How Many People Here are Allowed by Their SO's to get Lap Dances?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. unless its a gay man, lisa would not allow this

[liberaldemocrat7]

21. Tap dances?

Tap dances? No thank you. My name's not Claude Balls LOL.

Ghod I don't want some woman doing a tap dance on my lap.

[greenbriar]

2. oh heck no, hubby gets jealous of the freakin forum boards

a lap dance might give him violet seizures


HUMMMMMM:dilemma:

[havocmom]

64. OK, I'm starting a fund drive for DUers to buy greenbriar a lap dance

:evilgrin:

[redqueen]

3. i don't have an SO...

but the last one i had would not approve, no

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. not even if i gave you one?

sigh!

well would you approve of him getting one?

[redqueen]

7. hahahaha... that might have been acceptable, yes...

as for me... if i love the person, hell yes i'd mind

[flvegan]

4. Nonissue with me.

I haven't been to a strip club since 1991. No real interest in them, even when I don't have an SO. Never discussed it with the SO. I'd get her one, though. Cuz I'm a pig.

[PeaceNikki]

6. "Allowed by"? See... that kind of bothers me.

I don't want to be in a relationship where I need permission to a level of being "allowed".

If something REALLY bothered my SO, I would NOT do it. If it was unreasonable that they not want me to do it, I would also try to get to the bottom of why it really bothered them. Insecurities? Jealousy? Control?

[redqueen]

9. Intimacy?

Does that not figure into your analysis? That some people might prefer to have a level of intimacy that's shared ONLY with their partner? And sure, that level is different for everyone, but why impugn anyone who disagrees with what YOU personally feel is the right level, for YOU?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. clearly if i dont want some girl shoving her crotch in lisa's face

i have insecurities and major jealousy issues.

[redqueen]

17. hahahahahah

:loveya:

[PeaceNikki]

33. Just to be clear, I wasn't projecting at you in any way.

I'm sorry that you clearly took it that way.

I overlooked the "intimacy" point that was made below. Having a history of issues with jealous control-freaks, I am a bit jaded.

But, I know I am not the only one for which a lap-dance is not wholly "forbidden territory" in a relationship.

[PeaceNikki]

20. I'm not attacking, I am discussing.

This question was about allowing your SO to do something.

I don't want to be in a relationship where I allow or forbid anything, but that mutual feelings are respected. I am not a champion for the "lap dance". At all. Nor do I think 1 or 2 in 18 years is grounds for divorce.

[redqueen]

23. Well you tagged it with a bunch of negative connotations

jealousy, control, etc.

Why ignore the shared intimacy aspect? That's what's damaged in these situations... one person expects one level of shared intimacy, and the other doesn't... and feelings get hurt, and trust gets destroyed. That can (and usually does) kill a relationship. If you love someone, maintaining that person's trust should be your top priority.

[PeaceNikki]

29. You're right, but I overlooked, not ignored.

I do know that in some cases it is jealousy and control. In fact, I have a lot of experience with both. Which is why I saw it that way. I do see that it can be intimacy. I also agree that trust is top priority. But, as I said in the other thread, I think it takes a lot more than a lap dance or 2 to ruin an 18 year marriage.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. not if these were marriages to me.

i can have a completely open relationship and be fine with it.

but if a relationship is closed, and for whatever reason the couple decided a lap dance was against the rules. then breaking those rules to be are just the same as penetrative sex. its a breach of trust.

[redqueen]

Yes... it can be both...

but whatever length of time you're with your partner, breaking trust can EASILY break a heart. That's just a fact.

[greenbriar]

36. Bingo!!!

spot on

[redqueen]

39. It's sad to see relationships destroyed by "small" things...

but it doesn't matter how "small" something seems to anyone but the person whose trust is broken. That's the ONLY thing that matters... that's why it's so important to be in touch with your partner's needs, and remember them always.

:pals:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. somethings in relatioships are allowed, somethings aren't

some girl grinding her ass into my gf bothers me. i consider this natural.

[Left Is Write]

8. I don't allow or disallow Mr. LIW anything...

but I know that he would not get a lap dance.

[Redstone]

10. You mean from Mrs R or from someone else? She has no problem with me

getting them from her, but the subject of me getting one from someone else has never come up in conversation, so I'm not sure about that aspect.

I think her opinion would depend on the circumstances, and I'm NOT about to specify what those circumstances might be...

Redstone

[matcom]

11. DS1 doesn't care

as long as I end up in his bed at the end of the night.

[supernova]

15. ...

:rofl:

[KitchenWitch]

22. slut!

