Do you get along with your ex(es)?

[SarahB]

I realize that most people I've been in a relationship of whatever kind with (even a near miss or two), I get along with. Some I definitely either remained friends with or we're simply friendly. At the same time, once it's gone, it's gone. There's no feelings like before, but after time passes, I like the person in a different context and we can be cool as friends. How about you?

[noshenanigans]

1. Against all odds...

I'm still friends with my ex. We dated, then he got fired from his job and he moved to Koh Samui, Thailand and opened a Frisbee Golf place. We still talk, though, and he's coming back to visit and I'm actually considering seeing him. He treated me like arm candy the whole time we dated, but.. I dunno, maybe it's good to feel like arm candy every once in a while.

[SeattleGirl]

2. Yup, I do. Don't see him very often (he lives in Oregon), but we

long ago got over our anger with each other. One of the things that helped was that we had a daughter together; we vowed that regardless of what we might be feeling about or toward each other, we would never badmouth each other to her, and we never did.

My youngest brother and youngest BIL have worked for him for years in his cabinet/furniture shop. When his mother, whom I totally loved and adored, died, he called me to tell me, which is one of the most special things anyone has ever done for me.

[usaftmo]

11. I feel very similar to that

My ex-wife and I have agreed not to argue/bring up dirty laundry around our 7 year old son, and that has gone well. So well in fact it seems that we are almost like best friends!
:wow:

[Breeze54]

3. Only if I have the loaded gun!

Seriously.

There could be no other way, except if I had body guards.

That's a fact.

[Radio_Lady]

4. My first husband is a semi-retired doctor in New York City. I have spoken to him twice

since we divorced in 1961, after a girl was stillborn to us in November, 1960.

I called him in 1983 when I was in training in NYC for a month, as I had just been hired by a pharmaceutical company with headquarters on Park Avenue. He was very pleasant, told me he had married and had two children, but he declined my offer to meet him for coffee.

In June 2006, while in New York, I called him at his office, just expecting to leave him a voice mail message. He was moving to a different address, and his office phone forwarded to his cellphone. We talked for about 15 minutes right before we were to leave for the airport -- just about what I remembered from the brief year we were together. He told me he is still working a few days a week. Since he was 14 years older than me, he must have been 80 years old in 2006.

My second husband and I married in December 1963 and were together until March 1971. The marriage produced my two biological children, now ages 38 and 37 (14 months apart). We fought about almost everything, particularly after I remarried my present husband in 1973. He couldn't stand to even be in the same room with me! However, he got along very well with my husband and when I just couldn't handle the stress, my sweetheart took my place very adequately.

Sadly, my ex died in December 2006 at age 70, leaving his wife of 33 years and two adult stepchildren. He contracted lung cancer after a lifetime of smoking --

I am still sad that he is gone.

[supernova]

5. Only if you

put a gun to my head.

And then I wouldn't put it past me to slit his throat.

No, I'm not kidding.

But I mostly don't think about it anymore and am perfectly happy to move on.

[The Straight Story]

6. I didn't, though we did at first, then it went bad, and she passed away

I still get along well with an X GF I have though.

[TrogL]

7. She lives across the back alley

She's coming to my wedding.

[LostinVA]

16. My Ex is going to be IN my wedding

I know some people think it's odd, but it works for all involved, and that's what counts, right?

[Capn Sunshine]

8. Oh HELL to the NO power

I can't stand being around her; she's quite depressing. Ex wife that is. Coming up on 30 years. Time flies when you're having fun/happy.

Ex girlfriends? Some yes, some no, some restraining order no.

[xchrom]

9. generally yes.

but i find that most of my friends through my life have been people i've been ''involved'' with.

here's an interesting quote from edmund white in a paris review book i'm reading.

INTERVIEWER: Do you see the range, reactions, the emotions in heterosexual love and homosexual love to be approximately similar?

