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But much like you know you aren't perfect, neither are they. I hate to say they know not what they do, but they really don't. But don't ever let the words of others bring you down. Words are nothing more than sounds, until our minds give them meaning. But we can assign them whatever meaning we want to.
What I mean by that is that awareness is the most powerful mental tool any of us have. You seem to have it. You are aware of their flaws and aware that they are being unfair. You are aware that you don't deserve the ways they are treating you and things they are saying. It is because you are aware of those things that you must also be aware that you don't have to give their words power. You don't have to accept the defined meaning of their words as if they were true, or applied. Instead, view them as nothing more than the sounds they were. Just because they were spoken doesn't mean that they were real. They weren't. Their meanings weren't. You're aware of that. So though it gets monumentally frustrating to hear and tolerate, always rise above those types of words and reactions and remember to assign them a meaning of emptiness. They were empty. They were the words and reactions of those who were not aware enough themselves to recognize they were being unfair and inaccurate.
I can tell you to your face that you're an evil scumbag who kills kittens in the microwave. But you know full well that's not true. You'd be aware quite readily that my words were absurd and the phrase had no meaning, since it was a false attack on your character. Well what you describe above is very much the same. It may be harder to dismiss because it's coming from those you care about and desire approval from, but their words when spoken in such a manner carry no more meaning because of that.
You know you aren't worthless, you know none of us are perfect all the time, you know you're not a waste of space, and you know you're better then the words portray. So I know this post would fall into the category of easier said then done, but it's something to think about. Words and phrases are just sounds until our brains assign them meaning. But our brains are powerful enough to assign any meaning we want, without having to absorb or accept the meaning intended by that which spoke it. Attacks that have no merit also have no meaning. Don't forget that.
But I also do fully understand how frustrating and painful it can be to deal with anyway. I know how much it can bring you down and make you wonder what it would take for people to wake up and see what they're doing to you, and how good and valuable of a person you really are. But with the risk of sounding cliche, it really doesn't matter if they don't have the level of understanding necessary to view you as you are. What matters is that you do. And each time you look into the mirror, look deep into your eyes and know in your heart how powerful you are, how strong you are, how good you are and how capable you are. Never let anyone ever take that from you, as it is yours and yours alone.
And as depressed as you may be, I can only hope you find the strength within you that resides in all of us, to know you'll be ok and will make it through. Never forget that no matter how bad things get, no matter how frustrating life can be, no matter the challenges, that you always have the power to smile anyway. In your most depressed time, go to a bathroom. Look in the mirror deep into your eyes. Focus on the inner you. Then, take a quick pause, and smile. I don't care if at the time you don't feel like smiling, just do it anyway. You'll see that you can, any time you want to. That is strength, friend.
And don't forget the power behind your eyes. That voice that resides in the middle of your mind, the one that you hear right now as you read my words that's speaking as if a narrator (as we read, our inner voice talks the words for us). That voice carries more power than you can ever imagine, whether you realize it or not. It is the core of your being, and no one, no criticism, no daily event, no attacks, can ever take that core possession from you. Use it. Sit in the dark and just listen to that voice. Get in touch with it. Hear it. Let it guide you and give you strength. Be aware that it can think anything it wants. It can be as powerful a guide as you want it to be. It can think whatever you choose for it to think. If I tell you to think the phrase right now "The purple elephant ate some ice cream", you could hear the phrase in your head with ease. So too can you input any other thought you want. The more you identify with that voice, the middle voice, the core voice, the more you can take control of it and have it provide you inner strength and wisdom. This might make no sense to you now and may even sound strange, but I hope someday you'll know what I mean.
So never let anybody, never let anything, never let the world, bring you down. Life is merely breathing in and breathing out. The rest is just perception. So always remember that no matter what people present on the outside, we all have our flaws and innocence inside. We're all flawed yet we're all also beautiful. Forgive those for transgressions, for they will have frustrations as well. They will have their own depressions, or their own doubts, or their own battles they must fight through that you may not even know. But inside of their minds, as inside of yours and inside of mine, they too will have their voice guiding them through each day, doing the best they can. That's all any of us can do.
So I know this post was long and probably towards too many tangents, and lord knows I'm so tired half of it may not make sense, but in the end you just need to know that no one is better than you, nor you better than they, but we're all just doing the best we can with what we perceive and how we exist. But we're all quite the same in the end of it all. I've said often times to people: Take the richest man in the world with the best luck, and the poorest man in the world with the worst luck, put them in the same bed under the same sheets, watch them as they sleep and tell me the difference. There won't be one.
We're all in this complicated world together. But in our own minds of each of us resides a voice that is our core. No one can break this voice. No one can rob this voice. No one can hurt this voice, but you alone. Tap into it, use it, recognize it, then smile.
It's all good CKB, it's all good. :hug:
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