Here is a question.

[rug]

I never wish the best for my children. Because that means someone else has something worse.

I wish that they encounter the good, along with their friends.

Adults boasting that they have the best car, the best house, the best job, the best country, nauseate me.

Parents boasting their kids go to the best school, have the best clothes, get the best test scores also nauseate me.

What's wrong with simply wishing our kids and the people who populate this world good things and not the best?

[BarenakedLady]

1. I see you point

And "the best" is entirely subjective anyway.

Good thing to ponder.

[hippywife]

2. Nothing wrong at all, rug.

I often ponder that myself, especially in circumstances where there is an incident where people are killed and some survive to say that God saved them. I am a Christian and think that is utter tripe. God doesn't selectively give life and bestow good on some and not others. It just don't work that way in my belief.

[mzteris]

3. There's only one "best" I wish on my children

That they always do/be THEIR best.

It's not how smart or how good you are at something.

It's whether you've done the best you're capable of doing.

If barely tying your shoes is your best. HOORAY. I'm happy. If you're not tying them 'cause you're too lazy - I'm not happy.

If getting half the answers right on a test is your BEST - I'm happy. If you got half the answer right 'cause you didn't bother to study, you stayed up to 1 am watching old movies, you didn't bother going to class, doing the work, reading the material - then I'm NOT happy.

well - you get the drift.

Do YOUR best. Be YOUR best. Not some body else's idea of what "perfect" or even "best".

One of the things I liked about having my kids on swim team. They both really aren't very good at it. This is one thing they KNOW going in - that barring a miracle - they're not going to win. Not even place. They're happy if they're not that way lagging behind "last". But you know what? They still try. They get psyched and pumped and dive in believing they're going to fly like the wind. But when at the end - they look around and practically everyone's already climbing out of the pool when they touch - well - they're okay with that. They tried. That's all that mattered.

[hfojvt]

7. Doesn't everyone always do their best?

Say, for example, I did not tie my shoes because I'm lazy. Isn't lazy part of who I am, and am I not doing the best I can to over-come my laziness?

Calvin asked his dad 'Remember when you said my grades didn't matter, as long as I tried.' The dad looks at the report card and exclaims 'You certainly can try harder than this!!' Calvin replies 'So you admit that you lied.'

[mzteris]

8. No, unfortunately.

Maybe "lazy" was the wrong word. ("The Myth of Laziness" by Mel Levine comes to mind.)


Of course a lot of differences of opinion goes into the "best" and the "trying" and what looks like really trying to one person looks like not trying at all to someone else.

And unfortunately, there may be some VERY GOOD REASONS why someone doesn't even bother to really "try". (like fear of failure. fear of falling short of some imagined perfection.)

I'm guilty as charged there.

I guess one of the reasons I make such a big deal to especially my older son is that he was born with that "perfectionist-I-have-to-be-the-best" personality. He puts so much pressure on himself. I've always told him it's not about being THE BEST but just trying HIS BEST. And if that "best" is less the PERFECT - then that's OKAY.

(Perfection is not only elusive, but illusive, and highly over-rated. )

[AlCzervik]

4. thats a sad commentary if people equate "the best" for their kids as material things.

i want my kid to be the best person she can be, hopefully compassionate and caring.

[yewberry]

5. It's an interesting point.

Have you ever read Twain's War Prayer?

He illustrates your idea pretty well.

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_War_Prayer

[rug]

6. "help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended"

I had heard of it but never read it. Powerful.