What is wrong with people? Why can't they be polite?

[1gobluedem]

I took a call from someone today who sent a donation to us in memory of a donor who died in March. A special fund was set up for this and acknowledgements are sent to the donor's widow and to the donors. This guy hadn't received his, nor had the widow, and from the way he acted you would think that I had run off and cashed the check myself to use for riotous living. I tried to find his record in our database -- there was none -- and was doing my diplomatic best to resolve the situation but he kept interrupting me, talking down to me, and generally trying to make me feel like a worm.

I held on to my temper, explained that I would have to do some more research, assured him that this was very important to us as the deceased donor was very special to us; he had been a donor from the time we began having fundraisers, was a huge jazz fan, that we didn't want any negative experiences connected to his memory, and that I would call him back as soon as I had some more information.
Well, I did some digging and discovered that we had received his check for FIFTEEN DOLLARS in May when I was on vacation but he hadn't signed it so we couldn't process it. My staff should have sent it back for signature with a SASE but held on to it to ask me what to do (their not taking initiative is another issue), which IS our fault but the way this guy was carrying on, you'd think that it was for fifteen thousand dollars.

Why couldn't he just have been polite about it as I was clearly apologizing for any mistakes we've made? Why did he have to be both bullying and condescending at the same time?

For the record, the guy is an MD and lives in one of the weathiest communities in the state.

Grrr.

[skygazer]

1. People seem to feel free to berate those who can't fight back

I work in a grocery store and see it all the time. They know darn well that you can't yell right back at them - you'd lose your job. And they also have to know that you can't really change whatever it is that's bugging them - if they really wanted to change it, they'd ask for the manager.

But they don't. They like to take out their aggression on their checker or bagger, berating them or insulting them. It's a mark of a petty, vindictive person who isn't secure enough in their own identity to take up their issues with someone they perceive as an equal.

I don't let them get to me. Part of what I'm paid for is to put up with assholes. If they get too personal, I inform them in a professional manner that they have crossed a line and I am now calling my manager to talk to them. That usually results in an apology but not always.

[raccoon]

7. great response.

"I inform them in a professional manner that they have crossed a line and I am now calling my manager to talk to them. "

[raccoon]

14. I consider that how a person treats those not in a position to fight back,

such as wait staff, clerks, etc., to be a litmus test of a person's character.

[AngryOldDem]

2. I'm on the receiving end of shit like this all the time

I work with a lot of volunteers who 1) don't listen; 2} can't -- or won't -- follow directions; 3) think they know more than me, an employee of the organization they're helping; and 4) treat me like a peon because of said employment status.

It is getting hard to plaster the smile on my face and be nice, yet that is what I'm bound to do lest I catch hell for alienating volunteers.

Courtesy and civility cut both ways. I have no answer to your questions, but rest assured a lot of us put up with such crap on a daily basis, if that is of any help.

[CBHagman]

23. I ran into that with volunteers and paid staff as well.

In the former group, besides some really wonderful people, were those who signed up for shifts without examining their own schedules realistically (thus guaranteeing they wouldn't be available) and/or backed out from prior commitments to volunteer. In both groups were people who simply didn't take directions, period, and made everything a fight. And don't get me started on those who ignored basic rules of hygiene...

[LaraMN]

3. Some people are just always looking for a fight.

He must be a very sad person to feel the need to create drama around a situation that could have been politely resolved. He's a turd.

:hug:

[kay1864]

4. I would have replied (in my politest tone possible)

"Well Doctor, I did some research, and I found your fifteen-dollar check, and we owe you an apology. It turns out we can't process your fifteen-dollar check since it wasn't signed. We should have returned your fifteen-dollar check for your signature but we didn't, and that was our error. We would be happy to acknowledge your fifteen-dollar check to the donor's widow, if you would be so kind as to sign your fifteen-dollar check, once we return your fifteen-dollar check to you. Could you do that for us please?"

:D

[1gobluedem]

6. LOL....the thought crossed my mind!

:rofl:

[jilln]

10. Despite the caller's attitude...

is it OK to be snotty to someone over the amount of a donation? He may live in a rich area because he moved in with relatives when he lost his job. He may give thousands in donations and just gave a token to this cause because it's not one of his preferred groups.

And it's a donation. He didn't HAVE to give anything.

[Gormy Cuss]

11. Of course it's not okay to be snotty to the donor.

It IS fun to indulge the fantasy of being snotty after the guy was so thoroughly rude and overboard in his indignation.

[NC_Nurse]

12. Ha! Lighten up!

:hide:

[jilln]

15. Don't need your advice, thanks.

I know the OP was not snotty to the guy. I was just making a point, since the $15 was mentioned like it was an important point.

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. It is when he's that much of a fucking jackass about it.

Being that much of a dick over a $15 check is fucking ridiculous. t would be ridiculous for any amount, but it would be a little more understandable (though still inexcusable) for larger amounts.

[NC_Nurse]

18. Exactly.

[CBHagman]

24. It doesn't help the situation, though.

Is being nasty back going to solve the problem? Will it elicit an apology? Will it make things less stressful for the thread author? Probably not.

[kay1864]

5. One other thing..

Lemme guess...a surgeon, perhaps?

[Strawman]

8. At least your not one of his patients

that miserable sack of shit can't have a very good bedside manner.

[SacredCow]

9. The dude's looking for something to be pissed about...

AND he apparently has a psychotic NEED for recognition of his HUGH donation. You were probably but one of the many people he gets pissy with on a daily basis. I am SO glad that I don't deal with the public anymore- all of you who do deserve a big, honkin' margarita!

[Wapsie B]

13. Oh yeah I agree.

I know the type all too well. As if it's an imposition to deal with us little people.

[Shine]

17. Sounds like he was a perfect guy to practice Compassion on

he was having a bad day and taking it out on you, pure and simple. Not that that makes it OK, mind you, but we've ALL done shit like that in our lives and you just happened to be on the receiving end of it this time.

Sorry you had to deal with that, but oh well. :hug:

It's easy to feel self-righteous and angry when confronted with people who act like jerks, it's harder to be forgiving and compassionate.

Believe me, I know. :D

:hi:

[SacredCow]

19. It sounded like the OP was plenty gracious to me...

Whether you're having a bad day or not, it doesn't give you the right to ruin someone elses day. Yes, I've become snippy with someone because of my mood a time or two, but it doesn't take long to realize what you've done, and I always apologize for my actions.

The other issue is the whole recognition of his donation business. Someone who gets all bent out of shape because he didn't get his name printed for making a donation is being generous (and what with the 15 bucks to MD ratio, I'm using that term loosely) for the WRONG reason.

For the record, I'm certainly not saying Shine's forgiveness approach is a bad thing. But sometimes when someone's being a jerk, they need to be told.

[Shine]

20. Yes, it's all a balancing act, isn't it?

on the one hand, there is the desire to call the jerk on his behavior, exacerbating the drama, but yet being assertive and unwilling to take shit...which certainly serves its purpose and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, for the record....but then, on the other hand, there is the choice to NOT let some dumb guy "ruin" your day, based on their bad actions and to let it go, like water off a duck's back. Hopefully, a happy balance between the two can be made. Sometimes it can't be and we just do the best we can.

It's all about choice, in my opinion. I choose to believe what goes around, comes around. Ultimately, we are the only ones responsible for how we feel.

:hi:

[SacredCow]

21. Yeah, True dat....

If this wasn't a poster from MA, I would swear it's someone I know.... that's probably why the behavior bothers me so much.

[JVS]

22. eat me