WHITE: I think there is an equally complex gamut but the two experiences are not coincident. You can't say all the things a straight woman goes through in her courtship, marriage and divorce are the same as a gay man experiences in meeting another man, living with him and breaking up with him. They're not the same emotions, they don't occur in the same sequence nor do they have the same social repercussions. But there are enough similarities to permit us to speak to each other. When a straight man breaks up with his girlfriend, the break is often decisive; it's very hard for them to move from the end of their affair into an ongoing friendship. However, I would say that many - if not most - gay men who break up continue to be best friends. And they may even continue to live together. They may enter into a period of rivalry during which each of them tries to meet somebody new first. When that phase wears out their friendship gets mellower and better. This is something which seems unthinkable to most straight people; they don't know how we can do it, but there is a great deal of comradeship that lies under the discourse of homosexual love. There is a discourse of gay friendship, and then there is a kind of male-male friendship which straight men know about, and there is also a discourse of love which straight men have with women. The idea that those discourses can come together in one relationship, and that when the love ends the friendship can continue, astonishes many outsiders.

[ForrestGump]

10. Yes

:hug:

[DainBramaged]

12. We're still best friends

And when either of us need help each is there for the other.


Always will be.


We speak 3 or four times a week via phone, every day by AIM. And the conversation isn't about our daughter either, it's about everything.

[Maine-ah]

13. no ex(s) but

my mil and fil have been divorced for over 20 years and they live 500 feet down the road from eachother, and invite eachother to family functions. It's really weird. Cool, but weird.

[SarahB]

21. That's how my parents are.

They get along fine as divorced people. They are probably closer friends than my in-laws who've been married 40 years. It's a funky dynamic. Maybe it explains a few things too about their daughter (if I want to get all psychoanalytical about it). :blush:

[Maine-ah]

57. funny, huh?

they get along so well, I sometimes wonder why they got divorced. But then again, that was also over 20 years ago. They were pretty young. My fil is going through (just finished actually) his second divorce. Woman is psycho. Unfortunatly, there is another child involved, who has the same mental issues as his mother. Sad situation really. These two will never get along after divorce.

[SarahB]

66. My parents were actually marriage and divorced twice.

To each other!
Marriage two years before I was born. Divorced when I was 6. Remarried when I was 14. Divorced when I was 19. Sometimes I wonder if there was any way I could have had a healthy marriage the first time around with all that. I think I had a lot more to do in terms of figuring out healthy relationships. Sometimes I still have to work on it, but I'm getting better. :)

[Connonym]

14. Depends on the ex

I've got a couple that I will always treasure as dear friends. I've had a couple of times where the new GF has put the kibosh on the friendship and it makes me sad but I'm even friends with the new GF in a couple of situations. My ex-husband (father of my kids) and I get along well enough that we sit together at school functions and sometimes he'll eat dinner here or whatever but there's not a chance in hell of that ever rekindling.

[SarahB]

23. That's how my ex-husband and I are now.

We don't talk about personal stuff (i.e. our current love lives- although he and my current husband are very civil to one another as well), but we talk daily about the kids and can talk frequently about our work (both in medicine). It took awhile though because I was the one who ended the marriage and he needed to work through his feelings for a couple of years. No chemistry on my part and if there's any on his, he'd never show it (then again, I drove him crazy too).

Once I said initially after my divorce that my ex-husband and I were great at putting aside our emotions to deal with practical matters because it's all our marriage really was, I was right on. We never had much in the way of romantic love and terrible communication in that department.

[LostinVA]

15. The last Ex, yes -- I hate all the others

Actually, I've become one of the lesbians I used to laugh at: Haruka and the Ex get along great, and we do stuff together, helped the Ex after her recent operation, etc.

[Midlodemocrat]

20. Hm. I STILL laugh at you.

:bounce:

:loveya:

[LostinVA]

28. And, she LIKED you too, Hitler

[buddhamama]

17. yes.

there aren't many but the few there are, i am close to still. :)

[billyskank]

58. I wouldn't expect anything else

Seriously, you are a most singularly excellent person.

