Post ways to annoy fellow airplane passengers

[taterguy]

Here's a fun one:
When the plane is taxiing start loudly talking about airplane disasters from the past.
Someone did this behind me on a red eye flight from Seattle.
I LOLed.
Actually I soiled myself.

[Haole Girl]

1. Uh...

Let's not, and say we did.

;-)

[taterguy]

4. Thanks for kicking the thread

[borlis]

2. Put your seat back for the entire time.

:mad:

[rug]

3. Read from the Quran in a murmur.

[purr]

5. Eat really gassy foods the night before an early flight..

Had a guy right in front of met on a flight from Pittsburgh to Toronto.. oooh man.. Even my 6 yr old asked what died on the plane.

[no name no slogan]

16. you shouldn't have played "pull my finger" with him

[purr]

20. HAHAHAHAH!!

My eyes were watering by the time we got to the airport. My son held his nose most of the time.

[LeftyMom]

17. The guy next to me on my flight to Florida did that.

Luckily it was the hour long Atlanta to Tampa leg, not the six hour Sacramento to Atlanta leg, or I would have resorted to violence, because those were some SBDs. :puke:

[purr]

21. Oh no!! I wont compain about my 45 min flight now uggh!

He'd adjust himself right before the launch then the odor hit ya. It was one of those puddle jumper planes too.. I bet the whole plane smelled it.

[LeftyMom]

47. he smelled kinda off to begin with,

but it was the morning and he had a New York accent so I figured he'd got off the redeye and was willing to forgive that until he started playing the butt trumpet for his fellow passengers.

Meanwhile, AirTran was tearing the shit out of my luggage and flvegan got in a car accident on his way to come get me. Thankfully, the trip had nowhere to go but up. :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. Stand in the aisle more than 10 seconds, during boarding, fucking with your carryon

because you're too goddamned stupid to do it in the waiting area and because the other three things you brought have fallen to the floor, including your fucking jacket you had tied around your waist, you fucking idiot.

[S n o w b a l l]

7. I soiled myself...

:rofl: :rofl:

Here's a good one....take out a really rough nail file and start filing away. The fingernails on blackboard is a good one. Then, take out your polish remover and polish and polish your nails. The fumes are a delicious annoyance.

[trof]

8. Since you can't smoke anymore, dip snuff.

Ask the flight attendant for a spit cup.
Then ask the person next to you to hold it for you.

"Sometimes I get tremors when I fly and my hands shake so bad I just can't hit the cup. It makes a really disgusting mess. Would you mind holding this for me? Just hold it under my chin when I ask for it. Thanks, I really appreciate it. So...where ya goin'?"
:-)

[trof]

46. Can't believe nobody liked my 'dip snuff' entry.

morans
;-)

[MonkeyFunk]

9. tell 'em

Harry Truman said "it's not a real nap unless you take your pants off." Then talk about how tired you are and how much you like Truman.

[Deep13]

10. Get really drunk before getting on the plane...

...then clink two whisky glasses together as a passive-aggressive complaint against the stewardess because she won't serve someone who is already hammered all the way from Vegas to Cleveland.

[JVS]

41. My mom was on a flight that had to return to the gate because a woman had...

gotten schockered and started barfing during taxi

[Initech]

11. Watch the movie Airplane on your laptop. At full volume.

[The Straight Story]

12. Sing "I'm in love with Osama" (nt)

[JVS]

13. Soil yourself and pretend nothing has happened

[krispos42]

14. Don't bathe or wear deodorant for a week before flying

Keep asking people if they want gum

Bring a crossword puzzle book and ask everybody about every clue in it.

Screaming toddler.

[philosophie_en_rose]

15. Be really, really intrusive.

Ask your fellow passengers to share personal information, plans, and activities - especially when he or she is clearly focused on something other than you.

And don't forget to hog the armrest, drool on people, or whack your neighbors with the newspaper you're too stupid to fold in half.

And, when the plane lands, you must be the firstity first first person to the front of the plane, especially if you're in row 99. So please shove people aside, block others, toss people's stuff around, and then be two inches ahead of where you would have been otherwise.

:eyes:

[Inchworm]

18. Bring a talkative kid?

:D

[nosillies]

19. Watch porn on your laptop.

Make sure to angle it toward any nearby children.

Ask the flight attendant if she's seen this one before. Better yet, ask her if she's ever been an actress, because she reeeaallly favors this chick on the movie you're watching -- then show her which one you think she favors.

[TK421]

22. Excessive coughing ( fake coughing ) when I'm smoking

Yeah...even the airlines can't stop me from lighting up

[S n o w b a l l]

23. Ok...another one...

During the in flight meal....gobble yours down in about 15 seconds, smacking your lips and smiling to your seatmate with a mouth full of food.

Ring the flight attendant to take away your tray and bring you a shot of whiskey & a pillow. Then put your seat as far back as possible to irritate the guy behind you who's still eating, lay back, take your shoes off and pull your foot up over your knee and start clipping & digging in your toenails. Make sure you clip them where they fly everywhere.

That really pisses people off.

And yes, I like nice nails. :)

[AlCzervik]

24. wait until the person besides you starts reading a book or watching a movie on their laptop

and start reading or watching over their shoulder. And if it's a movie make sure you tell them everything thats going to happen in the next scene and make sure you spoil the end.

