My first gig. In 10 years. And I'm having a bipolar episode. Ask me anything.

[no name no slogan]

(Sorry this is a bit longish but I have to talk to somebody)

Yeah, I must be freaking insane. Now I have proof.

I got a solo gig at a neighborhood coffee house this Friday. It's my first one in ten (yes, 10) years. And, just to keep things interesting, I have bipolar disorder, and I'm in the middle of a depressive episode right now.

Because of this episode, I haven't been able to work (or do much of anything) in a month. It's almost impossible to leave my apartment. Even the grocery store is an ordeal. I'm anxious around people, even those I love and know well. Even going to my day program is difficult.

This episode has cost me a relationship with a woman I loved, and who I thought loved me.

In the middle of all of this, I get offered a gig. The booking agent caught me strumming and singing on my front steps one night and asked me to play her coffee house. Serendipity. But this was before I got sick again.

I have to do this. For some reason, I think it's fate.

I know it will be difficult. I'm very anxious, yet fatigued and exhausted. It's hard to play the guitar and sing for more than 1/2 hour at a time.

But I know that if I do this, it will be a huge step on the road to recovery. It will do wonders for my rotten self-esteem and self-confidence.

God, I hope I can pull this off. When I'm on, I'm REALLY on. I've silenced many a noisy room with my playing. I hope I can do it again. I need to do it again. Because if this doesn't work, I don't know what's left.

[Deja Q]

1. You CAN do it.

:hug: :pals:

That's a clean hug too, no attempt to cop a feel or anything! :pals:


I'm not in a dissimilar proverbial boat that you're in. As you can successfully get into a dating situation, you can do this gig as well. I can't play any instrument, and I ought to forget about trying to ask anyone for a first date...

[no name no slogan]

2. Thanks, man

I'll PM you the details if you're not busy Friday night. :hi:

[NC_Nurse]

3. Good luck.

Maybe the act of artistic expression will help lift you up.
You must've impressed her or she wouldn't have asked you to perform.
Have faith in yourself. :hug:

[no name no slogan]

4. thanks!

It's difficult to do when I'm healthy (stage fright), but I'm hoping the adrenaline/dopamine rush will also help pull me out of this a bit. I was doing really well before this, too, and now it's like I'm back to square one (or -10).

It's funny, because it's the easiest audition I ever had. And I had neighbor women across the street yelling requests, and inviting me upstairs for beers (NEVER happens to me). It was a weird night.

:D

[BarenakedLady]

5. Good luck

You can do it.

:hug:

[no name no slogan]

7. Thanks alot!

I'm feeling better about it. The two guys in my band (my two best friends) will probably be there for moral support, so that'll help.

If this one goes well, my band has a potential to play there in August-- which would be our first public gig in over ten years, too, so there's a fair amount riding on this....

[ghostsofgiants]

6. Good luck dude!

You have anything recorded? I wouldn't mind hearing some of your stuff.

[no name no slogan]

8. thanks primate1!

I'll send you a PM to some stuff we recorded 10 years ago. It's little dated, and the production is a bit primitive (recorded on a pre-ProTools digital rig), but the tunes are okay.

Thanks again for your encouragement!

[Inchworm]

9. I hope the best for you!

Like you said... "recovery."

Putting yourself out there may be just the trigger you need. :pals:

Good luck!

:applause:

[no name no slogan]

13. thanks!

The doc prescribed me a beta blocker/anti-hypertension drug in case I need/want it-- but I'm gonna try it drug-free. :hi:

[Kali]

10. get there and it will be fine

and you are right - it is probably the slope back up. :thumbsup:

Go for it. You will be awesome.

[no name no slogan]

14. thanks so much!

It feels like a step up!!

[Joe Fields]

11. Since you know you have to do this, then go out there and kill 'em!

Actually, it probably is fate that you have to. Best of luck.:thumbsup:

[no name no slogan]

15. thanks Joe!

Yeah, the timing is a bit funny. ANd I could use the confidence boost!