:rofl:

[matcom]

38. look. if he doesn't meet my needs but I still love him is THAT WRONG?

methinks not.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

13. My SO doesn't even let me look at other women.

:shrug:

[skygazer]

14. I'm sure he'd love it if I got one

Especially if it was from you. ;P

And to be honest, I think I would not be comfortable with him getting one. How's that for a double standard? :P

[redqueen]

19. What if he got one from a really hot gay man?

:bounce:

[skygazer]

26. You know, I am terrible

He came in as I was writing that response (and was quite enthusiastic about me getting a lap dance from pri) but was a little surprised that it might bug me.

I'm not absolutely sure if it would and it definitely says more about me than about him. Although, he'd be just as happy with one from a hot gay guy - he's pretty much an equal opportunity employer. :rofl:

[redqueen]

28. HAWT!

:bounce:

:P

[GOPisEvil]

18. GOPisEvil is allowed.

Hell, maybe someday he'll even be encouraged. :rofl:

I suspect that door swings both ways and it would be a non-issue for him as well.



edit: ACK -- I didn't know he was logged into my laptop again. :rofl:

[Fenris]

25. It's nice to see David allows himself to get lapdances.

:D

[KitchenWitch]

27. LOL

:spray:

Sure, you were just talking about yourself in the third person and pretending you weren't!

:P

[Pale Blue Dot]

24. I'm allowed, but I think its a waste of money.

I'd rather buy my wife a drink or two and see where things go from there....

[SarahB]

30. Is your wife allowed?

:D

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. bet she is.

why finnfan would you deny me the opportunity to give your wife a lap dance?

:P

[SarahB]

41. I doubt he would mind

:P

Though the "idea' itself is fine, we'd probably rather have it be more real than having to pay some poor 19 year old to do it. That seems creepy I think.

[Pale Blue Dot]

42. ...

:nuke:

Rats, looks like I'm done for the night. :evilgrin:

[Pale Blue Dot]

40. Not if she continues to criticize my 2 best friends.

But if she stops doing that, and lets me watch, sure! :D

[SarahB]

43. But they cause back problems.

They're mean. :(

[Pale Blue Dot]

44. STOP IT!

Do I criticize your friends? :grr:

[SarahB]

45. No, but you did put jalapeno all over them once.

Bastard! :mad:

[Pale Blue Dot]

46. I was just trying to spice things up...

:cry:

[redqueen]

47. ...

:o

[NC_Nurse]

34. Not an issue.

I don't want one. :)

[Amaya]

35. there would be no problem

either way...
that stuff doesn't bother either of us.
being dishonest or trying to hide things is definitely NOT acceptable, tho.

[SarahB]

57. That's it

If you're still pregnant by the first weekend in August, you, me, Pat, and Jo are going to the Gold Club! :D

[Amaya]

71. I dunno, he's coming soon !

i called u and left a message :)

[Fenris]

37. Er, probably not.

Of course, the scenario assumes that this is even an issue, and it would only be an issue if the idea of lap dances and strip clubs didn't make me ill to the very pit of my soul. I love the female anatomy, but I really don't understand the desire to see a nude woman gyrate on one's lap for money. There is something very upside down about strip clubs that I find unnerving. I think it's the omnipresent nudity. I mean, to me there's something strange and disturbing about a topless woman serving you watered-down beverages while another scantily clad female shakes herself to the absolute worst of 80s metal.

But that's just me. :)

[greatauntoftriplets]

49. Well said....

:)

[ThomCat]

48. Miriam would be cool with it, male or female dancer.

:shrug:

She's want to hear about it afterward and know that I had fun.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

54. i could see that.

[bigwillq]

50. ME!

:bounce:

And he can get them if he wants to. No big deal.

[S n o w b a l l]

51. As long as there was trust and he was coming

home to me...I wouldn't have a problem with it. Nothing wrong with it...

I do have a little problem with the wording "allowed" .

[lost-in-nj]

52. I wouldn't mind

as long as i can watch.....

:evilgrin: :evilgrin:




lost

[Norwood]

53. No SO right now

but my last SO would have been super pissed if I had while we were together.

[eyesroll]

55. He'd probably buy me one.

(And I suspect the gender of the dancer wouldn't be an issue either.)

Then again...I find the whole concept of strip clubs somewhere between amusing and blah. I've been once to a club that was just so upscale and couple-friendly (women dancers) that it just seemed sterile and weird. I guess I missed the smut. (The ladies' room was one of the nicest I've ever been in, though...I'll give it that.) I've never been to a male-dancer club but, well...penises are just too funny to take seriously when they're gyrating (covered or not) on a stage or near your face. (Plus, I could never be one of those screaming/shreiking women with the dollar bills.)

I wouldn't mind if he got a lap dance, either (again, gender of dancer irrelevant), so long as he wasn't spending time at the strip club at the expense of other things.

[LostInAnomie]

56. I wouldn't care and I doubt she would either...

... as long as strippers are involved. If it was by some chick that I know or just met, she'd probably be VERY pissed.

[Rabrrrrrr]

58. I don't think mine would give a rip. She has a pretty good sense of herself,

and isn't easily threatened by inconsequentials.

But then, she also knows I think it a waste of money, so she probably isn't really concerned it would ever happen. :7

But even if it did, I don't think she'd really care. She has a strong enough sense of self and self-worth that the only thing that would actually bother her is if I had sex with another woman.

[Aristus]

59. My wife would kill me if I even THOUGHT about going to a strip club!

To say nothing of getting a lap dance. Anyway, why would I go to a strip club? Why go out for ground chuck when I get Filet Mignon at home. (Just ignore the comparison of women to meat, okay?)

[mzteris]

60. A man looked at my necklace last week

and my NSSO went ballistic.

The guy was almost young enough to probably be my kid.

My NSSO - has done far far far FAR worse.

[RetroLounge]

61. NSSO?

Not so...?

RL

[mzteris]

62. Not So Significant Other......

Not sure what to call him.

We're still married. Separated. Not divorced. No "plans" in the works for divorce right now so can't say STBE (darn it.)

I guess I could just call him the @ssh@le. :rofl:

Sorry. Feeling a bit on the bitter side tonight.

I try not to do that. He has his good points. (When he's asleep.) But DAMN - he sure pisses me off. I thought some of that would ease off without the proximity - but now it's just new sh*t to fight over. Along with a whole hell of a lot of the OLD sh*t, too, of course.

[havocmom]

69. NSSO - Love it!

:rofl:

As to hoping it will ease with time: it will, just give it enough time. ;)

[FedUpWithIt All]

63. I do not mind my SO getting a lap dance, IF...

i am present.

Otherwise, i would not be very happy about it.

Edited to add: Not happy about it because it would "sting". After making it clear to him that it would "sting" it would be up to him to decide whether or not to have something like this done. Hopefully, we would be on the same page.

;-)

[Deep13]

65. She doesn't mind. Sweetie knows I'll still end up in her bed.

No entertainer could possibly replace Sweetie. We have too much invested in the relationship. I mean, how would I know if a stripper would have the same twisted sense of humor as me. All the little references that we each know from 15 years of common experience would be gone. All the knowing what the other is thinking would be gone. No, it's too late to break-in someone new.

I actually went to get one once when she was out of town. There's a strip joint--er, I mean gentleman's club--in town. The waitresses are also the dances and one of them asked me if I wanted to go into the so-called VIP room. She said that she and her associate would do anything I want for half an hour. I said it sounded "delightful" and what was the cost. Well the answer, $750, ended that conversation pretty quickly. Sweetie would not care about the nature of the entertainment, but she would not be happy about spending the better part of a grand on half an hour's entertainment. And lets face it, after ten minutes, I would be looking for the door anyway. Jesus, I've paid less for a root canal!

[unsavedtrash]

66. Both are allowed.

We had a horrible time with jealousy around ten years ago. We fought and talked and talked until we got to the right place for us.

[Writer]

67. I give my husband lapdances,

so there's really no need for him to get them elsewhere.

[Heidi]

68. "Allowed"?

Yep, I'm "allowed," and so is CMW. It's just that neither of us give a fat rat's behind about that sort of thing. :shrug:

[Zookeeper]

70. Neither of us goes to strip clubs, so it isn' t an issue.

I don't know how Mr. Z. would feel about it, probably not good. I would be unhappy if I found out that he got a lap dance from someone other than me. Lap dances and strip clubs? Kind of sleazy, IMHO.

[Der Blaue Engel]

72. Considering mine is at his other partner's tonight, a lap dance shouldn't bother me

But you know what? It does! :blush: How messed up is that?? I think it's because imagining (or seeing, if I were there) how much younger and firmer and hotter the dancer was, I'd feel like mud.

There is no "allow" or "not allow" in our relationship, though, just negotiation and honesty.

Now, me getting a lapdance...he'd buy me one if he could, but I'm not comfortable getting one for the same reason...her hotness would make me feel hideous. I seem to have issues. :eyes: This could be why I don't have a girlfriend.

[HughBeaumont]

73. I am.

It's not like I'm going to go home and fuck them or anything. 'Round these parts, you're not allowed to touch them, so there's no harm.