[struggle4progress]

25. Cough a lot and curse doctors who don't know anything about TB

[struggle4progress]

26. Ask nearby passengers if you can borrow matches "for my shoes"

[Alexander]

42. That would win you an extra flight

One-way, to Cuba.

[Fire Walk With Me]

27. Whistling.

Maracas.

Sneaking on a gourmet meal while they eat semi-chicken.

Pretend to sleep while your watch alarm goes off every five minutes.

Durian.

Playing "R E S P E C T" on an acoustic guitar.

[havocmom]

28. Puppet show, using backs of the row in front of you for the stage

:evilgrin:

[janx]

52. Did this just pop into your head, or have you seen or heard

about it before?! :rofl:

[BlooInBloo]

29. Incessant chatter at you.

[Deja Q]

30. Since I'm too lazy to look at all 29 responses, I'll say 'fart' or 'pass gas'.

That should do a good job at annoying anyone... and if the little masks from the overhead drop down, so much the better.

OMG, Hypno's now resorting to fart jokes. We're doomed, I tells you! Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[taterguy]

31. Fart jokes are always hilarious

[davsand]

36. Just get that "fart putty" stuff and play with it.

I just can't get all excited about crapping my pants to be funny, but I really DO like to watch how people react to the sounds of impending stench. That fart putty stuff is great (my kid has it and I play with it) because it just sounds awful. It sounds like somebody has just let the biggest hairiest fart known to mankind--without the smell.

I might want to amuse myself but I'd never be unkind enough to really fart on an airplane. In a car maybe--but on a plane never.

:evilgrin:


Laura

[mainegreen]

32. Sweat profusely, while taking up the entire armrest.

Lean as much as possible into your neighbors seat. Wheeze heavily.
And make sure you've had onion bagles before the flight and above all DO NOT WEAR DEODORANT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

[WritingIsMyReligion]

33. Hail the attendants every few minutes; keep every airplane employee hopping.

Keep asking for food, drinks, pillows, blankets, a headset. When you've got all that, start asking for the weather forecast in the area you're landing in. If the flight was even ten minutes delayed, demand that the attendants check the status of any and all connecting flights, even if you're not making a connection. Soon after take-off, ask what gate you'll be landing at; keep asking every ten or fifteen minutes. Keep that "ding" goin' the entire flight.

:evilgrin:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

34. Take your shoes and socks off and play with your toes.

Talk non-stop to the person next to you even if that person has put in her iPod ear-buds and is reading her book, carefully avoiding eye contact with you.

On a late night flight where everybody is trying to sleep, play games on your laptop with the volume turned up.

Get out of your window seat, crawling over the passengers in the other seats, about 11 times to use the lav.

Once you are in the lav, stay there for a very long time. This is especially important if you're in business class in something like an MD-80, where there's only one lav. And also be sure to create nasty odors for the delectation of the passengers who are impatiently waiting for you to finish your business.

Leave your garbage in the seat back pocket.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

35. Better yet, leave your upchuck in the bag in the seat-back pocket.

:D

[wildhorses]

37. lean over and heave --- something like this --

:puke:


gets 'em every time ;)

[CBHagman]

38. Drum on folding trays, armrests, seat backs.

Sing along to your iPod.

Clear your throat a la Dolores Umbridge. Hem, hem, hem.

Sniff loudly.

Stand up in the aisle and read a sermon to everyone within earshot. Use a droning voice and no inflection, graduate student style.

Swear softly to yourself.

Take up as much room as possible. Spread out those arms and legs!

Actually, I commute every day with people who do these sorts of things and more (Yes, even the sermon).

[seaglass]

39. Clip your nails and let the pieces fly. Yes, I did have a guy

sitting next to me who did that and it was disgusting.

[struggle4progress]

43. Toenails?

[taterguy]

40. Don't forget to wear a tank top if you're a large sweaty guy

[Call Me Wesley]

44. Here ya go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bE0erqqsKm4

Sorry for the subtitles, but every else one was out of sync ...

[fudge stripe cookays]

45. "Scooby Doo is not on this plane!"

:rofl:

Ever see Miss Swan playing Debbie Harry? "Swanndie!"

[NewJeffCT]

48. If I was a woman - breastfeed my baby

while smoking.

[JVS]

50. breastfeeding yourself while the baby smokes might be more annoying

[BlueCollar]

49. Check in and identify yourself as a pain in the ass

Maybe you should consider driving or going greyhound. Air Travel is difficult enough without trying to deliberately exacerbate it..

[jobycom]

51. Buy two tickets, Board alone, then begin asking passengers if they've seen your child.

[treestar]

53. My aunt, Calamity Jane, who discusses nothing but disasters,

did that to me during turbulence once on a flight I took with her to Houston.

Talked about the Chicago crash of the DC-10 in the 70s, claiming her friend's husband was supposed to be on it but wasn't, then graphically describing what it must have been like to be in the plane at that time. Great stuff to hear while cruising at 10,000 feet or more in turbulence.

[Liberal Veteran]

54. Ask you neighbor to you scope out someone to induct you into the Mile High Club

:D

[MorningGlow]

55. Kick the seat in front of you

And then kick the seat in front of you. And then, for good measure, kick the seat in front of you. Repeat for entire duration of cross-country flight as if practicing a clog dance. If person in seat in front of you pops up and asks you NOT to kick the seat in front of you, feign shock that anyone would actually occupy said seat in front of you.

For good measure, continue to kick the seat in front of you.

[camero]

56. Put your nose against the glass on a window seat

and keep it there.