For the love of god- why does FAMILY have to be so difficult?

[LibraLiz1973]

It's been a hell of a day.

I've got my aunt and her 2 kids living in my house. I don't live there- they do.
I supported the entire household while my grandfather was alive for the past 4 years.
He passed away in April.
It's time for her to move.
You should SEE what she has done to my newly renovated house. There aren't words.
And she's being a total bitch.



Here is a look at her 12 year old daughters room. This is the only room in the house I haven't renovated yet
BECAUSE MY CONTRACTORS CANT EVEN GET INTO THE ROOM.

[LeftyFingerPop]

1. because...

you can't choose your family.

[mainegreen]

2. Because Familt is Merntal?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6664933&mesg_id=6664933

:hide:

[Lyric]

3. Believe me, I'm empathizing right now.

I'm about ready to give myself up for adoption. :hug:

[idgiehkt]

4. I am sorry.

I don't understand how people can destroy property like that. I am having family issues too, watching stress my brother and his wife are creating keeping my parents constantly upset (and broke). Sigh... no answers, just empathy. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Breeze54]

5. Sue her if she destroyed it! That's just

not right and I'd be totally PO'd too!

Does she have a job? Can she afford to move?

If so? Then evict her!!

And then remember to never do business with family!!

EVER!!!!!

[LibraLiz1973]

6. No, she doesn't have a job.

She's 41 years old and she is bilking the shit out of the system.
She gets a thousand dollars a month
plus free health care for her and the kids, and food stamps.

She's lived in that house for 39 of her 41 years and has never paid a bill.


She has 2 - YES, I REALLY SAID TWO- Associates Degrees. One as a Paralegal, one in Criminal Justice.
She's never done anything with either of them.

It's a long and involved story- suffice it to say, she clearly doesn't want to work
and she thinks it is ok to make everyone support her.

I'm at the end of my rope here.

[Madrone]

7. I really hate people sometimes.

How come she lives in your house?

[LibraLiz1973]

9. Ok, here's "the deal"

The house originally belonged to my grandparents.
She moved out and then back in within a year- when her loser
ex-husband got locked up for being, well, a loser.
So she lived at the house with my grandfather and he paid all the bills
From 1997-2002 he blew 100,000 on her and the kids.
She maxxed out a bunch of his charge cards etc.
Eventually he ran out of money and didn't pay his property taxes.
He was in a real pickle and was going to lose everything, so I got the house.
The house was in shambles *literally* by the time I got it.
My aunt and her kids have destroyed it. I'm in no way exxagerating.
So I've put upwards of 200 thousand into the house.
My grandfather died in April. She knew back in 2005 that when he passed, she would have to go.
I gave her another 3 months rent and bill free, to the tune of 6 thousand dollars.
She was told to be out July 1.
She now says she will be about by July 6.

I had new carpet installed in October 2006. That's 8 months ago.
There are HUGE stains all over the carpets because they destroy things.
The kids are filthy, she's filthy.

I'm at my wits end with her.

It's time for her to step up and do the right thing.
But she has asked me where her INHERITANCE is!!!!
And she and her loser ex husband want me to sell MY HOUSE
and give her some of the money.

Any inheritance my grandfather had for her (and his other 3 kids who got NOTHING)
was spent on her and those kids long ago.

She's always looking for a free ride and it pisses me off.

[idgiehkt]

11. do you have a clear title to the house?

"He was in a real pickle and was going to lose everything, so I got the house."

God, I hope she doesn't take you to court over it. Wow, if there's a way she could swing it I bet she will. :(

[LibraLiz1973]

12. Yes, the title is clear and it is mine

I've had it for four years. And I've paid for EVERYTHING in the house. She did not pay for even ONE thing.
And because of my job, she's also gotten free child care for years.

So I'm standing on pretty solid ground where the finances are concerned.

[Madrone]

14. Wow.

That really sucks. Good riddance for sure! I'm very sorry you have to deal with this -- but what a load off it will BE when she's the hell out of there!

[Mz Pip]

8. Time for some tough love

and time for your aunt to grow up and get her and her kid's act together. I know we can't choose our families but we can choose how we relate to them. You can choose to stop supporting them.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[LibraLiz1973]

10. I blew a gasket on her today

and told her I was done.
I explained that I'd done enough, and that I couldn't do it anymore.

[Hawkeye-X]

15. Be firm and hire movers to throw her things out on the street

on July 1st. Or tell her her things will go in the trash at 12:01 am on July 1st.

Yes, I'm serious.

You own the house, you have the right to evict her sorry deadbeat ass.

She can go sleep on the shelter. It will force her to find a job.

Hawkeye-X

[Breeze54]

20. "Self Help" is against the law!!

She could be sued for three times the rent, if she evicts her without proper papers.

AKA Eviction notices, etc. That's not a good idea. Better to go the legal route.

[LeftyMom]

16. You need to talk to a landlord/ tenant lawyer and serve her notice to move

Talk to the lawyer first because she's not going to do it, so you need to make sure all your legalities are right for when you have to take her to court for an eviction (and I'm pretty sure you will.)

