Because you're relatively anonymous online, does that make you more or less open about yourself?

[Writer]

This question occurred to me yesterday when I felt terrible and posted my angst online. In real life I'm rather reserved, but there is something less threatening to me about opening up online. My real life friends (save my husband, of course) do not know about the extent of my depression, for instance, nor do they know that I struggle to get myself ready most days (much less exercise, write, and do other tasks that I enjoy.) However many on DU likely do know these things.

Also, my media/communication studies side sees a type of personal salesmanship in online posting. I will be honest - when I post my picture, for instance, I do my best to show my most flattering side. But if you saw me right now, you'd see a woman with matted hair, no makeup, and a somewhat paunchy stomach. It's actually rather narcissistic (or that's my view of it). I don't want you to see the real me, but an idealized me. Not to be self-deprecating, but I think that's a fairly common instinct for most posters, especially the women. I'll stop there because I can get carried away on this topic.

I'd be curious to know if anyone else sees this dichotomy in their life - that their online life tends to be more open than their real life. Or is it the opposite for you? Or perhaps you see no difference in how you share yourself online or with real life friends?

I'd like to read why you think that is the case, too. Please keep this thread kicked for a while and see where the conversation goes.

~Writer~

[Richard Steele]

1. The average varies. nm

[Writer]

2. What factors influence the variation?

[u4ic]

3. Not for me

I'm more of an open book in real life - however, there are some very personal things only a very small, select few know about me; especially the struggles and the hurts.

For me, DU is a place to relax, and have fun.


I missed your posts, but I'm sorry you're suffering from depression. I hope you have access to treatment that will help you. :hug:

[Writer]

4. Don't worry about my depression.

I've been treated for it over the last twenty years in various ways.

But thank you. :)

[AggieGal]

5. I tend to be more private online.

I am mainly afraid some weirdo is going to find me in real life and hurt me or my family. This fear comes from being a heavy AOL chat user many years ago. There were some strange people in there. That is when I decided it was safer to be a vague poster who is barely more than a username.

I kicked AOL to the curb a few years ago, yet the fear remains. It is not something I worry about constantly. I just make sure to make sure I am not to 'findable'.

There are forums where I am active and feel like some people would be worth meeting in real life. However, I then think who am I meeting? A real person or an online persona that I want to be a real person?

[hyphenate]

6. I don't think, for me, that it's more

online, but how quickly. In real life, when I'm not brooding, I'm pretty gregarious, but unless you ask pointed questions, I'm not likely as much to share parts of my life as quickly as I do here. If you know me, I will eventually give up a lot of information, but it will take longer.

I've been online now for 20 years, and for a very long time in the mid 90s I was more involved, for example, with people I knew in RL, but in the past5 or so years, I've been less in touch with those people and more involved with what I considered "total strangers."

Despite some times when I've had ferocious arguments with some online personalities, I use my real name a lot online, and I can honestly say that so far I haven't been threatened in RL, nor have I had to deal with people who could be dangerous. I haven't felt the need to hide who I am either-- though some might suggest caution, I know that personal knowledge is rampant online and you just need to know where to look.

The amazing thing is (excluding DU!) how many real nuts ARE online--I've "met" a significant amount, but they have never personally threatened me in any way. I was a board owner once who called the FBI on one guy who had some real serious issues and who threatened one of the board members. However in the end he was toothless, and nothing else ever happened.

[bigwillq]

7. It depends on the subject matter

I think I am more open IRL but then again I do share quite a bit here on the DU.....it all depends.

[unpossibles]

8. I am not that anonymous online

It's not that hard to find out who I am, and I don't care that much any more.

[Seashell Eyes]

9. Much more open online

That's why I like it.

[Guava Jelly]

10. I am more open here then IRL

To me there is a certain safety in telling people who are totally separated from your RL circle.
And this place is cheaper than a shrink :)

[El Fuego]

11. I want to be more open on line, but I'm afraid to because this is a public board

For example, I sometimes want to vent and solicit advice for personal problems, but I'm always paranoid the person I might be complaining/ranting about might find out my DU name and read what I said about them. It could happen!

[redqueen]

12. About the same for me.

Depends more on my mood than where I am, I think.

[begin_within]

13. You don't really know who you are dealing with online.

I would be guarded until you really get to know someone, and only then open up more.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

14. Much more open online.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. i overshare. here and irl.

[Mutley]

16. I am less open about myself online.

Because I know it's not just fellow DUers who are reading what I say about myself. The lurkers will not always be nice people. In fact, I know many of them belong to the conservative versions of DU. I certainly do not believe that they have my best interests at heart. Most of them are probably harmless, but to protect myself, I have to run under the assumption that there are some "less sane" among them as well.

At least in real life, I can choose who knows personal things about me and who does not. To an extent, of course. There is always the gossip mill at work and among friends, but I can be pretty sure that none of those people are going to do me any physical harm. And even if they try, I know who they are. I know their names, and where they live and work.

[LanternWaste]

17. I get very, very guarded while online...

I get very, very guarded while online as opposed to simply being out in the world. I like to splurge once a month and hit a breakfast place on a Saturday morning-- any one will do, from Denny's to Maw Crow's Good Breakfast Eatin's. And more often than not, I'll end up joking with the staff and people at booths/tables close to mine. Politics and religion, mainly-- but sometimes even the forbidden topics like the weather. I laugh, I smile, I've even gotten a few dates out of it.

