My girlfriend broke up with me

[Fenris]

Consider this post a shameless attempt to attract some sympathy (or empathy), because I am in desperate need of consolation. Also, please note that I have just had a few Cerveza Pacifico's, so I might seem a bit off.

I met my girlfriend the very last semester of my senior year in highschool, in April of 2002. At the time, I was not interested in girls, per se, and had settled on pursuing at least a few years of Morrissey-style celibacy. I was not instantly attracted to my girlfriend, as she was a bit overweight and like I said, I had no use for a relationship. But over last summer, I grew quite fond of her, and eventually, we started dating. She was, unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps) a year younger than I, and I had been accepted to a university that was close, but not close enough. So I, like a lovesick fool, decided to go to the local community college instead so I could be closer to her. And I had the most magical, wonderful year, until May, when she began to change. She had so much going on with graduation and the end of high school that there was just no time for me, which made me feel bad. She nearly broke up with me, but I persuaded her to give us another chance.

She did. But I noticed she grew less affectionate. And she seemed more fatalistic, which I attribute to fear of leaving me for college. And she is. So tonight, after I returned from a weekend in Austin she came over to tell me she was breaking up with me.

The thing is, she still loves me. She just cannot handle me along with everything else right now. And I don't blame her. And I hold out hope, because I love her. I shall give her the space she needs. But I do not think that this is over. Neither does anyone else I've talked to. I suppose she just needs a break. And I will oblige.

I wish my name was still smiths_fan right now...because that's what I feel like.

:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(

[neuvocat]

1. Could be worse.

I mean, you at least pursued it instead of wondering "what-if?" First time I got dumped it was because the woman married someone else. The second one thought I was an A-Hole and so on.

That doesn't mean that you don't feel just as bad as anyone else did at the time they went through it.

Maybe it is a simple matter of someone needing space or it could be something more permanent. Don't wait around for her though because you have your own life to live. And relationships aren't built at all on chance but by fate. If you are meant to get back together you will. If you aren't, then you won't. Just don't agonize and lay around waiting for her.

[Fenris]

3. Oh, I'm not agonizing and waiting

I've got plenty of shit to do.

[Sperk]

10. change is often difficult, especially if you're not the one instigating

it.

Sorry to hear of your sadness. I've been married 17 years now but I still remember the sting of an ended relationship.

Cherish your memories, be grateful for the life experience and know that when you do meet Mrs. Right, all the pain you are going through (finding what does not work) was necessary for you to know yourself and who/what you really want.

But for now, just lick your wounds, the rest will take care of itself.

:-)

[cherryperry]

2. You deserve sympathy/empathy, sweetie,

you are so young and this is absolutely devastating at any age, believe me.

It sounds to me as if she thinks she needs to break up with you because she's probably nervous about the change to come in college. She will eventually adjust and probably come back to you.

However, IMHO, what you need is a bit of time to grieve, your good friends to talk to and then, please just let it go. It may be a while until she can respond to you, so just let it go until she is able.

Now that you've found celibacy not the way to go, have a blast! (use protection please) Take more weekends in Austin; I understand it's the most progressive town in TX; is that right?

Allow yourself to have fun; you know, the old 'as if' theory. It really works. Act 'as if' you're going to have fun and betcha you will.

All the best to you!

[pfitz59]

4. Go to Austin

have fun. get 86'd from a few clubs. get stupid drunk (but don't drive). have wanton sex.

[Fenris]

6. Thank you very much cherryperry

And Austin is the most progressive city in Texas. However, I live in the most conservative one. 95% of my town is Republican. There aren't even Democrats on the ballot in this county.

Your words are very kind. Thank you.

[SOteric]

5. I'm so sorry

that this is happening. You seem like a remarkably sensible person for your age. I'm sure either she or some other very lucky young lady will come to appreciate you as you deserve. Hang in there.

[Fenris]

7. You're too nice

:blushing:

I hope you're right.

[Stephanie]

8. Go away to the "university that was close, but not close enough"

Absence makes the heart, etc.

YOU will be more interesting to HER if you are interested in something besides her. Dig in to a new project, change schools, etc. Do well. Enjoy yourself. Make her a little jealous. Then, when the time comes, it will be YOU who decides if it's a good idea to get back together or not.

[Fenris]

9. Good idea

Perhaps I'll start a band...

[Semi_subversive]

11. Next time

Think with brain "A" instead of brain "B". Took me a while to figure that out. Been hitched for 22 yeras.

[JackDragna]

12. Relax.

Breaking up is bad, but it happens. You'll do it many times before you find someone permanent. It feels terrible when it happens, but when it happens enough, you get a nice, thick emotional callus and you just shrug it off.

[proud patriot]

13. My husband and I started love very young

I met him when I was in 7th grade and we were very steady
through high school . I needed space , and broke up with him our
jr. year after he moved to another school.

very similar so far no ?

Well by the time I was 21 I was ready for love again .
I wrote him a letter after calling his mom and getting
his address. We got married 5 years later and have a wonderful
7 year old son and are very happily married .

He's my best friend . I wish you the best on your journey .

[Fenris]

14. That is a lovely story

Thank you, proud patriot, for your kind and moving words.

[proud patriot]

15. Your welcome

:hi:

[Spirochete]

16. Why, that skank!

You want us to call in a bunch of phony pizza orders to her house, and write her phone number all over mens room walls? We'll fix her!

Hehe, j/k. You do have my sympathy, though. It always hurts getting dumped.

[catpower2000]

17. I'm sorry to hear that...

I have many platitudes to say to you...

You're young! There are so many other fish in the sea! You're too young to settle down anyway! It's her loss! You're better off!

Yeah, I know, none of those help. I will say this: you sacrificed by going to a different school to be close to her, and she was unwilling to do the same for you. That shows a lack of character and loyalty on her part that I believe would have done the relationship in at some point anyway. So, in that sense, you really ARE better off. I know it doesn't feel that way now, but get lots of hugs and love from the people who care about you in your life, (and from us, of course), go out and get drunk if that appeals to you, and take as long as you need to get over this. I'm here if you want to talk. (((HUGS)))

Cat

[Loonman]

18. You're better off

Women are like city buses.

Wait long enough in the same spot and another one will come along.

[Lady Freedom]

19. Sooooo sad!

If you need a shoulder, I've got two of them!

[Lady Freedom]

20. Sooooo sad!

If you need a shoulder, I've got two of them!

[ACK]

21. I wear black because that is the way I feel

or something like that.

Sorry, to hear you are breaking up man. I know how you feel. I did some of the same things when I was your age. I went to a smaller college to stay near my highschool sweetheart and all that.

I am going to give a bit of probably "unwanted" advice. Stay true to yourself. Use the time to critically analyze your place in life without her.

Are you really where you want to be? Is this college you are at a good fit for you?

I say this because I always regretted after my break up not transferring to my college of choice and staying where I was at.

Take a cold hard look at where you are and where you want to be. That is my advice.

[TXlib]

22. Never base your life around high-school romances

You won't get much sympathy in my post, but some advice on handling yourself in the future.

I don't know of any well-educated people who stayed with their high-school sweetheart. It just doesn't happen. Living away from home, getting an education changes you. You're bound to grow more distant.

My advice for the next 5-10 years: Plan your future for YOURSELF. Live your life for YOURSELF. Only when you are married should you make such large accomodations for another person; everything else is just too tentative.

Transfer from your community college to the university you want to go to. Don't sacrifice any future chances now for a tentative relationship. You're young. Date around.

Also, the romantic notion of "There's only one true, perfect match for anybody" is depressing bullshit. Nobody will ever be a perfect match. But you'll find many personality types you're compatible with, and many types of looks that attract you.

In short, live for yourself right now. When you have a girlfriend, expand your life to include her as appropriate. I, personally, don't feel it's appropriate to forego a university education for a community college; I've taught at both, and can tell you your job opportunities and grad school opportunities are generally better at a university.

[Blue_Chill]

23. Honest advice

Follow your heart because to do otherwise is to live with "if only i had" questions. Also make sure you do'nt allow this situation to turn sour, be honest with yourself and no when to end it, don't sour a good time in your life by allowing a ugly ending.

[Scottie72]

24. A few suggestions....

I can understand the situtation that you are in.

First off, honestly if she is going away to college this may be the best thing. Relationships prior to going away to college often do not last if the people involved go away to different colleges. She needs her space and independance to enjoy college. Give her the space she needs.

Number two: Do not hold out hope, I repeat do not hold out hope. I have made that mistake a couple of times and it has bitten me quite hard. It gave me much more heart ache in the long run than the actual break-up. I know this is not exactly what you want to hear right now. You might think that it is not over but what does she think? That is the question. It doesn't matter if she still loves you. Love is not enough to make a relationship work. If she believes that it is over then it IS over. You need to move on with your life. Put your life back together... go out and start to meet new people. Do not let your hope keep you from meeting and dating others.

Though the situtation may change in time... where a relationship might be possible one should hold out for this possibility. Also do not actively try to make it happen. What it does come down to is that she does not want to be in the relationship anymore and that in her mind it is over. I have had several past BF tell me how much they loved me but couldn't be in a reltionship. I have always found this line to be complete BS. It is the oldest let down easy type thing. You need to move on, cheerish the awsome year you two had together and who knows maybe sometime in the decent future things might work out.... but don't count on it.

[HungryLoser]

25. This sounds really harsh but it works on me..

Start treating her like shit, evry time a guy treats me like dirt I fall all over him. It's a sick, twisted game but it seems to work. (I HATE emotional games!)
In the meanwhile try to open your heart to other people. It's true that when you're not looking is when you find.