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Cheney Killed Bambi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:13 PM
Original message
Sliding into depression
Bad stuff. Do a couple dumb things I begin to feel like a worthless waste of space. Very depressed. People are coming down hard on me for nothing. Not fair. I don;t even have the energy to explain. WHy do I have to be perfect all the time. Why do people have to be all over me when I make a mistake, like I am worthless. I am feeling very depressed and having difficulty coping.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:20 PM
Response to Original message
1. My dear Cheney Killed Bambi......
Get help, please....

Nobody should treat you like that...

Nobody can be perfect even a small part of the time....

Please, get help...:hug:
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mzteris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:22 PM
Response to Original message
2. Hang on.
There's lotsa folks here on DU who KNOW EXACTLY what you're going through, if not the exact circumstances of why, of course.

You're not worthless.

Everyone screws up. EVERYONE. No exceptions.

Depression zaps your energy.

It's hard to cope when you're depressed.

It's hard to cope when you have no energy.

If this is more than a brief episode (a couple of days or so), if this is a regular occurence - go see a doc. It can really help.

:hug:

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Zenlitened Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:23 PM
Response to Original message
3. That downward slide feeling is brutal, isn't it? :(
Is there someone you can call right now? I know it gets harder and harder to pick up the phone the deeper the slide gets. :(
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Prisoner_Number_Six Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:23 PM
Response to Original message
4. Sounds like you've been there a time or ten before
so you know you need to grab a hold of yourself and fight it. You know those are false feelings- sit back, relax, and let go of them. Let them flow down the drain and be gone. Let them fade into the mist and be blown away. Hold on to the things you know you have done right and well, and know that you still have strength and knowledge and an endless capacity for good within your heart and mind.

You ARE, therefore you CAN. And WILL. Ignore the rest because it's mere junk to be taken out with the trash.
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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:25 PM
Response to Original message
5. Tell them to screw!
You are the sun and the universe!

You have a right to be here.

:hug:
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BrotherBuzz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:27 PM
Response to Original message
6. What California Peggy said, and remember...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
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twenty4blackbirds Donating Member (418 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:32 PM
Response to Original message
7. do something to cheer yourself up?
? pick a pen/pencil and doodle on paper
? plant a seed and watch it grow

Sorry that you are feeling the depressive state Cheney Killed Bambi. It would be good for you to get some good assistance to get through this period. I don't know anyone, but other DUers may.

I can only suggest that you do a creative activity as an outlet, to let your mind free up and wander to other things.

Maybe you can find a mirror, look into your own eyes, and tell yourself "I don't have to be perfect". Say it until it becomes natural to hear it.

Good luck.
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Cheney Killed Bambi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:33 PM
Response to Original message
8. Thanks everybody
I've suffered depression for a a long time, and am in treatment/ I appreciate the kind words. I am in a low period and had a few drinks, which didn't help. Your kind words made a bid difference. Thank you.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:37 PM
Response to Reply #8
9. I am so very happy to hear you say that!
I hate to see you suffer......

:hug:
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Prisoner_Number_Six Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:38 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. Many of us have been there.
I've fought it since childhood, and I'm now 52 years old and it's been about seven years since my last bad one.

It CAN be conquered.
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no name no slogan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-21-07 02:49 PM
Response to Reply #8
22. Glad you're doing better
This place is very good at cheering people up who are down. The DU Mental Health forum is also a great place, too, if you're looking for support. :thumbsup:

And, speaking as a person with bipolar disorder and as somebody who's also in the middle of yet another depressive episode and in treatment: STAY AWAY FROM THE BOOZE. It's one of the worst things you can do for yourself right now. It will not make things better and will only make your mood worse.

Hope things come together for you soon. Hang in there.
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OPERATIONMINDCRIME Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:40 PM
Response to Original message
11. Unfortunately, Many People Don't Realize The Hurt Their Words Can Bring.
But much like you know you aren't perfect, neither are they. I hate to say they know not what they do, but they really don't. But don't ever let the words of others bring you down. Words are nothing more than sounds, until our minds give them meaning. But we can assign them whatever meaning we want to.

What I mean by that is that awareness is the most powerful mental tool any of us have. You seem to have it. You are aware of their flaws and aware that they are being unfair. You are aware that you don't deserve the ways they are treating you and things they are saying. It is because you are aware of those things that you must also be aware that you don't have to give their words power. You don't have to accept the defined meaning of their words as if they were true, or applied. Instead, view them as nothing more than the sounds they were. Just because they were spoken doesn't mean that they were real. They weren't. Their meanings weren't. You're aware of that. So though it gets monumentally frustrating to hear and tolerate, always rise above those types of words and reactions and remember to assign them a meaning of emptiness. They were empty. They were the words and reactions of those who were not aware enough themselves to recognize they were being unfair and inaccurate.

I can tell you to your face that you're an evil scumbag who kills kittens in the microwave. But you know full well that's not true. You'd be aware quite readily that my words were absurd and the phrase had no meaning, since it was a false attack on your character. Well what you describe above is very much the same. It may be harder to dismiss because it's coming from those you care about and desire approval from, but their words when spoken in such a manner carry no more meaning because of that.

You know you aren't worthless, you know none of us are perfect all the time, you know you're not a waste of space, and you know you're better then the words portray. So I know this post would fall into the category of easier said then done, but it's something to think about. Words and phrases are just sounds until our brains assign them meaning. But our brains are powerful enough to assign any meaning we want, without having to absorb or accept the meaning intended by that which spoke it. Attacks that have no merit also have no meaning. Don't forget that.