And start calling around for rates on a dumpster or hauling service, because she's almost certainly going to leave all that crap when she does go and you're going to have to clear it all out or hire somebody to do it.

[Hawkeye-X]

13. How does your daughter sleep?

Does she climb over?

[LibraLiz1973]

17. Thanks be to god she isn't my daughter- she's my aunts

And yes, she climbs over it.
I've actually had to have conversations with her about washing her hair and brushing it.
She used to shower every Sunday ONLY. And walk around with enormous knots in her hair.
My aunt taught both children nothing about cleanliness.
When they were toddlers, she fed them on the floor. Not with a plate, or a paper towel. Just the floor.
They still go to bed every night with a cup of snacks so their beds are always gross with crumbs.
Before the new dishwasher was installed, my aunt let them WASH A PAIR OF DIRTY SOCKS IN THE DISHWASHER
to see if it would work. The other night she let them sleep in the bath tub.

A few weeks ago I walked into the daughters room and the mattress and box spring had halfway fallen off the track, so it was half up, half down.
The daughter HAD BEEN SLEEPING ON IT THAT WAY FOR 3 WEEKS!!

[LeftyMom]

18. Call CPS.

I hate to be like that, but those kids deserve better and they aren't going to get it until somebody either straightens their mom out or gets them into another home.

[LibraLiz1973]

19. There has already been intervention.

Since there is no abuse and the kids are healthy...
Nothing.

I'm not saying she's a bad mother- I don't think she's great, but, she means well.
There is no physical abuse at all, and they adore their mother. But she
sucks at discipline and she lives in squalor.

The school district got involved and everything. And there were no grounds for removal.

[LeftyMom]

23. Weird.

[LibraLiz1973]

25. TOTALLY

[Inchworm]

21. I was going to say "at least you communicate with family." but...

I just want to say I'm sorry she is taking advantage of you.

I let my sister, her daughter, her son and her BF stay with me a few years ago. At first it was cool to have someone here at the house with me. She cooked and cleaned for the first week or so.

Then it was all downhill. I had to fight off social workers. I had to fight off her ex (or other) boyfriends. She stopped cleaning.

After about 3 months I ran her off and havn't seen her since.

I hope it all works out for you LibraLiz1973.

:hug:

[LibraLiz1973]

24. I'm praying for that too

I need all the good vibes I can get!!

Thank You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm sorry you had to go through something like this- it's awful!!

:hug:

[salin]

22. find out how

to serve an eviction. Because she has lived free and easy in the house, and presumably without any contract, you may have a difficult time (not knowing local laws, I say this - maybe it will be easier - in which case disregard) getting her out. So on July 7th, when she hasn't moved out, (just a guess that this will be the situation) give her an offer: for x amount of rent a month she can live there if she signs a contract. Put it low enough that she can afford it - but high enough that she will try to call your bluff (eg sure I will pay that, but it is more than I am willing to in reality pay - because I am used to paying nothing and I don't believe that you will do anything). Then when she is in violation of the contract - get some repo/eviction organization - to move her out.

[LeftyMom]

26. You don't need a rental agreement first.

She owns the property. All she has to do is give notice to move in the amount of time legal in her state (in CA it would be 30 days, in other states it may be less) and then schedule a court date when she doesn't. Without a rental agreement she's squatting and has no right to stay. A rental agreement does offer some rights. But she should ask local counsel to be sure.

Here an eviction takes roughly three months from notice to move to lockout by the Sheriff. Storage of valuable property on the premises can add a few weeks, then after that things can be moved offsite and either stored, sold and applied to arrears or discarded depending on value. Things don't have to be left in place though even when they do need to be left in the unit, so a smart landlord will pile all the crap up in the least messed up room and fix the rest while any mandatory property storage time ticks away, then move the crap out of the last room, fix it and finally get the unit turned over.

[salin]

27. Great info

I get the sense that the aunt isn't going to honor the 'moveout date' - getting the legal parameters and then moving on those could take longer and prolong the irritation -but would allow the chapter to draw to an end. Great info - thanks.

[LeftyMom]

29. I used to do this for a living.

Imagine having this going on in several properties at once, with all of the pissed off evictees living within 50 yards of your front door. Then factor in that some of them have alcohol and drug problems. :scared:

[LibraLiz1973]

31. Your a far braver woman than I

No doubt!!!


Thanks for the advice Lefty- it really helps

[LeftyMom]

34. I got to work from home and watch my kid grow up

and most of my tenants were awesome. The few that weren't though... :scared:

[LibraLiz1973]

30. I get that sense too.

And I'm PRAYING I'm wrong!

[LibraLiz1973]

28. Wow Lefty-- THANK YOU!!!

[LeftyMom]

32. No problem.

Feel free to PM me if you need any help on this.

Oh, and go get youself the NOLO landlord/tenant law book for your state. It's going to set you back about $40, but it will save you a lot of calls to a lawyer and it will have printable forms (for the notice to move, for noting condition on moveout- you're going to need that in case you have to take her to court for damages, or worse if she tries to sue you for something- TAKE PICTURES!!!) so you don't have to pay the lawyer to use theirs.

[Darth_Kitten]

33. Oh my God.........

:hug: