What is your opinion - could a lap dance be considered a sexual act?

[KitchenWitch]

As far as I am concerned, if I took a vow to be sexually faithful to my husband, and either I or he got a lap dance, which I consider to be a sexual act, I would consider that cheating.

In my mind there are degrees of cheating...and I think a lap dance can lead to a very slippery slope.

[ThomCat]

1. Sexual, yes. Sex, no.

A lap dance is as sexual as looking at porn, and it's less explicit given there is no sex. I wouldn't consider a lap dance cheating any more than looking at soft-core porn is cheating.

[PeaceNikki]

6. I agree, ThomCat. But, everyone has different ideas and opinions and

thresholds.

The important thing, I guess, is that the person with whom you're in a relationship understand and agree with you're levels of comfort and intimacy.

[greenbriar]

2. yes it is cheating

porn is something you watch


preferrably with your SO


a lap dance is live

and OFF LIMITS if you are committed

[KitchenWitch]

5. Sorry I posted a new thread - I just thought this would get lost in the other one

:hug:

I am sorry you are going through this.

:hug:

[redqueen]

9. Each person will have a different opinion of what constitutes 'cheating'

If you know your partner's opinion... that's ALL that should matter.

:pals:

[RetroLounge]

49. Read the question.

Is it SEXUAL. Not is it cheating...

RL

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear KitchenWitch!

Oh, I agree completely!

I mean, that's the whole point, isn't it?

People are always trying to be sexual without pushing past the boundaries...

So that no-one can accuse them of being unfaithful or whatever...

So yes, the lap dance could be considered a sexual act...

[derby378]

4. Sexual act? No way. Slippery slope? You betcha.

I should quantify that by saying that although there is a very strong sexual component to a lap dance in 99% of all lap dances, it's not a sexual "act" in the same way that, say, oral sex or tribadism are sexual acts.

I'm trying to be good, here. I do realize that nursing on a woman isn't exactly a sexual act, either, but it can have a very strong sexual component (and almost always does unless you're a baby or a character in The Grapes of Wrath).

[havocmom]

18. Married? If so, is it just a slippery slope if it is your wife doing the dancing

and it ain't your lap?

Not attacking you. Just curious how the gents would react if the roles were reversed.

[pitohui]

69. if this isn't a sex act neither is tribadism

get real, rubbing someone off w. your butt is physical contact, it's masturbating them with a sexy part of your body, your butt -- hell, yes, it is sex

a thin layer of fabric between the bodies in contact doesn't change this, any more than you can claim you didn't "really" have intercourse because the guy was wearing a rubber

[Wapsie B]

7. Yes it is.

Just because you've got your clothes on doesn't mean nothing's going on.

[redqueen]

8. Of course!

Penetration is SO not the only form of sex.

[Fire Walk With Me]

10. If a Democratic President enjoyed one, "yes".

If a Republican President enjoyed one thousand, "no".

[KitchenWitch]

11. touche!

:applause:

[LostinVA]

12. Personally -- I'd let Haruka see a live sex show, before I'd let her get a lap dance

Not like I want her to go see a live sex show, at least without me.

I consider a lapdance sexual for sure.

[lost-in-nj]

30. ok

i'll admit it
I like to watch....



lost




:hi: :hi:

[LostinVA]

31. Everyone likes to watch

If they don't, they just don't want to admit it, because they think it's too dirty or something.

[LeftyMom]

43. I can't belive this didn't get more replies.

:rofl:

[LostinVA]

44. I think I just struck them silent with my peviness

[LeftyMom]

45. I think the next time you post something like that I want advance warning

so I can move my bank account into carrot wax futures. ;)

[LostinVA]

47. What the fuck are you talking about? Carrot wax?

Did I miss out on some lounge joke?

[Name removed]

48. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[LostinVA]

50. Oh -- I never heard that term before

That's rare.

[LeftyMom]

52. I have carrots on the brain today

flvegan got my care package today, and I sent his dogs a squeaky carrot to torment him (he hates carrots.) Also, work smelled like carrots today.

[LostinVA]

53. What a weirdo

How can anyone hate carrots?

[LeftyMom]

54. I know!

It's :crazy:

But I've seen him eat carrot cake. :wtf:

[LostinVA]

55. Did he know it was carrot cake?

Haruka likes to do things like feed her sister soy ice cream (she used to insist she hated soy anything) and olive cheese (she HATES olives). Mind you, her sister LOVED both the soy ice cream and olive cheese, until she was told what it was.