But I also do fully understand how frustrating and painful it can be to deal with anyway. I know how much it can bring you down and make you wonder what it would take for people to wake up and see what they're doing to you, and how good and valuable of a person you really are. But with the risk of sounding cliche, it really doesn't matter if they don't have the level of understanding necessary to view you as you are. What matters is that you do. And each time you look into the mirror, look deep into your eyes and know in your heart how powerful you are, how strong you are, how good you are and how capable you are. Never let anyone ever take that from you, as it is yours and yours alone.

And as depressed as you may be, I can only hope you find the strength within you that resides in all of us, to know you'll be ok and will make it through. Never forget that no matter how bad things get, no matter how frustrating life can be, no matter the challenges, that you always have the power to smile anyway. In your most depressed time, go to a bathroom. Look in the mirror deep into your eyes. Focus on the inner you. Then, take a quick pause, and smile. I don't care if at the time you don't feel like smiling, just do it anyway. You'll see that you can, any time you want to. That is strength, friend.

And don't forget the power behind your eyes. That voice that resides in the middle of your mind, the one that you hear right now as you read my words that's speaking as if a narrator (as we read, our inner voice talks the words for us). That voice carries more power than you can ever imagine, whether you realize it or not. It is the core of your being, and no one, no criticism, no daily event, no attacks, can ever take that core possession from you. Use it. Sit in the dark and just listen to that voice. Get in touch with it. Hear it. Let it guide you and give you strength. Be aware that it can think anything it wants. It can be as powerful a guide as you want it to be. It can think whatever you choose for it to think. If I tell you to think the phrase right now "The purple elephant ate some ice cream", you could hear the phrase in your head with ease. So too can you input any other thought you want. The more you identify with that voice, the middle voice, the core voice, the more you can take control of it and have it provide you inner strength and wisdom. This might make no sense to you now and may even sound strange, but I hope someday you'll know what I mean.

So never let anybody, never let anything, never let the world, bring you down. Life is merely breathing in and breathing out. The rest is just perception. So always remember that no matter what people present on the outside, we all have our flaws and innocence inside. We're all flawed yet we're all also beautiful. Forgive those for transgressions, for they will have frustrations as well. They will have their own depressions, or their own doubts, or their own battles they must fight through that you may not even know. But inside of their minds, as inside of yours and inside of mine, they too will have their voice guiding them through each day, doing the best they can. That's all any of us can do.

So I know this post was long and probably towards too many tangents, and lord knows I'm so tired half of it may not make sense, but in the end you just need to know that no one is better than you, nor you better than they, but we're all just doing the best we can with what we perceive and how we exist. But we're all quite the same in the end of it all. I've said often times to people: Take the richest man in the world with the best luck, and the poorest man in the world with the worst luck, put them in the same bed under the same sheets, watch them as they sleep and tell me the difference. There won't be one.

We're all in this complicated world together. But in our own minds of each of us resides a voice that is our core. No one can break this voice. No one can rob this voice. No one can hurt this voice, but you alone. Tap into it, use it, recognize it, then smile.

It's all good CKB, it's all good. :hug:
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Cheney Killed Bambi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:48 PM
Response to Reply #11
14. Thank you
For such a thoughtful, caring post.
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OPERATIONMINDCRIME Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-21-07 12:32 AM
Response to Reply #14
19. Anytime CKB. If You Ever Need Private Conversation Or An Ear, You Can PM Me Whenever.
For now, be well and goodnight.

OMC
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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:43 PM
Response to Original message
12. I've been there too. Many times.
You do the best you can and still people chew on you for no reason. I know that all too well.

Don't believe them. You're OK. Do something mindless like cut the grass or sweep the floor.

Do something creative. Make yourself go for a walk and get moving.

Alcohol is a depressant, as I am sure you know, and it doesn't help.

HANG IN THERE!!!! :hug: :grouphug:

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wildhorses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:43 PM
Response to Original message
13. i have slid down and now i am riding the merry-go-round
circling the drain -- as it were. round and round i go. :shrug:

used to be this place picked me up. lately not so much.

don't know if that is a good sign or a bad sign.

don't know if it matters either way.

don't know if i care one way or the other.

mehx(
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Prisoner_Number_Six Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:53 PM
Response to Reply #13
15. I know what YOUR problem is.
I don't come here nearly as often as I have in the past, so it's been a while since you and I have had a chance to dance.

Thus: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5447155445480052955&q=van+halen+dance&total=128&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=3
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wildhorses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-20-07 11:58 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. *smile*
kinda hard to stay depressed...dancing the night away:D

:hi:
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Fox Mulder Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-21-07 12:04 AM
Response to Original message
17. I'm so depressed I don't think there's any chance of me being happy again.
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Writer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-21-07 12:06 AM
Response to Original message
18. Well... the first thing you need to do is to be good to yourself.
Don't beat yourself up for a mistake. Make peace with yourself first. If you think it's worth it, make peace with those who have harmed you, but only if they are ready, too.

And take care. I've been there... and I think many in here have, too.

:hug:
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-21-07 02:06 PM
Response to Original message
20. Depression makes you "hit the deck". It is a sign there is a lack of balance in your life.
Time to recalibrate your weekly habits. Mentor a kid, plant a garden and tend to it, volunteer, etc. And if you cannot get out of this funk...get some help. They have great drugs out there that can give you a higher baseline from stress.

Sorry you are having a rough time. :hug:
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undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-21-07 02:16 PM
Response to Original message
21. Be careful what you say here
There are a lot of people who love to kick a person who is down, and I speak from experience. Get a therapist to talk to if you can.
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pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-21-07 03:15 PM
Response to Original message
23. head high and tell the nitpickers to go cheney themselves
i would be v. surprised if anyone criticizing you is all that holy and perfect themselves

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