The last strip club I went to was like 5 years ago for my BIL's post-divorce night out. Since then, fundie BS politics took over all of the clubs we used to hit and I can see more up-close nudity for free at home, so why bother?

[Zywiec]

78. "Fundie BS politics took over all of the clubs"

Luckily you see a much more open, enlightened, and progressive mindset here at DU regarding strip clubs...

:rofl:


edit for spelling

[billyskank]

74. Look at it this way

It's just nice to have someone who gives a fuck what you get up to.

[Omphaloskepsis]

75. I would be allowed to, my understanding is that I wouldn't have a girlfriend anymore....

if I did get one.

I feel the same way. I would be pissed if my girlfriend got one.

[taterguy]

76. It would be crossing a line

Our "rule" is that looking at others is ok, touching another in a sexual way isn't. As far as I know most dancers in this area don't touch patrons but I know from my single days that there are exceptions and I'd rather not put myself in that situation.

I've gone to topless bars since I met my wife but quite frankly I get bored at them now and generally have better things to do with my time and money.

[distantearlywarning]

77. He's "allowed".

Although I'm not fond of that word, as it implies that I exercise some kind of behavioral control over a grown man.

Early on in the relationship we discussed our own respective boundaries regarding other people outside of the marriage, and both of us are well aware what constitutes the "line" for the other person - what will make them unhappy, what behavior will likely result in someone leaving the relationship and so forth. As far as making him do something or not do something, well, I could certainly try, but in the end it's only his decision to meet my standards or not. I can't keep track of him 24 hours a day, and he can't keep track of me either, and trying to control the other person all the time will only lead to unhappiness for both of us. We just have to trust one another, and make our own decisions about how to react if the other person does something we find unacceptable within the bounds of a marriage.

Luckily for him, I'm not much of a jealous type. Strip clubs are within my limit of acceptability in a relationship, and if he wants to get a lap dance while he's there, that's his business. I also have no problem with porn so long as all the actors involved are there by choice and over 18 (i.e., no kids, no animals, no crazy rape stuff). In fact, I would be a hypocrite to make a big deal of either strip clubs or porn, as I have been a consumer of both of them myself at points in the past.

So far, we've been together almost 8 years (married for almost 3), and have never had even one fight about strip clubs, porn, cheating, other people, or other things like that. So, at least for us, this system is working out. I know people, ok, mostly women, who have literally destroyed their marriages trying to keep their husbands from looking at porn. I figure, he looks at a few pairs of boobs on the internet or in Playboy, I read a few smutty novels, it keeps both of us more interested in sex with each other, nobody feels like sexual urges are some kind of forbidden fruit that have to be hidden from our best friend, it's a good thing all around.

On Edit: I should say that he's gone to the strip club only a couple times during our relationship. I think in general he thinks it's a waste of money. I think he looks at internet porn sites (and I do too sometimes), but not the pay-for kind. We subscribe to Playboy - it happens to be my favorite periodical that arrives every month and the rule is that he has to wait until I'm done reading it. A bigger deal-breaker for me than consuming this kind of thing would be paying a lot of money for it. I wouldn't be mad if he went to the strip club, but I'd be mad if he spent hundreds of dollars there. Same with internet porn - lots of money spent would piss me off.

[slj0101]

79. I received dispensation for my bachelor party.

[Nikia]

80. I don't mind if he gets a lap dance

He says that he doesn't get very much out of the experience anyway and thinks that it is generally a waste of money.

[NewWaveChick1981]

81. It's not about being "allowed".

:) I have no problem with my SO getting a lap dance if he wants one. I find it...uh...intriguing....:P :evilgrin: And he doesn't have to ask "permission". :) By the same token, neither do I... :rofl:

[BuddhaGirl]

82. I wouldn't mind if my husband

got a lap dance - as long as I was present, and vice versa. He would love for me to get a lap dance so he could WATCH!! :evilgrin:

[anarch]

83. the subject's never come up, and I don't think I'm going to ask

anyway, I've never had a lap dance...strip clubs have never really appealed to me. It's not that I have anything against them, they just don't do much for me, and anytime I've ever been in one, I felt bad b/c I never had enough money to tip the dancers as much as I'd like.

I would guess, anyway, the answer would be no.

[B3Nut]

84. Never been too interested in strip clubs, but

my wife has been after me to go to one. She keeps threatening to buy me a lap dance too...a let's-break-Todd-further-out-of-his-shell thing I guess. The other ladies she works with in her bully-breed rescue are conspiring to make this happen...

Todd in Cheesecurdistan