But online? Whew boy! Everything from Agent Mike to 'Nothing EVER disappears off the internet' (except RNC emails) has me guarded and choosing what I say very carefully. I've spent some years on DU and it's only in the past few months that I've referenced my g/f who is an illegal alien (Agent Mike: not really-- she's a strawberry blond Aryan from Topeka, Kansas-- how much more legal can a person be?)

When I go grocery shopping, I'll more often than not end up in a conversation (early Sunday mornings are the BEST time to go grocery shopping, BTW...) with an elderly couple, or the check out clerk or a stocker. Yet even on DU, I'll go days and days without making a post-- even if it's something that ignites my passions or interests.

I can approach any person girl in the world and flirt with her, but if I'm online (even at DU), the coupla females that come off as super-cool to me, I've never even responded to in a thread (except you and this one-- nudge, nudge, wink, wink).

It may be habit-- when I'm front of a computer, it's usually to do one of three things-- work, write or learn. So it always seems a little weird to me actually socialize through a keyboard (that's also the Luddite in me coming out-- I want to meet people the old fashioned way: getting her drunk at a bar and then taking her home....).

Anyway... I don;t know if this is what you're looking for in an answer or not, but I thought I'd take a shot.

(Have a good weekend!)

[plcdude]

18. real life

is where I share myself the most. Believe it or not I am very guarded on line and guard other's personal sharings just as much.

[Radio_Lady]

19. I've been pretty open on the radio before this -- people consider I'm pretty OUT THERE in real life

and on line, too.

Family members who listen to me learn a lot about my positions on subjects. I freely talked about myself and my childhood, relationships, difficulties, illnesses, etc. I want to be a "touchable" personality. This started in 1971 when I went on the radio. Before that, I was on a format driven TV show (co-host on a Miami children's show), and worked in production for several years.

I admire what Oprah Winfrey does, for example. She seems like a real woman and she has made a lot of money doing it.

OT: I'm kind of fascinated that Oprah is putting her political emphasis and money on Barack Obama for President. This could get really interesting.

[ThomCat]

20. I have no choice but to be open and honest. It's damned near impossible

to lie or evade well when you take all the medications I do. It would be impossible to remember everything you've already said. So why bother trying?

That makes honesty and openness not just the best policy, but a practical necessity. Being blunt and honest means that I tend to reveal quite a bit.

:shrug:

[Adsos Letter]

21. I had to choose "other"...

...'cause half of what I post is lies...and the other half I make up...

:D

EDIT: OK...now that I actually read the OP I realize that something more serious is being asked here; please forgive the flip remark, Writer.

I think I am sometimes more open on DU, and sometimes less. It depends on the subject. On things having to do with my personal life I am probably less open on things such as my battles with depression, OCD, anxiety disorder, and some negative stuff from my past.

I am also less open on issues regarding religion/personal beliefs because such things can be very nuanced and people often make immediate assumptions about certain words...like Christian...which I just don't feel like arguing about...

I am more open in sharing the broader range of my political views on DU 'cause the discourse here is often friendlier than what I run into on the street (believe it or not) even in GD...

[Wapsie B]

22. Like yourself I'm much more reserved in real life than online.

But there's a limit to the details of my life that I share here. And it's not even so much due to any fear that someone from the flat-earth society would choose to cause trouble IRL. If you want to know the intimate details of my life someone has to be my closest of friends. I am much more than the sum total of any of my posts here. Thank goddess for that. There's much to me that's never revealed here, much like so many others @ DU. That's why I've always been apprehensive about asking for phone numbers and such here. I respect people's privacy, and don't want to intrude. But that's the introvert in me talking too.

[femmocrat]

23. I also chose "other" because ...

I am equally cautious online and IRL. I guess I just don't trust anyone enough to open up.

[Adsos Letter]

26. I think there is wisdom in using some caution in these matters...n/t

[nini]

24. The internets will never know my more personal info

I simply do not trust people I don't really know. We all know how many trolls can be around here and I don't trust them one iota.

I am what I am and my personality is pretty much the same, but personal details like who I work for, etc.. are not for the internet and are not for public knowledge.

I have wonderful friends and family for all the personal stuff.

[Call Me Wesley]

25. Interesting Lounge question.

I have no problems sharing a few pictures, even the ones that aren't flattering at all. But, somehow, that's it. My pics aren't me but a regress of a second out of how I looked then. I guess being part of the DU photography group reveals the environment I live in and some more. Nothing really to track down. It's not the real me, it's posed anyway, and I hardly care about how it's received. I have my life: I have no bmyspace, no facebook, no livejournal, no 'Reply To All' in email (since I'm in IT, this probably makes some sense.)

My privacy is what the word is defined for: Private. I share it with a few DUers on here I trust completely, and I don't have to think about it - it takes some time for me to trust someone, but it never failed and won't.

I'm not here to gather appreciation; I'm here because I like it (not because I'm trying to get liked), and there's no force to ask me to post. This is my decision, and there's no breakdown if there are no replies, it's just how it goes, and it's fine. This is not my life and never will be.

So, back to the initial question; am I more open online? Absolutely not. But enjoy my posts. ;)

[rockymountaindem]

27. Nobody is anonymous on the internet

Plus, I have no idea who any of you are. Therefore, I try to be as private as possible on the internet.