Why do women do this to themselves?

[Midlodemocrat]

I'm not placing any blame at all on Jessie Davis for her boyfriend's decision to end her life and that of her unborn baby.

I don't think I will ever understand why women hook up with men who are serial cheaters.

I just don't get it.

Look at this guy's history. He left two other women and two other children behind before he adn Jessie Davis had their little boy. The little boy was born to Jessie Davis while Cutts was separated from his wife.

Do some women still feel that they can 'change his ways?' And, yes, I realize women cheat just as badly, but I just don't get this.

I hope I can instill in my daughters a sense that they deserve better than a cheating man.


http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/06/26/cutts.profile.ap/index.html


Any look at the life of Bobby Cutts Jr. has to include the women and children in it.

His oldest daughter, Taylor, was born out of wedlock to a girlfriend in 1997. A younger daughter, Breonna, was born to another woman in 2001, shortly before Cutts married her.

His son, 2-year-old Blake, was born to girlfriend Jessie Davis while Cutts was separated from his wife. Relatives say Cutts and Davis were due to have another daughter, Chloe, early next month.

But now Cutts is accused of murdering Davis and the unborn girl. (Watch Davis' mother talk about facing Cutts in court )

[JVS]

1. Nobody knows how to play the game like a person who plays all the time.

Serial cheaters get around and they know what to say and how to act to realize their goals.

[ohiosmith]

2. In answer to your question, I don't know. Now, how long will it be before you get flamed for

assuming Bobby's guilty?

"I'm not placing any blame at all on Jessie Davis for her boyfriend's decision to end her life and that of her unborn baby."

[Midlodemocrat]

6. Didn't he plead out?

I thought I read that somewhere.

[ohiosmith]

9. Don't know. I've been out of town.

[alarimer]

23. He confessed and led investigators to the body

So I think we are free to assume he did it in this case.

[lost-in-nj]

3. Because they believe

that they can change the guy......

They think
that it won't be like that with us?????



lost

[jobycom]

4. Unfortunately, people don't get full dossiers on the people they date unless

the person commits a horrible crime and winds up in the paper.

I'm sure Cutts had a charm about him, and I'm sure he had believable reasons for each of his failed relationships. Whether he took the "I always hook up with the wrong type of woman, but you seem to be the right type," or the "I made some mistakes, but I've grown up since then," I'm sure he had polished the routine to perfection by the time he met Jessie.

The world is full of happy couples who are together only because one of them took a chance on someone with a bad history. Everyone believes that will be them, and that the other people are the ones who make the bad choices.

[jpgray]

8. So the -next- girl he dates will have no excuse, then

:P

[jobycom]

10. I suspect the next girl he dates

will be named Bruno.

[skygazer]

5. I guess some women need to feel like they have a project

Or maybe they believe those tired old tales about how "my wife doesn't understand me" and want to be the one who does.

I don't get it either. It's sad and I attribute a lot of it to lack of self-esteem, something I've had myself in the past. I guess maybe they don't feel like they deserve anything better.

[kay1864]

7. Far too many women believe they *have* to have a man in their lives

Any man, even a loser like him.

And far too often, these two types tend to find each other.

Sad.

[WildEyedLiberal]

12. So true and so sad

You just described a bunch of my friends. It's depressing, but there's nothing I can do about it - they get VERY hostile and defensive if I tell them anything bad about their latest "man" or suggest to them that they'd be happier single.

[kay1864]

17. Or even single for a *while*...

They don't have to be single permanently. But to leave one loser just to hook up with another is just nuts.

It's some sort of odd compulsion.


Much as I don't care for John Gray, you might suggest the book "Mars and Venus on a Date" to a couple of your friends. The 2nd chapter has an exercise that's quite enlightening.

[AngryAmish]

11. Some women think that they can't change a man.

Those women are quitters.

- Marge Simpson

[Starbucks Anarchist]

13. Like I said yesterday...

And *I'm* single. :eyes:

[Midlodemocrat]

15. Dude. No kidding.

A nice guy like you. :hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

21. Thanks, Midlo.

:hug:

[johnnie]

14. I always wondered that too

My sister both ended up with assholes for husbands and they were both shitheads before they got married. My little sister had her future husband over the house and he was with his then g/f. I walked in on him about ready to take a swing at her and told him he best get the fuck out of my parents house before I help him out. He was much bigger than I am, but he knew I was pissed.

What to do? My sisters knew what they were going to marry and now they are both divorced. I have seen this over and over and I will never understand why anyone (man or woman) would want to be with someone who shows signs early on. I know sometimes it gets too late, but most of the time the signs are there.

Hell, if I can do it, anyone can. I have hooked up with a few women who I discovered may become a problem and I had to end it. I have been single now for a long time, but it is much better than getting into some messed up life that you see coming from miles away.

Sadly, too many people think they NEED to have a partner so they end up settling for what they can get because they are scared of being alone or they think they will not "fit in" with everyone else. That's just bullshit. But once again, what to do? It sucks to watch it happen, but the alternative is telling them what you think and them hating you and still end up with a shitty life.

[Midlodemocrat]

16. Far better to be single, IMHO than deal with the serial

cheater. I couldn't do it.

[jpgray]

18. Only certain kinds of women are susceptible to this, and only certain kinds of men engage in it

They depressingly seem to find each other very easily. It's some intangible quality that allows that attraction to take place between user and victim, and it can happen with genders reversed (though less violently) as well. I like to think of it as similar to the bully phenomenon. There are smart, dorky kids through jr. high who aren't bullied at all, and yet someone very similar in all tangible aspects will be put through hell. What's the difference? Hard to say. But the bully obviously enjoys reacting to a certain something and seeks it out constantly. Same goes for users.

[Midlodemocrat]

20. Agreed, but it appears that the 'certain' types of women in particular

cross all socio/economic barriers. There doesn't appear to be a constant in how they were raised, where they were raised, by whom they were raised.

Hence the question. It truly baffles me. You see the same behavior in women with 8th grade educations as well as doctorates.

[LynneSin]

19. Serial Monogamy - a good friend of mine from college got into one of those

even had a kid while he was still legally married (but separated) from his 2nd wife. Last I heard he was on wife #4 and he's had kids with 4 or 5 different women. Thing is, while he dates you - you are the ONLY one for him. He tells you his ways are going to change because YOU are the inspiration for the change. The relationship will last a few years and the serial monogamist will grow bored and move on to the next serious relationship leaving behind a path of broken hearts and neglected kids.

[eyesroll]

22. Was this actually cheating, or just a lot of bouncing?

Not that I'm going to defend the guy, but...

In theory, I could have ended up pregnant the first time I had sex, which, like 90 percent of people, was out of wedlock. I can say with certainty there is no way in hell I would have married him, pregnancy or not.

Anyhow, then I could have gone away to college, met and had a baby with Hedges, married him, then separated, then gotten pregnant by my current SO, who I started dating before either of us was legally divorced (but both of our marriages were, to paraphrase the coroner of Munchkin City, certifiably and reliably dead).

Aside from the pregnancy/babies, everything above did happen -- there but for the grace of Ortho Tri Cyclen go I. There's no cheating there -- OK, yeah, some adultery/fornication if you want to get all biblical, and I know some people wouldn't approve -- but nobody would really be labeling me a cheater.

That said, to answer your original question: Many women believe they can change men. They fall hard for someone's charisma/charm/$/sexual prowess/whatever, and think that whatever major issue their boyfriends have will miraculously disappear. They see their boyfriends neglecting their kid from a prior relationship and think, "oh, well, we'll live happily ever after and he'll love OUR kids and will stay so there won't be support or visitation!" Denial is powerful.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. We humans become comfortable with

the roles we've either been thrust into or created for ourselves, even when they are self-destructive. If a woman decides to stop being a victim, it's possible that she has no idea how to be anything else. That can lead to yet another cycle of feeling inadequate, thus allowing herself to become a victim again.

That's why it's so important to maintain a constant flow of information on domestic abuse for women, men, and children. Victims rarely choose to see themselves as such at first...especially men.