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I regret, I've no idea the author. It came as an anonymous attachment from an outspokenly liberal priest.
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Good Speech, Georgie
Dear George:
I have heard quite a few State of the Union speeches in my life, and yours was one of them. On a more general note, I'd like to compliment your team of speechwriters and your acting coach and whoever blows you before these big events to keep your fear down (Laura? Nah! She strikes me as the kind of girl who stayed fully clothed on your wedding night!) Consequently you didn’t sound nearly as clueless and uneducated as you really are. So please take the following as constructive criticism, and not as an accusation.
First of all, the whole "rising to meet challenges" shit has got to go. And no more "taking our country forward". Horrible political cliches should be used sparingly. It wouldn't kill you to abandon the vague and abstract just for a few minutes so that you can tell us what a wonderful world you've concocted.
Next, and this is a toughie, Georgie Boy,
It's "NU-CLE-AR", not "NUC-UL-AR"!
For someone who claims to have gone to college, and what's more, claims to have pored over all sorts of "evidence" of weapons of mass destruction, I'm sure you have run across the proper spelling and pronunciation of the word "nuclear" at least a few times. I know for a fact that first thing every morning you have a short brief from your national security advisor. Has the word "nuclear" never come up in your deep and detailed discussions on Iraq's Dubya Emm Dee's? Surely your speechwriters have brought it up. Unlike you, they're not complete muppets. Can't you just stop acting like a country hick, at least for a few minutes?
Also, my man, there's a huge difference between POSSESSING NUCLEAR WEAPONS and PURSUING NUCLEAR WEAPONS PROGRAMS. An example of the former would be one of those big warheads you have that can demolish the world. An example of the latter is a receipt from Walmart for a few bunsen burners. You shouldn't start a war by scaring people with images of the former, when you can't even find (or pronounce) the latter.
What else... let's see... oh yeah, you probably shouldn’t go using a word like "democracy" when describing our dealings with Iraq. The last thing in the world you want is a free election in Baghdad. And you know it.
Next... STEROIDS, George? You guys in Washington must be REALLY BORED if cracking down on steroids is on your list of important things for the federal government to do. Steroids really aren't where it's at. You of all people should know that, George. Nope, when it comes to recreational drugs, you can't beat the real thing. No sir, coke is it!
What exactly are you afraid is going to happen to the institution of marriage if the federal government doesn't act quick to start regulating it more closely? Honestly, what's the worst that could possibly happen through the extension of marriage rights to whomever wants them? Widespread death? Famine? The elimination of Christianity from the face of the Earth?
Blah blah blah... more government spending... more programs... more laws... more Patriot Act... *whew*, there's really no type of spending you don't approve of, is there? Where are you going to get the money for all of this? You already borrowed billions of dollars to give us our tax money back. How exactly are you planning on paying for this crackdown on steroid abuse? I suppose you'll have to borrow it. Will the American people be angry at you, decades in the future, when we're making payments for all this ridiculous spending, with interest? Probably not. We don't screw about all the interest we're paying now, for the poor decisions made by presidents in the past, to expand the power and size of government regardless of cost.
We're a nation of cowards and morons, George. You could rape us six ways from Sunday and the most we'd do is start listening to NPR a little bit more.
Nothing else to report, George
Your serf
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