[cobalt1999]

18. Yes...maybe too much.

A couple of them and their spouses are good friends with me and my wife. Dinners, parties, and even vacations together...sometimes I think this situation must seem a little weird to the significant others. However, my wife and their husbands don't complain, so what the hell.

[In_The_Wind]

19. Just because we've decided to part doesn't negate the good in a person.

With only one exception ~ I am or could be friends with all of my exes.

[SarahB]

24. I have some exceptions

Mainly because I was involved with them so many years ago that I just lost touch, but there's a couple that I liked as people so much (and were smart and interesting enough) I'd love to see again.

[In_The_Wind]

30. I looked up my ex from our college years.

I'm glad I did. We've shared some wonderful moments over the last year.

[Lyric]

22. I don't have many, but mostly not.

The most recent one is Evil Incarnate, and I wouldn't speak to him if he paid me.

The one before that, I haven't spoken to in years. It's not that we hate each other--we just moved on. I don't even know where he is right now.

[Blue Diadem]

25. What I hate is that I'm the ex-Mil and I still have to deal with him.

It's fine most of the time..but then he can have that sudden switch in his personality which may come at any given time. I swear there's something wrong with him but there's not much we can do about it as long as he's treating our granddaughter well.

Believe it or not, I like the guy most of the time, always have.

In case you're wondering, our daughter and granddaughter live with us so that's why I have to deal with him on a regular basis.

[skygazer]

26. Most of them

My first husband and I are great friends and his wife and I are very close. I have old boyfriends I get along well with, too.

The only exception is my second husband who was a nasty, cruel person. I simply don't have anything to do with him either way.

[Fleshdancer]

27. There's only one ex I don't get along with

Then again, I married young so I only have 3 ex boyfriends. I'm friendly with the second one and wish him nothing but the best in life. I've lost in touch with my first ex-boyfriend but we were on friendly terms the last time we talked and I wish him well too. As for the third one, I can't imagine running into him again but if I ever do, I hope his selfish asshole tendencies were just a phase.

[Nikia]

29. I've lost touch with all my ex boyfriends

But I did not really get along with them after the break up. I started dating my husband when I was 19 though. The guys that I dated helped me what I did not want in a relationship.

[BarenakedLady]

31. Most of them

I've been friendly with in the past. I really don't have any contact with any of them anymore.

[fudge stripe cookays]

32. I have 3 I actually consider "exes"

as opposed to flings.

The first doesn't speak to me, as I flipped out when he broke up with me. He was my first, and I had a lot of unresolved issues with my dad's death that affected how I reacted. I don't blame him one bit. I did write him a nice letter about 8 years after we broke up, explaining why I reacted the way I did, and giving him an abject apology for how everything turned out. I saw him several months after he got the letter, and he was very happy that I'd written. But he is a big comic book artist with a wife and kid now, and I've heard he pretty much doesn't speak to ANYONE from the old days, so I don't take it personally.

The second I communicate with from time to time, although he was an immature idiot when we dated. He LIVED for his bong. I thank God every day that we didn't end up as more than we were. He's already been divorced twice, and is now dating a girl who is about 12 years younger than him. He got his shit together as far as finally getting his degree and became a bigwhig at the United Way, but he has no idea how to treat women. He's one of the most selfish people I've ever met.

The third was "The One Who Got Away" before reprehensor. His breaking up with me was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me in terms of finally getting my life together. I left Austin, went back to college, and because of all that, ended up meeting and marrying reprehensor. It took me a long time to see why it had to happen, because I was so incredibly, deeply, madly in love with him. Before I got my first technical writing job, I moved home to Austin for a few months and worked in his CD store. I actually went to his wedding with his beautiful and very sweet wife, and know now that we are both where we are meant to be.

Essentially, I'm pretty happy with where I am, and where the exes are. I don't need any more or any less from them, since I'm married to the most incredible man alive.

[querelle]

40. Isn't Your Husband Canadian?

"Essentially, I'm pretty happy with where I am, and where the exes are. I don't need any more or any less from them, since I'm married to the most incredible man alive."

