Tennessee Op Ed: Harry Potter, Bill Clinton, Witchcraft Makes YOU Immoral

[matcom]

I'm NOT going to stereotype so STOP SAYIN' THAT :rofl:

<snip>

Modern day America is just about as immoral as Sodom and Gomorrah. The people of this day and age are unthankful and unashamed.

Back in my day, people shouted as they walked to church, and they shouted all the way home. Now people don't even go to church. They took prayer and Bible study out of the schoolhouses and brought in sex education and witchcraft. You parents that let your children read these Harry Potter books are guilty of witchcraft and idolatry and you're going straight to hell.

Instead of getting a thrashing for misbehavior, the parents, teachers and doctors today get these children heaped up on ritalin. You could give ritalin to a cocaine addict and they wouldn't know the difference. Then, they wonder why this generation has amounted to nothing more than drug addicts, fornicators and murderers.

Back in my day we didn't turn to a pack of pen-pushing pantywaists and labcoat Larrys to tell us how to live. We turned to the word of God.

It seems like every time I go to the store I see a teenage girl carting around three or four young ones. You used to not see that kind of thing around here.

The women in this day and age ain't worth marrying. The Bible says a beautiful woman without virtue is comparable to a gold ring in a pig's nose.

If I had my way, I'd have it to where these women and their children wouldn't get food or medicine through welfare. The Republicans tried to do this in 1996, but Clinton vetoed the bill twice until Republicans finally gave in.

You people ain't smart enough to come in out of the rain. I never thought the good Lord would let me live to see this day.

Joe Lawson

Rogersville

http://www.timesnews.net/editorsletters.php?id=9002086

[LynneSin]

1. I'd rather support the party of diaper fetishes and underage page lust

ie - the REPUBLICAN party

:eyes:

[matcom]

2. See girl you ain't smart enough to come in out of the rain!

:rofl:

[northzax]

3. methinks Mr. Lawson

can't get laid.

[matcom]

4. See man you ain't smart enough to come in out of the rain!

:rofl:

[Connonym]

5. I can't believe they published that shit

what the hell kind of "good Lord" would deprive children of food? Not any one I'd ever want to pray to that's for sure.

[matcom]

6. you mean you don't SHOUT as you walk to and from church!

:rofl:

[KitchenWitch]

11. I not only SHOUT, but I honk my Bigass Hummer's horn all the way to and from church!

:P

[Left Is Write]

35. So, what is up with that, anyway?

The only shouting that happened on the way to church when I was a kid went something like this:

"You kids knock it off or I'll pull this car over!"

[Left Is Write]

34. Well, you see, those children aren't worthy.

They are the bastard children of drug-addicted teenagers without any values. God apparently doesn't love bastard children, so they don't deserve food and medicine.

[EstimatedProphet]

7. How exactly do you get children "heaped up" on ritalin?

Do you put a vial of ritalin on the ground and then stack children on top of it?

This guy is a perfect example of the stupidfucks that are ruining this country. It won't be long before he is trying to sacrifice children on a monutaintop to turn the country around.

[madinmaryland]

8. Hmmm, Sounds like Joe has been hanging out with Rev. Ted Haggard!

[deepthought42]

9. Back in my day...

Oh please... :eyes:

Back in his (imaginary world), women only speak when spoken to, right? Fuck that shit, I say. ;)

Yes, let the women and children starve! Very christian of him... :sarcasm:

OMG, I LEARNED ABOUT SAFE SEX! NOOO!!!! :rofl:

What exactly is a pen-pushing pantywaist? :wtf:

I'm smart enough (and open-minded) to know that sometimes it's more fun out in the rain. :)




Praise the FSM! :evilgrin:

[northzax]

28. pen-pushing pantywaist

is, I believe a man who can read and write.

[deepthought42]

37. Gasp... who do they think they are???

with their reading and their writing! Aww, dangit, I'm doing both as I speak! NOOOO!!!! :evilgrin:

[LSK]

10. you mean kids have witches brew 101 in school now???

:rofl:

[deepthought42]

20. Damnit...I'm missing out on so much!

Forget going to grad school, I'll just start over from the beginning! :evilgrin:

[skygazer]

12. Why in the world did people shout going to and from church?

What were they shouting? Sounds very noisy and disturbing to me.

[Left Is Write]

36. "HEY, JOE! HOW'S IT GOING?"

"OH, FINE, PETE! JUST GOIN' TO GET MY WEEKLY DOSE OF CHURCHIN!"

"SAY, JOE! WHY DO WE HAVE TO SHOUT, ANYWAY?"

"I GUESS GOD NEVER HEARD OF 'MIRACLE EAR'!"

[Starbucks Anarchist]

13. *AIN'T* smart enough"?

:rofl:

[matcom]

14. but today's children are FORNICATORS!