[LeftyMom]

56. He knew it was and ordered it as such.

This lead to a long discussion about how carrots are teh debbil, but he likes carrot cake (it WAS really f'n good.)

[PeaceNikki]

13. Honest question: If the dancer is in a relationship, do you think she is cheating on her SO?

:shrug:

[KitchenWitch]

16. Depends upon the construct of her relationship.

[PeaceNikki]

22. Exactly. The same, I think is true for the receiver of the dance. No?

I think the question in general not whether it's "sexual" - of course it is.

Whether it's acceptable within the context of a relationship is very specific to the relationship.

[KitchenWitch]

23. In MY relationship - it would constitute cheating.

[PeaceNikki]

24. And it's obviously well within reason to think so. You're far from alone.

There are also many who see it as far less harmful.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

28. no, assuming the SO knows what she is doing for her living.

i dates strippers and dont think they are cheating on me.

but if i were dating a prostitute and she was doing her work. i wouldnt consider it cheating either

[Joe Fields]

14. Could water be considered something you drink?

:rofl:

[havocmom]

15. shoe on other foot for the gents: If your bikini clad wife rubs herself against a man

would you get your panties in a bunch?

:evilgrin: cuz I thought the gander needed sauce too. Good thread, KitchenWitch! :thumbsup:

[Fire Walk With Me]

20. A little Golden Rule goes a long way!

:thumbsup:

[LostInAnomie]

39. That's a completely different scenario.

If I am getting a lap dance I am the passive receiver. If she is giving a lap dance she is the active giver. Completely different ethical plane.

Now if she were to receive a lap dance from a stripper I wouldn't give a damn. Lap dances are mostly done if fun instead of for sexual gratification. Well, except for a few pervs that REALLY get into it and don't realize that the stripper isn't really into them.

[havocmom]

57. LOL BULLSHIT! Passive reciever. Cute.

:rofl:

There are people who are passive DURING SEX.

Nice try. Thanks for playing.

[LostInAnomie]

58. Well, for the comparison to be accurate the roles have to be the same.

To give a lap dance you have to actively be trying to arouse another through motions and touching. To receive a lap dance you passively sit there and if you take an active role you get your ass kicked by the bouncer.

Plus, if my girlfriend is doing it (and she's not a stripper) then the form of interaction is different. The stripper is getting paid and is performing her job. My girlfriend would be grinding on another guy and trying to give him a boner because she wants too.

If she wants to get a lap dance that's cool with me though, as long as I can get one too (preferably from a chick though).

[havocmom]

60. You a dancer, so you know this?

:rofl: My guess is the guys show up in that state or half way there. From what I hear, most of the dancers are bored outta their minds and not trying very hard.

Nope, not buying it.

And it's cool with you if your gf gets a lap dance, but you would prefer it to be from "a chick" ?

Fella, that is not turn-about = fair play, that is just more sauce for the gander with the goose doin all the work.

Still all about the male pleasure, not roles being the same AT ALL!

[LostInAnomie]

62. No, I was saying I would want a girl to give ME a lap dance.

If she wants a dude to give her a lap dance, that's fine.

I don't see how your scenario where a girlfriend giving another guy a lap dance is the same thing as a boyfriend getting a lap dance from a stripper. It isn't even close to the same thing. When a guy is getting lap dance from a stripper he is doing nothing but sitting there. He is fully clothed. He is not actively touching, he is not trying to turn the stripper on. He is passively sitting there with a stripper who is paid to dance and who could honestly not care less if he is getting aroused.

In your scenario, if a girlfriend is giving another man a lap dance, then she is not fully clothed. She is actively trying to arouse another man through touching and sexual motions. She does care if he is getting aroused. And, no business transaction has taken place.

That is why the only apples to apples comparison would be, as I have said, a woman receiving a lap dance from a male stripper.

[Capn Sunshine]

17. I would be more pissed that it's a waste of f*ing money

I never got the point of lap dances. I thought I outgrew dry humping in Jr. High.

And to PAY for the priviledge? WTF?

[bigwillq]

19. I think it's a sexual act

but it's also not sexual. Does that make sense? :shrug:

For example, when I dance, no matter who it's with, girls, guys, I tend to dance very sensually and sexually, but the act of sex is not being performed....

[KitchenWitch]

21. yes and no!

:rofl:

[bigwillq]

29. I am just being honest.

No need to laugh at me. :cry:

















:P




:)


;)

[redqueen]

40. wanna dance?

:7

[bigwillq]

46. Any time you want babe!

:P ;) :)

[idgiehkt]

25. I think people need to talk about this stuff

Two scenarios:

Husband: I'd like to get a lap-dance.
Wife: Would you also like sleeping on the couch for an indeterminate amount of time?

or

Husband: I'd like to get a lap-dance.
Wife: Hey, me too!

All couples are different. There isn't any one standard. I don't honestly know how I would feel about it, the scenario has never arisen with me. Once when I was dating a guy we had two female friends who were together, they were both drop dead gorgeous and he used to love to watch them make out and stuff. I don't remember that ever bothering me (this was during my drinking/using days). Some things bother me more than others...brief acts of physical pleasure like that would bother me a whole lot less than cyber cheating, I know that for sure.

[DS1]

26. I can imagine some very intimate lap dances

those would be sexual, even with clothes on. But the standard "look bored and grind your ass up and down a leg like a dog does a kitchen floor" - notsomuch

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. i think its sexual.

[mike_c]

32. erotic, but not cheating, IMO....

I should qualify that statement by revealing that I've never been the recipient of a lap dance, and would probably find the whole thing rather embarrassing unless it was delivered by a woman that I loved and respected, but that's just me. Still, it's hard to think of it as any big deal in a business context-- I understand the women are VERY good at preventing any unwanted attentions.

[lildreamer316]

33. Can I refer everyone to my STRIP CLUB PRIMER post please?

I think this may also enter into the discussion..but I could be wrong.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=6686019

[PeaceNikki]

36. Thanks for that!!

I remember seeing that post as I was running out to the gym. As I was working out, "Drop Dead Legs" came on my iPod and I am now using that as inspiration for working out. I totally want to pole dance to that song!! However, at the rate I am going, I expect to hit my weight-loss goal somewhere around the spring of 2045. :D

[lildreamer316]

37. You funny!!

You'll get there.
I am trying to lose weight also. It's slow going; but I want to go back to work sometime this year....B-)

[mzteris]

34. ayuh. n/t

[Deja Q]

35. Give me one and I'll let you know!

:evilgrin:

[Rabrrrrrr]

38. Of course it could. Anything could. Hitting your cat with a ball peen hammer could be a sexual act

in the right mind.

[redqueen]

42. Hadn't thought of that...

but very good point there. Sick way to put it, but good point nonetheless.

[JVS]

64. YOU SAID YOU'D KEEP IT A SECRET!

:cry:

[Deja Q]

81. Hmmm, bestiality AND S&M - what more could anyone wish for!

:yourock:

:spray: :spray: :spray: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[MsKandice01]

41. I think it COULD be considered a sexual act but...

I don't really consider it cheating. I guess it would depend on the circumstances. If I went to a bachelorette party and there was a stripper who gave me a lap dance, I wouldn't think I was cheating if I didn't run away screaming. It's just all in fun. Would I specifically PAY for a lap dance though? No, and I would hope that my husband wouldn't either. (He hates strip clubs so I don't think that's even a possibility though.)

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

51. Sexual? Sure. Cheating (to me)? No.

[Breeze54]

59. Lap dance = getting off! Yes! It's cheating!! n/t

[LordJFT]

61. absolutely

[Robeson]

63. Mrs Robeson, is that you?....

...since when did you start using KitchenWitch's name? ;-)

[KitchenWitch]

66. *snerk*

:rofl:

[TSIAS]

65. It depends

Often times it depends on the jurisdiction in which the lap dance is taking place.

In many of the more conservative parts, lap dances are pretty tame and are more about teasing the guy, rather than actually getting him off.

However, there are some lap dances that definitely would constitute a sexual act. Here in the state of Florida, dancers are allowed to give fully nude "friction dance". The purpose is pretty much to get the guy aroused, and then for an added tip get him to climax. I would definitely think that kind of lap dance would be considered unfaithful.

However, I don't have any problem with men occasionally going to a classy gentlemen's club. Most of them have "no touching" rules, and are generally pretty sophisticated and classy.

In conclusion, there's two types of adult entertainment establishments. One is a strip club/nudie bar, where there is a lot of contact between patron and dancer. Often times, they amount to a brothel where actual sex can take place in the "champagne rooms".

The second, a gentlemen's club, is a much less threatening place. Often times, partners or spouses are welcomed as part of the experience. For the most part, it's a place where one can have a few drinks and not get into too much trouble. The security is typically pretty diligent in maintaining a classy work environment for their dancers.

[Nikia]

74. I agree

Not all clubs have full contact lap dances. Often though these clubs call their private dances something besides "lap dances" although patrons might still refer to the private dance as a lap dance even if there wasn't any contact with that part of anatomy going on.

[LanternWaste]

67. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I think so. Pretty much any situation that a guy walks into willingly and knowingly with the consequence of him think thoughts of a sexual nature would be cheating.

I think lap dances are sexual-- it's using physical cojntact to arouse a guy. What the hell else could it be called?


Caveat: I'm a straight, un-married guy who's been called a prude on DU in the past. So my motals may lie slightly more towards the tradtional...

[pitohui]

68. having your "lap" masturbated by somebody's ass is without a doubt cheating

there really isn't any two ways to look at this, it's cheating

[NewWaveChick1981]

70. My take on that...

Lap dance does not equal cheating. I equate it with stripping since that's usually the context lap dances are performed in. If it goes further than the "usual" lap dance, then it crosses the line. It's sexual but not a sexual act unless it's taken to that level.

[SarahB]

71. Of course it's sexual.

People don't get lap dances to NOT get turned on. In my opinion, cheating is more along the lines of lying to your partner than anything else. It's up to the individual couple to decide just what their boundaries are.

[Maddy McCall]

72. I don't see it as cheating.

Yes, it's sexual. But I don't see it as cheating.

[KG]

73. heck, i wouldn't marry a woman that wouldn't go to a titty bar with me.

but, i'm weird that way. and probably why i've been single for 20 years... :hi:

[Dr_Funkenstein]

75. Lap Dance of Joy

It's hard to type this with my wife giving me a lap dance...hang on...




OK: If I tell my wife I'm going to a titty bar with my buddies, she's cool. If she takes me...it's cool. If I sneak out, or don't tell her or something, there's a problem. It all depends on the motivation. Besides, my wife has a much nicer ass than most strippers I've ever seen...bigger tits too. And no stretch marks...and she has all her teeth...

[styersc]

76. My God this thread has been up for longer than I can keep up...

... oh, just forget it.

[KitchenWitch]

79. ...

:spank::spank:


Did that help?

:evilgrin:

[Deja Q]

82. A glass of brandy and two viagra pills for Mr. Styersc!

:rofl:

[dropkickpa]

77. For me in my relationships

No. I have no problem with strip clubs or lap dances, so long as my SO feels the same. I've gotten lapdances before and, depending on my mood, enjoyed them in an erotic but not sex act sort of way or just sat there like a lump.

[Shell Beau]

78. I think it depends on how far it goes. It definitely can be.

I can say that my husband doesn't go to and won't go to a "titty" bar!

[xchrom]

80. first of all -- i'm not jealous -- so any SO of mine would find it

very hard to cheat on me.

as long as somebody is taking care me -- what they do when i'm not around -- i really don't care.

lap dances are sexual, sure.

would a SO'S desire to get a lap dance ever threaten me or make me feel jealous -- not in this lifetime.

[buddhamama]

83. xchrom

:yourock: :hug:

the topic and discussion is limited to those intimately involved.

[xchrom]

84. Miss Buddhamama!

:loveya: :hi: :loveya:

[Caution]

85. IMHO This very much depends on what you consider a "lap dance"

From reading this thread there appear to be lap dances that actually result in climax. This surprised me and I see little difference between this and cheating. Someone other than your significant other is providing sexual gratification. Of course your YMMV on this if you have "permission" I've been to strip clubs in MA, RI, CT, NY, NV (vegas) and CA (san fran) and only in a club in San Francisco would I have remotely considered a "dance" to be cheating. Everywhere else I've been the dances have VERY little to no contact. It's usually a woman dancing very close. In San Francisco, the one club I went to basically turned out to be a brothel (with a cop actually in the club). My brother offered to pay for a lap dance and a woman took me into a back room with some booths where she offered me a laundry list of acts at different price points. I freaked out, gave her $20 and got the hell out of there because I would never cheat on my wife.

I can honestly say that in the dozen or so lap dances I have had over the last 15 years that not once has there been any genital contact (clothed or otherwise) that wasn't entirely incidental (and that only once and the dancer *apologized* to me.)

[SoCalDem]

86. If something or someone touches any area normally covered by underwear

it's sexual..

That's the criteria I taught my sons when they were little..