[asthmaticeog]

12. Hey, it worked wonders for Cat Power. ;-)

I'm rootin' for you to pull this off, man. But if it doesn't work, there's still plenty left. Don't put all your eggs in this basket - ultimately, no matter how long it's been, it's a gig out of many you've done and will do. (I was recently roped into a band reunion of which I was skeptical, so I've been down Just This One Big Deal Gig Road not so long ago. It was just another gig.)

[no name no slogan]

17. thanks, it should be interesting!

The last time we stopped gigging/recording was because of an episode. But strangely enough, the reason we got back together was because of an episode, too!

During one manic phase in the 90s I wrote like 30 songs in a year. A few of them were good. So maybe I'll get lucky?

:D

[SarahB]

16. I don't know what to tell you

All I can think to tell you is for you to think of what has helped you get through this before and focus on the task at hand. :hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

18. This may help you...

First...things are not as bleak as your mind sees them right now. It is just your mind telling you things are bad when they may not be.

Secondly...your depression will make you more sensitive, and that should allow you to make some beautiful music on Friday, and people will relate to it.

Best wishes.

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. Hugs from another bipolar person. I have gome through similar

situations with my writing. The manic times I get myself into some unusual situation (like the time I thought a TV actor was cute and offered to interview him for a fanzine that I did not work for), the depressed times usually it gets thrown at me (I left my editor-for-hire sign up on the web and got hits when I really didn't want them. And now there is a book out there because I took the chance on one of them.) But I have gotten myself into what I thought would be over my head and survived it. Usually I come out the other side the richer for the experience.

So be brave and go for it!

*more hugs*

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. best of luck!

[Richardo]

21. Break a leg, nnns

You'll be great! :applause:

[Maraya1969]

22. You can do it! And on behalf of this bipolar person who understands

what it is like I would like to let you know that you are very inspiring to me right now. I have not done a lot of things in my life because of my illness but I am still trying and even getting back.......real slowly.....into acting again. I thought that part of my life was over a long time ago.

There is a reason that agent "caught" you strumming and singing on your steps.

Remember you are not just doing this for yourself. When you play I am sure you bring a lot of joy to other people.

I'm really excited for you!!:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[no name no slogan]

23. Thanks everone-- I REALLY NEEDED THIS!!!!

I was just out on the front porch again, practicing until my fingers are sore, for this Friday. I just played a version of "Wild Horses" by the Stones that even made ME cry (yeah, making depressed people cry is like shooting fish in a barrel, but I never cry at my stuff!).

This has really been inspirational and I appreciate every word you've written. I will be thinking of all of you when I pluck my first string, strum my first chord, a let loose my demonic wail :evilgrin:

You guys are THE BEST!!!!!!

[mzteris]

28. Maybe you could bring a laptop

and set it up in the wings where only you can see it open to this thread. Or we could do a naked pic thread. (Did I say that?) I mean - ahem - you know just some funny bs for you...

Where are you exactly? If you were close by, I'd come to see you. Maybe you could post in your DU state and combine a DU meetup!


At any rate - good luck. You'll do just great. Take a deep breath and do what you love doing and enjoy doing it.


:hug:

[Flying Dream Blues]

24. You're going to be great. I have depression and so often I think

I *can't* be "on" for my clients and yet, some of my best sessions have been the ones I dreaded most because I was in such a low place going into it. And it really does seem to help me out of the dark, too. Feeling really good, like I think you will when you're on stage, helps recalibrate you somehow into a better place. Break a leg!

[dpbrown]

25. You can do it.

Just do it. No expectations. A step in a new direction.

[The Straight Story]

26. Just imagine them all in diapers :)

Good luck - and I hope you update us!

[swag]

27. Can you call upon the SPIRIT OF IGGY!

SPIRIT OF IGGY!

[Ahpook]

29. Haven't played out in 15 years or more..

but i know the stress:) With me, it was always like test time when playing live. I knew the shit up and down during practice, but in front of people, i wasn't holding a guitar anymore.

What seemed to help(for me)was simply looking at the guitar neck and my fingers only. Kept me distanced from the surroundings? It was weird, and that wasn't all of it. But that little bit kept me back home.

Good luck:)

PS: A couple of shots of your favorite never seemed to hurt either.