:rofl:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

24. GARGOYLES!

:rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

29. SLEESTACKS!!!!

[Aristus]

40. HAH! Sleestacks!

:rofl:

[deepthought42]

38. DARK-SIDED!!!!!!

EVIIIIIL!!!!

:rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

15. We are like Sodom and Gemorrah - inhospitable/hostile to strangers/foreigners. He is like it, too.

He wants to refuse help to people in need. He's going against about 99% of what the prophets were about - taking care of the widow, the orphan, the foreigner, the hungry.

Fucking miserable shitpile fuck.

[matcom]

17. You, you, you..... labcoat Larry!

:rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

19. That labcoat hides my Christian Punishing Stick.

[underpants]

16. Yeah yeah and let me tell you another thing about these labcoat Larrys

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. My church (the UCC) back in Wisconsin had a Harry Potter summer camp week

That I'm told went very well. It was held the week the movie came out, and as a camp they went to see it.

:rofl:

Mr. Lawson can go fuck his Bible. Or his brother. I'm sure that's what he really wants.

[Oeditpus Rex]

21. We're kinda glad the good Lard let you live to see this, Joe

You funny. :rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

23. He'll be especially happy when he gets to Heaven and sees Harry Potter on Jesus' bookshelf

Jesus is probably wearing a Gryffindor scarf this week.

And I like to think that Jesus has a cruel sense of irony, and if Joe dies in the next few days, Jesus is gonna wrap his neck in a Slytherin scarf and push down into Hell.

[matcom]

25. will he be nailed to it or will he just be a sittin' on it?

[Rabrrrrrr]

27. Jesus will "staple" it to him with dildos, butt plugs, and diaper pins

"That last one is for Vitter!" Jesus will yell as Joe makes his long, fearful descent into Hell where he meet Satan, who also is wearing a Gryffindor scarf and the skin of Jerry Falwell.

[Dragonbreathp9d]

22. Someone hasnt gotten any in awhile....

[Rabrrrrrr]

26. Not from anything he's actually sexually attracted to, no.

[alarimer]

30. Dear Mr. Lawson,

In case you were not aware, the Harry Potter books are fiction, with good guys, bad guys and monsters. You know, sort of like the Bible.

I don't think it's the women who aren't worth marrying. It's probably you. They're just not into you. In fact, if you ever had a girlfriend break up with you by saying "It's not you, it's me", well, she was probably lying. It IS you. Women don't want to marry YOU. Let's face it, you might have to go to Russia to find a wife. One, she probably won't speak English very well so you can tell her all your bullshit and she would probably nod her head and smile. That kind of affirmation is nice. And two, she would probably do anything for a green card, even put up with you.

You sound like the kind of of man I wouldn't date ON A BET. In fact, if you were the last man on Earth, I would choose to remain celibate for the sake of the species. Those recessive traits really should not be passed on.

[Taverner]

31. Yes God is leaving our society. Good fucking riddance!

And my dream is that people like you, Mr Lawson, go the way of the dinosaur as well.

[anarch]

32. "Back in my day, people shouted as they walked to church, and they shouted all the way home."

ummm they did what now?

[Left Is Write]

33. And he's serious? It's not sarcasm, designed to make the conservatives look silly?

It's for real?

Okay, Joe. Whatever you say.

[jobycom]

39. And if'n a black man looked at you, you could hang him. And if'n your wife burned the supper

you could beat her! And if'n your kid drank your moonshine, you could beat the livin' crap out of him! And if'n you saw a Mexican, you could steal his money and kill him!

I bet ol' Joe Lawson is a white guy.

[Rabbit of Caerbannog]

41. Back in MY day we walked 20 miles to church holler'n the whole way...

AND WE LIIIIKED IT!!

[flamingyouth]

42. I misread it. I thought it said IMMORTAL.

And I was thinking, cool.

[Akoto]

43. "Labcoat Larrys?" Good gravy. n/t

[Aristus]

44. It IS true, though, you know. They really were more moral back in "the old days".

- When they enslaved other human beings, they did it morally.
- When they lynched black people for exercising theirrights as Americans, they did it morally.
- When proper upstanding Victorian-era men kept mistresses and secret stashes of pornography, they did it morally.
- When corporate robber barons forced children to work in coal mines for 16 hours a day at 27 cents on the dollar, they did it morally.
- When a jury of men acquitted a rapist because it was the victim's fault, they did it morally.
- When they burned down the tenements of Jewish immigrants, they did it morally.
- When they would tie Chinese immigrants together by their queues and then shoot them to death, they did it morally.
- When meat packers would ship meat to market filled with vermin and feces, they did it morally.
- When they ignored the pleas for help from battered wives of drunkard husbands, they did it morally.
- When they locked sweat-shop workers into their fire-trap factories at risk of life and limb, they did it morally.

Yep, things sure were much more moral in the old days... :eyes:

[pagerbear]

45. Dammit, I keep missing the witchcraft lessons!