Well that explains everything.

Q

[fudge stripe cookays]

44. He is indeed.

But I gotta warn you-- he's Albertan. :P

I got really tired of Texan men and decided to farm out a bit. Best thing I ever did.

[querelle]

54. Albertan? Yeah!

An Albertan man is still more desirable than a Texhole. At least Alberta boys know how to treat a woman. I know. My brother is a transplanted French-Canadian now living in Calgary. Alberta boys are the best. Hot looking too......heh heh heh.

Q

[fudge stripe cookays]

62. Aha.

I knew you were Quebecois, but did not realize your brother was a transplant.

All the Albertan men I have met (with the exception of a few losers up north near Stoney Plain-- namely the one who married my niece a year ago and she is now in the process of divorcing....) are cute, stellar guys with wonderful senses of humor, and they respect women. I always enjoy my visits north to visit our friends and family. The men are so much more...normal. :D

[mainegreen]

33. I make no effort to see any ex's. I don't think my wife would like it...

and I think she's well within her rights not to!
I sure as hell would not like her hanging around with her ex's.

I don't dislike most of my ex's, but I parted ways with them for a reason.

[querelle]

34. All But One

I've had three LTR's so far and remain very close friends with the first two. The last one however is quite a different story. I think that if I ever saw him in public again, I'd give him a real hard kick in the nads. I've never been treated so badly by another person than I was by him. I wasted three years of my life on lying cheating sack of shit.

Do I sound bitter? Huh?

Q

[Ariana Celeste]

35. A couple of them, yes...

One of them I've hooked back up with.... the other I am still stuck living with until my probation is transferred... but we get along just fine most of the time and I'm sure we could remain friends.

[Inchworm]

36. Bwahahaha!

Nope. I also do not get along with rabid wildebeests, poxes on humanity, or evil plagues. I'm silly like that.

:hi:

[BarenakedLady]

38. But tell us

how you really feel.

[Inchworm]

39. ...

oops..

:blush:

[no name no slogan]

37. Not so much don't get along with as don't talk to anymore

I haven't talked to my ex-wife since we sold our house, and I really don't have contact with any ex-gfs. There's one I trade text msgs with once in awhile, but that's about it.

[Left Is Write]

41. The only one with whom I have any contact is Kayla's dad.

We don't even have to co-parent anymore because she's 20.

We're cordial. That's all.

[ronnykmarshall]

42. Just one ... maybe two if I could find him.

My ex Steve was a major love in my life. I've kept a somewhat bit of contact with him. We've talked from time to time, but not much contact in the past few years.

My other ex Gary and I kept in contact when he still lived in SoCal. I don't know where he is now. I think Arizona.

They are two ex lovers that I don't have any ill feelings towards. I still love them and I know they still love me in their own way.

Another ex, Dean is a sweetheart. Touched base with him .... in fact I think I'll e-mail him .... off and on. A wonderful guy.

I've had some great loves in my life .... and some real shits.

[bigwillq]

43. I am with a few

a few more I have never talked to again and a few more I have no idea where they are.

on edit: a few of these were early in my dating career and we only dated for a few months but I still consider them exes.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

45. My ex-husband and I get along quite well.

We often house- and pet-sit for each other, borrow stuff, etc. But a subsequent ex-boyfriend -- not so much. We have not spoken in quite some time, and occasionally I check the obit page to see if the two-timing, treacherous SOB is dead yet.

[jmm]

46. Wow, most of you are making me look really bad.

I've only remained friends with one person I've dated. Of course that was the closest I've ever come to a mutual break-up and we didn't date for too long. I find making a clean break works best and usually the "let's be friends" thing turns into how could you move on? I only have one ex I actively try to avoid. After not talking for about 7 years he's recently been trying to contact me. Thanks to *67 I was able to call and ask him to stop. There are a few people I wouldn't mind hearing from now that time has past but moving every few years has made it really easy for me to lose track of people.

