Help! How do I survive my teen daughter's first car?

[RiverStone]

Ok, I'm trying to relax, be cool, chill.

I told my daughter I'd pay for 1/2 the cost of a car - if she earned the other half. She did a wonderful job both earning and saving the money for the big event. She found a mid 90's Subaru hatchback that she totally digged - and I got the call to cash in the other 1/2.

My girl has her first set of wheels. Of course, now she's always on the go --- to towns a little distant for the day, or to sleep over at one of her friends, or just plain touring. Remember how damn cool it was to get your first car!

My problem is now I worry way too much that even a responsible kid like my kid has a distractive teenage brain. Wrecks happen - bad things can happen with a teen behind the wheel She thinks she's a fantastic driver; don't they all? I thought I was. She's good; b ut she does not know what she does not know. That's called experience.

To parents of driving teens - how did ya (or do you) get through it without losing sleep? Or, maybe we just DO lose sleep and so it goes...

p.s. Her younger bro get's his learner permit in less than a year!

[Mz Pip]

1. The nightmare years

I remember them well. I'd worry until they were back in the house. They had a curfew and had to let me know where they were and who they were with. I doubt they were always completely truthful...


Both of my sons were good drivers but still got into a couple of fender benders, nothing serious, but worrisome none the less even if they weren't at fault.

I don't think you ever stop worrying about your kids. I still worry about mine and they're adults. I guess you just sort of gradually have to let them go. Not an easy thing though and certainly not when they are teenagers.

Good luck. She sounds responsible.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[RiverStone]

5. Well, we made it!

And somehow our parents weathered the storms...

Thanks Mz Pip - I'll practice both worrying and letting go at the same time!

peace :)

[petronius]

2. If it's just survival you're after, I'd suggest staying out of the car, not getting

in front of it, and not getting behind it. Other than that, I've got nothing. Good luck!

[ghostsofgiants]

4. Damn, I should have payed more attention to the two posts that were already made...

x(

:P

[ghostsofgiants]

3. Best method of survival: Don't get in it.

[Mind_your_head]

6. A couple of things

When my eldest daughter started driving I would ask her to call when she got to her destination and then to call me before she started back home. I *know* I was a pain in the neck with that, but she knows that I'm a worrier and she knows I love her dearly, so for "my sake" I asked her to call (sometimes she would forget and I would have to call her to make sure she got to destination okay), but that was okay. After awhile, when I knew she had more experience under her belt (and I was more comfortable with her driving thing), I didn't require the 'calls' anymore.

Also, she had (still has) a curfew. But I told her don't rush home and get yourself killed because you think I'm gonna go BALLISTIC on you because it's 12:05, instead of 12:00 (or before). Of course, she once came home at 12:45 and then we had to discuss what "12:00-ish" meant - it didn't mean anything NEAR 12:45! LOL

Lastly, cell phones do a lot to alleviate worry - b/c you can pretty much stay in touch 24/7, not like when we were growing up w/o cell phones. And, you just gotta trust them, tell them to 'watch out for the other guy', and hope for the best!

Sounds like you have a very good daughter there, so everything should be fine. The worry never really goes away totally.

[MissMillie]

7. you can't get through it w/o loss of sleep

you could ask her to check in every so often when she's out.

Does your state have any rules about drivers under 18 and how late they can be operating a car?

[greenbriar]

8. I hear ya

I make my daughter call me when she gets to every destination.

she thinks its a pain

[Mz Pip]

13. I did that too

My older son had a pager, so I'd page him to call me if I hadn't heard from him in a reasonable amount of time. #2 son didn't have a pager, didn't want a pager but he was still pretty good about checking in. He pretty much got it that if he didn't, we'd take the keys to his car.

And yes, they both thought it was just so unfair to have have to call home when "none" of their friends had to. More than once I was told I was the strictest parent in town. The absolutes of teenage thinking still amuse me.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[pagerbear]

14. Being the strictest parent in town should be a badge of honor.

[greenbriar]

15. I told her that even when she was 100 and I was 125 she would still be calling

and that is just the way it was going to be

[JVS]

9. Ground her for even the smallest infraction of good behavior

if she looks at you wrong, ground her. Then someday you can let her know that those seemingly spurious groundings were to keep her safe.

[JVS]

10. Learn to occasionally disconnect the distributor

parents love "undependable" cars

[pagerbear]

11. I'm 44 and my mom still worries about me.

I like the suggestions, especially about checking in upon arrival and before leaving, but would add that she is never, ever to touch her cell phone while she is actually driving.

It sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders, so she should be fine.

[Beer Snob-50]

12. my 17 yo is a good driver

i told him that if i find out he was a jerk behind the wheel, the car is gone. i think he took it to heart and drives safely. a friend of his has had a couple of tix already and was arrested for his antics behind the wheel.

[Midlodemocrat]

16. My daughter is 17 and has her own car.

Except that it is technically my car. In case I need to take it away.

You get through it. It sucks. She's very good about calling me when she gets to where she is supposed to be, and she's pretty careful.

I can't sleep until she's home, though.

[ChickMagic]

17. Trust your parenting

And she will be fine. Xanax helps too. :) I keed.

[laylah]

18. I remember well

and all I could ever do was remind them, too often for their liking, to watch out for the other guy! Oh, and I banned cell phones while driving and no more passengers than seatbelts. You are right about the experience portion of. They know everything at that age, don't you remember? :hug:

OH, and say a lot of prayers or whatever you might do to keep you peaceful when your baby is out on the road.:hug:

[Breeze54]

19. My kid has had his license and a car for less than a year.

I was a nervous wreck at the beginning and I still drive with him occasionally,
to make sure he's following the rules of the road.

Last week, I discovered that he thought when the green left street signal light
went out, that he couldn't turn, even though he still had a green light..

I had to go over it with him again, right after he finally, took the left and all
the horns stopped honking! :P

He's had one minor fender bender since he got the car. That jolted him into diligence.

Hang in there.

If I were you, I'd ask for a ride to the store or the bank once in awhile.

She doesn't have to know you're doing an assessment. ;)

[RiverStone]

20. I like that! A ride is really an assessment....

If I were you, I'd ask for a ride to the store or the bank once in awhile.
She doesn't have to know you're doing an assessment. :applause:

There is politics and there is parenting --- gawd, and I thought politics was stressful!

Oh well, its ALL good and scary and wonderful and learning how to let go (even on the road) is something we parents must do --- and yep, I'll probably always worry some. My daughter wants to travel the world - ya know, like her dad did when he was in his 20's!
My mom worried too.

THANKS for the great advice ALL!

peace~ :)

[Digit]

21. Do any of you go over what to do in case of an accident...if so, what do you say?

Just curious....

[southerncrone]

22. It eventually gets better, but in the beginning, it's tough.

Make them call, threaten frequently, & pray, perform safety rituals, surround them w/white light!
It is the symbolic "cutting of the umbilical cord". You will both most likely survive this, but it will hurt you more than it hurts her! ;)