it all), then when your husband's done with his Master's, go for it. If it's something you want, there's no reason why you shouldn't do it. :hug:

[MissMillie]

44. Sweetie, you are so normal!!!!

I think most of us at some point look back at our choices and wonder "what if..."

Not once did I see where you said that you wish you hadn't had kids, or gotten married. You never said anything to take anything away from your husband's accomplishments. You just feel like you wish you could have done more.

Most everyone I know feels that way.

You've accomplished much. And you're well-loved.

That's a pretty good life, if you ask me.

[Haole Girl]

45. LIW

I wish I could put into words how much I empathize with your post here. While I have my college degree (just a BA, though), it doesn't give me a great deal of satisfaction. Often, especially recently, I've felt like I have something missing in my life, also...especially since I have no children. But, then I stop myself and ask if I'd do anything differently, if I could go back. The answer is usually the same-- no, that is.

I'm running late for work, but I wanted to take a moment to let you know your feelings are not unique. Hang in there. Maybe, sometime soon, you and I (and many others experiencing the same feelings) will figure out why we have that "something missing" feeling.

Hang in there, okay? You're a kind soul. I hope you feel better soon!

:hug:

[MilesColtrane]

46. Become an autodidact.

Your husband's Masters will increase his earning power.

While waiting out those couple of years, you can take free MIT courses on the net.

http://ocw.mit.edu/index.html

That way you can go back to school when it's more strategically advantageous for the whole family and you'll breeze through having already learned what you need.