[Wickerman]

47. Yes, naturally

er, she posts here sometimes, so, of course, we get along great!

:hide:

:rofl:

:hi:

[likesmountains 52]

48. We're polite and get together b/c of the kids, but I don't like him too much..

[Fox Mulder]

49. I don't even see any of my exes.

Thank the gods.

[mcscajun]

50. Hell no and No, in that order.

Twice burned...both out of sight, out of mind.

[Wapsie B]

51. Have to wait and see I guess.

Too soon to tell, although I've sensed in both of us feeling better when apart than when together.

[u4ic]

52. Up until my last LTR, no

he's one of my best friends, and we still keep in touch, regularly.

I was in a relationship with someone since, and while I get along with him, I don't keep in touch - he'd like to be back in my life again, and I'm not interested. It's easier this way.

[The Brethren]

53. No.

Because I'm not masochistic to begin with. And even if we did end on civil terms, to me it's not the same as "just being friends" as before. Being in a relationship is a whole different level then friendships.

[Kat45]

55. Yes, I'm still friends with several exes, inclluding my college boyfriend.

I'm also friendly with his wife and know his daughter. My most recent ex, I'm very good friends with and we hang out together all the time. I think of him almost like family. We're much better as friends than we were as a couple.

But anyone I go out with, I also have to like enough that I'd be friends with them; we have to have things in common. So it's nice when they are still in my life in some way. And just as you said, some time has to pass first. :hi:

[Mythsaje]

56. All things considered, yeah...

My first wife and I don't talk much, but we're friends of a sort. We have nothing in common these days, but she DID buy an autographed copy of one of my books. Might actually have read it, though she isn't much of a reader.

The mother of my kids--well, we were never married. She's officially my "ex" when I make that reference. We get along great NOW, but right after we split, she was hell on wheels. I went six years without contact with my kids because she threw every bit of mud she could find at me during the custody hearings and basically screwed me six ways from Sunday.

I don't hold a grudge though, which is a good thing. I'm getting up (way too early) tomorrow morning to drive to Spokane to pick the boys up for a couple of weeks. She and I are definitely friends now, almost more like close siblings than ex-lovers in a weird way. My dad still considers her and treats her like part of the family, which I imagine she really appreciates.

We can still finish each others' thoughts and sentences when we talk on the phone...lol...but our minds did always work a lot alike.

My 2nd wife isn't thrilled about that, and wasn't too keen on me being friends with her for a while, but it's all settled down now.

Jeez...ask a simple question. LOL

[billyskank]

59. I have no opportunity to find out.

[NewJeffCT]

60. Hardly spoken to her since the divorce was finalized in 2000

which is odd because my ex was super-outgoing. But, during our time together, she was very demanding & controlling. After she moved out & filed for divorce, we spoke fairly regularly. However, one day in early 2001, she called me and said she had a new boyfriend that didn't approve of her talking to me and that he had forbidden her from contacting me again. It was bizarre, because if I had ever tried to forbid her from doing anything, she would have kicked my ass... my only contact with her since that time was a few years later when we exchanged a few pleasant and generic emails. We actually got along okay during the divorce process, too. Just the marriage was hell.

The only other real g/f before her also could have dropped off the face of the earth. But, that was from my college days in 1988-89. I heard from her a few years later, but never since.

[Bzzzz]

61. Nada...n/t

[NewWaveChick1981]

63. When I broke up with my first boyfriend, it was incredibly painful.

He hurt me, and it felt awful. :( It took me a long time to get past the pain, and I tried hating him. It didn't work. I found I couldn't hate him, and I actually made peace with him about four years ago. We're on good terms now and I consider him a friend.

[RetroLounge]

64. Generally yes.

I'll let you know on the latest -ex

RL

[Wiccan Warrior]

65. Matter of fact my Ex and I left on so good terms

that we valued our friendship so much were still roomates to this day and are best friends =).....either were lucky, or we were both adult about it not sure though, but we still have a love of friendship so that helps I guess.